Chapter one

Morning breeze gently caressed my face as I sat there leaning my head on window, eyes darting out those small waves on the river's surface. Sometimes I wish my mind would be as calm as the water in the river or the sea,but I missed the big picture. Even the river has its own waves. I let out another heavy breath for the countless times. Truth be told, I'm tired of being alive. Is life really about going to school, meeting numerous boring people, doing assignments, leaving to a part-time job until late night , coming back and going to bed? And then the new day comes, same old things go accordingly.
I am tired.

Putting on my best outfit I could find in my humble wardrobe, I gave a weak smile to myself in the mirror.  It's true that people say we don't have to dress to please others, but seems like I can't step outside if I haven't tried to look good. Maybe I am already an embarrassment,but I don't want to become a bigger embarrassment. We would always get opinions we didn't ask for no matter what we do, believe me. Growing up means becoming a socially accepted mundane for other mundanes to like you. I shoved the books from shelf into my backpack and threw it to my shoulder, grabbing a cup of my self-brewed coffee. Life gets hard, but going a day without a cup of coffee makes life a hundred times harder. Even coffee has wronged me. This fellow makes me feel like I am happy, but it's just how it works inside my system. What a big fat liar. 

I can't help but to admit these days I've been feeling like somebody is watching me from a well hidden angle and I can't quite tell  which corner those eyes are hiding. I often turned back and checked my surrounding just in case somebody  is really there watching me, but nothing was there.  Maybe it's just another day anxiety kicks in, hopefully. I just can't feel at ease because these weird feelings inside of me are getting out of hand, some dark energy is trying to creep in when I'm trying to stay calm not letting my fear has the full control. I took some meds to calm my nerve before leaving home.

My morning walk to school seems faster when I have my favorite song repeated over and over. My habit includes listening to the same song for days and weeks until I get bored of it and attempt to listen again a decade later. With earphones snuck into my ears, I am grateful,for I don't have to hear female students screaming over the presence of the school kingka. I don't know for other schools, but this one I am in, is a total mess. For someone like me, it is. How funny it is when we have ranks in the school based on 
one. wealth
two. appearance
three. popularity

You don't have either one of the three? You're either a disgrace to such a prestigious school or the followers, boot- followers. Then how about me? Which one of the categories I fall into? None. I am a nobody in this school and there are people like I am. We are those individuals who choose to live as good as dead, coming to school invisible, leaving school invisible. Even with our absence, nobody seems to care. Because when we're present, our existence doesn't matter at all. I don't care anyway and I just can't wait to graduate from this stupid school where I happened to be at. 

Here comes my one of bad days, I was pushed to front line among ocean of people screaming while falling head over heel for the school King whose name I barely remember, Kim something I don't know.  Jun Yin? Chun Shing? Jung min? I don't know. 

'' JONGINNNNNN '' the girl before me screamed on top of her lung to get the boy's attention as he's heading this way. Oh right, he is Kim Jongin ! Our school's prince charming. Beside him walks the doll in human form, Queen Seohyun, she was called. She's an inspiration, from her personality radiates outward, the goddess look. If I am to reborn, let me reborn as her. I would be lying if I say I don't want to be friend with Seohyun. Who would not want to have a cool beautiful nice friend like her? She is perfect except the boyfriend she has. His arrogance can drown you. 

Standing in the front line is already bad, and what worse is getting pushed to the ground by all these boisterous fangirls and fanboys. I laid flat just before a pair of Luis Vuitton whose owner is the grumpy looking guy I was mentally badmouthing about. 

'' you stand up now or I'll step on you '' he cooed with a big fake smile. Such a plastic prince charming he is.

'' let me help you get up '' Seohyun appeared  and pulled me to stand on my feet again. She gave a soft smile before getting dragged away by the satan guy. 

'' Why you bother, Seo. '' he hissed through his breath

'' Just helping our schoolmate '' 

'' she's not like us. Not even close to be one of us, alright? '' Jongin never looked back twice. 

I stood there gnashing my teeth in rage. The definition of ' equality ' in this school just does not exist. To have a circle of cool rich and popular friends, you first have to be one the same. One and a half hour has passed and school will be over in just a few more minutes. I crumpled the paper in my hand tightly as my body starts to quiver. My anxiety is striking again and I'm losing control. Perhaps because of the coffee I had this morning is a little too strong. Perhaps because of the fear that starts to take shape deep inside my brain. Who is it or what is it there that has been discreetly following me, is giving me freakouts and I need to confirm this. 

'' Who are you? ''  I closed my eyes, breathing heavily in my quivering state.

'' I'm asking who are you seriously? ''

'' What's the matter, student over there? '' the teacher ask