Chapter One

When I was ten, I got hit by a car. I didn't understand what happened then. I didn't understand why I couldn't move my legs anymore.

My mother told me that I was lucky to be only paralysed from my waist down. 

She told me I could've been dead.

It wasn't until months later that I realised, I was never going to be able to walk again.

My parents made sure to give the best to me. They hired a maid to take care of my every need. 

Growing up, I always envied my friends who could play and run around. They could do anything they wanted in ease.

My friends were nice though. But that didn't mean I was any important in their lives. 

Only after my accident, I realised that the friends I had weren't real friends. 

They only befriended me because I was normal. Now that I had lost my legs, they just took sympathy on me. But that didn’t mean that they wanted to have anything to do with me.

But I didn't need their sympathy. 

I wanted to be independant, I wanted to prove to everyone that I could be normal, that I could live like them. 

But how could I, when people who passed by me would give me stares and sympathetic looks?

My parents made sure to give me everything that I needed. They told me that when I grew up, I would take over my father's bread business. 

The only thing was, I didn't want to. 

I wanted a position I earned by myself, and not one that I got out of sympathy, or out of my father.

That was, until my parents passed away three years later.

That was, until I realised how lucky I was.

But I never appreciated it.

As I was too young to work, my father’s business was passed on to my aunt.

The Childrens’ Care told me that I was to stay with them until I was old enough to take care of myself.

They told me that my aunt had to take care of two children, so she didn’t have time for me.

But I knew.

I knew that she didn’t want to take care of me.

Not when I was a handicap.

Not when I was burden.

“The Childrens’ Care”, it sounds so warm and cosy, but I knew that only lost kids like me would stay there.

My first week there wasn’t warm. Even though everyone was welcoming, I could tell that the adults’ smiles were forced. It didn’t give off a homely feel like it did back when my parents were alive.

The home was fairly small. It had a few rooms, two old bathrooms, a run-down kitchen, and each room contained three bunks. I couldn’t quite get used to the dusty wooden tiles, or the mouldy doors. The beds weren’t spectacular either; the bedsheets had lost their colour over many years of use and washing, and if you looked closely, you could make out holes in them.

The three beds were shoved tightly to the walls, and there was barely enough space to move around.

The room for three was barely the size of my own room back at my old home.

Whenever we children were out of their earshot, the adults would start sighing and complaining.

I had heard enough, to be honest. Back in my school days, my friends never had a genuine smile on them whenever I came to view.

I didn’t blame them.

I wouldn’t like me either.

Pushing my wheelchair into my assigned room, I closed the door shut. There was one other boy assigned to my room.

The adults had explained to me that now, I would be living with children similar to me.

I didn’t understand, because I didn’t notice anyone with two broken legs.

But I soon understood that for everyone here, one part of them wasn’t working.

Hoya didn’t turn as I entered the room and placed down a pile of clothes-Hoya’s and my clothes.

They wanted us to learn to be independent, they had said.

They said that otherwise, we wouldn’t know what to do once we turned old enough to live by ourselves.

Each of us were assigned different chores; I was to fold the clothes and wash the dishes, and Hoya was to wash the toilet floor and change our bedsheets; considering my physical disability.

He had fair skin that would have been smooth if it wasn’t bruised, and soft brown eyes that matched perfectly with his tussled hair. He rarely smiled, but when he did, it reached his eyes.

My roommate was a tad bit different from me. He could move around easily and as he likes to, but everytime I wanted to talk to him, I had to write what I wanted to say on a mini drawing pad.

It was quite frustrating, really. But I understood that all of us here, we were frustrating in our own way.

But the thing was, at times the adults had the audicity to complain directly infront of Hoya, knowing he couldn't hear them.

It was frustratingly annoying.

A month crawled by painfully, and I realised how lucky I was when my parents were still here.

They were always there for me, and even though they fussed over everything I did, I knew that they did it out of concern. Out of love.

The one thing that was lacking in ‘The Childrens’ Care’, was that.

No one really cared or worried.

There were occasional help rendered, like a stranger would to a man who fell from his bike or a young lad helping an old lady cross the road; but nothing more than that.

The adults were just doing what they had to do, not what they want to do.

We were sent to different schools that catered to our needs.

Well, I was sent to a normal school, unlike Hoya, who had to go to a ‘special’ school.

I went to school with some kids I was already familiar with, but it wasn’t like I was close to them.

They weren’t unfriendly, but they weren’t friendly either.

Let’s just say, we all had ourselves to care for.

For all of us, there was a line we couldn’t cross, our own pain and stories that we couldn’t share.

However, I could tell their friendship weren’t the same as the ones I had before; they showed genuine concern and smiles that I never received apart from my parents.

We can never really understand a person unless we consider things from their point of view; and I could say, we all had to deal with the same share of pain.

All of us here, we lost our parents.

I guess I could say that I understand my past friends now; although not fully, but because they never went through my pain, they never tried to understand my turmoil.

Even though my parents were always there for me, they too never did, and never could understand.

There, we were assigned to different classes depending on our past grades.

In my class, there were some kids who didn’t really like me, because of my disability.

On my first day of school, they tried to take my boxed lunch, after finding out that I didn’t have any pocket money on me. They cussed at me, and bullied me. For the first time, I felt really helpless.

It was really different from my past school. My past classmates didn’t bully me even though they were cold at times.

Even when I told the teachers and the adults back at the home about this, they merely did anything.

The bullying continued on for a few days, until this girl helped me out. Her soft, brown hair ran till her shoulders, her turquoise blue eyes shining in the light.

She was normal unlike me, but when she saw three boys stealing my food, she stood up for me. Her stern gaze made her look adorable.

“Don’t bully him!” She shouted, her strong voice carrying harshness. She snatched my food from them easily, spitting, “If you want to steal from him, you have to get through me!”

The brave girl puffed her chest out.

The boys however, just laughed incredulously.

“How dare a little girl belittle us,” One spat.

Within a few seconds, my savior had crumpled to the ground, clutching her wounded stomach.

“Quick, get out of here!” She mouthed to me as she tried to regain her composure.

I didn’t know what to make of what just happened, so I just gaped at her. “But-”

“Go!” She glared at me before turning to stall the boys.

Flustered, I quickly pushed my wheelchair away to find help.

Soojung, as I had learned, was her name.

The girl became my first true friend.

Although the bullying had ceased since then, they still made fun of me, and spoke ill of me.

And I had to say, I was regretful having dragged Soojung into my mess.

Things changed however, when this boy arrived at the orphanage. He wore a pair of oversized glasses that slanted to the right from time to time, and he had to adjust it repeatedly. His messy hair ran well over his ears, and his bangs covered part of his dark chocolate eyes.

The male gave a timid smile that reached his bright eyes, and he scratched his head as he waited for the adult, also known for us to address as ‘Miss Oh’, to scribble something down on her notepad before calling for a gathering at a corner.

The children stared at the newcomer with a spark of curiosity just like they had when I first arrived, but they didn’t dare to look at the boy fully. For although they were excited for a new member, they kept their distance as they were aware that this boy too, who lost one part of his body, had to lose another.

I watched my new friends closely in amusement. They were hurt before, so they too didn’t want to seem ignorant to the little boy who was the center of attention.

They didn’t want to scare him off, so they couldn’t quite approach him either.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Hoya glancing up once in a while before returning to the book he was reading. He had his body rest against my wheelchair and he propped the book up in his sitting position.

The new boy, however, kept his goofy grin on his face as he scanned the children, as if analyzing them.

When his lingering gaze met with mine, it was like there was nothing to behold. An endless depth of desolation, sorrow and pain flashed in his eyes. They were depths of loneliness holding thousands of wandering souls captive yet there were none to be seen.

All these seemed to fade away as the boy tore his gaze from mine, and he put on his façade once again, allowing a smile to curve up his lips.

Perhaps I was too caught up in the boy’s hopeless gaze, that I did not notice Miss Oh talking to me.

I snapped back to reality, blinking rapidly as I tried to comprehend what she was saying.

“Are you listening to me, Sungyeol?” Miss Oh grunted, a tinge of annoyance in her tone.

“H-huh?”

“I said, Myungsoo will be rooming with you and Hoya, so please try to make friends with him. Also, do let him know of the rules and you three can take turns doing the chores.”

I pressed my lips to a thin line and nodded.

Miss Oh then turned to the new boy, handing him two plain white shirts and black pants. "Myungsoo, here are your new clothes. I’ll be going now,” She turned back to me before going her way.

We watched Miss Oh usher the rest of the children to their rooms.

The boy then scratched his head awkwardly and made his way towards me.

“So, uh… I’m Myungsoo,” The new boy gave a warm smile, extending his hand.

I eyed his hand before taking it.

“Sungyeol,” I replied nonchalantly before gesturing to the friend beside me. “He’s Hoya. He’s deaf.”

Myungsoo blinked at my straightforwardness, but recovered quickly, and plastered a smile on his face.

“Oh. So what are the rules here? And which bed do I get?” His eyes lit up in excitement as he swung the door open.

“Wow!! Is this my bed then?” He jumped atop a clean, unused bed, snuggling in the blanket.

I could only blink in shock at Myungsoo’s reaction.

Who would be so happy to live in such a small room, and on such an old bed?

The boy then got up, placing his new shirts at the side of his newly assigned bed.

“Well, rule one- go to bed by 9pm sharp, and no sneaking out. Rule two- if you need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night, go in pairs. Rule three- finish your meals, and don’t leave even a grain of rice. Rule four- finish all your chores. I think that’s about it,” I finished.

Myungsoo frowned. “What if you don’t follow the rules? They won’t hit you, will they?”

I shrugged. “Don’t.”

“They’ll probably not let you have lunch. Ah! And we also have to wake at five to get ready for school,” I added.

The boy seemingly nodded. “Well, what are the chores then?”

A month flew by since Myungsoo’s arrival, and I could say that although he was a rather cheerful guy, he too had a deep past he wasn’t willing to share.

However, even in that month, I could not seem to find anything from him that screamed missing.

He seemed perfectly normal; like he didn’t suffer from any disability.

So what it was that brought him here, I could not quite comprehend.

When Myungsoo found out the chores we had to do, he was beyond furious. He could not believe that in our physical states, we were made to work like maids.

However when he ranted to the adults, they made him miss lunch, and warned him not to break the rules again.

We went to school together, and I could say that he was really much more carefree and open than the kids I knew here.

Apparently, he was in my class as well, and we would walk from and back to the orphanage together.

Although he was a year younger than me, he had skipped one grade.

Like the sharp boy he was, he immediately caught on that I wasn’t liked by my classmates.

Soojung would retort back if someone spoke ill of me, but their teasings were endless.

It was suffocating.

However, over time, Soojung, Myungsoo and I became inseparable.

Soojung soon learned that both of us lost our parents, but she never once looked down on us.

“I can’t believe both of you weren’t given pocket money,” She wrinkled her nose. “Isn’t the orphanage being too harsh? I wanted to hang out with you guys!”

Often, we would hang out by the nearby park until it was time to return.

“They give us our lunch to bring to school,” Myungsoo told her.

“Hmm… isn’t it boring to always eat the same food?” Soojung wondered. Suddenly, her face light up. “I know! We can go get ice cream! I know of one store that sells cheap ice cream, I could get those for you both if you want,” She nodded enthusiastically.

“I-” I started, but Myungsoo cut me.

“Ice cream…?” He blinked. “What’s that?”

Both Soojung and I stared at the boy in shock.

How did he not know what ice cream was?

Even before my time in the orphanage, I had tasted plenty of ice cream.

“You don’t know what ice cream is?” Soojung gasped.

Myungsoo shook his head, turning to look at the girl, and back to me. “Am I supposed to know what it is?” He scratched his head adorably. “Is it like a toy?”

I shook my head. “It’s food. Myungsoo… what kind of life have you been living…?” My words softened.

I didn’t mean it to sound offensive, but I couldn’t help it.

Ice cream was the best thing that happened in my life.

“I-” Myungsoo’s words were stuck in his throat. “Well… we should get ice cream, then,” He smiled broadly. “But in return, I’ll let you have some of my lunch, okay?”

I nodded, turning to Soojung. I didn’t want to feel like I owed her anything, either.

I had to say, it was great having friends by your side, and sticking by you.

It was an indescribable feeling.

“What flavor do you want? Chocolate, strawberry, or green tea?” Soojung asked once we reached the store.

“Whoaa… there are so many flavours?” We could only stare at Myungsoo in amusement as he spazzed over the wide array of choices.

“Well, I’d suggest chocolate. It tastes bitter and sweet,” I recommended. Bitter and sweet, like my life. Like our lives.

“Okay, I’ll get that then,” He grinned.

But as I spent more time with Myungsoo, I realised… that he was somehow different from the other kids. Somehow.

He cracked countless jokes.

He helped us on all the chores, saying that he was not going to let us overexert ourselves.

He’d stay up in bed past ten at night, reading books.

He’d secretly give me his meat at meals, saying he’s too full.

He’d get scolded by the adults often, but the smile on his face never faltered.

He dared to have fun.

He was different in that sense, but somehow, I felt like I wanted to know him.

Not just be his friend, but to share his past, too.

Yet when I tried to bring up the topic of family, he would shun it.

He’d put on façade, pretending to be interested in something else, putting up this wall around him.

Many times, we’d salvage a cool cone of ice cream on a warm afternoon with our newfound friend. We’d sit on the swings, occasionally staining our shirt in the process.

I had to say, Myungsoo was a pretty strong boy. Together with Soojung, he’d help me out of my wheelchair, and onto the swing, saying that I had to try it despite my protests.

I had to admit, it was rather thrilling. Though at times, Myungsoo would push the swing a little too hard, scaring me.

Soojung and Myungsoo would then start fighting, and I would watch them, laughing.

Although, I couldn’t describe this feeling when Myungsoo’s eyes lit up as he playfully hit Soojung. Part of me didn’t like it.

Nonetheless, it was something I wanted to keep forever. This feeling. I wanted to treasure these moments, and keep them forever.

I wanted this to last.

Although Soojung came from came from a rich background, we never let our different backgrounds get in the way of our friendship.

It was known that boys would chase after Soojung, and they didn’t like her hanging out with us.

We knew that many boys liked her, but there was this boy, Sungjong, who kept trying to talk to her, and spoke ill of us. Many times he’d warn Myungsoo and I to stay away from Soojung, but even so, he didn’t do anything to us.

Despite harsh remarks from boys, she didn’t stop befriending us.

“Even though I was pretty popular, I didn’t feel like I belonged,” Soojung confessed over lunch.

We had lunch on a table near the school garden so we’d be able to avoid glares and whispers.

“What do you mean?” Myungsoo wondered, munching on his rice. “You get along well with our classmates, only they don’t like you with us.”

Soojung shook her head. “Sometimes… fitting in doesn’t mean you belong. It’s like… it’s like a duck egg in a box of chicken eggs. You feel like you’re the same, but you’re not. And that’s exactly how I felt. I had many friends, but they didn’t understand. I don’t need many friends. I need friends I can be close with, talk with about normal stuff. I don’t like that they’re only befriending me because of my popularity, or my looks. You guys are different,” She smiled.

Hearing what Soojung said, I could understand.

I could fit in. I had many friends from my past school, and the orphanage.

But I just felt like… I didn’t belong there.

I didn’t need friends who pretend, who just talked about their favourite book or movie.

I needed someone… whom I can share my burden with.

Who could just be there for me, even if it’s just to listen.

And these friends I needed, they were seated right infront of me.

“I’m glad I’m friends with you guys,” I smiled.

After that, we headed back to class as Soojung went to the ladies’.

“Well, well, well… if it isn’t Jung Soojung,” A seemingly girlish, deep voice filled the empty corridor as Soojung came out of the toilet.

She frowned once she saw who the voice belonged to. “Lee Sungjong.”

The male had curly black hair that reached his ears, and a few cuts and bruises on his arms.“Haven’t I told you to stop being friends with the handicap?”

“Don’t say that of him!” Soojung snapped.

Sungjong raised a brow. “What, am I wrong? Is he not a handicap?”

Soojung sighed. “What do you want?”

The cocky male smirked. “You.”

“I told you, Sungjong, I don’t like you. So stay out of my sight.”

“Oh come on, stop trying to play hard to get,” Sungjong gave a cocky smile.

“When will you get it! I don’t like you!” Soojung was exasperated by now.

Was this boy so delusional?

“Okay then, tell me, when will you like me then?” He asked, folding his arms.

“Never. Not when you’re such a bastard,” Soojung growled before stomping off.

Sungjong was about to run after her, but stopped.

He balled his fists, gritting his teeth.

“I’ll make you pay. I’ll make you pay, Sungyeol, for taking my Soojung away from me.”