Word count: 1033

Taeyeon glanced at her girlfriend who looked up at the stars admiring them at the same time she seemed deep in thought. Jessica tore her gaze from the night view and looked over at her companion. "What's with all the non-discreet glancing?" Jessica asked humorously. "I can't look at my own girlfriend now?" Taeyeon asked back equally amused. Jessica shook her head and rolled her eyes turning her gaze back at the stars. "They're beautiful" Jessica spoke mindlessly and Taeyeon shoot a reply almost instantly. "You're prettier than the stars" Jessica laughed at that but she didn't turn to look at Taeyeon this time. Instead she drew a deep breath and hugged her jacket closer to her body. 

"You know, stars are only pretty from afar. Once you get to see them up close they really aren't that pretty anymore." Jessica sighed softly to herself. again she looked like she was deep in thought almost dazed. 

"Well, isn't it the beauty of it? To be able to watch their light from afar. Like Monet's painting's was trash up close but beauty from a distance. It's not that hard to appreciate some things sometimes Sica." Taeyeon shoved her hopefully future wife playfully with her shoulder. 

"...Yeah, but Monet was unpopular when he was alive. And we can't see the stars when they are alive either. After hundreds of years of being dead then they shine their light on us. Like Monet gained fame after his passing. Maybe we aren't meant to stand out while alive, Just when we're dead..." 

"Sooyeon..what's with you? did you and Krystal have a fight? Did you read some anti-fan's comments online again?" 

"No, I'm just thinking... a lot these days" Jessica replied and ran her fingers through her hair. Taeyeon her lips. Jessica looked so beautiful like that. So perfect. And this time Taeyeon isn't letting her go. 

"You know I like you right?" Jessica asks softly. She sounds almost hesitant and Taeyeon shifts so she can sit closer and hold her because she seems so fragile right now. Jessica lets her. Lets Taeyeon wrap her arm around Jessica's shoulders and pulling her close.

"Of course I do" Taeyeon responds. Her voice is soothing, calming and Jessica closes her eyes to gather her thoughts.

"What if, someday when we both retired from the entertainment industry and we turned old enough to have kids. Would you still stay by my side Taengoo?" Jessica turns her head so she can see the person sitting beside her. 

"I would never dream of anything else" Taeyeon responds. No hesitation what so ever. Jessica nods softly and her eyes return to watch the sky.

"...You know, when I was in high school I wanted to get married at 25, have kids and settle down..run B&E by the side" Jessica sounds almost like she's saying goodbye but Taeyeon is somehow sure she isn't.

"Didn't we all? So much have changed since then... almost everything is different now" Taeyeon says, her grip on Jessica tightening.

They are silent for a while, enjoying the view and the company. The night grows colder and the girl's eventually retreat back into the cabin they rented. They start a fire in the fireplace to keep themselves warm and collect some pillows and blankets that they snuggle up in. 

"When you ignored me back then... I thought that you never wanted to hear my voice even see my face... I tried so hard to make you forgive me despite it being you who began it all...But all you did was ignore me... So I stopped being in your way and I stopped talking... So you could be happy...Happy with the other girl's in out group that you didn't hate like you hated me..." Jessica sounded so distant. Like she wanted walk into the night and disappear. 

Taeyeon's heart ached. She regretted what she had done. Especially knowing that Jessica is still scared of ti happening again. Jessica had tried to kill herself. Leaving a note to Taeyeon saying that she should be happy and smile more because she is so beautiful when she smiles. And that Jessica still loved and treasured her. That's when Taeyeon stopped her childish act and started to take care of Jessica like Jessica secretly took care of Taeyeon.

Jessica never fully recovered. Depression does that to people. Kill them inside and out. Gnaws at them late nights and silent moments. Taeyeon hates herself for hurting her like this. 

"It's okay" Jessica says. She put's her hand on Taeyeon's and smiles softly. Taeyeon can see the self harm scars on Jessica's wrist and the guilt hits her like a piece of two by four in the back of her head. If only she had seen the signs and stopped being selfish. But Jessica didn't blame her. She never would. Taeyeon would be the last person Jessica blamed. 

Despite it hurting her. Despite her thoughts of still self harming and suicide. Despite the never ending fear of it happening again. She doesn't blame Taeyeon. She accepted it already. That the shadow that was cast on her soul was from the light called Taeyeon. 

But Jessica tries to live, for Taeyeon. And Taeyeon does all she can to mend the wounds for Jessica. 

"Sometimes I wonder if you would have been happier if we never meet" Taeyeon remembers Jessica saying when she was in the hospital for her almost succeeded suicide attempt. Taeyeon is punched in the face twice. First by Krystal who angrily storms into the room and slams her up against a wall. Then by her crying members. Who push and hit her with meek force as they are all sobbing. They all blamed her but Jessica never did.

Taeyeon wonders if Jessica's life would have been different if they never meet. If she would turn depressed and suicidal even if Taeyeon wasn't there. The answer is no Taeyeon concludes. That's why she's going to make Jessica happy again. Like the old times. 

Jessica's happy life started and ended with Taeyeon. Now it starts with Taeyeon but this time it should never end. Taeyeon won't let it end. She must make Jessica happy, Jessica deserves it.