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Square OnePlay, Listen & Read
He tried, at least attempted, to rid of the other's image coursing in his head endlessly. Even dating women instead, multiple women each night to drink with but it felt utterly uncanny without his lover; he couldn't bear to make it past first base. His mind had convinced him to believe this break-up was beneficial to their relationship or it was meant to be, that maybe in the end they could remain friends, but it was tearing him into shreds. His fractured heart wouldn't allow this dispute to rest, he had been fighting against his ex's disapproval.
"Get the out of my house! Take your and leave!" The blonde's voice has been past a shriek ever since he had heard the news before waiting for his brunette lover to return home; news that he wasn't desired to hear at anytime, but recently, he has been through and it wasn't making him feel any improvement. This was the rearmost thing that he would've desired to happen, or expected to say the least.
"Babe, stop," he struggled against his grip to place all of his belongings down. This certainly wasn't like him. "Babe! Tell me what's wrong."
The other halted the tossing and mustering of now damaged items to place his hands on his hips, the thought of them together had been a lie. He sighed, not irritated or frustrated but infuriated with his blood boiling past his ears, he had never been so genuinely mad and crushed in his life. All of the times where they had loved and traveled around the world was an act to set him up for destruction; or that was what he believed.
"You've been ing cheating on me, what do you think is wrong?"
Jimin sighed heavily, he was caught in his actions. "What were you told?" He couldn't meet his eyes, the guilt was gradually eating his insides.
"You're not denying it, so that means it's true? How long have you been cheating on me?"
"Tell me what you were told!" Jimin dashed over the mess to pin his now ex-lover, his hand unraveled from a clenched fist then grasped his neck to slam him against the wall. "What did you hear?" His voice was a lethal whisper.
Yoongi had to retain his sanity and his patience, to be strangled was the last thing he wanted to happen, taking a few short, shallow breaths aided his raging headache.
"Hoseok and his girlfriend saw you with multiple women over the past month. They didn't want to tell me but they did."
He growled, "When? When was this?"
"They told me this morning, a few hours after you left for work." He peeled his eyes away from his, there was no way he could accept him again, it hurt him too much at this moment let alone to allow this to happen another time.
Jimin released his hold on him, aggressively combing his hair with his digits while kicking some of the objects Yoongi had thrown on the kitchen floor. He was caught in his own tracks, what he thought he was doing was harmless since he truly loved Yoongi but it was all to clear his foggy head. He was beginning to grow unsure of them both, that was his reason yet he kept silent to avoid anymore arguing. There were a few more topics to remove the dust from- since they decided to put them to rest, for the best- but neither were going mutter anything about them.
"Am I not good enough for you?"
"That's not it," he lowered his head, in despair and so many other emotions that couldn't be described in words. "I'm not good enough for you."
Min Yoongi.
Wicked thoughts consumed Jimin whole, was it that Yoongi was slipping out of love with him? He shook that solution out of his head so he wouldn't have to hear it anymore, he was praying that it wasn't that.
"Hello?" A busty woman who had to be no less than twenty-five beckoned to capture the lost man's attention. He was dazing off once more.
This date wasn't going well, similar to all the previous ones, but he thought of Yoongi earlier this time. His milky skin, the warmth of it, his dark, chocolaty eyes, and the gummy smile he has grown accustomed to despise now-a-days. He had to for the best of them both.
"What?" He snapped at the woman with a piercing glare that would for sure be lethal in another dimension. Shaking his head, he realized the brutal tone he had found. "What is it?" He softened up after witnessing her frightened expression.
"I think you had enough to drink, should we go somewhere more private?" She hinted by placing her hand over his, her eyes occasionally lurking back to his car in which he picked her up and drove them both to a filthy, strip bar. Great first date.
But Jimin didn't want this, to be with another person when his heart was with his lover, the only person he had every truly loved. "No, I have to get home," he removed his hand from below her's, signalling that he wasn't interested. "Sorry but I need to do something."
With those final words, he abandoned his date- at least paying for the bill- and strode to his car. It had been weeks since he had last seen Yoongi- they went to eat dinner one final time, but it was Yoongi's intentions to suggest that Jimin should delete him from his several social media accounts, along with erasing any pictures of them- it was like the several knives already buried in his heart were being pushed further down by his only love himself, but it had been couple months since the break up. He finished painfully removing any trace of himself from the other's apartment, and now was finding a place he could stay for cheap.
Jimin acknowledge the fact that him going to his apartment could risk further damage in their relationship but he didn't care, he was hurting more on this night than ever. Though he had gradually killed himself through dating those meaningless women, it was more excruciating without Yoongi's calming presence.
"Please," Jimin began in a mutter. "I know I don't pray often, or don't believe in this faith but I really need Yoongi. I've never hurt so much in my life and it's all because of me. I've hurt myself badly but I want to redeem myself to him, to treat him right this time, to always make him happy."
Yoongi wasn't going to be home, he knew for a fact, since he worked endless hours at the studio; he would stay there to buy time, plan out everything, prep himself so he doesn't shatter in his presence. He got accepted into the music entertainment he wanted to be signed under, but he hasn't scheduled his audition yet. They hired him to create "the next hit song" as their way to experiment his talents, if he made it, then music would finally be his career in which all these years he had underwent were successful not to mention that would be his first release; stressful nights filled with tears of frustration and endless crumbled papers surrounding his desk. Jimin remembered all the emotions Yoongi felt, how he was there to comfort him in distress, the countless nights where he dragged Yoongi out of the house to clear his mind of his tensions.
Jimin shook his head, even though Yoongi consumed every last of his thoughts, he had to clear his mind instead and construct, muster something to say to him; something that would win him back but also display all of the excruciating feelings he was experiencing and the sorrow that he felt, an empty void he could only fill.
He arrived at the other's house in less than fifteen minutes, exiting out of his vehicle and onto the doorstep. The pondering thought of knocking never occurred to Jimin, simply grabbing the spare key that was sitting in his pocket in which he had claimed he returned and shoving it into the keyhole. Just as brisk as he opened the door, the alarms went off.
This set up an alarm system.
He was in shock, if Yoongi witnessed him basically breaking and entering, he wouldn't know what he would do. Jimin shook his head for what seemed like the millionth time tonight, he was starting to see hallucinations, his lover's figure was standing before him, shaking his head in disbelief while scoffing. This time, versus the countless nights by himself, drinking to get drunk, he was not a mirage or a figment of his imagination.
"What are you doing here?" Yoongi's voice was a raspy mess, he was previously sleeping. "What could you possibly want now?"
"What do you mean what am I doing here? I came back. I realized my stupid, ing stupid mistakes but if you let me explain myself-"
"Make it short, the police are coming any minute and they're expecting an armed robber," the blonde-haired man stated bitterly, pacing back and forth. His complexion was collected and brutal, but his insides were rattling and his bones were snapping from the structures; he didn't expect Jimin to return, to speak his mind, but now that he was here, he misplaced the words that he was suppose to say if he was to come back.
Jimin followed after him shortly, attempting to force Yoongi to meet his eyes, to meet his sincerity but he refused as he continued to pace in short lines. He couldn't speak, given the spotlight and now he was anxious and all of the above, what would he do if he muttered the wrong word?
He went for it, might as well expose everything about him, his affairs, his feelings. "The only reason that I was seeing.." A lump began to form as tears brimmed his eyes, it was an angry cry but he bit it back. "..other people was because I was afraid."
"Afraid of what, that I would leave you?! You must be ing retarded because I never loved anyone else other than you so-"
"No," the brunette boy interrupted him, he was misunderstanding his fear. "It was when you first started your internship at the company, I was afraid since you weren't coming home like you usually did and you were coming later. I was scared that it was going to consume you entirely that you wouldn't have time for me," he corrected himself after a few seconds, "..us."
Yoongi halted in his tracks, turning to search for Jimin's face which was being ran over by his hands multiple times, his trembling hands. He inched closer to him, to examine his features which were tightened so he could retain his tears, to understand him, to try to understand his point of view.
"You were jealous of my job?" He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You're not listening," he was growing frustrated. "I wasn't jealous, maybe a little bit but not because it was your job, because it was taking of all of our time that we would usually spend together. I didn't want to tell you that because you were happy, when you're content with something then I am too. But the reason I dated all of those women was because I was confused. I began to question everything, if the distance growing between us was meant to be, my uality, or worse; if you really loved me."
"You idiot," Yoongi muttered under his breath. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
I've only loved you, he wanted to say more serious this time but he couldn't find the courage to.
"I didn't want you to think I was falling out of love with you, which I now know that never happened or would ever. Ever since we called it off, you were the only person, thing, I thought of. I missed work every day of the week until they threatened they would fire me, but I wasn't putting any effort there. I only went to distract myself but you were too much to ignore." He swallowed the pebble lodged in his throat. "If you want to leave me then fine, but I will always love you regardless."
That hurt. "Jimin," he sighed, he was begging him to shut up for once, to not say another thing that would kill him even slower.
The puzzle pieces were coming together, his genuine expressions and the words crumbling out of his mouth were like darts to his chest. Every word, sentence, shuffle of his feet, his discrete actions were pushing the sharpened tips of those darts deeper, tearing through skin and muscle and gradually aiming for the heart.
He glanced up, due to his name being called, as the other stepped forward, daring himself to close the distance after such a period of time of being apart. Their eyes greeted each other- both of their hearts racing and breaths hitching- after the longest period of ripping each other's guts out, but only briefly as several armed men barged through the front door, two of which pinned the brunette on the floor with his hands behind his back.
"Don't tell me you didn't just feel that?!" Jimin shrieked first at the connection they just momentarily had then the sharp pain of his wrists. The truth was that he felt it, burning, sparking, combusting in his chest just as much as the other did.
"It's okay, he doesn't mean harm," Yoongi muttered as he pushed past the three officers that were between them. "I just forgot to turn the alarm off before he came in. It won't happen again."
"Make sure to do that next time or else we're coming fully armed. Consider yourself lucky, bud," the one who was pinning Jimin to the ground removed himself from him, assisting him to his feet.
"Thank you." The blonde guided them to the door, closing and locking it after their exit.
"I'm really sorry," Jimin muttered. "I shouldn't have just barged-"
"I felt it," Yoongi admitted, blushing with maroon cheeks. "Whatever that was."
The brown-haired boy grinned to himself once he realized what he was talking about, a stupid smile gradually perking up all of his features which the blonde-haired boy adored viewing. In actuality, they both never stopped loving each other, through all of the rough times in their lives, it grew them as people, strengthened their relationship. The love between them wasn't going to be thrown away for nothing after all yet it will be restored with time, forgiveness, trust, open hearts and minds.
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