Memories warm you from the inside.  But they also tear you apart – Haruki Murakami

FALL,2014

I still remember the very first day since I laid my eyes on her. The day when I couldn’t take off my eyes from her. It’s spring, and she walked pass through me like a flawless angel. The way she walks, the way she talks, mesmerized me every single seconds I look at her. I remember how my heart could beat so fast that I couldn’t remember how to breathe for the first time.

So, here I am, in this library again recalling the bits of memory of the girl who managed to steal my heart for the first time while looking at her who sits alone at the corner of the library with piles of books on her table.

 

The usual place. The usual books.

 

She had been studying vey hard for her upcoming examination which is technically same as mine as she will be sitting for her English paper which seemed very hard for her. Well, it has been my daily routine for me to come and sit at the school library since the day I knew that she would be spending the rest of the day here every evening after the class ended. Since I’m also at English paper, why I don’t use this opportunity to study all along?

Whenever I look at her, her face would usually tensed and she hardly smiles nor talking to anyone. I bet if she has a bestfriend... Because she seems so...

Lonely.

I never saw her studying at the library together with her friends, except for this one guy, Do Kyungsoo. The cute and popular school librarian. I felt like I want to puke whenever I thought about that.

I could see her eyes lit up and sparkles whenever she saw him. I couldn’t help myself from looking at them every single time Kyungsoo approaches her. Her sorrow face seemed to be lighten up by Kyungsoo’s presence. They seemed to be so close that made me so envious of him.

 

 

“Hey, Junmyeon.” I flinched a bit when someone tapped my shoulder.

 

“Uh.. Um... yes?” I stuttered as I look at the person. It’s Chanyeol, my bestfriend.

 

“Are you blind or do you live in a timeless world? It’s already 6.30 p.m and I was wondering... Don’t you want to go back home? I bet the library would be closed in a minute.” Chanyeol was looking at his watch before he stared at me blankly.

Me, on the other side, wasn’t paying much attention to Chanyeol since I was totally focused at the girl as laugh escaped from both of them.

 

I love her laugh. She could make the whole wide world laugh with her.

But,

I hate her laugh too. When it comes to Kyungsoo.

 

What seems so funny? Does she even likes him?

“Yah Junmyeon-ah, are you listening to me?” Chanyeol shook my body when he realised I wasn’t paying any attention. I bet he didn’t even notice the fact that he had been quite loud since library is a quiet place and there was only the four of us inside the library that managed to grab their attention.

 

As her attention pointed towards me, our gazes locked for a while. Even if it last just for a few seconds, it is enough to make my heart pound very fast as the thought of being starstrucked. When she suddenly looked away, I gasped for some air as I realised I wasn’t breathing.

 

This girl... She’s so breathtaking.

 

I finally packed up my things although my heart resisted because Chanyeol was waiting for me outside of the library when he insisted to go back home with me.

 

-

 

I remembered her as one of the prettiest girl in the school. No, pretty is not the right word. She was unbearably beautiful. She had a long whip of cream-coloured hair, so black that it seemed nearly blue. Her skin was cream-white, her dark soothy lashes surrounding huge round eyes.

 

She’s nearly perfect.

 

However, she’s all alone by herself. Usually girls at her age would like to hang out together, gossipping about fashions, boys or buzzing on celebrities. But, there’s something special about this girl. She never attracted to those stuffs as she had been drowning with her books which making me felt so curious about her.

 

She’s like a puzzle. I learned that her heart wasn’t easily stolen or taken by anyone as she never bothered about all the flirtation every single guy gave to her. Maybe she’s waiting for someone who is willing to collect the scattered pieces and rearranged them so that it would fit perfectly, creating a beautiful masterpiece.

 

One day, that person would be me.

 

Her smile could break million hearts. Her teeth are pearly white and sparkled in the sun. I have never seen her down and no matter what happened, she always have this magical smile. Her face would only lit up when she saw Kyungsoo and the thought of that making me felt jealous towards him. Her eyes would narrow when she gets mad. I have never seen her puts her needs before anyone else’s and she always make life fun. Her laughs fills people with hope and joy and echoes round and round.

 

 

I hope she could be that girl again. The cheerful one.

SPRING, 2012.

There’s one day in our junior year when a girl with her hazel brown eyes accidentally ran towards me, spilling a cup of coffee on my school uniform in the school cafeteria. Since I’m not a very patient person, I threw the empty cup in frustration. All eyes were all over me in the cafeteria. As I was about to yell at her, she only managed to say ‘I’m sorry’ before she ran away. I didn’t have the chance to look at her face, not even spared a glance.

Just a particular scaredy clumsy little girl.

Such a chicken.

The very next day, I found a yellow sticky note stuck at my locker.

Kim Junmyeon,

I’m very sorry for accidentally ran into you inside the cafeteria and spilled your coffee and... I ran away before I could say sorry. I would like apologise for my clumsiness!

Jae, the clumsy girl

I looked at the name all over again.

Jae.

Did I ever know her before?

Nope. That name doesn’t ring a bell in my head.

I tore off the note as I thought that it will never change anything. I was like, okay, the apology accepted.

The very next day, the one who I claimed as ‘Jae’ or ‘the clumsy girl’ came to meet me in person.

“I’m very sorry about the incident. Oh, by the way, my name is Han Jae Hee. Class 3C.” I tried to take a look at her face, but she lowered her head down, clenching the hem of her school uniform. She then offered her right hand for a handshake, but I just walked away, leaving her alone as I pretended to ignore her existence.

Han Jae Hee? Class 3C?

No wonder I never heard that name before.

SUMMER, 2013.

“Hey, give me back my book!” A voice woke me up from my dreams.

“Catch me if you can!” Another voice entered my ears.

I rubbed my eyes as I realised that I had fallen asleep on a bench at the park whe two unidentified voices managed to wake me up. Iooked at my watch. It’s already 5.30 p.m.

My head spun as I opened my eyes but suddenly I felt numb when a beautiful figure captured my attention. I didn’t move or even flinch a bit as I gazed longily at her every single movement.

My heart beated so fast. Does this is what they called as love at first sight?

Out of the blue, a book flung towards me and fell on my lap which made my attention flew away. When I looked up, there were two girls who stared at me blankly.

I rolled my eyes when I looked at the name written in the front cover of the book.

“Excuse me, may I take the book? Oh, it’s you, Kim Junmyeon. I’m sorry again that we meet in such a situation.” She smiled and in that exact moment, I felt breathless and my heartbeat rate increased uncontrollably.

I didn’t realised that I still holding the book until she asked me for the second time. “Um, can I get my book now?”

She took her book and walked away and I could feel that she also took a part of me along with her.

FALL,2014.

Han Jae Hee

Such a beatiful name that fits perfectly to its owner.

I found that there is something wrong with her because she wasn’t the same, cheerful person I used to know. I know that she’d changed.

Except when she sees Kyungsoo.

The secrets unraveled when I knew that she’d failed in her previous test. Her studies is fully sponsored by the scholarship from the government and they wouldn’t hesitate to withdraw all of her expenses if she ever failed in her test. If they did that, it means that she had to quit school.

I really wanted to help and be the shoulder that she could cry on. However, I didn’t have the courage because my body would froze and I’m afraid that I might losing my words. That’s why I decided to see her only from afar, protecting her from any danger while waiting for the right moment to approach her.

I noticed that all of her friends also dumped and left her all alone since she started to isolate herself from others.

She had transformed completely. The new Han Jae Hee is the quiet, lonely one.

Examination is just around the corner and I could see that the whole school starting to become a quieter place since everyone is very busy with their books, revising every single pages of the books except for some of the students that act like the final examination is just a piece of cake. There is also an increasing number of pupils in the library.

This library, which was used to occupy by four or five person every single evening who is me, Kyungsoo the school librarian, Jae Hee, Baekhyun who is also the school librarian and also Chanyeol that only come once a week to keep my company is now fully occupied with a lot of students, making the silent environment turns into a hectic place.

There is one time when Baekhyun yelled at the top of his lungs.

“SILENCE PLEASE! THIS IS A LIBRARY!”

And there was a pregnant silence between all of them until they broke it a few minutes later, which making him drove even crazier.

A few moments later, Kyungsoo approached Baekhyun and persuade him. “Hey Baek, calm down. This is the usual situation before every examination. You still didn’t get use to it?”

I could see that Baekhyun sighed and replied, “They’re all like primary school students. It’s very noisy in here and we would have a hard time to rearrange all of the books they had scattered.” He heaved a heavy sigh again and sat on the chair on the counter.

I didn’t do anything on this day, since the library is very crowded and noisy. My usual place also had been taken by a group of girls that seemed to more gossiping than doing their revision.

I searched for an empty seat but suddenly my eyes locked on a chair in front of... her. I take a step forward towards her. I don’t even know where did I even get the courage to sit in front of her and perhaps... have a small talk?

My heart and my mind told me numerous times that this is the exact moment.

“Um... may I seat here? Well, the library’s crowded and you know...”

Stupid mouth! What am I babbling about?

I felt a gush of adrenaline running down my veins as I reached for the chair. I rubbed my nape when I realised I was babbling and I could see she tilts up her head and nod as a response for my question just now.

I could feel my body shivers and drenching with sweat. I had never been this nervous.

“You’re really studying hard.” I take out my Physics notes, trying my best to break the silence and the awkwardness between both of us while my eyes refused to take it off from her.

“Yeah..” That is all she replied without even looking at my face. I think maybe that’s okay because maybe I would be dead by now because I might lacking of oxygen if I forget how to breathe when she looked at me.

“What are you studying? English?” I took a step forward as I moved my head closer to her books, trying not to feel nervous as thousands of butterflies suddenly hit my stomach.

“Uh..Uh..” This time, she looks up and realised that our faces had been to close. Very close as I could hear her breath. Our gazes locks for a second and I was once again falling deeply into her hazel eyes and my thoughts flies away for a second.

It’s like the time stops for a while.

Behind those beautiful brown eyes, I could see countless of burden that she have  to bear all by herself. I could see the pain that she had been through. Those eyebags and dark circles  formed below her eyes proves that she had not get enough sleep. She looks totally exhausted.

Han Jae Hee, can I be the only person to heal you?

I didn’t even expect that she would pull her notebooks and looks away while her puffy cheeks turning red, probably getting embarrassed about what had happened just now. I try to act normal although my heart pounds very fast.

“Oh, by the way, my name is Kim Junmyeon. But you can call me Suho.” I sit back at my seat while trying to give my sweetest smile to her but unfortunately it turned out to be a sheepishly grin.

She furrows her eyebrows when she looked at me. Maybe she feels weird to see a dumb person like me in front of her. Out of the blue, a laugh escaped from . This time, I furrows my eyebrows.

Wait, why did she laugh?

“I didn’t expect that you still want to introduce yourself eventhough we had met uncoincidencely.... twice? Oh, I’m Han Jae Hee if you don’t remember. Also, don’t you ever think that I didn’t realise your presence in this library every single evening.” She smiles as she continue writing on her notebook.

Wait, what? So all of this while she realised my presence?

What if she could read my heart?

What if... She had know about it all along?

Okay, Junmyeon, you only need to relax.

Inhale... Exhale... Okay that sounds better.

 

“Oh...uh... I wasn’t expecting for you to realise my presence. Well, you know after those incidents, I thought that you would be afraid of me or maybe keep your distance away from a jerk like me.. Since I never had the opportunity to say sorry, see, I really sorry for ignoring your apology.”

 

She puts down her pen and stops writing.

 

“But- but that’s not the only reason. You’re studying so hard and always drowned in your books and also spending your time with Kyungsoo.”

I feel like punching my own face. Damn it! Why did I ever mentioned about Kyungsoo?

She let out a small chuckle and her face seems brighter than before.

 

She finally replied, “It’s okay about that. Apology accepted, but hey, about the books, they are true but about Kyungsoo... Are you one of the person that I could call as a stalker?”

I am totally losing my words. I really hope for the time to stop now so I could see that smile for my entire life.

 

“I’m sorry, Miss Jae Hee, but I hope you don’t misunderstand about the whole thing. I’ve been spending my time in this library too but you never talked to me but you seemed very happy whenever you see him or whenever he approached you.”

I had to be true eventhough the truth could hurt so bad.

 

“So, you were expecting for me to greet you, am I right? For your information, I already thought Kyungsoo as my own brother. I enjoy studying with him.” She pick up her pen and continue writing down her notes.

I’m grinning like a fool and flip my Physics notes without even read the printed words. Both of us remain silent until Kyungsoo taps my shoulder and I could see Jae Hee’s expression turns happier.

“Hi Junmyeon, would you mind if I join the both of you?”

I wish I could shush him away. Here comes the spoiler.

 

 

The next day, I was walking towards Jae Hee’s table inside the library. I didn’t plan to take a sit in front of her again, but she waved her hand and indicated that I should sit there. Me, of course won’t miss this golden opportunity when suddenly one particular person snatched it away from me. Do Kyungsoo.

“Can you please follow me for a second? I think I have something to tell you.”  His eyes look deep and his tone sounded serious. His hands grabbed mind, clutching it tightly and pulled them so that I could follow him to wherever he would take me.

What seemed to be so serious?

Both of us ended inside a room located in the library. It’s actually a special room for the librarians to gather around or as a place for them to rest. Kyungsoo closed the door when there is only the both of us inside the room and he also told Baekhyun for not disturbing us.

 

“So, tell me what is it.” I asked, arms crossed, eyebrows knitted.

 

Kyungsoo sighs. “Please tell me the truth.”

 

“About what?” I shrugged my shoulders since I didn’t know the actual reason why he wanted to talk to me at the first place. If not, I would be spending my time with Jae Hee right now.

 

“Don’t you ever deny the fact that you do like her, do you?” I could see that he was fidgetting with his fingers, head facing down the floor.

 

Her? Does the person he meant just now... Is Jae Hee?

 

“Do you mean.. Jae Hee?” I asked while taking a seat on the chair.

 

“Who else? Please just tell me the truth, Junmyeon although I could see it clearly written all over your face. Since when?” Kyungsoo lean against the wall, face looking serious as he looked at mine.

 

What does even matters if I do like her?

 

“Okay,okay. I do like her since the past two years. What? Does that fact bothered you?”  I glared at him.

“I’m very sorry that I have to say this, but you should stay away from her.”

What? Does he just say that?

 

“I’m also saying sorry because I’m afraid I wouldn’t listen to your advice?” I asked, raising one of my eyebrows.

 

“I’m totally not joking here, Junmyeon. I meant it. Please.” Kyungsoo sighed for the nth time.

 

I was just about to approach her, and now you told me that I should stay away?

No way.

 

“Could you just be straight forward and direct to the point? You should tell me the actual reason for you to act like this, you’re not even her boyfriend, am I right? So, could you please just tell me the truth if you do like her too? I wasn’t expecting the words to come out from my mouth but…. It’s just happened.

“You might ruin her life.” Kyungsoo looked away, refusing to look into my eyes.

“What do you even mean by those words? It’s impossible that I would hurt her! She’s my first love, you fool!” I captured Kyungsoo’s shoulder and turned them so it faced mine.

“Please Junmyeon, for God’s sake my love for her doesn’t across the boundary of brother-sister realtionship. We had been friends since primary school and I really really understand and know her really well. I won’t tell you the reason because this is totally not the right time to discuss about this but please, just stay away from her because I’m afraid you will give her a heartbreak. Please, I beg you. I don’t and I will never force you to stop loving her because I understand your sincerity. It’s clearly seen from your eyes that you really love her wholeheartedly. Could you do me a favor for her? Stay away from her until the examination ends. Please.” Kyungsoo’s expression turned sad as if he was very reluctant to tell me the reasons.

Without further argue, I opened the door and left the room, leaving Kyungsoo all alone. I looked at my watch.

It’s already 5.00 p.m

Usually Jae Hee would still be in the library with her books, but she left early today.

Maybe she had affairs today.

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo’s word echoed in my head as I walked towards my locker this very morning. I was stunned for a while when I saw a girl waved her right hand towards my direction. When I looked properly...

It was her. Even the small wave of her hand made a whirlwind strikes in my heart.

I smiled sheepishly like a fool and waved my hand towards her. Unfortunately, she wasn’t paying attention towards me anymore as she buried herself in her books again. I don’t understand how she could even read the books while walking to her class. I only managed to see that smile for that sweet smile for a moment ago before it changed to her usual self.

Furrowed eyebrows, mind complicated with million things.

 

I tap the lock combination of my locker before opened it to take some books. As I closed the door shut, I was surprised to see Kyungsoo leaned against the locker next to me with an unhappy expression.

“Hey-”

“Seemed like someone’s didn’t listen to my advice, didn’t he?” Kyungsoo cut me off and walked away.

I could only watch him left with thousands of questions in my head. I couldn’t decide wether to listen to his advice or not because...

Just what will happen to Jae Hee, anyway?

 

 

I got my tenth pinch for today from the giant that sat next to me. Park Chanyeol.

“Ow- ow that hurts.” I slapped his hand.

“You are here but your mind travels nowhere. Stop thinking about it and focus on your studies.”

 

I wasn’t surprised to see a note stuck on my table as the recess ends.

‘If you really like her, please stay away. Just for this week. You didn’t even have the slightest idea about her life. – Kyungsoo.’

As I was about to crumple the note, a hand grabbed it away from me.

“Hey, give it back-”

“Whoa, not so fast dear friend. Was there something that  you hide from me? Sine when did you ever talked to Kyungsoo? I thought you hate him.” Chanyeol asked me with his deep voice.

I didn’t manage to answer as the teacher came into the class and Chanyeol whispered into my ear, “You still owned me an explanation, idiot.”

 

 

 

“Does she perhaps suffering from illness? She had been abused at home?” Chanyeol thrown countless of questions and made his own assumptions as I explained everything towards him.

“I don’t know, really, but he sounded very serious so maybe I should just follow his orders. You know how much she meant to me, right?”

Chanyeol nodded in agreement.

I had been avoiding her for the past two days. However, I couldn’t resist the feeling to at least say just a simple phrase such as ‘Good luck!’, ‘Fighting!’ or perhaps ‘Break a leg!’ for this upcoming exam. So, I ended up stuck a sticky note on her locker.

‘Hey, friend. I know that you studied hard and I believe you could give the best. Be the best, beat the rest, okay? Break a leg! – Junmyeon.’

 

I met Kyungsoo at the halfway and I don’t even missed the opportunity to wish him a good luck too. As I was about to step forward, he grabbed my arm and says,

“Thank you for listening to my advice. After this one week, you may approach her again. Good luck too, my buddy.” Kyungsoo let go of my hand and left me alone.

 

 

EXAMINATION DAY ONE

The first day of examination had ended. Chanyeol and I felt very happy as the topics we had been discussed and revised did came out in the examination paper. As the both of us stepped out from the class happily, I accidentally caught a sight of her.

She was crying outside of her class, her hands clutched her notes on her chest. She ignored them when her classmates came out of the class to go back home.

Then, Kyungsoo came and engulfed her in a hug. As he tried to soothe her, he realised my presence and gave me a simple eye contact indicating that I should just stay away.

And so, I did.

 

 

EXAMINATION DAY TWO

That morning, the examination started as usual. I still remembered vividly in my mind that we would be sitting for English paper. Surprisingly, the question for the essay was about a mysterious person that we always met in our daily lives that made us attached to him/her. I chose to write about her.

My mind was completely full of her smiles, her frowns, her tears – Everything about her. Just three more days. Three more days for me to understand everything that happened. Three more days to unravel her secrets.

• She’s like a puzzle. An incomplete puzzle. I knew that she really needed someone in her life to make it complete.

That was the last sentence I wrote about her when my whole body began to disfunctioned. My pen dropped into the floor and tears flowed from eyes, blotting my examination paper. All of the students and my teacher looked into my direction.

I just don’t care anymore.

I stood up immediately and ran out from my class, ignoring the teacher who blackmailed me to give an F if I don’t get back into the class.

It’s better to get an ‘F’ rather than watched my butterfly fluttered away. I really don’t care.

“Junmyeon!” A voice called me from my back. It was Chanyeol.

“Hey, what happened? Why did you ditched the examination?”

“Why are you following me? I don’t want you to fail too!” I ran as fast as I could and the teachers and students from the other class were looking at us but they were not the biggest issue at that moment.

 

My body slumped onto the floor as I reached her class and I could hear Chanyeol could only muttered an ‘Oh my God...’

Her elegant figure lied restlessly on Kyungsoo’s lap as his tears could not stop flowing from his cheeks and rolled down to her face that was already pale at that moment.

All of the students and the teacher inside her class looked at the both of us oddly as we didn’t greet them first. Chanyeol politely introduced ourselves and told the teacher that the both of us were very sorry for interrupting in the middle of examination. Luckily, the teacher didn’t care that much as he only focused on his student that had already gone at that very moment.

“Jun-Junmyeon? She’s- she’s left us.” Kyungsoo could not hold back his tears so do I. I pushed his body away, capturing her body in my lap. I checked her breath, her heartbeat, her pulse – her everything but none of them even functioned.

“Jae Hee? I don’t care if you couldn’t listen to me, but these are the words that I would like to say to you from before. I – I love you. You are my butterfly. Even though you fluttered away, I know that you would always flutters in my heart. Jae- Jae Hee.”

It was hard to let go but I felt weird as my heart was willing to let her go. My heart felt at ease as my past memories with her replayed in my mind like a broken record again and again.

 

EXAMINATION DAY THREE : POSTPONED

Her long lustrous black hair had lost its shimmer. Her cream-coloured skin was nothing instead of pale white skin at that moment. Her rosy pink, moist lips were nothing instead of a pale red, dry lips. However, she still looked perfect in my eyes.

 

She’s still an angel.

 

“That’s – that’s why  I told you.” Kyungsoo broke the silence between all of us after nobody dared to say even a word since the moment all of us arrived in the hospital.

 

“What do you mean by that?” I wanted to ask him first, but Chanyeol stopped me from doing so.

 

“She’s- She’s being too stressed out. I bet you know the reason why.” He wiped his face with a handkerchief.

 

“The scholarship?” I asked curiosly. I just don’t understand why this guy being so secretive.

“Yes. But it’s not only about that. Both of her parents just divorced a month ago and they were fighting over her custody. It does affected her studies as she had been trapped in the middle of the problem as she was the only child.” Kyungsoo heaved a heavy sigh.

 

Wait, parents? Where were her parents? Why they didn’t come for their daughters’ post-mortem?

 

“Soo, where are her parents? Why didn’t they come?” I asked as I realised that they were not here since yesterday.

 

I shook his body when he didn’t give any answer for my question just now. Our attention diverted when a man and a woman ran towards our direction and hugged Kyungsoo.

 

I bet they are Jae Hee’s parents as tears rolled down their cheeks and the woman whom I assumed as her mother slumped onto the floor.

 

“She’s gone. She’s gone.” Her body froze as she could not hold her tears much longer. The man who I assumed as her father seemed froze in his position while patting Kyungsoo’s back continuosly. They didn’t even felt bothered about me and Chanyeol.

 

SPRING, 2015.

Brain aneurysm. That’s what took her life away.

No signs of pain, no clear evidence before dead but once it attacked, it’s fatal.

 

Brain aneurysm is a bulging, weak area in the wall of artery that supplies blood to the brain. In most cases, a brain aneurysm causes no symptoms and goes unnoticed. In rare cases, the brain aneurysm ruptures, releasing blood into the skull and causing .

When brain aneurysm ruptures, the result is called a subarachhoid haemorrhage. Depending the severity of the haemorrhage, brain damage or death may result.

The most common location for brain aneurysms is in the network of blood vessels at the base of the brain called as the circle of Willis.

The common factor for this disease is lack of sleep and highly depressed.

 

I was reading the facts about brain aneurysm when suddenly I get a call from Kyungsoo. He would like to meet me at the cafe to have a cup of coffee.

 

The both of us look out of the window. It is raining, but just a few droplets of rain wets the dried road. I take a sip of coffee  as Kyungsoo breaks the silence.

 

“I know a year hasn’t yet passed since she left us. But, she once told me to give you this.” He hands me a royal blue coloured book. It does looks kind of old as the front pages had slightly turns yellow.

 

I scrutinizes the book. As I opened the first page, her picture is the first one that greets me. Who knows a beautiful girl like her had died in such an early age.

 

The next pages was filled with her thoughts. Whatever happened, she would always think positively and move forward. She mostly wrote about her scholarships, her grades that gone worse day by day and just a mere mentions of her family problems.

There’s one page that attracts me.

It was nothing instead of a blank page,  but, if you look carefully, actually there’s something written in such a small characters at the bottom of the page. I almost drops the book when I look at it carefully.

‘Kim Junmyeon.Suho.I like him.’

 

Kyungsoo huffs as he realised that I have read her biggest secret. My hands trembles as I put the book down.

“She loves you but she know she can’t. It was very obvious that you were in love with her too but she refused to listen to me whenever I told her that you do liked her too. She always told me that she would only like to focus on her studies. Everything that seemed perfect for her had changed completely in just in a blink of an eye. She had been stressed out but she always told me that seeing you everyday had eased her miserable heart. That’s why I told you to stay away from her because I’m afraid. Afraid that you would only break her heart in the end as she really likes you from the start. I wasn’t... expecting that she would leave us this soon.” Kyungsoo takes a deep breath as his expression turns cold as cold as ice.

 

“I hope you understand why did I forced you to do so. I had known her since she was a young girl and I really concerned about her. I’m sorry for my rudeness before. However, I think you need to know about this.”

 

“About...what?” I never expecting that there’s a lot of thing that he kept from me,

 

“During the English examination, she was writing about you in her essay a few minutes before death took its place.” Kyungsoo sips another cup of coffee.

 

“She... does?” I asked with thousands of feeling hit my heart.

 

“Yes.”

Everything does make sense on that time. I still remember the examination day. I was writing about her. As I fantasised all by myself about her, that’s was the exact moment when I heard the news. I sat in the front row during the examination, close enough to the teacher’s table. I accidentally overheard her conversations with the person who called her.

No. It couldn’t be.

Impossible.

But it had happened anyway.

Our meeting ends up just like that when we didn’t have any topics to talk about anymore. Since that day, my relationship with Kyungsoo grow stronger as we meet more often.

Chanyeol? The both of us are still friends and we still hang out together when we have a free time. But now, he also had found a girl that manage to take his breath away and he would never be dumb enough like me to keep those feelings by himself. He always told me to Go For It! Whenever the both of us saw a pretty woman walks in front of us. Sometimes, Baekhyun the librarian would also spend time with the both of us.

I know that I had to move on and I’m still trying to get her out of mind but to keep her inside the deepest part of my heart. As I turn on the radio, my favourite song is playing and I hums along with the rhythm.

 

Guide me, take me together with you to the place you live,

Oh, even if the world ends, I follow from behind

You so please don’t go out of my sight

Even when the morning comes, don’t dissappear

This walk that I’m dreaming,

You are my one and only beautiful butterfly

-EXO K-Don’t Go

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Author’s note

I don’t know if my angst had gotten into a point. But, I hope you enjoy the read!

~jasmeen