Author's Note: Ritual suicide (known as "seppuku" in Japan) was quite common a long time ago, usually done in order to repent for a crime or losing a battle. 

 

 

 

 

It's been two days since you've last seen Jiyong and Seungri ever since they've left for battle. You've been keeping yourself busy by tending to Jiyong's orchard behind his house. 

 

He's planted the cherry blossom branch that you've given him next to his favorite tree. You stare it and the end of the budding flowers.

 

 

Hopefully, by the time this small branch blossoms, the war will be over. 

 

 

 

 

 

[ 1 WEEK LATER, THE DAY THE WAR ENDED ]

 

 

 

"It has been announced. For the sake of our clan, Ministress Dara will commit ritual suicide tommorrow at sunrise." 

 

"What kind of nonsense are you sputtering? Is this some kind of sick joke?!" Jiyong snarls at the squad leader. "Are you out of your mind?"

 

"Jiyong, the war is over! Our clan has been defeated!" The elder man snaps back. "Having a ministress or minister commit honorable suicide is the only way to protect our lord's life and bear responsibility for the bloodshed!"

 

"But why? Why must it be Dara, damn it!" Jiyong's eyes are wild with indignation and disbelief. "Who the suggested it?"

 

"The rest of the ministers have died in battle." Another squad leader says somberly. "She is the only one we have left. The whole affair is tragic indeed. Dara is a bright young woman. It was especially brave of her to suggest the idea of her suicide herself in order to protect her clan." 

 

Jiyong slams his fists on the table and gets up, staggering to his feet. He's covered from head to toe in numerous gaping wounds and bandages but quickly heads out of the makeshift shelter, despite the protests and exclamations of the elders. 

 

It's pitch black outside and the temperature is chilling him to the bone but he doesn't care. He grits his teeth in pain and begins limping towards the village, sweat dripping from his brow.

 

 

He has to get to you before it's too late. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[HOURS LATER, BACK AT THE CASTLE]

 

 

"Dara!!!" 

 

You jolt awake from your sleep when you hear Jiyong's anguished voice from outside the front gates of the castle.  

 

"DARA!!" 

 

Jiyong? What was he doing here at this hour? The war was over hours ago but your village hadn't expected the troops to be back until next week. 

 

You walk out of your room and down the stairs to the front gates, where the guards are restraining your friend from entering further. 

 

Jiyong looks up at you and his body seems to relax once he sees that you're here in front of him. You are speechless once you get a clear glimpse of him underneath the candelight.

 

He looks horrible. There's bandages covering every inch of his hands and neck, and his face is rough with scratches and cuts. Crimson blood is seeping from the side of his throat, soaking the white bandage covering it.

 

You feel yourself tear up at Jiyong's sorry state but don't allow them to overflow. You can't afford to show him how weak you feel at the moment. 

 

".... You look terrible." You finally say. "Are you sure you should be moving around?"

 

"Me? Rather than me, you-!"

 

"Don't yell. You'll wake the villagers up." You cut him off. He looks astonished at how cold you're being and you turn away from him, not able to bear looking him in the eye. 

 

"Come inside if you want." You tell him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The two of you walk into the castle and towards your dimly lit room. You stand far away from each other, unsure of what to say. 

 

"How're your injuries?" You finally ask softly. Jiyong makes a tch sound with his tongue. 

 

"They're fine. The bandages are what make them look bad." 

 

"Is that so..." You swallow. "And how's Seungri?" 

 

"He's been critically injured. He won't talk to any of us for days." Jiyong mutters. "Makes me wonder what on earth he saw on the battlefield." 

 

"That's worrying." Your eyebrows furrow. "Hopefully he'll-" 

 

"I heard that you're going to take responsibility by committing ritual suicide tomorrow." Jiyong interrupts you and looks at you squarely in the eye. You stiffen but smile ruefully.

 

"Yeah." You try to sound upbeat. "Take care of things for me when I'm gone." 

 

"What-" 

 

"I've come to terms with it. I'm not afraid of dying, Jiyong." It's your turn to interrupt him. "If things had turned out alright, I wanted the three of us to go view the flowers in your orchard..." You chuckle dryly. "But it seems like fate has different plans. Stay by Seungri's side for me too, alright?"

 

Jiyong doesn't say anything and stares at you with such intensity that you shiver. 

 

"Don't make such a scary expression like that. You're already scary-looking enough as it is." You try to lighten the mood.

 

"...You're so selfish." He finally says. You look at him with startled eyes. 

 

"You're probably doing this because you want to be remembered as a hero. Because you'll be written down in history as 'Dara, the ministress who saved our clan by committing suicide,' right?" Jiyong scoffs.

 

"Jiyong!" You say angrily.

 

"But that's the truth, isn't it?" He shakes his head. "You think that once you die, everyone will be alright? Let me tell you something. The ones who live have a tougher time than the ones who die!" 

 

"What...?" 

 

"Making me clean up your mess once you're gone, so selfishly. Try putting yourself in my shoes instead of only thinking about yourself!" 

 

You can feel yourself shaking, your face contorting with rage. 

 

Unknown to you, Jiyong's jaw is clenched with his mind in turmoil, not able to say the three words that he wants to say to you the most.

 

"If you're only here to tell me this, then go back! Get out!!" You yell at him fiercely, hot tears threatening to spill your eyes. Jiyong suddenly reaches forward and pushes you down, making you cry out when your back hits the floor. 

 

"Wait, Jiy-!" 

 

He pins you down with his body and his lips part to press roughly against yours. Your pale arms grip his arm, struggling in his hold. His hand cups your cheek and you shut your eyes tightly, overwhelmed by the hidden feelings that he's conveying through the kiss.

 

Jiyong pulls back and you stare up at him, breathing heavily, with astonishment written all over your flushed face.

 

"You don't understand, do you?" Jiyong says roughly. "Everything's over for the one who dies! The ones who get troubled are the ones who get left behind!" His eyes flash with something between anguish and sadness. "Terrible things like memories remain even after everything's settled, so don't talk of dying in such a light tone. You can't take my memories with you once you die, damn it!" 

 

"I don't want to cause trouble for you!" Your voice trembles as tears finally cascade down your cheeks. "You've been making fun of me for as long as I can remember, never listening to what I say! Someone like you...Someone like you..." 

 

"Deserve to die, don't I? You hate me that much?"

 

"Don't snatch my line, you bastard!" You scream angrily at him and cover your face with your hands. Your whole body is rocking from your muffled sobs and your bottom lip trembles. 

 

This is too much... You mind was all set to die a few minutes ago, sure that once you were gone from this world, everything would be at peace. 

 

But Jiyong has planted the seeds of doubt into your heart. 

 

 

You choke on your convulsive sobs. The tears won't stop no matter how hard you try.

 

Damn this guy for making you start to doubt your resolve again. Damn him....

 

 

 

The tense atmosphere between you two lingers in the air, and every second of silence feels like an eternity. You let out a shuddering breath and wipe your eyes with your sleeve.

 

 

"Dara.." Jiyong's husky voice breaks the silence and a gentle hand your hair. His arms reach out and steadily hold your shaking shoulders.

 

"No, stop..Stop it.." Your voice cracks but you lean into him, trembling from your conflicted emotions.  

 

"That's enough. Both of us should just stop talking." Jiyong murmurs and hugs you tightly, as if afraid that you'll disappear from his arms if he lets go. You feel your eyes brim with tears again because of his sudden warmth and gentleness. 

 

You exhale, feeling his heart pounding next to your chest, and your hands slowly reach out to grip the back of his tattered robes. You bury your tearstained face into his neck. 

 

"I'm sorry." Jiyong whispers. "I...I'm so sorry." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's near sunrise. 

 

You blink your eyes open and sit up from your bed, gently releasing yourself from Jiyong's arms. Usually he's a light sleeper but he doesn't wake up from your movement. He must have been so exhausted ever since the battle was over. 

 

You put your white robes back on and slowly walk up to the window. The sun is peeking out from behind the mountains, staining the sky a foreboding blood red. 

 

You tremble when you see that the lights are on at the top tower of the castle. The room where your honorable suicide will take place in a few moments. 

 

You won't lie to yourself. Truthfully, you're scared...terrified of dying. But it must be done, for the sake of your clan. Someone must claim responsibility for the bloodshed in place of the lord, and that someone has to be you. 

 

You look at the peaceful sleeping form of Jiyong and walk up to the bed again. Crouching down, you feel a warm sensation seep into your whole being as you stare at his closed eyes. 

 

You love this stubborn man. You love him so much, it rips your heart apart not to be able to have any more days with him. Just when you've come to realize your true feelings for each other, your time in this world had run out. 

 

Fate is cruel. 

 

You swallow to stop yourself from crying and kiss his forehead. 

 

"Thank you..for everything. I love you." 

 

 

 

With a final whispered farewell, you stand up straight and steadily walk out of the room.