26 January 2016, 11.45pm

I kinda figured out that instead of holding in all my feeling and anger I should probably have them out of me, out of my mind. It gets too much and too crazy up there sometimes, today just happen to be one of those days. The problem with being someone who is always seen to be carefree, living the life, doing crazy stuff, laughing my heart out is that people never think about you having your dark side, your bad days, you being weak. In their eyes, you will always be undefeated. But I'm still human. I do go through ty days and terrible times.

You would think that someone with a personality like me would probably have a nation full of friends. It's usually the opposite. The y thing is that you will always be there for others when they need you and when it's you who need them, is either you have no one to turn to or that you don't know who to turn to. They say 'New Year, New Everything'. For me, it's more like New Year, New Chaos. I hate the noisy places, noisy people or unnecessary loud noises. I prefer calm and peaceful place. So whenever fighting occurs at home, I would usually opt to go out for a walk or ring up my best friend to hang out at the park nearby.

I choose to stay at home and that was the worse choice I've made today. There was so much fighting, quarreling, hurting words thrown everywhere and it adds on to the chaos that had accumulated up there. It has been awhile since the last meltdown. I hate having m