STRANGER

“Now, as we stand three feet apart and stare at each other, I feel the full distance that comes with spending so much time apart, a moment filled with the electricity of a first meeting and the uncertainty of strangers.” 
― Marie Lu, Champion

Three hundred and sixty-five days after he was discharged from police duties, he found himself leisurely sipping his Americano in the secluded Bloom & Goûté Café he found while he was enjoying a walk at Apgujeong.

He had his camera with him of course and had his overused black cap on, just in case he’d attract attention, not that he didn’t want any. But Tuesdays were pretty important for him not because of a meaningful reason but because Tuesdays are his days off from the public eye. It gave him time for himself and for his family and today was no exception. His mom had gone back to Mokpo to meet up with some of her friends, leaving him with his hyung who wasn’t really interested to go out.

So he made up his mind and went out to walk by himself.

Today was, by far, an interesting one as he was strolling around and looking for different coffee shops. He didn’t take his usual walking route but had rather turned left in a nearby street and found a quaint café in a small alley.

He had thought it was an eccentric housing unit at first because the building looked really homey. The outside brick walls with potted plants randomly lined up around the building front and along the window panes piqued his interest and had given him that feel initially but when he had looked to the white-painted brick walls that had the shop’s name, he realized that it was indeed a café and he right then decided to give it a try.

****

When he walked inside the café, he was greeted very warmly by the servers as he made his way to the counter. The lady behind the register seemed too eager to serve him and he cannot help but blush a little when the lady’s other co-worker had put an arm around her and had confidently told him, “Get your own lady. This one is mine.”

He apologized with a little smile on his face before saying, “I have no luck with the ladies, don’t worry.” The other guy laughed and told him it was quite hard to believe. He didn’t say anything in reply but had instead ordered a cup of Americano and a slice of Chiffon, this strawberry cake they had that looked tempting enough to eat.

Apparently, the couple behind the register were the owners of the store and the man must’ve felt sorry for him and had even told him his drink and his dessert were ‘on the house’ when they heard him implicitly say that he is single. He thanked them, for the food of course, and had gathered up the courage to ask if they would allow him to take photos of the café’s interior. He told them taking photos was a hobby of his these days and it would be such a waste if he won’t be able to preserve the beauty of it in his pictures.

The couple just smiled at him and told him to feel free and he had promised he’d come back again to give them printed copies of the photos. They were rather delighted with his suggestion and had all but told him that they’d wish by the next time he comes, he’d already found a woman with a soul as akin as his.

He silently laughed and shook his head as he backed his steps to take a photo of the couple before resuming on taking different photos of the flower and cake shop in his DSLR.

They were wrong, though. He thought. He had already met the woman with a soul as akin as his.

I had met her…fourteen years ago today.  He thought, exhaling a heavy breath, trying to compose himself. Fourteen years ago was a long time in the past and that is where it shall remain...forever.

*****

It took him about quarter of an hour to scurry and do his ‘business,’ clicking away his camera button from the flower shop on the ground floor to the basement and mezzanine areas of the café. He was tired by the end of it, but very satisfied because he ended up taking good shots of the café’s cement and brick walls, wooden chairs, circular tables and flower displays.

Now, he was there, sipping his Americano and looking so smug as he swiped to the left on his camera’s screen, seemingly looking for bad shots to be deleted. For him, all his shots were good because they were all taken from his heart.

And that was when it happened.

This clumsy person was walking up the stairs when she suddenly lost hold of the potted plant she was holding. He was seated at the far end corner of the café and he suddenly sprang towards the girl to help her with the broken pot. But in the middle of doing so, he stopped, his body like a carved statue as he realized who the girl was. 

Without any word, he went back to the table and took a big gulp of his coffee not because it needed finishing but because he needed to calm down his nerves.

‘No way... It is really her.’ His mind said after a long minute. After almost three years of him not seeing her…There she was.

Sandara Park.

His ex.

What a frightful coincidence, he thought as he blinked, making sure that he was seeing the right person at this wrong point in time.

****

30 MINUTES LATER

He has always been told that it was rude to stare and eavesdrop but for the past half hour, that's all he'd been doing.

After the slight mishap, he saw her go down quickly to approach the owners and he heard that they immediately (and loudly) told her it was no problem at all but that she should've listened to them when they told her to leave it there with them downstairs where the flower shop is and just pick it up once she's done with her having her coffee.

'She probably replied she didn't want to inconvenience them by having them watch over it. She was persistent, after all.' He had muttered, surprising himself. It has been quite a while to have talked, even to himself, about her and he cannot help but feel the rush of memories it suddenly evoked within him.

“I…I didn’t want to bother you, that’s why.” He heard her tell them and he sat there shaking his head a little for knowing her response.

And in that moment…that was when he knew.

That was when he knew that at this point, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself—not even if he didn’t want to—from watching her with the eyes of an observant and sharp hawk.

His eyes had wandered over her lithe frame and he had thought she was still little—but then again, he couldn't remember her being a little bigger ever since he had laid his eyes on her. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she was wearing her mask like a necklace. Most wouldn't take their masks off when out in public like this but before, she had told him she found it rude to talk to people with their masks on.

“That’s just barbaric,” she always said and he remembered her crinkling her nose whenever she says it.

He watched her put the mask back on when she guided one of the employees to where her potted plant laid broken like his heart once was. He saw her bow out of gratitude and had heard her tell the employee to be careful because shards of the broken pot may hurt him.

He shook his head slightly, remembering how she had broken one of his glasses in the apartment before and he had cleaned it up for her. She had reminded him over and over again to be careful so he wouldn’t cut his fingers. Back then, he just smiled at her and assured her it was okay but then he wasn’t looking carefully and he had actually cut his finger. He remembered that she fussed so much after that and this is exactly what he was seeing right now.

His eyes followed her all the way to the opposite corner of the café. He somehow knew she was going to sit near the window to get a view of the outside. He waited for a few minutes before he gazed at her again and he was right when he had thought she’d be on her phone taking a bunch of selcas. It never really changed, after all this time as he watched her try different poses—awkwardly laughing to herself whenever she whips her head around to see if someone was watching her. It was a wonder how she hasn’t seen him when all he has done for what seemed like the longest time was to just watch her.

Which is probably for the better. For both their parts.

When she was done uploading her photos in her SNS, he saw her sighing as she tucked in a stray lock of hair behind her ear. During their ‘friendly meetups’ before, they’d go to different coffee shops or cafés such as this, they’d usually sit at a far-end corner and he’d take photos of her and he’d randomly reach out for her hair when it sweeps away and cover a part of her face.

But what he was seeing now…just right now, when her drinks and food came and the server named her orders, his hand had trembled a little, a cold feeling ran over his back—which was odd because the temperature inside the café was actually warm.

“A fresh cup of coffee with lots of sugar for the pretty little lady,” the server told Dara and she blushed. She had always ordered that ever since he had introduced her to coffee and he was quite surprised that hadn’t changed. Just like he’d never forgotten how she liked consistency over variation—even if she becomes too spontaneous at times. The next sentence of the server, however, had given him that cold feeling, that chill that ran throughout his whole body. “And a cup of Americano and a slice of strawberry cake for the mystery man.”

She had ordered what he just did—it was as if she was ordering it for him. But that cannot be, right? It’s probably the same exact thing her boyfriend likes. Back when he was still working in the force, his other police friends were talking about the rumors of her finally seeing someone. They were always careful around him, though. They all made sure he doesn’t hear because they all had known ‘they’ had fallen out ever since she had stopped visiting him at the station.

She’s probably waiting for him now, he thought, taking his last coffee sip for the day. He suddenly lost all his appetite and made a move to leave when he saw her took a photo of the Americano and the cake. When she finished, she then proceeded to tinker with her phone and he realized she was posting it.

And just like that...he found himself checking his Twitter and for the first time in a long time, he went to her timeline and he found it.

"What are you doing?" He muttered, his finger touching the screen of his phone and rereading her caption.

"Americano and strawberry cake...these two are perfect for a rainy day. The only one missing is the Rain. #whereareyou #imissyou" she had written.

Finally, when he realized what it was he just read, he exhaled heavily as he just stared at the screen of his phone.

And just like that and just right then...every memory came back to him.

It all came back to him. It all did.

The memories...they all came back to him. The way she looked when the sunlight bends over her delicate face...the way she'd blow on her tea before she takes her dainty little sip...the way she would refuse to order any cake but still end up eating more than half of his...and the way she was doing all of it now.

And he didn’t expect it to come back the way it is coming back—like a bomb in its last seconds before it detonates. A ticking time bomb was inside his head and it was messing and playing with him. He somehow knew that any time now, he would take a hit.

And there the hit came.

And the hit brought him so low his hands were shaking. This better not be happening. It took him almost three years to forget everything about her…and he cannot just let this ‘random’ flood of memories encourage him to think this was something more than just nostalgia.

Quickly, he had downed the remaining Chiffon on his plate before he’d find himself take those steps his feet would take him if they’d only listen to that beating vessel between his chest.

No, he would not let that happen ever again. The last time he opened that goddamn door—he got his heart broken and his ego crushed when they had talked about them not being to date like normal people. They were always hiding in cars, in each other’s houses, in any private place they could find and just that one time he asked her if they could eat somewhere public since he hasn’t really been anywhere else except for those food places near the place where he is staying at during conscription. He didn’t know what had gotten her so riled up—she wasn’t usually like that—but somehow, she asked out-of-the-blue asked him if he was unsatisfied with them meeting up like this all the time. He had told her it was not the case at all but that was how it all started. She became quiet after and had gone out with him but it was obvious that she wasn’t really feeling it. By the time she had driven them back, he asked her what was wrong and she said it was just nothing but he was insistent and she had answered him that she had not wanted to go out because she has been out lately. He understood but he also told her that for once, he had wanted them to try going out like normal citizens, not afraid of showing their love.

They had ended up fighting that night, exchanging sides and exchanging words and without really thinking, he had raised his voice and had rambled,

“You certainly didn’t mind being seen with your crew at Disney Sea. And no, please do not interrupt me, Dara. I have a lot to say. I know that I already said it was okay for you to go there since you enjoy those things –everything has been set for you to go to Japan for a collaboration with Bajowoo already and that DisneySea is a stop you could make in between with your friends but seeing your update and reading all the comments about you being with them makes for a possible relationship with Jiyong. Of course we know that couldn’t be because we are together—“

“Hae, that was a group picture…”

“That is not the case at all, Dara. Just last week, you celebrated Christmas with them too.”

“I was with you before that, Hae…” She whispered but he was already filled with pent up emotions that he cannot stop. “Yes you were but you also went to Psy-sunbaenim’s concert after that and had gone to Jeju the day after. I had a concert that day, too, Dara-yah. I had wanted you to watch it.”

“I watched last time too, Hae. You know that. I even went backstage to see you. But you knew I had to leave right away. If we were caught—“

“If we were caught all we had to do was to confirm it. You didn’t have any problems getting caught in Jeju. I saw too many updates from fans on SNS. Omma even asked me why you were there when I visited her.”

“For goodness’ sake, Hae! You knew we were going to have a Christmas party there. I asked you and you said you were okay with it. I told you it has already been paid for. We were invited by him and I had promised to visit Monsant, too. It’s not like he asked me out on a date, Hae. He already paid so much to put together the party and most of the crew I haven’t seen for the longest time were there too, it would be a shame not to go—“

“Granted it was really a shame not to, but really, Dara? Just because of he spent so much for it?”

“It can’t be helped, he is THE G-Dragon, after all.”

“And I am just…Lee Donghae? Is that why you can’t even grant my little request of eating outside with you, my girlfriend? Tell me. How much should I spend and how far do I have to go? All I just wanted was to have to breathe fresh air on a date with you and not imprison ourselves in closed spaces like what we have been doing lately. But you can’t because I am just…just that long-time friend of yours no one even knew about, right?” He had said with resignation.

“Hae…no, no. That is not what I meant—“

“I perfectly understood what you meant, Dara. So tell me…and please tell me the truth. Are you that ashamed of me?”

It was almost three years ago but he remembered her not answering right away. She hesitated and that was enough for him. She had explained about her want of privacy for them and he had argued with her saying he felt that she was being unfair. She had reacted harshly saying he was just acting jealous but it was so much more than that. Rather than telling her he was jealous, he told her what he was feeling right then.

He didn’t want to articulate anymore but that night, they had a very heavy fight. Shots were fired and it was hard to stop them both. They were in his conscription room and were careful not to make any noise but walls have ears and his mates had probably heard most of what they had argued on. The night had ended in tears with her asking him for a break. Time had stood still for them back then and that was when she had turned away from him and left, slamming the door on his face.

They had not talked, she had not visited him nor has he taken any vacation to see her after that and that had signaled, at least to him, that the break…wasn’t really just a break…it was a falling out of some sorts without known reason and it had left a deep wound that pretended to heal.

So now, for obvious reasons, almost three years after…he’s refusing to let the wound open again to save himself such heartbreak.  Because if he won’t…if he ends up taking his time and taking his precious steps to cross that line and walk towards her, then it would be like lifting the lid off Pandora’s box—unlocking whatever is in stored for them, bad or good, after all this time. Would it fly out like sorry moths carrying names of misery, death, and sadness? Or would it plead to be let out like that beautiful blue dragonfly with wings fluttering as it darts across its niche and sprinkles hope to the trail the three evils had left?

There is hope, yes.

But time had its play and now he is not allowing himself to take any more risk.

And so he stood up after that last bite of cake and just left without looking back at her. On the other hand, he had surprised himself when he casually walked to the counter before stepping out and talked to the owners to buy the little lady who broke her potted plant another pot of flowers—not the same one that she bought but another kind—he had picked that lovely ensemble of freshly-picked red roses they had just displayed. They had offered to introduce him to that ‘little lady’, had even offered to play as Cupid for them both but he had declined the offer even before they were done ‘offering’ and when they had asked why he even bothered to buy her a pot if he didn’t have any intention of letting the idea of ‘them’ happen, he just quickly replied,

“Red roses—they’re romance in bloom. She used to really love them a lot.”

****

He didn’t know why he did it, but he just did—giving in to the tiny voice of the blue dragonfly, Hope, that perched in the middle of his thundering chest, telling him that he can’t let the opportunity pass—cannot let the day pass without reminding her that once upon a time and perhaps until now, the only person who knows about which kind of flowers she really likes is…

Him.

And only him.

What a hypocrite you are, Lee Donghae, he tells himself with the realization of what he had just done. “Telling yourself you’ve forgotten about her and giving her that something only you two both know about. Such a hypocrite, you are, Lee Donghae.”

****

 But as often as the sun rises and sets, that little encounter with her had been ‘forgotten’ by him…well, maybe up until he had walked into Bloom & Goûté Café the next week to give the owners copies of the photos he took of the place roughly a week ago.

He ordered the same thing and went to the same table he sat on last time but he didn’t expect to see the same person to be sitting where she sat that last time.

She was there and she had ordered the same thing she had ordered last week and this time, he was literally shaking when he saw her left wrist. She was wearing her watch…the same thing he had planned to wear today but had decided not to.

He knew that look. That look she was sporting right now. It was both weariness and sadness, something that he had always wanted to erase from her when they were still together. He saw her heave a sigh as she sipped from her cup of tea and fiddled with her phone.

He was staring at her every move that he didn’t even realize his order was being served to him already. “Penny for your thoughts?” The owner asked, personally giving him his cup of Americano.

“What? Oh…oh thank you,” he muttered hurriedly, acting like he was a mouse gotten caught while stealing a block of cheese.

“Eyes on the pretty lady, eh? You’re just one of many.”

“I know.” He answered, tearing his gaze away from the said ‘pretty’ lady and shifting his attention to the other person.

“My wife and I want to say thank you for the photos. They are lovely. She wanted me to ask you if it’s okay that we’ll hang those up in the café.”

“Of course! It’d be an honor.” He said, not being able to hide the smile forming on his face.

The owner then scratched his head, as if to say something that Hae had to ask him what the matter was. “Is there anything else…” he asked and the owner quickly answered, “My wife wanted me to ask you if it’s okay to get your signatures on those pictures. That is, if it’s okay with you?”

Hae nodded and laughed, getting the pen and started scribbling. “Here you go.”

"Kamsahamnida. Oh, Donghae-ssi."

"What is it?" 

"Want me to introduce you to her?" 

"Her?"

"The pretty little lady. Sandara Park? My wife thinks you two would hit it off." 

"It's okay. We...we both know each other." 

"Then why don't you go and greet her? You've been staring. I would know because my wife has been staring at you staring at another girl." 

"It's complicated." He explained but the owner just wouldn't let go. "Waeyo? Are you one of those fan boys who got rejected by her?" 

"What? No...no. I'm not one of those." 

"If there’s something you should know, then it’s the fact that she's a regular here. Always ordered the same thing: tea, americano, strawberry cake. Always ordered for two. Always would come on Tuesdays because she says it’s her day off. We’d have other famous people eat here sometimes too so whenever some idol or actor sees her, they greet her. Well, except you, that is. They'd usually ask if it was okay if they sit across her. She‘d always say no. We asked her why one time because we were curious and we sort of are close already. You see those other photos here? They're all taken by her. Which reminds me...I have to get her to sign them too. Anyway, she'd say no to them because apparently she's still waiting for someone. You know how she always orders for two? Said she's waiting for someone else but then again, no one comes. Every single time."

"It's her private life. I don't think it's good to gossip on others."

"I do apologize if