The yearning was freshly scribbled on his precious organ, bound to be printed there forever; it could never be erased; it could never be quenched; it can only be expounded.

It stays forever.

 

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chapter 1 / THE WIND

Luhan stirred from his deep slumber due to the surge of icy breeze intruding through the window of his poorly lit room. He blinked tardily and turned his head to check his wall clock—past 12 am. He looked around his room and glared at the overly stretched glass doors, curtains flying gracefully together with the spirit of the wind. It was too cold that night and he hates the cold weather. It makes his lips chapped, his skin too dry and too pale and his bones hurt badly. Another frozen gust of wind cluttered the curtains and Luhan shook in discomfort. He cursed his luck and his low coldness tolerance. Unwillingly, he pushed his lazy limbs off his heavy comforters and sheets, rubbing his hazy sight as he stand on his wobbly feet.

At that moment he braced his weight up to stand, his fractured foot shot horrible pain in every nerve endings of his body, fast and straight to his core. Still, he forced himself towards the balcony. He must shut those glass panes or else he’ll die out of pneumonia. Or maybe it was something else. Maybe he just want to prove wrong something that the doctors said to him as soon as he opened his eyes on that fateful day. Maybe it was for his heart. To heal his heart and not his foot.

With every step he felt pain shredding his hope and dreams into fine threads and when he was this close to the glass door his whole body collapsed against the cream tiled floor. He screamed out in pain. He cried aloud but nobody came to aid him. Nobody must have heard him. Nobody heard him. Actually, somebody heard him but why would they interfere?

Who am I to be cared for?

More tears fell and he curled into a petty ball, panting for air and swimming in self-pity. The past days came back with a vengeance haunting his worn-out brain.

“Your bone has been crushed badly due to car accident. Our team did everything to regain the normal vitals of your right leg but… sorry. The bones and muscles won’t be able to sustain your current lifestyle.”

“W—What?”

“We are lucky that we wouldn’t have to cut down you le—

“Stop! Tell me… Can I still play?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Luhan but you cannot play soccer anymore.”

“B—But soccer is everything in my life! Th—This can be!”

“Were very sorry.”

“This is… this is all I am now. What do I do now?!”

Frustration pounded Luhan’s cranium. He crawled over the ledge, grasping for the metal bars to pull his perturbing frame up. Then he looked at the dazzling city scape, colorful lights scattered beautifully over the dark tall buildings, billboards and large LED screens overcoming the darkness of the night with its artificial light. And then there’s the full moon together with the stars overlooking the human world. How wonderful would it be if he had conquered his dreams? How wonderful would it be if he could look at this view with his head held high? How wonderful would it be if he could look at himself with pride and admiration? Like how those stars looked so bright before, back when he was still a young boy, shielded by his mom’s embrace away from the evil reality of life. How wonderful would it be if his mom was here? Then maybe despite him having his foot amputated, maybe he had this courage to move on. Maybe he would still have the persevering heart to do soccer.

“Name it and it will be given to you.”

“Really mom?”

“Do everything you want son. This is your life. And it’s yours to live happily.”

“I want to be a soccer player! Like dad!”

“Then be a soccer player.”

His mom’s last words back then. Luhan did not know it would be their last conversation. He was too young, a young boy at the age of five, to understand why his mother was confined in a clean white room with tubes and machines attached to her arms and nostrils, he was too young to understand why he doesn’t have a father like other kids do, he was too young back then to know why he is living alone with his uncaring aunt. Too young back then but now he isn’t,  he is all grown up to understand the beeping sound and the flat line of the life support and that smile his mom gave him, sweet as ever. Luhan is all grown up now yet he still felt unknowing and useless just like when he was a kid. Luhan wanted to blame himself. But then how could he? It wasn’t his fault. Yet he does blame himself.

“S—Sorry.”

The words were caught up in his tongue just like how it sounded back at his mom’s wake, obstructed with fear and tears. Back then all he lived for were his mom’s last words and her smile. But then soccer came and he felt alive. It came and eventually went by. Just like everything else.

Luhan closed his eyes and then he remembered his mother. His mom’s sweet smile covered his heart with warmth like it always do whenever Luhan would reminisce of her. It is too sad that he could only see them in his memory.

“Sorry.”

His tears fell some more and his lips tremble. He held his throbbing chest and whispered to himself an apology. Not for his mother nor for anybody he’s been with. It was for himself. To alleviate his guilt. Guilt because he knew somehow that he has been very weak to just give up like this.

But then who are we to judge Luhan. After all, all human beings are fallible—feeble and pathetic.

Humans cry. Always.

Humans run away. Always.

Humans make excuses about everything. Because deep inside they hope to ease the guilt.

“Sorry. I did well right? But this is the end I guess.”

As Luhan extend his arms to his side, as if he’s a performer on stage about to bow for the finale, the wind blew outrageously, graceful and weeping as if it was trying to speak with him. He sighed then smiled bitterly to himself. He thought.

At least the wind cared for me.

Luhan lolled his weight towards the brim and his frail body followed gravity. He made himself fall over. He did not yell nor pray for help as he knows that nobody will hear him. Nobody will care. Nobody will save him. Who would care for him? The wind?

Luhan found his lips curl up a bit. He smiled out of relief. Or maybe it was because the wind seemed to be slowing down his fall. The air around him seemed to be cradling his broken shell, almost trying to shelter his body from the impact. Maybe falling towards your end just felt like this. He can’t really tell since it’s his first time attempting suicide.

The air seemed slacking and his whole body felt cold and numb. He tried so hard to open his eyes but he can’t. His eyes only see darkness, his ears doesn’t hear anything even his lungs burn as it was getting harder to breathe. He wanted to shout or maybe even flap around but it seems like only his tears were allowed to fall as he fall.

Just then Luhan felt slender caring fingers tracing his cheeks and it almost felt like somebody was wiping his tears. It almost felt like somebody cared for him. He smiled at the thought. Who could it be? The wind?

Luhan suddenly remembered his mother. His brain suddenly popped the idea that his mom was there. His mom’s spirit was dancing through the wind protecting her son. This wasn’t what you wanted for me right? And he could feel the wind gush affirmatively. But it is too late.

I am only human.

As his weight fall, Luhan’s fractured leg unfortunately hit a wooden pole that was edged over a windowsill. His cast felt like it was cracked open and he felt a burst of blood come out his wound. It must be excruciatingly painful but to his joy no pain came. It should be like this. His foot can’t feel anything and Luhan found himself wanting to kick a ball again. He thought.

Could I play soccer in heaven? Wait a minute. Will they accept me there? I took my own life. I want to end my misery right here and then… So I took my own life. I wanted an easy way out of my desolation. So I decided to take my own life.

I wanted to die. So I jumped over. But then… why am I feeling like… this isn’t what I want. I want to play soccer.

Humans are impulsive. And that’s why we die so easily.

“I want to be a soccer player! Like dad!”

“Then be a soccer player.”

“I will!”

“Luhan, listen to eomma. I want you to realize… that your life is beautiful.”

“Beautiful?”

“Yes. So, whatever happens please be brave and just take a step forward.”

What am I doing?

Luhan felt his heart racing swiftly catching up with his body’s velocity. He feared it. He feared dying like this. Dying like a wretched pathetic human being he is. How could he waste the life that his mom has given him?

Mom gave birth to me not to die lonely and alone but to live happily. Who am I to take my life like this?

I can’t die like this.

Because whatever happened, whatever happens, eomma told me that my life is beautiful.

Luhan gasped and he tried to yell but his throat seemed to be constrained by the wind. Suddenly recollections about his young age pinched him awake. Those sunny days and rainy days. Those smiles and frowns. Even the simplest of things that made him feel alive. Those bleeding bruises his aunt blessed him. Those affront and insults from the people. The empty holes his persona bear. Even these sad slices of him made him feel alive. His twenty four years weren’t perfectly all happy—gloom and anger would come by. But it was a part of life. Everything was a proof that he is living. And soccer. Why should he believe what others say? He could still do it. He knows. Somebody was telling him softly. Like a Godly voice resonating in his eardrums, lightening up his heart and soul.

Name it and it will be given.

And then he said to himself.

“I don’t want to die!”

Just then Luhan felt a strong pair of arms wrapping around him and a wide warm chest met his cold tear drenched face. He inhaled the manly musky scent and he heard the fast beating of this human’s heart. Somebody was hugging him as he fall towards his death. Who could he be?

He opened his blood shot eyes barely and there he saw feathery shiny wings covering his cold body. He blinked and then he saw the bright full moon overcasting them. The being shifted their path and then they were flying up. Luhan felt a glint of bliss. He was flying up and not falling down. He’s alive.

It’s beautiful.

The being flew faster, startling the delicate limbs of Luhan. He shut his lids tight and clasped his arms over the being’s back. His brows quirk when he felt a strong pair of wings attached to his saviour’s back. Luhan thought he must have felt afraid, alarmed, or stunned but yet he didn’t feel any of those. The creature is absolutely something beyond the world he knew but yet he didn’t felt intimidated or something of like. All he knew was that this creature saved him.

“Oh God!”

They flew towards the right wing of the hospital building recklessly, again painting a slight jolt on Luhan’s face. But then Luhan heard his savior’s first words to him. His ears felt pierced by the phrases that were buried within the resilient jet of the wind. A string of words that he longed to hear. A deep earnest voice which he dreamt of ever since.

“Don’t worry. I’m here for you.”

Luhan opened his eyes at once. This time his eyes met the bare chest of his saviour, where he saw a beautiful patch of black ink, decorating the bare skin with curves and strong edges. It looked like a ball of wind.

Beautiful…

Luhan wanted to lay his cheek over the warm white flesh and so he did. He heard loud steady thumps and he felt himself being calmed, like how his mom’s smile does to him. Luhan inhaled deeply the scent of his saviour and he felt protected, safe like how his mom’s embrace does to him. Luhan held onto him tight like he would never let go. And to his luck the being did the same. He hugged Luhan just as tight like the being never wanted to let go.

Luhan stayed quiet and serene for the rest of the ride. Next thing he knew, they were lying on a cloud. Not. They were floating high across the sky. The city looking tiny and destructible in between his swollen foot.

“It is beautiful up here…”

Luhan finally realized that and his heart skipped off its place. He screamed as he was totally afraid of heights.

“God! Put me down!”

“Calm down human.”

“No! Are you trying to get me killed? I will fall! I will fall!”

Luhan yelled at him as he punch the hell out of his saviour’s chest. But instead of going down nor stopping Luhan’s fists, the being trapped Luhan within the heat of his arms and wings. He hugged him like it was the only thing he ever wanted.

“I won’t let you fall.”

Luhan heard him say passionately. Oddly, Luhan gradually eased himself. Just by hearing him Luhan could almost feel his care and affection towards him. It seemed crazy and absurd but Luhan felt it. He feels that whoever this creature is, he cares for him. The way he talks to him, sweet and tender, the way he hugs him, tight and warm and the way he flies him towards the clouds, bringing him closer to the stars above, to where his mom might be. Every drop of his affection was heartfelt.

Luhan had this strong urge to see him; whoever this creature is; whoever he is that cares for him. He wants to see his face and so he did. Luhan leaned his head up to see who saved his life.

Luhan’s sight was welcomed by a prince like smile, a widely spread pair of pearly white wings and a pair glinting hazel orbs. His saviour’s façade went sidling within Luhan’s bloodlines straight to his nub. His heart started running and his cheeks felt like burning hot. The handsome winged creature spoke and twines of silent melody followed his deep gentle voice.

“Luhan. I’m here for you.”

“W—who are you?”

“The wind who cares for you.”

 

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A/N

Hello there! Oh! Merry Christmas! 

This is a new HunHan fic. I've been wanting to forge this story for quite some time now. My other fic went into hiatus because I was thinking about this. Kekeke! I hope it'll turn out well.

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JarofKookie