"What's your biggest fear?"

Kibum stopped typing, and suddenly memories were flashing before his eyes. Summer breeze. Late night conversations. Brown eyes. Chestnut hair. Lingering touches. Bright smiles. Soft kisses. And then came the cold nights. Awkward silences. The screaming and the crying. The heartbreak. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Why'd you ask?" He threw a glance at Taemin.

"Nothing. Was just curious. So?"

"I.. am afraid of falling out of love."

Taemin stared at him with a questioning look, obviously waiting for an explanation. Or anything similar.

But how will he tell him that when he was seventeen, he fell in love with a certain Lee Jinki. Lee Jinki with his eyes that sparkle whenever he laughs. Lee Jinki with his radiant smile that blinds Kibum every time. Lee Jinki with his overgrown hair. Lee Jinki with a wonderful voice. Lee Jinki and his clumsy ways. Lee Jinki and his lovely laughter. Lee Jinki with his gentle touch. Lee Jinki.. and his indecisive heart. Lee Jinki and his hurtful decisions. Lee Jinki.. the person who was once Kibum's everything.

"Kibum, are you okay?" Taemin's voice snapped Kibum out of his trance. He noticed that he was shaking and sweating despite the freezing temperature.

"I.."

"I'm here to listen, hyung." Those words took Kibum off-guard.

He faced Taemin. And in that moment he wanted to let out everything he's been keeping inside for eight years. Maybe.. maybe this was his chance to let everything go.

So Kibum took a deep breath before speaking, "Let me tell you about Lee Jinki." And that statement snatched Taemin's attention.

 --------------------

"Jinki hyung!"

"Yes Kibummie?"

"Can I come to your house to play with you? It's so boring at home."

Jinki chuckled. How could he resist that face? "Of course you can Kibum."

"Really? Thank you!" Kibum threw his arms around Jinki in a hug.

And that was the first time Jinki and Kibum's heart fluttered. But of course their four and five-year-old minds still didn't know what that meant so they shrugged it off.

--------------------

"Hyung.."

"Mhmm..?" Kibum sighed.

It was late and Jinki's probably tired since he kept dozing off during the movie they watched earlier. But Kibum's worries were relentless and kept bothering him.

"Kibum, what's keeping you up?" Knowing Kibum for years gave Jinki this magical ability to sense if there's something wrong with the other.

"You're.. going to be in high school soon.."

"Yes, and you are too, Kibummie."

"Please.. don't forget about me."

Jinki sat up and pulled Kibum in a hug. "So that's what's bothering you. Kibum-ah, I promise that high school won't tear us apart. And I'll wait for you to be in high school too! It's just one year.."

"I know. It's just that.."

"I'll still be your neighbor. We'll still have our weekly sleepovers and movie marathons. You'll still be my best friend. So calm down okay? You won't lose me. Not now, not ever."

"Pinky promise?" Jinki pulled away frim the hug and saw Kibum sticking out his pinky finger. This made Jinki chuckle. Just how could someone be this adorable?

"Pinky promise."

--------------------

"So Kibum! How are you handling high school?"

"It's good. People are okay. Hyung, don't worry. It's been more than three months since I started high school. I'm doing fine. I'll ask you for help whenever I need it okay?"

"Okay!"

--------------------

"Choi Minho!"

"Kibum why do you have to be so loud? It's too early in the morning!"

"I have a problem."

"I don't care!"

"I may or may not be in love with Lee Jinki."

"What?! How.. the hell did you come up with this conclusion?"

"I saw him yesterday with that guy, Kim Jonghyun. They looked like they were having a good time. Jinki's smile was blinding."

"And.. you were jealous?"

"At first I thought that it was because my best friend was with someone else. But then that dino kept touching his hands and he kept fluttering his eyelashes and was obviously into him. It infuriated me!"

"So that's how you finally admitted to yourself that you're in love with Jinki?"

"Yes."

"You're ridiculous."

"Am I?" "

Absolutely."

"Why?"

--------------------

"Jonghyun-ah."

"Mhmm."

"Should I ask him out?"

"Why are you asking me that? How am I supposed to know the answer?"

"I don't know!"

"Just go with it, Jinki."

"What if he doesn't like me though?"

"Mhmm, let's ask a reliable source then~"

"Reliable source? Who?"

"Choi Minho?"

"And may I know what's your relationship with him?"

"We're dating."

"Dating?! Why am I knowing this just now?"

"You never asked!"

"You never said anything!"

"Whatever. So, should I ask?"

"Go ahead."

In every passing second, Jinki's anxiety grew. He wanted to smack Jonghyun because there he was, being lovey-dovey with Minho while Jinki was dying of nervousness.

"Oh Minho? I wanted to ask something~"

"Nothing important really. But I was curious. Does Kibum, by any chance, likes Jinki?"

And there goes Jonghyun's expressions. From the shocked face, to the blankness, to the smirk that followed. Jinki was nervous.

"Thanks, baby. Bye."

Jonghyun approached Jinki silently with a smirk. Damn Jinki really wanted to slap that smirk off his face. It was bringing him anxiety.

"Jjong..?"

"He's totally fallen for you, hyung."

--------------------

"You know, we should totally thank Jonghyun hyung and Minho."

"Why?"

"If it weren't for those two, we wouldn't be together."

"Yes, I know. But they're also a pain in the . They haven't stopped teasing us since we got together six months ago."

Kibum chuckled, "It'll eventually stop, you know?"

"Hmm.. So how should we thank them?"

"Double date?"

"Sounds nice."

--------------------

The two were having a movie marathon at Jinki's house. Part of their weekly sleepovers.

"What flavor of popcorn?"

"Caramel."

"Cheese?"

"No. Caramel."

"C'mon Kibummie, please?"

"Caramel~"

"Aish. This kid. Fine."

Kibum pecked Jinki's cheek, "Thank you, love."

And as he was about to walk away, Jinki pulled him back placed a kiss on his lips, "You're a brat," he said with a smile.

"You still love me though."

"I do."

--------------------

"Kibum, can we not go? There's way too many people."

"It's a party, Jinki. Of course there' be a lot of people. Don't worry, I'm here."

"But.."

"Come on, hyung. I promise I won't leave you."

"Please?"

"No can do."

Kibum held his hand and pulled him to the door, "You can do this."

And of course Jinki smiled at his boyfriend's efforts and adorable persuasive ways.

--------------------

"Hyung, where do you plan to study for college?"

"I want to go to Seoul University. You?"

"I.." Kibum stopped. How is he going to tell him?

"Japan?"

"Yeah."

"Don't."

"Jinki, this is my dream. You know that."

"I know. But Kibum.. don't leave me."

"I'll be back during breaks. You can always call me. There's video calls and voice messages and everything."

"But still! I wouldn't be able to feel you presence, your smile, your warmth.. You.. It won't be the same."

"Hyung.."

"I understand that this is your dream. But can't you consider the thought of staying here, with me?"

"It's still a few years ahead. Let's not talk about it."

"Kibum-ah."

"But my decision's still the same. I'm sorry."

"I understand. I just don't want to lose you."

"You won't. I promise."

--------------------

"Hyung, your relationship seemed great."

"Taemin, things change. Feelings fade. People walk away. You have to understand that."

"He..?"

"After a year and half of being together, things started to change."

--------------------

"Hyung, can we get ice cream?"

"Kibum, it's too cold for ice cream."

"But back then we didn't care if it's too cold for ice cream."

"That was before, Kibum."

"Hyung~ please?"

"I said no!" Kibum was surprised with Jinki's sudden outburst. "Jinki, are you okay?"

"I want to be alone."

And just like that, Jinki turned his back and started walking towards the opposite direction, alone.

--------------------

"What movie should we watch?" Kibum was hurt.

The change in tone of Jinki's voice was enough to break his heart. He wondered what happened. Where it went wrong. It was like, all of a sudden, things changed and they were no longer the same.

"Love Actually, is that okay?" Jinki didn't answer, so Kibum assumed that he heard him.

He went to the kitchen to make the popcorn. Cheese flavored, just so he could appease his boyfriend. He didn't like what was happening, so he had to do something.

"Here are the popcorns~" Jinki wordlessly took the bowl and started munching on it.

Kibum looked at the television to see what was playing. Transformers. It wasn't Love Actually. And Kibum was hurt, again.

--------------------

"Let's eat at that five star restaurant down the road."

"But, it's too pricey."

"It's alright."

"Can we just eat somewhere else?"

"Where then?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly. Why did you have to say that if you didn't have somewhere else in mind."

"Sorry, hyung."

"Whatever."

--------------------

As Kibum went into Jinki's room, he saw him on his desk typing away on his laptop. Kibum sat down on Jinki's bed, excited smile radiating on his face.

"Hyung!"

No response.

"Hyuuungg!"

Still.

"Jinki hyung!"

No.

"Hyung." Kibum poked his shoulder.

"What?!" Agitation was evident in his voice.

"I just.. wanted to say.."

"What do you have to say? Why is it so important that you came here, while I'm doing my report, and frustrate me to no end?"

"Hyung.. I'm.."

"Stop! Let's stop!"

"Okay, I'll just go and tell you this some other time. You're clearly busy. I'm--"

"No Kibum. I mean, let's stop. Let's end this."

"What? Why? Hyung.. you're.. you're just tired. I'll go. Please don't be like this."

"Kibum.. I've thought about this already. We were great while we lasted. But I'm already hurting you way too much. And you're still my best friend. So, I'm ending this."

"Hyung.."

"Things have changed. Your once endearing qualities became a distraction in my busy life. And I, somewhere down the line, fell out of love."

"Hyung.. please. You told me, promised me, that I won't ever lose you."

"I know. I'm sorry. But I still care about you. And so I'm letting you go. I don't want to hurt my best friend anymore."

Kibum was sobbing hard. He knew this day would come. But it still pierced his heart deeply. He stood up and pulled Jinki with him. There they were, standing in the middle of Jinki's room.

"Kibum-ah.. don't cry."

"How could I not cry when this is hurting me badly?"

"Listen to me, Kibum. I am doing this for you. Before I was your ray of sunshine. But now, I am simply toxic to your existence. Kibum-ah, I don't want to let you go. But trust me when I say that this is for the best. It will hurt both of us for a while, but I know we can move on. We will move on. I just.. I don't want to hurt you anymore. So I'm letting you go."

Kibum pulled Jinki in a tight hug. And for a moment, he didn't want to let go. He loved him too deeply and now he don't know what to do anymore.

"Jinki, can I kiss you? One last time?"

And he did. The kiss was soft, like holding on for so long, but slowly letting go. And that was when Kibum realized that Jinki was right. This is for the best. When they pulled away, Kibum was the first to talk.

"Hyung.. Please don't forget me."

"I won't. I promise."

"You also made a promise back then, but look at us now," Kibum chuckled bitterly.

"I'm sorry."

"Bye hyung."

--------------------

"Kibum hyung.."

"Taemin-ah listen. You have to know that change is inevitable. And this will hurt you. But you have to accept it. Because this will occur repeatedly in your life."

Taemin nodded in understanding.

"And why am I scared to fall out of love? Because I don't want to hurt another person because of my feelings. And also, maybe, I'm afraid of the idea of falling out of love. That your lover's stubborness and one track mind which you once adored is now another distraction in your busy life."

"I understand."

At that moment, Kibum felt light. Like all those pent up emotions and thoughts were finally free. He could finally breathe.

Then suddenly, a phone rang.

"Tae, pass me my phone please."

"Here."

Kibum glanced at the phone number. "It's an unknown number."

"Answer it." Kibum shrugged. What could go wrong?

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Kibum? Kim Kibum? This is Lee Jinki. Would you like to meet?"

"Goddammit Lee Jinki," Kibum muttered.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it's been six months. i'm sorry. i was just so busy. so here~ hope you like it :)

comment below lovelies~