Day 1 – 1^st Monday

What up, it’s your boy J-Wang coming to you from Seoul. Okay, let’s get to business. Joined a new gym. My personal trainer thought it would be a good idea to keep this log of my time working out there, to “unite my body and inner thoughts” or some like that. Anyway, the gym is pretty nice. Nicer than the one I went to in Hong Kong. There’s even a pool, so it’s kind of like a fitness center thing? I don’t know. I’m not using the pool, so I’ll call it a gym. You can see right into the pool area from this huge window in the workout room, which is sweet. There’s no fencing equipment, though. Like, hello, that’s what I’m here to train for. I guess fencing’s not as popular in Korea? Oh well, I can do the actual fencing part with the little brats I teach, or in my apartment. The neighbors might not like it, but excuse me, did you think I didn’t hear you last night? And the night before? I’m getting off topic. Oh yeah, there’s this really awesome bicep machine at the gym. I was on that for a while, but it was right next to the treadmills so that was kind of annoying. The guy on the treadmill kept sweating and I was worried his sweat towel would fly on me or something. I’ll have to actually wear my snapback forwards next time, like an umbrella. Sacrifice a little bit of my gym fashion, but I don’t want someone else’s sweat on me. Okay, have I written enough now? Are my mind and body connected? You know what, I’m just gonna stop. Wang Swag out.

Day 2 – 1^st Wednesday

It rained today. Good thing the gym is inside, seriously. Do outside gyms exist? My clothes were all wet before I went in; it looked like I just got out of the pool. I should have brought a real umbrella. Just saying, I look like such a loser walking into the gym alone. There are all these guys around chest-bumping and spotting each other and discussing their favorite Gatorades and there I am, a true bachelor in life, lonely tears falling when I sweat so people don’t notice. I’m kidding. Kinda want to bring Toothpick Legs with me, but that kid’s so tiny he would pick up a dumbbell and both arms would break. At least I’ve got some good old organic tea to keep me company. It’s really macho, I swear. Also, treadmill guy was there again and he fell today and that was hilarious, not gonna lie. I laughed really loud. I don’t think he noticed, but his friend (see, even he has a gym friend) on the next treadmill over glared at me and then started whispering to the one who fell. Which was rude because then I got distracted and had to start my whole set over again. Geez. Actual training is pretty sweet, though. I’ll totally get the next trophy possible, make it into the Olympics, win gold, and then get really ing rich and be set for life. Sounds like a plan to me. –Jack$on

Day 3 – 1^st Friday

I think I’ll hit the gym four times a week. Maybe three, I don’t know. I ate a lot yesterday, so maybe four this week? Weird thing: treadmill guy and his friend have been here like every day that I’ve been here. And I didn’t really notice it at first (go ahead, call me oblivious) but treadmill guy always looks out the window into the pool area and makes noises that sound like he’s just been wounded in battle, and his friend reaches over and snaps his sweatband to make him stop. Those dudes are weird. Anyway. Weight-lifting is good. A nice break from the treadmill area where I don’t know what the is going on. I’ve definitely got the attention of some lady gym rats, not that I pay any attention. They only like my biceps. And I’ve got to admit, this little journal thing is kinda neat. Has it united my spirit and body? Not sure yet. But I feel like one of those Jane Goodall type people, getting to do what I want (work out) and observe people in their natural habitat. It’s basically an Animal Planet show. Bamz comes over to my place sometimes and helps me with fencing—not that he knows anything. He just likes wearing the helmet. Seriously, though, this is the most I’ve trained ever. I’m starting to feel it, too. I’ll probably be sore tomorrow. C’est la vie. –Jacky

Day 4 – 2^nd Monday

I’ve belonged to the gym a week now. I mean, I haven’t gone every day, but I like it. I was on the machines a lot today. You know, like the one by the treadmill. Gotta keep those arms lookin’ good. Okay. That’s pretty much all I did the whole time. –J-Flawless

Day 5 – 2^nd Wednesday

It’s been five days. This is pathetic. I’m just gonna say I haven’t been completely honest. It’s not like I’m lying—I’m not that stupid to lie to a journal probably no one will read. But I haven’t told everything. This is just a journal, though, so I can admit stuff in here that’s embarrassing to admit otherwise. And the part I’m leaving out is that the blond guy on the treadmill—not the original treadmill guy, but his friend—is really ing hot. It’s cruel, actually. Especially when he takes a drink out of his water bottle and I kind of want the water bottle to be my di Never mind. At first, I thought it was because you know, when you work out, your testosterone gets pumping and all that. But then I remembered I failed biology in high school. As soon as I walk into the gym, I can spot his hair from the doorway and it makes me want to run over there and act like I’m working out while flexing extra hard. Okay, I know what you’re thinking: “The Wild and y King Jackson, gay?? Impossible!” Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. But it’s just…Alright, I’m gonna try and describe this guy like they do in girly teen novels so you can understand why I think he’s hot. So he’s really skinny but probably has sick abs. He might be taller than me, but that’s a guess (NOTE: I am not saying I’m short. It’s just not hard to be taller than me. That’s the main reason why I’m friends with B-Money is because he’s shorter than I am. Kidding, of course.) His hair is swoopy and looks like he got glue in it and then dumped a bucket of sand on his head. But it’s nice and I want to smell it. The guy has kind of a resting face, though. I saw him smile at his friend once and it was really cute, honestly. His teeth look like a horse’s who wants to be a vampire but they’re pretty. And sometimes when it’s colder he wears this yellow donut hoody and if that’s not adorable, you’re blind. God, I hope nobody reads this. Or asks me to describe anything else in the future. I don’t know, I think I’m screwed. At least, I want to be. Damn. Someone send me to the deepest circle of hell. –Wangster.

Day 6 – 2^nd Friday

I guess this should be a day of congratulations (haha, you’re hilarious Jackson), and I think it just might be. I was by the treadmills again (Now you all know my filthy secret) and the one guy (not my guy) started breathing really hard and stopped the treadmill. Again, he was super sweaty. Gross. So the blond one (my guy) said, “Jinyoung, maybe you should take a break for a few minutes,” and I swear I my pants ‘cause his voice was so y. I’m weak. I don’t think he’s ever talked before. He must be the quiet type. That’s hot. Anyway, the sweaty guy Jinyoung was breathing super loud and annoying, like excuse me I’m trying to eavesdrop on your friend’s voice, and then was like, “Yeah. I’ll go to the pool for a while,” but he didn’t look sorry at all. How did such a good-looking guy get stuck with such a friend? So he left, then it was just my guy. Now I’ll have you know I’m a pretty sociable person. Naturally, I had to introduce myself. This is a direct transcript of our first conversation:

Yours Truly: Your friend left you?

Babe: Really confused and not sure if I was talking to him, Uh, yeah. He hates running, but loves

            one of the lifeguards.

YT: Aw. What about you? Do you like running? Or one of the lifeguards?

Babe: Shakes head.

YT: I’m Jackson Wang, by the way. I moved here recently from Hong Kong.

Babe: Mark Tuan. I’m pretty new here, too. From America. Ooooh, a foreign man.

YT: That’s remarkable. (I swear, could this convo go any better? He even smiled.)

Babe: Mark: Rolls eyes, takes a drink really seductively when it wasn’t supposed to be.

YT: C’mon, that was good. So do you only come here for the pool view?

Mark: Pool view? Sure. Not for me, though.

And then we talked for like ten more minutes until I decided against my better judgement that I should probably focus and go lift or something. We have a lot in common, too. Okay, I need to actually write about working out in here or else my personal trainer (sorry if you’re reading this!) is just gonna ask me one day to read the journal I’ve been keeping, which has been looking more and more like a teenage diary. So I was fencing for like four hours yesterday and I don’t really know what else to say. Yeah, I’m training for the Olympics, but I don’t spend all my time working out. I also watch trashy K-dramas with B-Boy and his skyscraper friend, or think about Mark. Okay, that’s pretty recent. I’ll stop now. –J Dawg

Day 7 – 3^rd Monday

I’ve officially belonged to the gym a week, counting all the days I’ve actually been there. So I come in this morning, lift a little bit, all that good stuff, then make my way over to the treadmill corner featuring Mark’s donut hoody, and lo and behold, I actually get noticed. But not by Mark, of course, he was too busy drinking his water ily. Which I was not about to interrupt. Jinyoung, who I have never talked to in all my gym time, says really loudly, “Hi, you’re Jackson, right? I’m Jinyoung Park, but you can call me Junior,” What. The. . “Mark here told me all about you.”

At this point I’m mentally freaking out, but you know I gotta maintain my swag. So I’m like, “Mark can talk?” and I think Mark almost spit out his water. It sure broke the ice though, like damn. As bad as I’d thought Junior was before, with his nasty sweat towel and weird pool-staring thing, we actually hit it off and he seems more like a “D.J. Jr. Fresh” now than a “Treadmill Guy”. He’s not as bad looking as I made him sound either, it’s just because he’s next to Mark all the time. I’m not going to go into another YA romance novel description thing. I’m sure the lifeguard thinks he’s cute, though, especially since Mark said he’d never been into the pool area to outshine him. You know what, it. This journal was ruined a long time ago. I’m not even going to try and write about my body-to-spirit connection because it probably doesn’t exist and also I want to document my still-developing relationship with Blond Beauty. Let’s see how this works. –King Wang.

Day 8 – 3^rd Wednesday

Okay, Swag Jr.’s my new best friend. He’s figured out by this point that I’m thirsty for Mark’s and was all, “Let me get your number, Jackson, and I’ll add you and Mark to a group chat so we can hang out or something” and then he freaking winked at me. So not only did I indirectly get Mark’s number, I also have the potential to hang out with him. As sweet as Junior Juice is, that guy has gotta be so desperate to willingly third-wheel on a date he set up. Anyway, the three of us are going to a burger place tomorrow (I know, so great for guys who hit the gym a lot) and then a movie at Junior Mint and Mark’s place (I’m gonna see where Mark lives), because apparently they live together. It doesn’t really bother me because J Young has that thing for the lifeguard. But then Mark was like, “I’m sure our roommate won’t mind” and whoever this other roommate is had better stay in his lane.

After we did the classic number exchange (I now have a ‘Markiepoo’ and a ‘J Eazy’ in my contacts), M.C. Young whipped out that “I gotta hit the pool” card and left us again. I asked Mark what the lifeguard he was so head-over-heels for was like, if she had a nice bikini bod and all that, and Mark just said, “It’s a guy, actually. Jaeboo, I think? Apparently he has waffle-cut abs, in Jinyoung’s words.” Didn’t think Jamyoung swung that way, but who am I to judge, right? Of course, I had to crack a joke about it. “I bet Junior wants to put some syrup on those waffles, you know?” It was immature and stupid. But it made Mark laugh. And holy he sounded like a chicken who transformed into a dolphin and then got harpooned in the throat and it made me sick in the stomach it was so adorable. When he calmed down, he said, “You’re terrible, Jackson,” but I know ‘terrible’ meant ‘y’. Long story short, I didn’t get anything done today training-wise, but I made Mark laugh. So who’s the real winner here, my biceps? Or my heart? –Wang 3000

Day 9 – 3^rd Friday

First thing’s first, I gotta fill you in on my rendezvous with Mark and JY Piles. So the Bammeister slept was over at my place last night ‘cuz him and his tall baby were arguing about some , and just so you know Queen B is not an early riser. Being the genius I am, I told him to wake me up when he woke up. So that’s why I showed up at the burger place twenty minutes late. Of course, I ordered an organic burger, which Parking Lot made fun of me for but Mark complimented my health. I knew there was a reason I ate ty organic food every day. This one actually wasn’t too bad, though, for western food. I got to hear about Mark’s experience with American burgers, and that was interesting but also gross. Then we went to the Tuan-Park household, and I was pretty nervous, not gonna lie. Their roommate was nice, though, and definitely straight so I didn’t suspect him of stealing Mark from me. I think his name was Youngjae, but I’m not sure because I called him Young Blood or Young Money the whole time. He thought I was weird, but laughed if I made a bad joke. We watched some car movie. I wasn’t a huge fan, but Young&Rich made popcorn and I shared with Mark. Naturally, I went for a handful whenever he did so we could have hand wars. Then Super Junior and I left and when I got back to my apartment, BB Cream was still there. Sigh. He left this morning, though.

Okay, on to today. The three of us decided to make a plan of action for JYP to get some Baewatch, if you know what I mean. I offered to drown him, but nobody liked that idea. I also offered to pants him in the pool and ask the lifeguard for help. That idea was also rejected. Then Mark (he’s so smart, I have great taste) told Park Daddy to wear his glasses rather than contacts, ‘accidentally’ drop them in the pool, then ask the lifeguard to help him because he can’t see otherwise. I think it’s gonna work. With the winning combination of me and Mark (I’ll call ourselves Markson. It’s got a ring to it) to help, he’ll be taken in a matter of days. Maybe weeks, it depends on if Mark and I are as good at match making as we are at lowkey flirting. It really , because I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I like Mark. A lot. Probably too much, because a face like his belongs next to a charming, cute girl. And while I’m charming, I’m not a girl. Which reminds me—I haven’t told B-bomb about Mark. That kid won’t spill anything about his love life (at this point I’ve either assumed he’ll be single for life or he’s messing around with the tall one) so I won’t tell him anything in return. I think he’s suspected something, though, like when we’re watching dramas at two in the morning and I’m texting Mark with a smile I didn’t even know was there. He’s doesn’t want to ask me, I know. He’d probably think I’m a ‘gross old man’ or some like that. Personally, I don’t care—I’m much too concentrated on either fencing or that distracting blond. Okay, I guess I am starting to sound gross. –Blackjack

Day 10 - 4^th Monday

Aw, I really missed Mark and Captain Jr. over the weekend… Just kidding. We hit up a cheap hipster restaurant on Sunday to just chill and prepare for the next day’s (technically today’s) plan of attack. I actually drew a blueprint on a flimsy napkin of where the most strategic place would be to drop the glasses (naturally, the deep end on the left side of the pool where the lifeguard sits according to J. Park. I think I’m really making progress with Mark. It’s like, yeah I wanna kiss him and do y stuff with him, but I also just want to hold him sometimes or cuddle. It’s… new. We’ve been texting a lot, laughing a lot, teasing each other a lot. We’ve started (well, it was me out of desperation and Mark went with it) acting really mushy around Carl’s Jr. to make him ‘jealous’ or ‘motivated’, as I keep insisting. Really, it’s just an excuse to have Mark sit on my lap or put my arm around his shoulders. I don’t just want to talk to Mark all the time, I also want to talk about him. It’s like I’m proud to even know someone as heavenly as Mark. But I can’t tell B². So I’ll use this journal.

That’s another thing. My personal trainer—I meet with him once a week just to see how things are and if I’m on track and all—has been calling me a slacker for two weeks. Guess whose fault that is? And I want to tell him, “Hey, I’m working on my body and my love life right now,” but he’d probably give up on me. He probably already has given up on me; I have been slacking. Every damn time I go to the gym, the only working out I get done is when I want to show off and say, “Hey, Mark, check this out!” and he calls me a dork.

J-Sizzle wore glasses this morning, though, and Mark and I practically had to push him into the pool area to initiate plan “Get Junior a Literal Swimmer’s Body” before we ran back into the gym to watch through the window like doting parents. That was the first time I saw the lifeguard guy, and I don’t really get what’s so hot about him. He has 150 ear piercings and his flip-flops were freaking Bart Simpson. His abs were more square-bubble-wrap than waffle-cut, too. He didn’t even look like a lifeguard. It was weird seeing Jinny Weasly acting so shy. I could tell he genuinely could not see two feet in front of him after Stage One (drop glasses into deep end) was complete, so it took him a while to commence Stage Two. But when he was asking lifeguard man about the glasses, his face was all blushy and they looked really nice together. What was even cuter was Mark next to me, shaking my shoulders violently in a completely out-of-character way, fangirling over how cute they were. At one point I think he said, “Jackson, our little Junior is all grown!” (to which I eloquently replied, “He’s not grown until they , Mark”) and it was good to know he felt similarly; as if we were parents sending their son down the aisle. And after the lifeguard got into the pool with absolutely no hesitation to rescue Markson Jr. from a life of eternal blindness, our protégé thanked him and the lifeguard actually put the glasses on JY Fresh’s face. He also checked out his when he walked away, and Mark and I high-fived. They’d be married in no time. We decided to stop exercising for the day after that because Amusement Park looked like he was going to have a . All-in-all, a productive day, for the wrong reasons. - Wang Hong Kong

Day 11 – 4^th Wednesday

So Jinyoung deserted us today. I’m calling him Jinyoung because I’m pissed at him and also because I’m running out of swaggy nicknames. Give me a break, a guy can only hold so much creativity in his head. And while it’s nice hanging out with Mark alone—hell, it’s more than nice, it’s ideal—things are weird without Jinyoung around. Apparently his excessive loitering in the pool area hadn’t gone unnoticed and the lifeguard kind of had a thing for Jinyoung too. The window he’d been staring out of runs two ways, you know? So yesterday when I wasn’t there but Jinyoung and Mark were, he’d used the opportunity to get cozy with the guy, who I now know is Im Jaebum, as Jinyoung won’t ing shut up about it.

I’m jealous. I can say that in here. Not of Jinyoung or Jaebum specifically, but of the situation. Yeah, Mark and I hit it off, but we didn’t go from strangers to honeymoon stage in a matter of two days. I’ve known Mark for a solid month and we’re still not at that stage. But it’s building up, I can feel it. When he smacks me playfully after a bad joke, his hand stays on my skin for far too long; when I’m stretching or drinking water (oh, how the tables have turned) I can feel him watching me. Not in a creepy way, of course, I mean I watch him too. In a sweet way, that makes me feel like I have a chance.

Jinyoung did apologize to us, after he’d gotten Jaebum’s number. Mark and I had just been sitting with our backs against the window, saying anything that came to our minds about the inner workings of the universe. He looked so triumphant that we didn’t even have the heart to communicate our disappointment. All Mark said was, “Yeah, yeah, just make me your best man.”

To compensate for ditching us the whole day, Jinyoung offered to pay for dinner. Naturally, I couldn’t refuse, so we went to some dive bar after the gym and Mark and I ordered the same thing: whatever was the most expensive. Then Jinyoung, after we broke his wallet, decided it “wasn’t fair that you’ve seen where we live but we haven’t been to your place so I don’t know about you, Mark, but I’m following Jackson home” so of course Mark tagged along. Brilliant, thanks for inviting yourselves over, guys. I got the impression that Jinyoung would be the type to go to someone’s house and raid their fridge. I was right. Then he found out that like everything was organic and spit it into my garbage can. Thanks. They liked my place, though. Except Mark sighed at my snapback collection.

That was around the time when Jinyoung decided to put his tiness on full display. He’d been texting for about half an hour, then got a call from Young Wild & Free that he had to “take outside”. So Mark and I were left super confused and made awkward conversation until he came back in and said, “Hey, Mark, Youngjae needs me at home. Sorry to leave you, but apparently there’s a problem that only I can help him with.”

So that’s the story of how Mark ended up sleeping over at my apartment.

I knew Jinyoung was lying, too. He gives off that motherly vibe, I guess, but there’s no way anyone would need Jinyoung’s exclusive help with anything. Mark without Jinyoung there seemed kind of shy. Like he was bothered by something. We still had a good time, though, playing Mario Kart on my old Wii until 1A.M. I really, really like him. When he laughs and he throws his head back—God, I just want to kiss him. It’s unfair. Right now as I’m writing this, as much as I’d love to be falling asleep in Mark’s arms, he set up camp on the couch and I’m in my bedroom, hoping the next time he stays over he’ll sleep in my bed, next to me. When it’s this early in the morning, I sound really mushy so I’m just going to sleep now. –Jacksonian

Day 12 – 4^th Friday

Holy . Rewind to Thursday morning at like 10 A.M. So I didn’t have to be anywhere in the morning (I teach fencing but not until later) and neither did Mark (he works in retail, which is so cute, but was off yesterday) so I could wake up pretty late. That didn’t work, though, because Mark decided it would be a great idea to use my toaster—in only a tee-shirt and boxers. His bed hair looks adorable, by the way. So I had to be awake for that. And a great thing about Mark that I only learned yesterday: he’s super touchy in the mornings. Like, clingy. I love it. I trudged out into the living area when I smelled toast, and he came right over to me all cutely and said, “Oh, good morning, Jackson. Do you want toast?” and put his hand on my back like we’ve been married 20 years.

Of course, I used this to my advantage. It was right when I gave him an intimate thank-you hug for the toast (complete with a playful cheek kiss) when I heard a “You awake, Jackson? I need some—oh, !” and there was BB Gun, mouth hanging open, making a shocked little squeaking noise. Both of them looked so confused. All I could say was, “Well this isn’t how I wanted you two to meet.”

It was like something out of a movie: BBQ said, “Woah, hyung, you never told me you had a boyfriend!” at the same time Mark said, “Maybe I should leave.” but I had to make everything right. So I started with introductions, “No, BamBam, this is Mark, a friend I met at the gym,” and, “No, it’s cool, Mark. This is BamBam, he’s a freeloader.”

And if I hit it off with Junior (not pissed at him anymore, I just can’t think of nicknames besides his actual nickname), it was nothing compared to Mark and BoomBoom. Seriously, Mark wouldn’t stop going on about how ‘cute’ he was and how ‘BamBam would make such a good little brother!’ And then when Mark finally detached himself from the kid and left (L), Double B would not shut up about how I was so in love with Mark and it was so obvious and how he was sorry for ing. It wasn’t okay, honestly.

I made a point to shoot death glares at Junior all today. He deflected them like a pro, though. Every time he made a snide comment, I dished out some, “Shouldn’t you be in the pool right now?” or, “Don’t you have some merman to attend to?” There seemed to be a mutual understanding between the three of us that Junior had left two nights ago to set me up with Mark. And Mark didn’t seem bothered by it. In fact, he only seemed a bit put off that nothing had happened. So I vowed today that the next time Mark and I are alone, the next time we’re having a moment, I’m gonna make a move if he doesn’t. Because I can’t live like this for much longer. He’s driving me insane. Every touch, every smile, every “Jackson” dares me to just kiss him already.

It that Junior has Jaebum. Neither of us thought our plan would be so successful that Junior can honestly say, “I can’t hang out, I’ve got a date tonight”. And he actually said that today, which was both weird and made me feel pressured to have a feelings talk with Mark as soon as possible.

Oh, I actually got some working out done today. Barnacle Boy came over to help me fence. Which is just him watching me go to town on a wall or something. And whenever I messed up, he’d yell, “What would Mark think about that?!” or “Do you think Mark likes men who are weak?” Not appreciated. At one point he said, “I told Yugyeom and he thinks it’s cute.” At first I was like, “Who the hell is Yugyeom?” but then I remembered I’ve only called him ‘the tall one’ or ‘Yummy’ before. – Michael Jackson

Day 13 – 5^th Monday

Apparently the date went well. Which . Like, I’m happy for Junior, but there’s this tension between Mark and I now. Maybe it’s one-sided, but that’s still bad because it’s on my side. I tried to forget about it, though, by initiating a treadmill race while we not-so-subtly spied on Junior and his lifeguard through the window. I let Mark win. He squeezed my hand when he won, and I felt like I didn’t have anything to worry about. But then I remembered I have plenty to worry about because I’m in the hell-pit known as the ‘friend zone’ and I’m getting dangerously more out of shape every day. –Jackson Sparrow

Day 14 – 5^th Wednesday

There seems to be a pattern of me showing up at the gym, dropping my stuff next to the treadmills, greeting Mark and Junior, Junior making some BS excuse to go visit his boyfriend (they’re not official, but Mark and I know what’s up) and then being left alone. With Mark. Trust me, I’ve invented every gym game possible (including classics such as ‘Annoy Eric the Front Desk Man’ and ‘Hide the Snapback’) to distract myself from this dead-end relationship with Mark.

Remember when I said, and I quote: “the next time Mark and I are alone, the next time we’re having a moment, I’m gonna make a move if he doesn’t”? Well that sure as didn’t work. Because when we got bored and tired and Junior group-texted ‘dont wait up for me u 2 can have fun withdadnjfncilj;ad;f’ we decided to leave and get some food. And we were alone and Mark didn’t make a move, but neither did I. I’m a coward. I’m so afraid of rejection, something I’ve never been afraid of before. Back in high school or even college I wouldn’t care what anyone thought of me. I didn’t live to impress anyone. But when I get dressed in the mornings, I find myself looking in the mirror more, wondering if Mark pays attention to how I present myself like I do to him. And he could literally show up at the gym in a potato sack and I would still love it.

It felt like a date, sitting at the café with him. I knew it wasn’t a date, but I wondered how different it would be if it were. I’ve only been on a handful of dates in my life. Some of them felt like less of a date than that. Which is kind of pathetic. I have three options: up my feelings for Mark and forget about them, confess and put our entire friendship on the line, or keep my feelings hidden behind a really, really good poker face. And I don’t know which one I’m going to do. – J.W.

Day 15 – 5^th Friday

I was playing with fire. A fire that I started via my own lighter. It’s like I’m a pyromaniac at this point. Because after I went to the gym (who wants to hear about that, it’s not like this is a journal documenting my gym time or anything), Junior decided Friday night would be a marvelous night for a second date with Justin Bieber. And he so slyly suggested that if we weren’t going to double date (as if Mark and I were a thing in the first place) we should at least order a pizza and watch movies. How could I refuse when Mark looked at me with those eyes and said, “That sounds nice, Jackson”?

Mark didn’t want to disturb Jae Gatz so we ended up at my apartment. Again. And this time I had no excuse to not vent all of my unmanly feelings to Mark. I made it through the movie, which I was super worried about. Isn’t that like the ‘Netflix and Chill’ culture, that movie-watching gets intimate really fast? We picked a romance movie. Mark’s an ugly crier. Good thing I am, too. We ate a whole large pizza and talked about high school and work and stupid viral videos.

I thought for a moment that I could be content. That if Mark didn’t like me in the way I like him, I would accept the movie-watching and the pizza-eating. Because I didn’t want to ruin it. If Mark rejected me, I’d lose him, and ultimately Junior and everything I’ve built in this short time. We weren’t in a situation where we could go back to being friends when there were feelings involved. We were too touchy, too flirty. So I was really to take the bullet. I really was. And then he was standing in my bathroom, in one of my tee-shirts and his damn boxers, brushing his teeth with a spare toothbrush, making eye contact with me through the mirror. I was so normal. Who else’s bathroom could he possibly brush his teeth in besides mine? Who else’s tee-shirts could he wear? And I didn’t want friendship anymore. If I ruined it, that was suddenly okay. I wanted this—this domesticity, this shared life.

I didn’t mean to wrap my arms around his waist carefully and say, “Mark. I really like you.” It just happened. And it was so ing unromantic because he had toothpaste all over his chin ad he couldn’t even talk with the brush in his mouth, but he sure as hell took his time spiting it out into the sink, only to turn around and say, “I know.” As if it was the most normal thing in the world.

And then it dawned on me: maybe it was. Not as if I’m that much of an open book, but in an, “Of course you like me; that’s just how things are” kind of way. So I caught him by the hem of his/my shirt on his way out of the bathroom and hugged him so tightly and just started laughing. And soon we were both laughing until there were tears (maybe we were laughing because there were tears) and holding each other and one of us managed to get out, “We’re idiots.” I don’t even know who started it, but our lips were everywhere after that. I’ll spare the details for the sake of my dignity. Let’s just say Mark’s teeth-brushing was a waste. It wasn’t the first time I’d kissed someone (I have nice muscles and can do a standing backflip; you don’t need much more than that to impress someone into kissing you in high school. Oh my God, Mark doesn’t even know I can do a backflip and he still kissed me), but it was the first time I’d kissed someone with meaning. With a promise that this can be something. Okay, maybe it was more than a kiss, quantity-wise.

Mark is asleep now. Next to me. I should probably be holding him like I want to instead of writing this, but I’ve gotta keep up with tradition. I’m just gonna put it out there, he looks truly beautiful when he sleeps. I don’t know where that shirt is that he borrowed, but I honestly don’t care. Okay, I’m tired now and I have a Mark to get back to. Now I just have to find a hiding spot in a two-foot radius where Mark won’t wake up and read this. Mission accomplished, though. Mark and I are in mutual like with each other, and maybe now I can really focus on training. But I’m not going to worry about that at the moment. –Jackson.

Day 16 – 1^st Saturday

Hi, Jackson’s journal. Mark here. You did a really bad job hiding this, Jackson. I woke up before you, in your room—did you really think I wouldn’t snoop around? Cute yearbook photo, by the way.

I think I’ll start at the beginning. That second day, when Jinyoung fell off the treadmill and you laughed at him, I wasn’t glaring at you or telling you off to Jinyoung. What I said to him was, “Do you see that guy over there? The one with the hat? He’s so good-looking, help me!” See, I noticed you, too. I was very nervous when you talked to me for the first time. I’m a pretty quiet guy, and some people don’t take that well. Most people, actually. But you didn’t even care. In fact, according to this journal, it seems as though you liked it. Also, I had no idea drinking a water bottle fascinated you so much. You’ve given me so much blackmail material to work with. I really enjoyed your description of me, too. 10/10.

I feel like if I wrote one of these journals, there would be a lot of similarities (minus the fencing talk and the ‘swag nicknames’. Why didn’t I ever get a nickname??). When we started that blatant-flirting thing to ‘motivate’ Jinyoung, it made me feel a bit used, honestly. I thought you knew how I felt and were mocking it. So I tried to take my focus off of that and concentrate on Jinyoung’s love life instead. We were almost too good at matchmaking, wouldn’t you agree? It was kind of pathetic, because we were able to set my roommate up with a complete stranger to him, but kept tiptoeing around our own romantic situation.

That night I spent on your couch, that was far worse than this. For one thing, your sofa is not too comfortable. Your toaster was kind of ty, too. I’ve got to admit, I know I’m clingy in the mornings. There are two men back at my place who can testify. That’s probably why Jinyoung ditched me overnight. When you hugged me and thanked me for the toast, I would have kissed you then if BamBam hadn’t interrupted. Was it wrong of me to be jealous of him at first? I immediately jumped to the conclusion that you and him were in some kind of relationship and he’d just walked in on what looked like you cheating. The relief I experienced to find that BamBam was only your friend was overwhelming. He really is adorable, though. I hope to get to know him better in the future.

This morning when I woke up, I forgot where I was until I noticed your arms wrapped around me. I’d like to say you’re cute when you sleep, too, but it would be a lie. You also snore. I’m sure I’ll get used to it. The whole thing was nice, though, waking up next to someone who makes me so nervous and so happy at the same time. And in case I didn’t say it last night: I really, really like you, too. If your career as a fencer doesn’t work out (which I’m sure it will), you should consider journalism. I think it’s funny how you think I don’t notice your lack of exercise. I didn’t believe you the first time you told me you were a professional fencer, because it didn’t seem like you did much of anything at the gym. I think we got more exercise last night than you did in a month of gym time ;). Also, I hope you were kidding when you said you didn’t want someone else’s sweat on you… -Mark <3

P.S. I can do a standing backflip, too. You’ll have to find another way to impress me.

My first Markson fic. Hope everyone liked it! I don't know much about gyms or anything, since I'm a lifeless potato who sits in fron of my computer all day, but I hope it wasn't terribly noticeable.