‘This is bad, I just told him I was going to meet my sister. What happens when he finds out that I don’t even have a sister, why couldn’t I tell him the truth it would have saved me a lot of pain in the future.’ All of his existence was consumed with self-hatred. He knew he was falling for Jinwoo, and he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop the feelings. It was his flawed human nature he was born broken. Or at least that is what he always told himself. He rode silently in the back of the taxi, feeling betrayed by the sunlight that filtered through the cloud cover above. He told himself he would try to greet Yumi as if she were the world, and nothing else existed. He just wanted to forget his feelings, he didn’t want to see Jinwoo every time he closed his eyes.

Nothing about the Song family was normal, but after the scandal there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t avoid Yumi, call off the marriage and run away. He had to keep being the perfect puppet, letting someone else pull the strings. When he arrived at the restaurant he hadn’t even realized that he had been crying his blurred glasses, and stained cheeks would definitely need some explaining. He quickly paid the driver and ran inside to the bathroom hoping his fiancee hadn’t seen his tear-streaked face. 

  ‘You have to be perfect. Perfect people never cry.’ Minho reached up and lightly wiped away any traces of tears left on his face, and plastered on a smile. Walking towards Yumi he greeted her with a quick kiss on the cheek and sat down across from her. Trying to imitate the happiest person in the world. But everything about it felt mechanical. He felt nothing. No lingering feeling of warmth on his lips. No anything. He had felt more in the brief second his finger had touched Jinwoo’s lips than he had anytime he kissed Yumi. 

  “To what do I owe the pleasure? You look so happy today.” Choi Yumi smiled up at him from her menu. She still felt his lips on her cheek and reached up absentmindedly to touch where he had kissed her. 

  “The sunshine is finally coming out, and that artist I told you about is willing to present at the gala. A lot of things are just going right today I guess.” He flashed another winning smile, but he felt quite the opposite inside. ‘When does anything ever go right. The sun is a reminder of the lack of light I feel inside, and I am attracted to the artist who I might have to work with for the gala.’ He interlaced his fingers together trying to manifest his pain without showing any outward signs of feeling it. He had gotten pretty good at showing the opposite of the emotion he was actually feeling. He couldn’t remember a point in his life where he ever felt genuinely happy. But he definitely remembered all the times where he had faked it. He talked happily with Yumi, trying to pretend like he cared about the caterer she had hired for the gala, or that she had seen the cutest dog walk by the restaurant. He was the perfect machine, smiling and laughing when it was appropriate. As if he was floating above his body staring down at a stranger that had invaded him. If you looked at him from the outside you would see a man who was always in control. The perfect picture of wealth and sophistication. This is never something that he desired. He didn’t care about the money, all he wanted was to find some sort of happiness in this world. To be accepted as who he truly was by the people around him. But he knew this was just a child’s dream that would never happen. No matter how many times he willed himself to throw away these foolish thoughts they only echoed louder in his brain. Reverberating off of the hallow channels until they nearly overpowered him.  

    Jinwoo wasn’t the kind of man to believe in love. His whole life he had been raised through discipline and the need for approval. Love was a foreign concept to him one that he had never experienced first hand. He had accepted that his life would be one that was paved with sorrow and pain just like any of the best artists lives were. What was a painting if it wasn’t filled with dark emotion. There was a time and place for vibrant colors, but these had never been colors that Jinwoo saw. This is why he wanted to cast Minho out of his head, he knew that it was dangerous to even be attracted to him, and he couldn’t afford to let the feelings growing into an unquenchable desire. That day he had gotten customers that stuck around, and actually made a couple solid sales. Sometimes a welcoming attitude really did make all the difference. He didn’t want his newfound emotions to be credited to Minho, he wanted to convince himself that he had found the colors on his own without any outward help. But he knew some thoughts just would never be able to be cast from his mind. Making his way to his apartment complex he felt the unfamiliar vibration of the phone in his pocket. No one had bothered to contact him these days, his replies where cold and distant and where enough to drain the life from someone even countless miles away. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw an unfamiliar number on the screen. 

  “Hey it’s Song Minho, I just wanted to let you know that I would be stopping in tomorrow with a couple people so they could evaluate your art for the gala. We’ll be there around 3.” Jinwoo’s  chest tightened at the idea of important people evaluating his art. It almost made him feel like he was the one that would be put on display. He did his best to hide in the shadows, and eventually it seemed at those he really had succeeded in disappearing. Jinwoo replied with a polite ‘alright, thanks for letting me know.’ Then put his phone away not expecting any sort of reply back. He stopped in to pick up his take-out order and made his way home feeling weighed down. In his emptiness it was easy for him to ignore the crippling loneliness that had built up inside of himself. But now everything came flooding back with staggering pressure that threatened to knock him off of his feet. He wanted to be known, and held, and told that everything would be alright. He didn’t want to hide from emotion anymore but struggle to get back to a life of happiness that he had once had. His lips hadn’t been kissed in years, and he hadn’t had even as much as a simple hug to sustain him. 

  Unlocking the front door he left his food untouched on the counter, and laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling fan as it spun precariously above him in a never ending cycle. He wanted to break free from his routine, he wanted to stop waking up every morning and mechanically carry out his day with little feeling. There was a desire in him to search out life, but another part of him was paralyzed with an unshakable depression threatening to strangle him from the inside out. He closed his eyes trying to silence the war in his head. The never ending battle between emptiness and emotion, each of them calling out to him and pulling him in opposite directions. He felt as though he was being pulled apart, and was always tempted to simply let the emptiness win out as it had every time before. He fell asleep fitfully and melted into a barren dreamworld that held nothing for him to cling to.  

    Minho awoke in a cold sweat, and saw his blood stained sheets from where he had scratched his arms raw in the middle of the night. Sometimes he awoke to the sound of shattering glass and still felt the shards in arms and scratched them in an attempt to get them out. His back no longer had any feeling the glass had severed all of his nerves, but the scars still stood out whenever he looked in the mirror. If they only knew just how imperfect he really was, maybe they wouldn’t be so willing to allow him to carry on the family name. A person can only handle so much pressure before they collapse. 

  ‘I guess that’s what happened to..’ he let his thoughts trail off he didn’t even like thinking his older brothers name and often pretending like he no longer existed. It had been the year of both mental and physical scars. His brother had been 8 years older than he was. At 24 the company was nearly in his hands he was just like Minho. Perfect in every way, but crumbling on the inside. They found him in his bedroom with a needle in his arm and a fading heartbeat. They  rushed him to the hospital and he has been there ever since. 8 years in a coma in his own branch of the hospital. Money can hide a lot of things these days, and he was no exception. He couldn’t cause his family anymore pain than they had already undergone. 

  Pulling on his glasses Minho rose out of bed, and walked over to the bathroom. Careful to avoid the mirror because he knew what would be staring back at him. He got ready in complete darkness only checking to make sure his outfit matched. This had become his daily routine avoiding mirrors, and never wasting more electricity than he needed to. Not like an electricity bill wasn’t a luxury he could afford. Checking his phone he realized he had slept in a little later then he had planned, and countless messages flashed on his screen. The first one was from Yumi reminding him that he had a Tux fitting for the gala, this only reminded him that he was supposed to be married in 3 months and there would be a lot more of this in the future for him. Choking down a coffee he went down the stairs to the garage, swinging his keys in his free hand and opening the car door with his other. He usually never bothered to drive himself places but he wanted more time to be alone before he took Yumi to meet Jinwoo. He knew he would have to introduce her, and he didn’t want to look him in the eye when he did so. He knew that Jinwoo probably didn’t care, and wasn’t attracted to Minho even. Why should another man be attracted to him? He was broken, and pretending to be whole.  

   Jinwoo paced back and forth nervously checking the clock every other second. He had set out all of his best pieces, and had actually taken time to tame his usual bedhead, and threw on a button up shirt with pants that had actually been washed in the past few weeks. He never usually bothered with looking presentable because no one bothered to look him in the eye regardless. Tightening his hands he went to open the door for Minho as he saw him making his way towards the door with a woman. 

  ‘She basically societally perfect. I am just going to guess that, that is definitely not his sister.’ Jinwoo said with a sigh opening the door with the smile he had been practicing for the past few hours. 

  “Hello! Good afternoon Mr. Song, ma’am.” Jinwoo said with a set of bows. 

 “Hello! You must be Kim Jinwoo, Minho has certainly talked highly of you over these past few days. I am Choi Yumi, Minho’s fiancee. Please call me Yumi I have never been one for formalities.” Jinwoo swallowed harshly as she said the word fiancee. He had known it was hopeless and this only confirmed his suspicions. Song Minho wasn’t just straight, he was also very unavailable. He felt his heart sink in his chest but said nice to meet you politely, and gave Minho a curt nod. He showed them around the gallery, not that there was much to see, and Yumi commented highly on Jinwoo’s pieces. 

  “Mr. Kim Jinwoo I am sure Minho’s mother would be thrilled to have a talent like yours displayed at her birthday gala. I can see that Minho’s was not in poor taste, you are a very talented artist indeed. It will be a pleasure to work with you.” Jinwoo smiled kindly at her. He wanted to hate her, but it was nearly impossible. She was perfect in every way, beautiful, kind, polite. She was anything a man could ever want in a women, and he couldn’t blame Minho for loving her. 

  “I really love your newest piece, the ones in shades of blue, and I was wondering if you would be able to make more pieces along the same theme. Making paintings with only one color in different shades? I feel as though it would add that final oomph to the gala.” Jinwoo met Yumi’s eye and told her that he would be happy to. He then looked over at Minho, and saw a sort of brokenness in his eyes that he hadn’t noticed in him previously. 

  ‘Even he is pretending.’ Jinwoo thought to himself, not knowing how to process this information. Not like it changed anything. Just because he was broken doesn’t mean he didn’t love this perfect woman. 

  “I will try to keep you updated, but over this next month I won’t be able to stop by much because of preparations. Of course you are invited to the gala as well not just your art. We will have a tailor sent over to get your tux measurements sometime in the next week. I look forward to seeing what you create.” The words fell out of Minho’s mouth mechanically as if they had been rehearsed hundreds of times before. He couldn’t help but let his eyes trail the buttons on Jinwoo’s shirt to his freshly pressed pants. He looked away not wanting the stirring feeling to invade his chest again. It was warm and foreign, but he couldn’t afford to feel those things. He couldn’t possibly let himself want the empty artist that stood before him. 

  “Thank you for this opportunity. I will try not to let you down.” Jinwoo stared at his shoes not wanting to meet Minho’s broken expression, or Yumi’s over exuberant one. 

  “You can bring a plus one if you want. Just let us know. I can’t imagine a handsome man like you wouldn’t have a girlfriend.” Yumi beamed up at him, and he felt his insides tighten. He never knew how to answer these kinds of questions. 

  “Oh.. haha no I don’t have a girlfriend. I never have actually.” Jinwoo replied awkwardly running his hand through his hair as a nervous distraction. 

  “What I can’t imag… Oh. Well you can bring your boyfriend if you want, I am sure no one would have anything against that. Right Minho?” Yumi said nervously, slightly elbowing Minho as if silently asking him to back her up. 

  “N-no don’t worry about it. It will just be me, I don’t have a partner in my life right now.” Jinwoo interjected not wanting to hear Minho’s reply. It’s not really as though Jinwoo was hiding anything, he wasn’t closeted he was always very open about his uality with anyone who asked. But it was different when you were standing in front of the man you were attracted to.  

  Minho stared at Jinwoo, and felt his heart begin pounding rapidly inside of his chest. ‘He’s openly gay? I have never met someone like that’  this only allowed the pounding to get louder, and he even felt a little jealously pool into his veins. Jinwoo was everything he wanted to be but never would have the chance to. He smiled politely towards Jinwoo and handed him an envelope.

  “This is just a little something upfront for supplies or whatever you will need. There will be a lot of potential buyers at the gala, so I am sure you won’t have a problem selling your pieces. Feel free to contact me anytime if a plus one does show up, you would be welcome to bring him.” With this Minho walked out the door with not even as much as a glance back. Not wanting the beating of his heart to reach a decibel that you could hear. Yumi smiled and said a polite farewell and went to meet her fiancee outside the door.

                          ****Author's note****** 

                 Hi guys! I would just like to thank you all for subscribing to my story :D. It really mean's a lot to me to have this positive feedback. I have been doing a lot of writing lately and I was just wondering if it would be alright to me to fast forward to the night of the gala with only a brief overview of the weeks in between?? Big character developments coming up so you can look forward to that ;). Again thank you so much it would mean a lot if you kept commenting how you like it :3. I hope you have a nice day!