I eyed our cold room, thoughts about you floods my head as I sat in our shared bed. Scratch that as it turned to be my bed and your “DEATHBED”. I turned my head and saw the frame that held our smiling faces together. How ironic, I thought. I said we will be together forever and nothing will keep us apart. I promised it when we were young. But I guess you decided to free me from it.

~~~Flashback~~~

            "Kwanghee…"   I called you but you didn’t budge.

            "Kwanghee come on. Breakfast is ready, the others doesn’t want to wait-"

            I nudged you but you didn’t respond. I held your hand about to pull you up but it felt cold and made me look at you closely. You were white as snow. I know it was not make-up since make-up can’t make you that white all over which made me panic. I started shouting asking for help as the whole dorm was now awakened and began panicking. I called your name over and over again as I tried desperately to wake you up, even hugging your body to make you warm wishing for a miracle that you will open your eyes and say boo. But I know I’m too late. I could not hear your breath which I want to hear every time I woke up earlier than you and the heartbeat that will increase whenever I hug you closer to me. I cried and cried with you in my arms until paramedics came and pried you off me.

Why Kwanghee, Why?

Was all I could think that day.

~~~End of Flashback~~~

            I stood up, went to the living room, and saw our first “GROUP” picture – a picture that becomes a memorial for you. That picture, including every picture we can find from every person you have met, was collated and made into a slideshow in your burial. As your so called bestfriend I was the one who explained when this happened.

~~~Flashback~~~

            The picture was shown on the projector and the speaker nodded to me indicating my turn to the podium. I stood up and went to it. I was hesitant at first but I managed to find the words I need.

            Okay I know many of you already guessed what this picture is. It was our “FIRST” group picture. It was taken when President Shin finally called us in one place and introduced us to each other. I remember Kwanghee said I looked like a soldier that was getting a scolding that day. He didn’t pay attention to what the others were saying as he kept staring at me from the mirror wall at the back of the president nervously thinking how I will react when he said his name. Being the goody boy that I am I tried to memorize the names they say and didn’t realize his stare. When Heechul finished introducing himself, the next person gave me the shock of my life. When he said his name I was totally unbelieving. His voice and personality is the same but I guess because of the you know… I didn’t recognize him at all. I confronted him when it was time to take this picture. I said to him “Is it really you?” He just said in his hyper tone “Yes Siwannie it’s me. Like the change?”

            Which made many people in the room laugh lightly.

            But for me I cried inside regretting the fact that I didn’t recognize my best friend.

~~~End of Flashback~~~

            I went back to our room and walked towards the closet. Inside, I picked up a box carefully hidden in the things inside the closet. It was the box where you put all the small presents, letters and some random stuff I gave you. I opened it and on top of all things there lay a pink envelope with your last letter in it. How clichéd, I thought as you used the same envelope of my last letter for you and used it for your last letter for me.

~~~Flashback~~~

            “Mr. Im Siwan?”  an officer asked me. I just nodded weakly. He handed me a pink envelope. I recognized it as the one I used for my last letter.

            “I found this at the back of a picture frame. I believe it’s a suicide letter addressed to you. I know you wanted privacy but if you can share the contents please do not hesitate to do so.”  He said as I said I’ll think about it.

            I went to our company rooftop, the place where we have our secret barbecues together, to read the letter in silence. The silence of the night comforts me as I hold your letter. With trembling hands I opened your last letter. It was folded neatly but you can see the page blotched with I suppose dried teardrops. My eyes began to water as I read through your letter.

Dear Siwannie,

            If you’re reading this then I guess you already woke me up and my plan worked. Hehe I know it’s not the time to joke around but hey I have an image to uphold. Even in this heartbreaking confession I need to be smiling and I know you find it ridiculous to understand how I could do it. I guess my practice with you helped a lot. You see Siwannie I love you. I loved you more than I should. Not as best friends but something more… meaningful. Something our society today couldn’t fathom yet happening. I tried to hide and control it but the more I do so, the deeper I was in. It only grew stronger especially on the day you gave me our rings. I thought we are going to be together forever even taking the odds but I guess I was wrong. You only see me as your bestfriend, heck you didn’t even realize the change in me especially when you told the whole wide world that you were dating. I’m sorry if this section of the letter was blotched. I guess I’m crying now and my tears won’t stop falling. I just couldn’t accept that you did it. I guess I was too caught up by my own hopes that it blinded me of what was truly happening. But I guess it won’t matter right? I’ll already be dead at this time. I know this is selfish of me but I’ll be wearing our ring to the last minute just something to remember you by. By the time they return it please I ask of you, give it to the person you really really love and never let her go. You can do that right Siwannie? I know you can… please… for me as my last wish for you. And for that to happen, I’m going now. I’m freeing you of your promise and freeing myself too. Live happily for me okay? And take care of the kids for me. Saranghae~~

                                                                                                                                    Your BFF,

                                                                                                                                    Kwanghee

~~~End of Flashback~~~

            I felt weak as my knees start to buckle and the box threatening to fall off my grip. The contents of the letter keep coming back as I tried to hold back the tears. I guess I failed miserably as my tears flowed nonstop. I guess my chest was wet and even the rings too as I felt the coldness of it in my skin as it dangles on a silver chain. It was really a promise ring Kwanghee, a witness that when South Korea can accept a relationship like us I will definitely come running to you. But being the cowardly me I guess I hid its true meaning to you and kept everyone in the dark.

 ~~~Flashback~~~

            “Wangie!”  I called you as I back hugged you.

            “What is it Siwannie?”  You asked looking at my face resting on my shoulder

            “Surprise!”  I said as I held a velvet box and opened it. It held two silver rings.

            “Omo! You remembered our promise!”  You said as you took the rings and put it on you and me

            “Errr… yeah ahehehe”   I sounded unsure as I thought what promise you are talking about. You thought I forgot but I could never forget my one promise with you. The promise that we will be together forever. That I completely memorized like my daily prayer.

~~~End of Flashback~~~

            I waited for a day I could tell you but chance seemed to elude me. But I guess fate played a trick on me? I stood and hid the box again and eyed the pictures of me on the laptop screen. The same webpage you were looking at and it was all with that woman. I wanted to explain it to you, about me having a fake relationship with her. I tried to talk to you but you were so aloof. You thought I never noticed your behavior and shrugged it that you were tired and all when the truth was I was actually waiting for the right time to tell you. You thought that I chose her over you right? That’s why you did it. I eyed the frame of us with our latest picture. In the back of it you put the pink envelope – your last letter for me. I guess I was too late as I never had the chance to tell you. You had it all planned. Me too had something all planned up as I smiled reaching for the bottle that held some liquid to the brim. I drank it all in one go which was probably not a good decision as it was prescribed a tablespoon a meal. I went to your side of our bed near the wall and faced it imagining you were there with me. I cannot take it anymore Kwangie. I know you said to live happily for you but I cannot do it without you. I can’t forget my promise with you because you’re the only one I love and I intend to keep that promise. Ahhh… I could feel it…  I’m coming for you now Kwanghee… not even death can separate us again.

Newsflash~~~~

            Another tragedy has befallen Star Empire’s Popular Idol group ZE:A. It was only two weeks ago that variety’s favorite Hwang Kwanghee committed suicide that another member followed in his steps. This time, his best friend, roommate and one of the vocals of the group, Im Siwan, took the fall and committed suicide at the exact same room Hwang Kwanghee died. At Exactly 7:45 am this morning his body was found

Lifeless…(inaudible report)

Damn or be damned it’s finished

Hope you like it people.