Winner used to be a 5 members group until a great accident ruined their lifes. From 5 to 4, the members couldn’t accept the reality just like that. Right before they got the chance to make a comeback, things went beyond their wildest imaginations.

There used to be Kim Jinwoo in the group. There used to be a caring hyung for them. There used to be a loveable hyung who won’t be angry even when they disturb him. There used to be his trademark Imjado laugh surrounding them. There used to be someone who would laugh no matter how bad the joke was.

Now the chair on the dinning room will be empty forever. The apartment wasn’t as lively as before and the members tend to work alone in their rooms. It was 6 months after their hyung’s death, and it was 26 September, the date when Kim Jinwoo was born.

“Alright guys, it’s already past midnight!” Seungyoon tried to sound as cheerful as he can, trying to give strength to s. They currently sat on the dinning table, surrounding a birthday cake with ‘Happy Birthday Jinwoo-hyung!’ written on it.

“You know hyung, we made this cake together!” Mino said excitedly despite the lack of response from the air he was talking to.

“You used to have headache when you were on duty for the kitchen with Mino, but now he can cook well.” Seunghoon laughed, earning a frowning Mino beside him.

“If you can consider eating the cream as a good help, yes he is.” Taehyun responded, followed by his usual sarcastic-sounded laugh.

They laughed together before the room filled with silence again. Their previous smile disappeared as they lowered their head, didn’t have any intention to look at one another. Finally Seungyoon broke the ice. He put his best smile and clapped his hands together.

“Let’s wish him first before we blow the candle for him.” Seungyoon smiled and was replied with nods.

All of them prayed with hands clasped together and eyes closed. Their wish was same and it was only one. They wanted their hyung to rest peacefully without any disturbance. After a minute they opened their eyes and blew the candle together.

“Happy birthday our Jinwoo-hyung!” They said at the same time.

Seungyoon looked up to check on s’ expression and he could feel his eyes begining to feel hot. “Mino-hyung, it’s not fair. We promised earlier that there won’t be any crying.” He said bitterly at Mino who was crying silently, tears fell on his cheeks.

“I-I’m sorry. I just remember how we used to celebrate his birthday with him.” Mino replied, trying hard to swallow his sobs. “How we would hug him afterwards and how we ate together. I—” Mino stopped talking when his voice cracked and he looked down.

Mino always felt the closest with Jinwoo. He could remember clearly how his hyung would pat his back and hug him when he failed at something. When he was broken and felt like giving up, Jinwoo would smile to him and whispered encouraging words with his soft voice. It felt like yesterday and he almost could hear his hyung’s laugh when he made a terrible joke, but when Mino opened his eyes, only silence answered his thought.

Seunghoon covered his face as soon as he saw Mino looked down. He gritted his teeth, preventing any sobs from coming out. But it was hard when he realized that he couldn’t hang around with his hyung anymore. When there was no Kim Jinwoo who would appear with foods and laughter when he was tired with his choreography. Seunghoon knew he had to take the position as the mathyung, but he didn’t know if he could be the loveable hyung just like Kim Jinwoo.

Taehyun looked away just as Mino started talking. He didn’t want the others to see his tears, but he couldn’t fool himself. Tears kept dropping down to his clothes and he cried hard in silence. He always act like he oldest in group, but there was time when he would snuggle to Jinwoo. The mathyung had the big brother image that Taehyun liked. The big brother who could comfort him when he felt tired. The big brother who would hug him tightly when he felt like crying.

Seungyoon knew he shouldn’t cry. He knew he had to stay strong and kept their promise, but the memories where Jinwoo would help him when he felt too burdened with his position was enough to make the tears that welled on his eyes fell. Seungyoon clenched his fists, he was angry with himself for not being able to be a strong leader for s and some part of him still hoping that Jinwoo would appear and hold his hands just like when he faced difficulties.

Sadness aired the atmosphere. Each of them tried to hold their cry, but the tears wouldn’t stop. They couldn’t accept the reality where there was no Kim Jinwoo in their life. Where there was no their favorite hyung whose smile could warmed their hearts. Where they couldn’t hear the laugh that made their exhaustion vanished.

“Wouldn’t Jinwoo-hyung feel sad if we cry at his birthday?” Seungyoon had wiped his tears, but his eyes were red and his sleeve was wet.

“Yeah, we shouldn’t cry like this.” Seunghoon added. “Jinwoo-hyung is still with us. He is protecting us and—” Seunghoon regretted his decision to try to comfort his dongsaengs. Just as his voice cracked, he burst into tears.

The atmosphere wasn’t exactly comfortable with the large amount of tears. They ended up crying, they couldn’t control their egoistic side and hoping that they could have their hyung back.

“I’m sorry—It was my fault. If only Jinwoo-hyung didn’t protect me—” Taehyun stuttered between sobs. He felt guilty and responsible for Jinwoo’s death. That day on the car accident, Taehyun was the one who sat on the side where the truck crushed the car. Jinwoo saw this and pulled Taehyun into him, exchanging their position in a split second and hugged him tightly, protecting him from the broken window.

Seungyoon knew he had to correct Taehyun’s words and convinced him that it wasn’t his fault and stop blaming himself, but he couldn’t. Seungyoon was too deep in sadness and he couldn’t even talk.

Each of them had the same voice in their heads that yelled one sentence. The sentence they kept repeating inside their hearts. The sentence they tried hard not to be said. The sentence that could send them in an emotional mess easily.

‘Please come back, Jinwoo-hyung.’

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AN: I'M SORRY FOR CREATING THIS I SWEAR I LOVE THEM SO MUCH and I'm such a masochist for making my bias being like this IM SORRY JINWOO