The shrill cry resonates in the household and Taehyung experiences a short moment of panic. He gathers Minjung's toys and dumps them into the basket of toys, the plastic tools falling in with a clattering sound. He bounds up the stairs to the bedroom, where Jaekyung, one of the twin newborns, is crying. He checks his diaper and cleans him up before placing him to sleep with a soft bouncing motion and a lullaby. Once Jaekyung is fast asleep in his arms, Taehyung places him back into the twin cots beside his twin sister Jaemin. Taehyung takes a deep breath as he sits on the edge of his shared bed with Jungkook, thinking, what would Erin have done if a baby was crying?

 

[2006.03.17]

Erin is asleep on the hospital bed, her light brown hair falling over her chiselled face. Her usually sharp features are sunken and Taehyung knows the reason why. Erin had just given birth to their first child, a boy with light brown eyes and a gummy smile. He was to be named Jasper Kim Jaehyun and he is two days old. It is a breathtaking moment to watch a new life come into this world and that is how their subtle family of three stayed for two years.

Those two years pass by smoothly for their family of three and both parents watch the two year old boy frolick in the makeshift rubber pool.

"Is it fun?" Taehyung asks, with Erin echoing the same question in English. Jaehyun splashes the water around, a clear sign he is enjoying.

"Tae," Erin's voice catches his Taehyung's attention. "I'm going to go back in and take a nap. Our little thunderbolt is having a little too much fun."

Taehyung nods with a smile because Erin is expecting once again, this time, still a boy who would be Jaehyun's playmate.

It is a cool night in early December, December the fourth, to be exact, when Erin is waiting quietly for her gynaecologist to arrive. Jaehyuk, the baby that is about to be born had been a real mini storm inside Erin. His kicks were fervent, he moved a lot that sometimes Erin could not sleep at all. Very unlike his elder brother, Jaehyun, who had been so peaceful that some instances, Erin thought she had miscarriaged.

Taehyung is snapped out of his thoughts by multiple raps on his bedroom door. He sits up, absorbing the reality of the moment before calling out an audible "come in". Jaehyun ambles in with his report card and the family iPad. Taehyung has never had any problem with Jaehyun's academic performance. He is a straight A's student.

"Appa," Jaehyun pushes the iPad into Taehyung's hands once he has signed his results slip. "Lately, I have been interested in cardiology. What must I do if I want to become a cardiologist?"

Taehyung does not address Jaehyun's question immediately. "Your mother wants you to take business management. You cannot ever forget about that. Anyway, tell me what you know about cardiology."

"It's about the structure of the heart-"

"No, not only that. You are correct that it is about the heart but it includes the entire system. Do you know what the pulmonary vein is? What it does? It brings oxygenated blood to your heart. What about the aorta? It brings blood to the rest of the body. What will happen if fatty substances are deposited on the inner surface of the aorta?" Taehyung asks, crossing his fingers that he'd remembered the heart physiology from his medical school days correctly.

"Atherosclerosis?" Jaehyun raises a brow.

"Correct," Taehyung offers the twelve year old a smile. "Study hard and you can study medicine. Just never forget what your mother wanted for you. She only wanted the best."

Once Jaehyun leaves, Taehyung returns to his subconscious state of mind.

[2011.08.25]

The baby that is born today is special. She is the first girl in the family of two boys and her name is Sophia Kim Minhee. Jaehyun and Jaehyuk tag along when Taehyung makes a drive to the hospital. There they will meet their younger sister for the first time.

Taehyung will always remember the day Minhee was born and she will always hold a place in his heart. Because Minhee is like the carbon copy of Erin. Even at three years of age, her eyes remain a light blue like Erin's. This is the age that the doctors say, "Whatever eye color they have at this age, they will have for the rest of their life." Both Jaehyun and Jaehyuk take after Taehyung, only that Jaehyun has light brown eyes of the two.

"Tae, I'm home," Jungkook says, entering their shared bedroom whilst loosening his matte black tie. He had been attending a conference the entire day and he sounds genuinely tired. "What's for dinner?"

"Oh... I haven't thought about that yet," Taehyung says, quickly placing the picture of Erin back onto the mantel. "I can make something really quick if you're hungry..."

"It doesn't matter," Jungkook huffs, arms akimbo as he catches his breath. He walks towards the twin cots and tickles Jaemin's stomach. Jaemin squeals, waking her twin Jaekyung.

Jungkook carries both twins, one in each arm, prancing around the room with a light bouncing motion. Meanwhile, Taehyung traces the outline of Erin's face in the picture on the mantel.

"You really miss her, huh," Jungkook asks, carefully laying the babies into their cots.

"Kinda," Taehyung mumbles.

Jaehyuk, the second eldest, bursts into their room, interrupting both adults' conversation. He takes a second to catch his breath before he tells Taehyung that Minjung is crying. It's going to take a while, Taehyung thinks, because that girl has a real temper.

 

"What happened?" Taehyung picks Minjung up effortlessly, patting her back.

"Eonnie took my sweets," Minjung says as she cries and Taehyung holds her closer. To him, she'll always remain a baby in his heart. Taehyung remembers the number of times they had to go to the hospital because Minjung was a premature baby and it hurts Taehyung to see her cry.

"Sophia, why did you take her sweets?" Taehyung calls out to the older girl, subconsciously using the names Erin used to call them with. "You should have known that it is her sweets because only the two of you stay in this room. Apologize to Sabrina and before you come home from school tomorrow, buy her new sweets."

"I'm sorry," Minhee says flat out in English, a language Minjung can never fully learn because Erin isn't here anymore.

 

Minjung had to be born prematurely because Erin's condition worsened while she was pregnant. Taehyung remembers watching the premature by one month baby inside the incubator, connected to so many different machines. Her cries were never shrill, they were just airy and silent and Taehyung hated watching her suffer in silence. The doctors continued to fuss over her, take her blood to see if she had inherited cystic fibrosis from Erin, the disease that claimed Erin. Sometimes they pressed her little fingers and toes to improve the blood circulation. Luckily for Minjung, she tested negative for the cystic fibrosis gene. She was completely healthy, as were the three older children. Erin had lived up to Minjung's first birthday, an occasion that called for great celebration in Korean culture, after which, she began to succumb to her conditions, getting weaker and weaker until she was placed in the intensive care unit.

Taehyung refuses to recall how he had watched his beloved fade away as he holds Minjung close in their embrace. The three elder children understand how much Taehyung loves Minjung, so they adapt and do not bother to compete for his attention.
 Taehyung sets Minjung off to play with her older siblings and he enters the kitchen. Jungkook is eating instant noodles and Taehyung feels terrible for neglecting Jungkook after he'd returned home from a long day of work.

"Hey," Taehyung slips into the chair just diagonally across Jungkook. "I could have made you something proper. Then you need not eat this."

Jungkook looks up. "I didn't want to bother you. When you fall in love with someone from high school, your first love at that, you love them for a very long time. It's hard to let go. You think I didn't know or understand that?"

Taehyung doesn't reply immediately but he says, "Of course you did."

Jungkook pushes the bowl aside. "How are you getting along, hm?"

Taehyung leans forward onto the dining table, his gaze still locked with Jungkook's. "It's been three years and I have you. But I still miss her because... because of the children. Especially Minhee. That girl is a carbon copy of Erin and I just want to get away for a while, I want to get my life together."

"Go, then. I'll pay for your ticket," Jungkook offers. "Would you perhaps like to go to Singapore? Your sister is there."

"Yes, please, thank you very much," Taehyung exhales. "Jungkook, you're so good to me but I feel I am incompetent to be loved by you. I am not worth-"

"Don't stress on it," Jungkook holds Taehyung's hand, smiling genuinely at him.

It takes Taehyung a while to think through everything he has done in the three years since Erin has passed on. He had bumped into Jungkook half a year into Erin's passing, with Jungkook asking, "You are Erin's husband, aren't you?". They had become friends on that very day and husbands two years later. Taehyung remembers how Jungkook had told him that Erin had been his best friend since childhood, two weeks into their friendship. Taehyung remembers the day they adopted the twin babies, Jaekyung and Jaemin as named by their birth parents. The owner, or at least the sponsor of that orphanage was Erin's godmother, Lee Shijin.

Taera takes her younger brother to her home outside the city area, in the neighbourhood. Taera, unlike most other Singaporeans or permanent residents, lives in a landed property and not what most call flats.

"Hyosung, Hana, come greet your uncle! Taehyung-ah, this is my husband, Kyle," Taera says.

"Why did you suddenly decide to come here?" Taera asks, remembering all the times as they grew up in Daegu, when Taehyung always went to her if he had a problem. "Something is wrong, isn't it?"

"Well, even if three years has passed, I still miss her a lot. I have Jungkook and I feel like I'm not doing my part in this relationship, that he is the one doing everything for the both of us. I don't want to be a helpless victim and burden him with my problems. I feel like the right for him to shower all his love doesn't belong to me at all. Also, the children. Minhee is a living, breathing version of Erin and I've been avoiding her lately. I just cannot bear to look at her," Taehyung explains.

By this time, Hyosung and Hana have gone to do their own things. That leaves just Taera and Taehyung in the hall.

"First of all, Taehyung-ah, never ever avoid your children. Pa