Daesung looked at the crumpled paper in his hand. His eyes were unblinking as he bore holes in it. The delicate words that had been written in it stung him, and left him emotionless, dried out. The paper was already stained with his tears, and now there was nothing else for him to do, but to sit and think about the hurt that was caused.

 

There was a time when he would get angry, but he was only numb, only sad. He wanted to feel nothing, but as soon add that would happen a wave of sadness would take over him. Tears that he thought would never fall for her, would fall, and his heart would break a little more. He thought a day like this would never happen, and that'd he'd be happy forever. Yet that's only the thinking of a love struck man, blinded by his own feelings.

 

Daesung tried to think of a way that this could have been avoided, a way, she would have stayed, but he could only wonder why she left in the first place.

 

There was on knock on his bedroom door, and Daesung looked up, but he was too tired to say anything, too tired to get up.

 

"Daesung open up, you've been in there all day!"

 

He swallowed thickly, had it been long since the morning? He hadn't known how long he was sitting in this spot. It could have been days and Daesung would not have cared.

 

"Dae? Are you in here? I'm coming in!"

 

Usually that sing song voice would cheer him up, but the sound did not move him. Daesung sighed, barely meeting Jiyong's eyes when he walked through the door, too ashamed, and too washed out to do anything.

 

"Dae?" Jiyong leaned against the door frame, "What's wrong?" The sight of Daesung so sad, and so broken tugged at Jiyong's heart. He never wanted to see Daesung like this. He walked over to Daesung and knelt at his feet, "Dae?"

 

Daesung blew off a breath of air and clenched his fists, "She left me."

 

"Who? Your girlfriend?" Jiyong's eyebrows furrowed, he had just seen her this morning, making a hasty exit that is, but he didn't think anything of it. Jiyong had never been fond of Daesung's girlfriend anyway, so there was no reason for them to talk.

 

"Who else?" Everything was all too sudden for Daesung, he had never seen it coming.

 

Jiyong got up and sat next to Daesung, "Why?" Even though Jiyong had his suspicions about her, he never thought she would leave so suddenly. It was a delicate situation when it came to Daesung's girlfriend. She wasn't all that good for him, but Daesung had fallen head over heels for her, and could not be told otherwise.

 

Daesung smoothed out the piece of  paper on his hand and gave it to Jiyong. It was the only explanation she left, and it was a horrible one at that.

 

"She left a note?" Jiyong frowned as he read the paper, all it said was that she had fun and was moving on. There was a bit of anger that flared up in Jiyong's chest, making him see red, he knew she was no good, "That ."

 

"Don't call her that," he didn't know why he was defending her, but he just had too. They were only together for a year, but it felt longer, and Jiyong's constant dislike for the girl he was dating was starting to irritate him, "I loved her."

 

"She was using you."

 

"Not with that again." Daesung rolled his eyes, sadness  momentarily gone as they got into one of their petty fights.

 

Jiyong tried not to be angry at Daesung, but he was blinded by beauty and lust, and was confusing it with love, "She only wanted you for what you have, not who you are, and it's not the first time some girl has done that," Jiyong spat the word girl, clenching his fists and breathing heavily, "You always fall for them, no matter how much you get hurt."

 

Jiyong's anger was appalling to Daesung. This was one of the subjects they talked about regularly, but he had never known Jiyong was this passionate about it, "I know you're trying to look out for me, but sometimes I just want to be comforted, can't you just do that?"

 

"I wish I could." He didn't know how long he could keep picking Daesung up after another breakup, when he had his own demons to fight as well. Seeing his friend go after girl after girl killed him, he wished that Daesung would just stop. If not for his own sake, then for Jiyong's.

 

"Why aren't you ever happy for me?" It was off topic, but Daesung needed to know this, his friend never seemed to congratulate him for a relationship. He was never happy for him, not until they were broken up.

 

Jiyong but his lip and clenched his fists, "I want to be. I want to be happy when you're with someone, I truly do." He stated at his hand and sighed, "I'm a horrible friend. I should be comforting you when you've just gone through a break up, but I'm only thinking of myself. It's just so hard Dae."

 

"Why?" Daesung looked at Jiyong and wondered why he was choking up on his words, "What do you mean thinking of yourself?"

 

"Every time-" Jiyong stood up abruptly, interrupting himself and letting out a frustrated groan, "Every time you're with someone new it's never for the right reason, it's like you don't see what's in front of you." Jiyong swallowed as a lump formed in his throat and his eyes watered, "You fall for these girls that really want you for you, and when they finally get what they want they leave. To see you torn up over these girls hurts me, and it makes me so mad."

 

Daesung clenched his jaw and glared at Jiyong, momentarily forgetting the emotional state Jiyong was in, "Mad? Why should you be angry when I'm the one constantly getting dumped!?"

 

"Because you're letting yourself get hurt by girls that shouldn't even matter to you! You don't get it, I'm trying to tell you that there's someone out that should really matter to you, but you're not listening. I-" Jiyong trembled, he felt his heart beating faster and his hands getting clammy. He had never felt so many conflicting emotions in his life and trying to tell Daesung how he really would be the hardest thing he has ever done, "I-"

 

"You what?" There was little patience in Daesung's voice as he waited for Jiyong to finish. He has no idea how his situation had turned into a way for Jiyong to scold him about his relationship issues, but it had irritated him. His heart hurt, he was lonely, and there was no one that ever seemed to want to stay with him. He just wanted someone who would love him, someone who wouldn't run away.

 

"I love you." Jiyong averted his gaze away from Daesung and twiddled his thumbs.

 

Oblivious to the sheer weight to Jiyong's words he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, "I know that, of course you do, but that doesn't explain why you're acting like this."

 

Jiyong clenched his fists because Daesung wasn't really listening to him, he never was, "No Daesung! I love you, I ing love you! Not as friend, it hasn't been that way for a long time. I mean I'm in love with you, seeing you with all types of girls has killed me more than you'll ever know."

 

"What?" Daesung was speechless, only uttering one word in replace of the many emotions he was feeling at the moment, "You've always felt that way?" He had so many questions, but one thing kept replaying in his head, "What does this mean for us?"

 

"Nothing different, it's not like you could ever look at me in that way. You don't even, I mean, could you?"

 

"I've never been so confused in my life." Daesung's eyes widened and he looked at Jiyong, "You really love me?"

 

"More than anything." Jiyong took a step closer to Daesung and placed his palms on Daesung's shoulders, looking down at him, "I've wanted you so badly, how could you have not known," his words came out in whispers as he looked at Daesung, "I've wanted to kiss you like your girlfriend's could, I wanted to touch you like they did, and most importantly, I wanted you to love me like you loved them. Maybe even more."

 

Daesung reached up and placed Jiyong's cheeks between his palms, while a bright blush formed on his cheeks, "Is that true?" Daesung didn't wait for an answer as he proceeded to pull Jiyong into a hug by his shoulders, "I love you, but I don't know how I feel about this." His heart was conflicted.

 

"I know it's a lot." Jiyong melted into Daesung's hug and closed his eyes, "Just know that I'll always feel this way, even if you never will."

 

"Never?" He questioned that, grabbing at his heart strings, trying to figure out what he truly wanted. He moved to look Jiyong in the eye, aware at how close they were and in a shaky breath, "Do we want never?"

 

Jiyong blinked a few times, unsure as to what Daesung meant, "Do you want never?"

 

"I'm not so sure, you're my best friend, and I love you very much, but could we change this into something else?"

 

"I don't know." Jiyong rested his forehead on Daesung's and sighed, very much aware of their breath mingling betwixt them.

 

Daesung closed his eyes and tried to think of a way, a solution. He was so confused.

 

There was a selfish light in Jiyong as he looked at Daesung who had his eyes closed, and he gulped, knowing that it was inappropriate, but he wanted to so badly. He closed hoya eyes as well and pressed his lupus against Daesung's, his inner self sighing from the question he had for a long time had now been answered; Daesung did have soft lips. He pulled away, noticing Daesung still had his eyes closed, and his lipids were slightly parted, "Dae?"

 

Daesung snapped his eyes open and cleared his throat, "I never thought I'd know what your lips felt like. They're actually quite nice."

 

"Really?" A nervous chuckle escaped Jiyong's lips, "Does that mean you would try again?"

 

Daesung was silent for a second, and once he made his decision, he nodded his head yes.

 

A jolt of  electricity ran through Jiyong when he saw that and he eagerly kissed Daesung despite his inexperience. Jiyong kissed him with fervor and wrapped him in a right embrace.

 

Daesung was shocked, but he had never been kissed like this before and his heart was pounding with the new intensity. Even though it was new to him, it still made him swell with happiness, Jiyong had loved him all along, he had been looking in the wrong places for love when it was here all along. A gasp escaped his lips when he felt Jiyong's fingers slip under his shirt, and he tensed slightly from the new feeling.

 

Jiyong stopped, "Am I moving too fast?" His excitement had made him forget that he and Daesung had still not decided what they wanted to do and how they were going to move on.

 

"I..." Daesung frowned, then made a split decision, "I love you, you're my best friend, and this is all so weird. Coming from a breakup to this is amazing." Daesung in a breath, "I mean, it's just strange and perplexing and great all at the same time. I want to know what it would be like if, if we do try this," Daesung surprised his own self, he couldn't believe what he said and he was the one that had said it. He moved forward and pecked Jiyong's lips, a giddy feeling overcoming his confusion.

 

"You really want to do this?" Jiyong didn't want to question Daesung's decision, but was just too much of a dream come true for him to really grasp what was going on.

 

Daesung didn't use words to say how he felt, he just kissed his friend and pulled him into his arms. He couldn't really tell the future, he wasn't sure if this would actually work, or if maybe he was just trying to fill the void with his best friend. All he knew was that he felt happy, like really happy. He loved his friend, he did, and wanted things to work out, if only for now.