*sigh

It’s been several times that Siwon could hear sighs from the maknae. And ofcourse he knows the reason behind that sighs. It’s no other than today the time has come, whether he’s ready or not, he’ll be leaving Kyuhyun behind. 

They’re having breakfast together this morning, or this dawn to be precise because the clock is still showing that it’s 05:00 am right now. Both of them can’t sleep well because every time one is finish talking, the other will start the conversation again until it keeps going all night. They just can’t stop expressing their feelings, what tomorrow will bring, and all the moments they will miss. Knowing it will be the last night they sleep next to each other. 
                                                                                                           ….

They were facing each other and looking into each other eyes while so many thoughts are running in their head. Without realize Kyuhyun started to feel tears streaming down his face, while Siwon keep on caressing his cheeks like he wants Kyuhyun to believes that everything will be alright

 Don’t cry, you’ll get your eyes swollen tomorrow morning Kyu. People will see that and get worried about you.

 (Doesn’t he ever thought about himself ? Doesn’t he know how worried I am to know we will be separated for years? Doesn’t he think about the struggles that tomorrow will bring for him? Does he even understand what is being separated mean? )

…… *sighs 

 Why baby? Are you feeling alright? 

 I’m alright hyung, I’m just sad. ( I’m afraid…)

Siwon thinks that it’s so rare for Kyuhyun to admit that he’s sad, and it breaks his heart more than anything that tomorrow will bring . Siwon is not someone who thinks so much about himself, he puts others before him, especially Kyuhyun who always be the number one in his priority and ofcourse in his heart. Nothing he can do that night more than securing his lover in his arms as tears falling through their eyes, because even if its only temporary, the heart doesn’t understand. All it knows is the longing that they already felt deep inside.

                                                                                                                                 …

 Don’t eat like this when I’m away , you’ll get sick. You already lost some weights, I’m worried you will faint. And don’t forget you have a very tight schedule lately, you have to nourish yourself well because I won’t be here to remind you Kyu.

 The only thing you keep reminding me is that you won’t be here hyung, please don’t, I’m aware of that already.  ( I think I’m being harsh to him..)

 I’m sorry baby, I don’t mean to make you sad. Forgive me okay? Can you give me a smile pleaseeee ?? 

 ….. ( tsk how can I ever resist that side of him, without mentioning those deep dimples and pleading eyes that just ask for my smile) …

nooo Kyu, I want your smile baby why are you crying instead... ( Dear God, please be with him when I can’t be there for a while to wipe his tears)

While Siwon is someone who always shows his feelings and affection, Kyuhyun is the opposite. It’s not that he’s not trying to show it, it’s just that he often end up doing the opposite things and regret the outcome when honestly he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone or to look doesn’t care at all. He loves Siwon so much, despite all things he doesn’t sure of that’s the only thing he knows without even need to think about it.
                                                                                                                       ….

The sun is rising and it’s raining outside today, it’s the kind of weather that Kyuhyun likes to treasure. He loves rain, less than he loves Siwon actually but still ..if today is not November 19th maybe he would drink his favorite hot chocolate in front of the window and watching the rain fallis in a morning like this through Siwon’s apartment. But the call from Leeteuk hyung breaks his hopes as he reminding him and Siwon to get ready and meet him soon in a restaurant where they will have lunch before they send off Siwon. 

Baby, are you ready? We’ll be late sweetheart, don’t forget to wear your sweater, it’s freezing outside.( I’ll just put this here )

Ne, hyung. You too Siwonnie, please wear this jacket for me. *pouts

Ah, ofcourse Babykyu it’s your favorite color. ( God, I miss his pouts so much already)

Aishh hyung, I told you don’t call meeee that.

Waeeee I’m sure you’ll miss me calling you like that later..

( I  know hyung…that’s why don’t remind me how it feels to be called by you like that …)

                                                                                                                           ….

Time keeps going just like how it is, nothing makes a different except for both the guys. Just like people say time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.

People are gathering in the restaurant, even fans are already outside since morning. Without even concerning their own health, they are standing outside holding banner that full of heartwarming words that makes Siwon knows that being what he is now is one of the most rightful choice he ever made in his life and that includes having Kyuhyun by his side forever. And he sometimes wonders why people keep asking him why he loves to pray so much, isn’t it obvious that God has given him so much to be grateful about until he feels that praying everyday will never be enough.

YAA! Stop daydreaming Siwon-ah, you can do it later, now just enjoy our time with us!  and Leeteuk’s yell brings him back to earth

Ahahahaha yeah, look at outside hyung ELFs are so amazing. I’m sure I will miss this so much, make sure you tell them that I said this to you.

Ofcourse, and I think they already knew that.

And Kyu , do you want to be with me until the training camp? 

Can I ?? Isn’t that only for family wonnie? 

And aren’t you baby? You’re my wifuuu , tell me who’s the one told you that you can’t and I’ll prove them wrong 

……siwon * kyuhyun can feels that he got his cheeks are burning red with Siwon’s word. (good thing I wear my mask today…)

YAA ! Stop that lovey dovey things hereee , aren’t you aware of our existence here??? * and everybody in the room laughing over the two lovebirds.

There are Changmin that is also going to enlist today with Siwon, and next to them there are also Minho, and EXO members that join this lunch. It’s such a lovely day actually for Kyuhyun to have his lover and friends in the same table but knowing the reason behind it is kind of disappointing , if only it’s not because of this occasion maybe he will laugh off his face instead of covered it up with his mask just in case he can’t hold his tears later. And his friends are already knew him to well to even wonder why Kyuhyun hiding his face today, Minho is ready to be there for him everytime his favorite hyung will looking for a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk about how his hyung will miss Siwon and Changmin later, besides Minho already promised Siwon to be there for Kyuhyun when he’s away.

                                                                                                                    …..

Minho still can remember all of the conversations he had before today with Siwon. Other than Kyuhyun and also his hyungs in Kyuline , Siwon is his favorite hyung because he was the one who taught Minho about love, ofcourse just by watching how Siwon treats Kyuhyun will pretty much sums up everything, and for him Siwon is someone he wants to be like when he’s grown up because knowing him since he was young he thinks Siwon is just the best example of how a real gentleman should act.

Minho ah, can you please take care of Kyuhyun when I’m away? I’m so worried about him.

Ofcourse hyung, without you have to asked me I am ready to risk my life to protect him.

 Glad to know he has many people protecting him. But you don’t have to give your life Minho that’s my job actually hahahahaha. Just make sure you remind him to eat please and tell him not to sleep to late if you have time, and …when he needs shoulder to cry on please be there for him. It’s torture me the fact that I can’t hug him when he needs me, I’m afraid he doesn’t understand that everything that’s happening right now is also suffocating me just like what it does to him.

I’ll be there for him hyung, so you don’t have to worry and just do your duty well there and don’t forget you have to take care of yourself there hyung so Kyuhyun hyung won’t have to worrying over you, you know that he has this kind of habit to think more negative than what actually is. 
 
“Yeah… he’s so like that. Ah I miss him already and thankyou Minho I know I can count on you.

And just like that Minho had promised to himself to show Kyuhyun that he’s never alone facing it all. He hopes Kyuhyun will run to him when he needs someone, because even he knows that Kyuhyun is not someone who shows so much about his feelings. But that won’t stop him to keep reminding Kyuhyun to eat properly just like what Siwon told him to do.

                                                                                                                   ….

Just like that time feel flies so fast. While Siwon’s hand never leave Kyuhyun’s, afraid  that the maknae will start to feel the distance between them. And the clock has already remind everyone that this lunch is over and its farewell time. One by one people who will left behind start to give advices and support to both of the guys who will leave. Kyuhyun had to tried so hard throughout everything without crying, but Siwon can feel his hand a little bit trembling so he gives him a light kiss on his knuckles and hug his back while keep soothing the maknae and try to erase any kind of bad thought that start to appear in Kyuhyun mind. While he can’t help not to smell and try to remember as much as he can how the scent of his lover dancing in his nose everytime he does it, he smells Kyuhyun everyday just like what he told people that his Kyuhyun smells so lovely and he’ll never get enough of it.

OKAY everyone ! Let’s end today here and go downstairs to bit our last farewell to the soon to be police officers here. The fans is already wet because of rain outside waiting for us to come out. 

Neeee Leeteuk hyung let’s go downstairs we’re done here.

 Let’s go Kyu hyung just wear your hat okay if you don’t feel really well  just walk behind me or Siwon hyung or Leeteuk hyung so the fans won’t see your watery eyes.

What? I’m not cryinggg Changmin ah. I’m perfectly fine but yeah I guess I’ll just walk behind you to hid my face, I don’t really want to show it today it’s not in a good condition I’d hardly sleep last night. ( I’m not fine, I want to scream actually)

 Okay everybody !! Let’s take a picture first and Siwon, Kyuhyun both of you go here to the front row.

Come on baby, stand next to me.

No Siwonnie, I’ll just hid my face behind Changmin. I’ll stand in the last row, please my face is not in its best today hyung. ( I’ll just watch your back from behind hyung…)

You’re beautiful my Kyu, everyday. You should know that. But okay I’ll be standing next to Leeteuk hyung. ( if only he would see himself the way I see him …)

kimchiii *everybody 

                                                                                                                           …

And right after the picture session they go downstairs and some of them bid their last goodbye before they go back to their activities and leave the place while the certain others proceed to take the van going to their last destination where Siwon and Changmin will have their training before fulfilling their duties in police’s office. 

So here they are standing in front of the gate that will be where Siwon lives during his training. He holds Kyuhyun’s hands and gazing into his orbs while Kyuhyun looks like he doesn’t have a word to say or maybe he’s trying so hard not to stop Siwon and lock his hand with him just like this. Siwon holds Kyuhyun’s body in his embrace, like there’s will be no tomorrow and if its not a goodbye hug like this, Kyuhyun will protest his lover saying he can’t breath because he holds him too tight. But that’s not the case now, why do he even think of breathing well when his heart is yearning to be in this position as long as they still can. He keeps repeating on his mind that it’s only two years, not like he’s leaving forever, but farewell is farewell no matter how short the period is for two hearts that already collide into one it won’t be complete without each other presence. 

But they both know in each other heart that they will be waiting for each other, no matter how long it takes or how their heart breaks everytime they miss each other companion. That their meaning for each other will never change and no one between them will try to replace the empty place beside them even for a while. No scale of distance or the measure of time can erase the strong feeling they have for each other. Because they both know not everyone can find their love of their life and be destined to be together and have the same heart yearning for each other like how they are. And no one between them dare to take the risk of losing their most precious thing in their life just because they feel lonely sometimes.

Because life and love are not something to be played with, it’s the most precious thing that has to be kept forever, there’s no guarantee that tomorrow will give them chance to show just how much love they have for each other. And just like that …

 Goodbye hyung, for a while. I sent my bestfriend to be with you in case you’re lonely. He will take care of you for me. I will miss you to the point where I just want to forget how it feels, but living with emptiness is not how I want to spend my second life with. I’ll wait for you, so don’t worry. Even when I said I don’t, or when I’m just ignoring you please know that my heart will always beating for you. Thankyou for always stay with me despite all my annoying behaviors. You’re presence is like a gift to me, and just how lucky I am to have you by my side.

See you later soon Choi Siwon, I love you.

                                                                                                                       …..

Kyuhyun has left the place where he spends his almost 4 months quota of tears just for a day. And he’s on the van now going back to dorm when he realizes he got something in his pocket. It's a letter wrapped in a light blue envelope that's written with his name in its surface, with his lover's hand writing that makes his heart trembling a bit.

Dear Cho Kyuhyun,

 

If I could see you again..
I would stare at those eyes that I miss the most.
For a long ,long time.
Eyes that sparkling with soul, yearning to be found.

 

If I could see you again..
I would smile to see that way of walking I’m so familiar with.
It’s like your heart tells you to keep going
But your steps showing so much your doubt.

If I could see you again..
I would like to see the way you tuck your shirt in.
Like you always do in front of me
Without you realize that every inch of you is already perfect to me

 

If I could see you again..
I would laugh again to see that head I fall in love with
Wrapped perfectly in your mushroom hair that smells like heaven
And everything inside it that seems so brilliant.

 

If I could see you again..
I would love to hear my most favorite voice in this world
Your voice that makes everything feels all right again
That there’s nothing I can’t do in this world as long as I hear it from you

 

If I could see you again..

I will hold that hand of yours that so beautiful in my eyes

And kiss each of your perfectly shaped fingers so then you’ll know

How precious you are to me and I will be forever here

Cherishing the fact that you are mine, and I am yours.

 

I love you, Kyuhyun.
Stay there at where you are, till’ I come back 
And promise to you i'll never have to leave again like this.
I will find you, so just stay.

 

Yours forever, 
Choi Siwon.

Tears are streaming down his face when his song is being played in the van’s radio.

The day when love is becoming familiar
The time when the heart is drifting apart
I aimlessly grabbed onto your hand
As I lay on your lap, I forgot about it for a while

Even only look at you, it's hurt
My heart is too hurt
You are precious and irreplaceable
It's not our memories
But it's my love, the one who made me laugh is you
You becoming far as I can't reach you
Can we go back?

My heart that missing you telling you to come
Love that comes warmly
This fluttering heart
Hugging you tightly. Let's stay like this for a while

Even only look at you, it's hurt
My heart is too hurt
You are precious and irreplaceable
It's not our memories
It's my love, the one who made me laugh is you
You becoming far as my heart can't reach you 
Can we go back once again?

 You who were always beside me
I hide you like a precious gift
You are my luckiness

I look at you
I look at the memories that swallowed
One thing that can't be hidden
Someone who wait for me
I hug you, I flutter when I find you again
Now I will gather all of my happiness to give it to you

I love you like a clear raindrop
Someone who makes my breath in mess and someone who I want to hold onto
Like a dream, like now, like this

The day we felt the distance - Cho Kyuhyun