Dear Diary,

Tuesday was the most humiliating day of my life. At least the first in a long time. I felt trapped...Suffocated. There was no one to save me. I was alone. No one tried to help me, no one asked if I were okay afterwards, no one said anything.  All they did was stare at me and laugh. They filmed me as if I were a circus freak. It undoubtedly crushed my spirit. There were no other words that could be used to describe the agony I felt. It was only my first week and I already made an enemy. Why was I a magnet for negativity and targeting. My mind kept replaying the clip of the dead rose in my textbook. Marked...What a childish thing to do to a person. It doesn't matter anyway. They may have humiliated me, but I will never stop defending myself. They can't take away my pride.

       I decided to push away those negative thoughts and focus on today. It was Thursday now and auditions were being held in the canteen, gymnasium, auditorium, and court yard. Nari begged me not to audition tomorrow. Why? Because, it was Friday the 13th and She swore I wouldn't get chosen if I auditioned that day. So, here I am. Sitting on the bleachers waiting for my number to be called. My palms were sweating, my heart pounding, and my stomach nauseous. For once in my life, there was something I actually had a passion for, soccer. I wanted to be on their team, run on their grass, wear their uniform, and make a goal on their field. I didn't care about the social life that came along with it. The game itself was enough for me. I tried to calm my nerves and relax, but the pressure weighed down on me like an iceberg.

"Number 25!" The young girl called. Everyone looked down at the papers taped to their chests. No one stood up. The young girl walked over to all of us frustrated before clearing and calling the number again. My body stayed stiff as a rock until she approached me.

"Are you deaf? I said number 25!" She argued. It took me a few seconds to process the words from . Everything was slowmotion as I rose from the bleachers and walked down the steps into the field where three people sat at a gray table greeted me. Their paperwork laid out in front of them. I cleared my throat and adjusted my outfit, pulling down my shirt in the front and back before clasping my hands together in front of me nervously. The three people spoke amongst each other before acknowledging my presence again. There were two girls and one boy sitting a the table observing my appearance and mannerisms. The same girl from yesterday who helped Namjoon bully me was one of the judges. She scrunched her nose up with disgusts while looking at me. The other girl smiled politely while the boy had no interests what so ever. In fact, it looked like he slept through half of the auditions.

"Annyeonghaseyo! Je ireum eun Sujin ibnida. Pangapseumnida!" I bowed with my hands behind my back, avoiding eye contact.

"Sujin? Lee Sujin, right?" The boy asked whilst flipping through the documents.

"Ne! I am a new student."

"Okay, well what position did you want?"

"Whatever position you feel I deserve, I just want to play." I smiled confidently and the evil blonde snickered. 

"Play? Yeah, right! You look like you have very little experience on the field. I mean look at your legs. You'll be lucky if you get the position of water girl or bench warmer." She tilt her head back whilst giggling.

"What position do you have?" I asked rhetorically.

"Excuse me?" She scoffed.

"Well, if I'm not mistaken those are pom poms underneath your chair meaning you're a cheerleader. You probably don't know the first thing about soccer, yet here you are, criticizing me, someone who has several years worth of experience. You'll be lucky to have me on this team." 

The boy now sat up in his chair scooting closer to the table before eyeing me, he was clearly intrigued by this juicy conversation of ours & my confidence.

"Oh really? What makes you think we'd be lucky? What do you have to offer to this team?" He asked and I smiled.

"I've done research on this school and your soccer games. You guys lose just about every game you play. You need new strategies...New elements. That element is me. I could help you plan."

"How tall are you, Sujin?" 

"5ft 3." 
"And you think you can help us win at your height? You're short legged. I don't know if you'd be able to keep up." The evil cheerleader acknowledged, gesturing to my whole body.

"Choi Bora, is it? Height doesn't determine how well a person can perform in soccer. Your statement proves you are unfit to be a judge. You're not educated enough on the sport." I retorted whilst narrowing my eyes at her.

"Ooh she's sassy, I like that. Alright, take a shot." The boy threw the ball to me.

I kicked the ball with the arch of my foot forcefully, making the ball hit the back of the goal's net, before turning to smile at them smugly. The two judges clapped while Choi Bora scowled. 

"If you made the team, your name will be posted on the bulletin board by the end of next week." 

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"Ah! That was so cool! You totally told her off! I've never seen her so angry!" Nari exclaimed as we walked down the halls together.

"It was nothing."

"Nothing? No one has ever stood up to her like that. You are a legend. I bow down to you! I've underestimated you." She bowed down playfully as if she were worshipping a God. 

"Shut up! It really wasn't a big deal." I giggled. There was a tap on my shoulder and I jumped startled by the sudden touch. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm Hongbin." The red haired boy smiled.

"It's fine...I'm Lee Sujin. Nice to meet you." 

"I know. Everyone knows who you are. What you did at auditions, was amazing. You'll be on the team for sure." 

"Thanks." I replied awkwardly as Nari stared at the boy as if he were a giant steak. She bit her bottom lip while leaning herself against the wall in a y pose, her attempt at seducing him with her long milky legs. He cleared his throat acknowledging her effort before bringing his attention back to me.

"Do you want to join me for lunch, today?" He asked avoiding eye contact with the agressive Nari.

"Um, actually I was going to---" Nari elbowed me in the stomach cutting off my sentence.

"She'd love to." She stood in between us.

"Cool...See you at lunch." He waved at me before walking away. I waited for the coast to clear before pushing Nari in the shoulder.

"Yah! Why did you do that?"

"Um, because he's hot."

"If you're interested in dating him, do it yourself. Don't involve me." I hissed now adjusting my backpack.

"You can thank me later. Did you see his smile, his dimples, his lips, his hair? If you guys end up dating, ask him if he has a friend or brother that is equally as gorgeous as him for me to date." She applied lipstick before making a popping sound with her lips and strutting down the hallway, leaving me behind at my locker. The feeling of something going wrong rushed over my body quickly as I turned around and found Namjoon at his locker, digging through the mess he nested inside. He didn't seem himself. He was quiet and his facial expression looked distracted. The expression soon faded when V came around the corner to speak with his hyung.

"Hyung, I didn't see you in class today. Are you okay?" He asked the elder whilst leaning against the other lockers. I quietly shuffled through my text books while eavesdropping to their conversation, trying to be as invisible as possible.

"I was just late. Everything is fine."

"Your lip has a scar what happened?" V continued to interrogate his leader of the pack. Namjoon shrugged his shoulders while smiling slightly. The pain in his eyes evident and I wondered if Taehyung also noticed it.

"I got into a fight with some guy at a bar. He looks alot worse than I do." He lied.

"I thought you said you'd avoid the bar... You can't get locked up again, Hyung." V said sympathetically.

"I'm fine. Don't worry it won't happen again. Go to class before you get detention again, arrasso?" Namjoon ruffled his friend's hair and the boy laughed before taking off. The halls were empty now as the air thickened between Namjoon & I. He caught a glimpse of me staring at him with my mirror and he snatched it from my hand.

"Spying on people, are we?" He asked before throwing the mirror on to the ground, shattering it.

"Yah! That was my aunt's!" I argued now kneeling down to gether the shards.

"That's not my fault, maybe next time you'll learn to mind your own business." He huffed before walking off.

"Why did you lie?" He stopped in his tracks, his back to me as he listened to what I had to say.

"Your dad did that you, didn't he?" I asked in a soft tone. Namjoon clenched his jaw before exhaling and rushing off around the corner.

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     At lunch time I walked through the glass doors that I've avoided for half of this week.  It was a crowded place filled with rowdy, gossiping, hormonal teenagers. Anyone could clearly tell which social group each person belonged to. Jocks & cheerleaders on the right. Nerds and rebels on the left. Something I only thought existed in movies. 

"Yah, Sujin! Over here!" A velvet voice hollered. I snapped my head in their direction my eyes landing on Hongbin & his shiny red hair. His eyes little slits when he smiled. I waved before approaching the table slowly.

"Hi." I sat down across from him, placing my jacket down next to me.

"I'm surprised you sat here." He stated.

"Why? Is it because, of how I reacted earlier to your invitation? I'm sorry, I'm not very social." 

" Not social? Well, it looks like you're popular now." He gestured to the entire canteen. I looked around to see most people staring at me & conversing amongst each other. My head turned to Namjoon's direction. His eyes trained on me, a frown on his face.

"Not everyone." I looked down while eating my kimbap. Hongibin noticed quickly.

"Namjoon is always like that. Don't worry about him."

"You know him?" I snapped my head up to him.

"Yeah, we use to be friends." He admitted sheepishly whilst picking around the vegetables with his chopsticks.

"Really? You & Kim Namjoon?" my mouth fell agape.

"I know, it's shocking. We were childhood friends up until middle school. He was different then." Hongbin continued.

"In what way?" I couldn't help but pry for more information. I wanted to know everything about Namjoon. Where he was born, his interests, his history with people. Any information helped. Then, it dawned on me. I needed Hongbin as my ally. He is my only source of information since, they had a close relationship together. He could help me find out things about Namjoon. Things I could use against him later. It sound like the perfect plan.

"Characteristics, traits, hobbies, personality...We were almost identical. We did the same things, liked the same things, and wanted the same things. It was like we were long lost twins." Hongbin chuckled inwardly as if he were having a pleasant memory about them as children.

"What happened to him?" 

"...I don't know. I think when his parents divorced, it took a toll on him. He got sent off to a boarding school, that's where he met his new thug friends. They've been inseperable ever since." 

I eyed Namjoon from across the room as Hongbin spoke, this was a bad idea because he approached our table.

"Hi, Bin. How are you?" Namjoon sat at the empty table with the two of us, taking a seat right next to Hongbin, whilst eyeing me, a smirk spread across his plump lips. Hongbin's body tensed in discomfort. It's clearly been a long time since they've interacted with eachother. I dug my fingernails into the palm of my hand. A part of me wanted to leave the table, but I knew how unfair that would be to poor Hongbin, especially because it was my fault he came over in the first place. 

"Namjoon...." Hongbin said clearing his throat before scooting closer to the edge of his seat. 

"Orenmaniya. For a second, I thought you moved." 

"Nope, I'm still here. You've just replaced me with your thug friends." Mark gestured to the table across the canteen where BTS and girls resided. Namjoon clenched down on his jaw. 

"Maybe, you could try to get to know them. They're good people." He defended.

"Good people?" I scoffed, "you guys bullied me and my cousin!" the words blurted out. 

"Ah, Sujin, right? The girl with the big mouth. Bin, I didn't know you associated yourself with these kind of people."

"And what kind is that?" I asked defensively. Namjoon leaned his body across the table in attempt to intimidate me.

"The low class kind. You have no filter, you say the first thing that comes into your head, Sujin and that's a problem. You're blunt, you're helpless, you're trash." 

"Excuse me? You're one to talk. You're the one who has a record. You're the one who can't control their anger, and on top of that you're a womanizing douche bag. So, before you point out my flaws take a good look in the mirror at yourself. Then, maybe we can have a discussion." I matched my tone while leaning over the table. He narrowed his eyes at me while Hongbin sat there awkwardly trying to gather words to say.

"I just wanted you to know that I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to my cigarette or for riding on my turf. You're right, I do have a record, I am a player, and as far as my anger...You're going to see just how bad it gets." I gulped, all of my bravery and pride flushed down the toilet as I started into his scorching eyes. He wasn't joking in fact, this was all just a sick game to him. I was terrified not knowing what this devil was capable of. Satisfied with himself he pat me on the cheek three times before turning to Hongbin.

"Take care of yourself. Choose the right friends, you don't want to end up like my next victim, do you?" He pushed my tray of kimbap off of the table allowing it to clash with the tile flooring. I watched the delicious food scatter underneath chairs and tables, now looking up at the snickering Namjoon.

"Oops." He apologized insincerely before stalking off back to his table. When he sat down the boys joined him in laughter along with a few girls at the table while glancing at me. I hid my face with the palm of my hand. Sad to say appetite vanished. Hongbin noticed my nerves and asked if I were okay several twice, each time I put on a fake smile trying to convince him everything was fine. Of course, he wasn't gullible enough to actually believe my statement. 

    When it was after school he walked me home since Nari stayed to audition for drama club. We walked together side by side and carried on a conversation like old friends.

"Don't show fear. It only feeds his demons." He stated with his hands in his pockets.

"Right...I'm not afraid of him, just what he's capable of."

"Don't be. Isn't your father a cop? I'm sure he'd be glad to take Namjoon in his custody if anything went wrong." Hongbin reasoned.

"Yeah, he is, but we don't have the best relationship. If I told him about this, he'd probably say I brought it upon myself...Which is true." We came to a hault when we met the driveway of my house. 

"Yah! Don't say that, this isn't your fault. Namjoon has anger issues. He's childish, he likes to bully pretty girls. I can tell you're a strong person. Please, continue to be that way. Don't let him break you." Hongbin begged whilsts holding onto my wrists. My cheeks painted red as giggles escaped my lips. I looked into his dark brown puppy eyes, it was a relief to know someone had my back. The sound of the front door opening is what broke us apart We both jumped by the sudden creaking noise.

"Yah, Sujinah! You're home and you brought a boy!" my mother stood in the door way, twirling her long hair. I face palmed myself.

"A boy? Who brought a boy?" My aunt squeezed next to my mother in the doorway to witness the scene for herself. Hongbin smiled showing off the prominent dimples in his cheeks before rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Yah! Why are you acting like that? He's just a .....Friend." I hesitated not knowing the apropriate label for him. He didn't seem bothered by my reply. He smiled politely while bowing to the two.

"I'm Hongbin, Sujin's friend from school. It's nice to meet you."

"Oh and he's polite. Sujinah, you've found a keeper!" my mom said in awe earning a sigh of aggravation from my end. Hongbin chuckled amused by the whole awkward situation.

"Do you want to come inside, dear? We can make you tea while the dinner cooks." My aunt invited him inside.

"Auntie!" I whined.

"Don't fuss!" She scolded me.

"Actually, I have to go home. I'm already late, my parents must be worried, but thank you for the offer." He replied politely.

"Oh what a good boy. Okay, another time." They stood in the doorway staring at the both of us until I cleared my throat and raised my eyebrows. This gave them the cue to leave.

"Well, see ya kids later." my mom closed the door earning a sigh of relief from my end.

"I'm so sorry. They're crazy."  Hongbin chuckled again.

"It's fine, it was funny. But, I must ask, am I the first boy you've brought home?" He teased me.

"Shut up! Don't ask questions like that!" I whined playfully.

"Why? I'm curious." he giggled.

"Yes, you are."

"Wow, that's shocking."

"Why?"

"Because, you're so pretty." he looked down at the concrete before meeting my eyes again with a smile on his face. I giggled again blush on my cheeks. 

"Well, I've gotta go. See you at school tomorrow." He waved as he walked away. I smiled to myself before turning the door knob to the front door, where my mother and aunt eavesdropped. They almost fell when the door opened. 

"Yah! Were you listening to our conversation?" 

"We tried, but everything sounded muffled. Do you want to talk about him?" She pryed, pushing over a glass of orange juice as a bribe. I gulped down the cool liquid without hesitation my mouth was parched ever since that conversation with Namjoon, the walk home made my dehydration worse.

"What about him? He's just a friend?" I continued to search for a snack, digging around the leftovers in the fridge.

"Is it time?" My mother asked.

"Time for what eomma?" I pulled out the small carton of cookie dough ice cream with a spoon, before stuffing my face with satisfaction.

"You know, the birds and bees talk." She replied nonchalantly, making me choke on the spoonful of ice cream. I pat my chest until the food went down properly.

"Oh my god, Mom!" I whined.

"What? I just want my little girl to be ready for anything. You're seventeen years old. Your hormones are raging, you're pretty, your chest isn't small, guys notice those things. It all starts with one kiss and then it goes downhill. Before you know it, you're doing the dirty." She continued.

"Oh my god! We're not having this conversation!" I shouted now running up the stairs.

"It's better if you hear it here than on the streets!" She hollered from downstairs and I slammed the bedroom door. The day was already stressful enough, the last thing I needed was a cringe worthy conversation with my mom. Besides, if she wanted to educate me on , it was already two years too late. I lost my ity and it was not a pretty sight, unlike what they tell you in movies. 

I had a feeling tomorrow wasn't going to be pleasant either.