I’m currently working with Innovator oppa. Tablo oppa asked me to do feature on Innovator oppa’s song for Show Me The Money 4. I’m Lee Hayi, Innovator oppa, Tablo oppa, and DJ Tukutz are inside HIGHGRND’s studio. We are together work for Innovator oppa’s song. It’s evening,  7 p.m. here. We decided to work at night. Brainstorming, but still have no idea pop up on our mind. We are just focus on our own. Innovator oppa just playing his pen, Tablo oppa receive a call from Haru, DJ Tukutz playing with his computer, and there’s me just look up to my phone for nothing.

You have 1 new message

Pop up 1 notification on my display phone. New message. I immediately read the message, it’s from Kim Hanbin. Friend of mine. iKon leader.

Hayi-ya…

What happen with him? suddenly he text me like this. i’m typing my answer for him.

Yes, Kim Hanbin?

Just sent it but Hanbin read it already. Oh? Is he waiting my answer?

Hayi-ya…you know that I will debut, I mean iKon will debut soon…

Of course I know, babo. What happen with him?

I know it. Why it take so long to debut?

Again, just sent the message but he read it already.

What will happen next when iKon already debut? What will happen after this?

Oh? What happen with this charismatic yet so confident leader, named Kim Hanbin? I think, it will be a deep  conversation with him.

Tell me straight to the point what’s on your mind, Kim Hanbin-ssi?

I ever saw him gloomy like this, but it’s a year ago. Last, I saw him this gloomy with my own eyes when Mix&Match era. But recently, I always saw him happy cause he will debut soon. Saw him joking around with his iKon fellow and laughing together. I can tell, he’s that strong. Thru 3 survival shows to catch his dream, fell down, and rise again. He never give up on his dream.

Hanbin read my message already, but he’s not answer my question yet. I think, he thinks about it a lot. If I were him, I would do the same. Questioning myself with a lot of stupid question. Stupid, cause think about unnecessary thing, doubt on myself to catch my dream that already one step closer. But, I can understand him, cause there’s a lot bad news about him out there.

Hayi-ya…will people support iKon?

What’s with him? I ask him to tell me straight to the point. But why the heck he still ask stupid question to me.

Are you stupid? This is not Kim Hanbin that I know. Kim Hanbin that I used to know is the confident, charismatic and fearless leader. Stupid you. You have your fans, that already wait for you since WIN. Why the heck you still ask yourself with stupid questions like that?

I feel mad at him. this is not Kim Hanbin that I used to know.

Hayi-ya…

What again, Kim Hanbin? Why you keep type my name?

What?! I will always remind you this whenever you feel doubt yourself like this. I know it hurts when WIN era, and you thru another survival show, eventho I never  feel it. Kim Hanbin-ssi, as your friend I will always support you, no matter what…

And now, Hanbin just read it without answer it. I just place my phone on the table. And focus to my paper, trying to help Innovator oppa write a lyric for his song.  Tablo oppa come inside after finished talk with Haru by phone. But, my mind still think about Hanbin and I feel more worry about him.

“Tablo oppa, I have something to tell you. Can we go outside for a minutes?” me and Tablo oppa immediately go to the balcony, left Innovator oppa with his paper and left DJ Tukutz with his computer.

“what happened, hayi-ya?”

“ah…about that…mmm…read this…” I hand him my phone. Showing my conversation with Hanbin. I can’t read Tablo oppa’s face but start turn more serious face. “what should I do to make him feel better? I didn’t like to see him like this, oppa…”

Tablo oppa give my phone back to me. His head looking to the sky, and didn’t say anything. Not a single word. He left me confuse. What’s with his face expression? I can’t read his face. He has that different gaze. For more than a minutes he is just looking to the sky.

Without telling me, he just walk inside the studio. I’m not following him, but I start looking to the sky. I sit on a chair outside the studio. And think about what happen to Hanbin. I start to think, what Tablo oppa’s think a while ago and keep looking to the sky. Ah, it’s cold out here.

After wondering alone in the balcony for around twenty minutes, I come inside, but I can see Tablo oppa start to write something on a piece of paper and discuss with Innovator oppa. Why he start to discuss the lyric without me? I run to my chair and catch up with the discussion. I read the lyric that already finish. Even DJ Tukutz already finish composing the song. Wow, magic. It’s sound a well-made song eventho it’s just a minute to made this song. Tablo oppa  genius, indeed.

I learn every word on the lyric. Every word has a deep meaning. So meaningful. But, I realized something…

“oppa? Tablo oppa? About this song—“

“sing it with your feeling, okay? Sing it like you try to comforting your friend with this song…”

“thank you, oppa. For created this song…”

Tablo oppa reply me just with his smile. He is my favorite brother, that always support me. Listen to every my thoughst about everything. Thank you for existing, Tablo oppa.

I’m practicing the song until late night. After making the demo, I’m going home. Tomorrow, I will recording the song.

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I just arrived at the Show Me The Money 4 set, and immediately do my make up and change my clothes. After that, i do rehearsal with Innovator oppa. I can see Microdot-ssi, BlackNut-ssi, Basick-ssi and San E oppa watch our rehearsal. I hope our performance doing well, and help Innovator oppa to pass to the next step.

After finished the rehearsal, I open my phone and start to typing message.

Kim Hanbin-ssi, come to the Show Me The Money 4 set now. Right now.

Hanbin read it already.

Why, hayi-ya? What happen?

Just come here, without asking me another question. Quickly!

After that i put my phone on my bag and ask my manager oppa to keep it. Show Me The Money 4 recording just started. Waiting for Innovator oppa’s turn. I don’t know if Hanbin really come here or not. If he not coming today, he should wait for this episode to be air soon.

It’s Innovator oppa’s turn, I hope our performance doing well.

Who graduated prestigiously
And said he was busy making money
When he got recognition from his family and friends
“What am I doing?” I think like that often these days
Even so time goes by, the clock goes tick-tock

That’s right, I didn’t know that time was going by
Solidly, like a man, the way I lived life too
My father told me, “Of all the things you’re doing, not one is working,
What are you going to do?”
My ex-girlfriend said so too, “By whose words are you a genius,
and are you just ignoring the rest?”
I don’t know too, what I’m doing

Sometimes I become doubtful of what I’m trying to do
So let’s stop for a moment, turn around and look
What’s flowing from my eyes now
Whether it’s tears or sweat, I don’t really know so
I pray for you dreamers

 (Reff)

If you have a dream, boy
Even if you wander in the darkness
I’ll pray that you become a star
If you have a dream, girl
Don’t let the world change who you are
You can be more than a TV star

I came out on TV, for my mother and my father
For the world and people who denied me
To say yeah I did it boy
Those who denied me now look at me and smile saying, “You can do it boy”
I just dreamed and came here, I just lived and danced
My body which always wanted to move freely
If I felt happy I sang
My mother would drench the world in tears
I hated how selfish I was
My happiness became huge hurts to my family
I hated myself, I was my father’s pain
I hated myself, I was my own pain
But you see me I’m on TV
For doing whatever I wasn’t believed in for, I’m the boss
The jerk who received choices beneath his dreams, the body that always followed the light
Yes I’m the chosen one, superstar the number one

(Reff)

If you have a dream, boy
Even if you wander in the darkness
I’ll pray that you become a star
If you have a dream, girl
Don’t let the world change who you are
You can be more than a TV star

Everytime I look up in the sky
I see the stars and
I can hear my God says
This is who you are

Baby if you looking for the stars
It’s not far, just turn off the TV
And look into a mirror

Kim Hanbin, this song is for you. I hope this song will always remind you abourt your effort to catch your dreams. I’ll support you no matter what happen… I said to myself hope Hanbin came and saw the performance.

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dont forget to read my untitled story. thank you so much!^^

p.s.

bad grammar im so sorry :( hope you enjoy it. feel free to comment ^^

if you Indonesian or you can understand Bahasa and a YG stan, maybe you can visit my fanfiction blog http://hellofanfiction.blogspot.com thank you so much ^^