If we're being exactly honest, no one could understand someone fully inside out, be it our best friends, be it our loved one, be it even our own family by blood. Human are just that complex. One word couldn't describe a person. One sentence still couldn't describe a human. One page or even one book would never be adequate to describe all the complexity.

Mir is a human. And like every other human, he was complex. Despite showing up his simplicity to the world, the machine whirling and rumbling in the confine of his mind worked in a very difficult way screamed the opposite. Complex. Yes. He was one very complex boy.

Even his family, his parents, his two sisters, could never knew his true self. Truthfully, even he himself didn't know his true self. He had been used to wear the mask of a simple country boy with no prolonged worries and with positive way of life that at one point, he truly believed that. But only until one night when he felt how heavy his shoulders were and how tight his chest was and how tired his eyes were. Only when he felt warm wetness trailing down his cheeks, gathering on his chin and fall into form of cold colorless droplets unto his own hand that he realized, his life wasn't as simple as he wanted to. He almost believed the lies that he had made up by himself. He didn't in the end. He saw the bitter truth. Life wasn't all rosy. His mind... Was sick.

But his lies, covered his hyungs' eyes and like Mir had wanted to, they saw just a simple happy country boy. They didn't see the pit, the labyrinth, residing in Mir's complex mind.

He had deceived people around them with his mask.

For Seungho, if someone asked about Mir, he would smile softly as the image of the happy maknae ran around in his head, shouting and laughing boyishly, rumbunctiously like he had no care in the world. And he would answer he had never been sad when maknae is around him. And that was the truth. Mir always had something that manage to call a fatherly smile on his face. He adored the endearing simplicity that Mir had despite the complex yet glamorous world of an idol they were living in. Unlike him who kept pushing through the world with his full force. Strongly stepped forward without following the difficult trail life tried to offer him.

When someone asked Sanghyun about Mir, Sanghyun would awkwardly smile. Almost forcefully even. They had a strained awkward relationship and for some unknown reason, they just didn't gey closer. Part of it, well, major part of it was because Sanghyun was avoiding Mir and he thought Mir was avoiding him as well. He was sure of it. Maybe just like Sanghyun, Mir had the same thought of not wanting to taint Mir's beautifully simple world with Sanghyun's complex world. Sanghyun was just another human being that walked through the torturous and difficult path of life slowly. He didn't try to push forward but indulge himself in the hideous complexity. He didn't have enough power to use force like Seungho and he wasn't as simple as he thought Mir was.

Joon? He never really pay attention to Mir. All he knew was Mir was another member of their group. The happy maknae. He didn't have chance to pay attention to Mir because he was busy trying to push forward in this suffocating world. In this way, he was similar to Seungho, except he didn't have the power Seungho had. But unlike Sanghyun who just gave up that way of life and just crawled through the torturous path, Joon still trying despite his small weak self. And for that, he had fall for hundreds times and had been injured and scarred with the same numbers. Maybe the pain from that made him unable to see how people around him were doing in their own world. He didn't have such luxury to observe others. Mir? He was just another name and face he seemed to keep in his daily memories. A smiling face.

And that was the reason for the utter shock that had stoned them into statue when they came back from their schedule, to find maknae standing at the balcony of their apartment, staring into the blanket of dark night sky without any traces of stars nor moon. Just dark. Yet in the dark, the maknae's eyes glittered like the absent stars. And even his red cheeks glistened under the dim fluorescent light coming from the living room, piercing the glass sliding door into the area of balcony where Mir was standing at.

Mir was crying.

When they asked, in worries and concern as they hadn't seen such broken look on Mir's face for the years they knew him yet the maknae didn't respond. It was as if he was hearing nothing they said. And his tears still leaking from his puffy eyes.

In that moment, they realized something. Just like them, Mir's mind was as complex. But unlike them, who either forced through the difficulties or just let themselves flow through the time, Mir was hiding those complexity. Repressing them in one fragile bottle. It had collected too much and had ugly cracks around it and tonight, the bottle burst and they flowed out intensely, without mercy. The force had hit the simple happy mask Mir was wearing and ripped it off of the maknae harshly leaving him out exposed in the open for others to see. To learn...

Mir was just another complex human being.

But they could never understand Mir's true self. Not when they had been deceived by mask of simplicity Mir used over the years. Not when even Mir himself no longer knew his true self.
Who is he? What is he?

But Mir had forgot. He forgot there was always other person who tried to take on the world in the same manner as him, particularly one in his group. He had forgot until a pair of strong arms pulled him into a protective hug. He knew there was only one person who had seen him this way and wasn't afraid to hold him even with possibility of shredding him into pieces. While the other three stood unmoving, afraid of this new Mir. Afraid this no longer simple happy boy. Afraid of breaking the fragile form of the maknae. Only one person stepped forward.

It was laughable actually. That one person, though courageous and was so caring trying to protect Mir from the world, despite knowing it was all just false hope of human being. No one could escape the maze of what we called life. But Mir couldn't help but to lean into the embrace. It was like he was standing in a heavy rain with only a broken umbrella with holes here and there. Still, he used the umbrella because even if he still got drenched, it was just the instinct he felt to use the shield. Even if it didn't work. The defective umbrella was none other than one of the person Mir had forgotten about. Person that shared the same method living through all the difficulties.

GO.

If someone asked about Mir to GO, GO would have frowned or laughed mockingly, saying jokingly on how Mir was so annoying and loud because GO was never one to answer questions seriously. Never. Like Mir, he wore a mask. A goofy mask. He repressed all and his bottle had burst once in a while before he went back to his goofy self. For him, the world itself was a joke. Human... Was a joke. His mask and Mir's mask were neatly covering their complex mind, hiding the truth from the eyes of the others even from each other. GO too, had thought as Mir as the simplicity no one he had ever seen possessed before. Until one of a few nights ago, he saw Mir by the sink, washing dishes, but his eyes, even when those orbs were on the dishes, water and soap bubbles, his eyes were empty. Distant. That look that had made GO saw past Mir's mask. Because that look was the same as his when his bottle was about to burst for the first time. Mir was still young...

Though they shared the same way, their complex selves were different. GO was stuck in the circle of bottled up feeling bursting and cleaning the after mess while Mir grew stronger. It still puzzled the hyungs, even GO, on how Mir's mind actually work. When they asked, all that Mir said was...

"I wonder of the same thing too." With a happy smile on his face.
No one truly knew the others. And sometimes, there's one who didn't even found his own self. Human are complex. But they adapted using their own way. They still living though some others choose death because they seemed to believe death was simpler.... They had to.