Seungri jerked awake when a bird chirped beside his ear. He looked to see the feathery culprit perched on his window sill and glared at it as if it understood what it was for. He sat up and it flew away, Seungri squinted as he looked up into the white clouds. He sighed. For months, he’d been waking up to the afternoon sun. He suddenly realized it’d also been that long since he last contacted any of his friends.
 
A silver key lay awkwardly at the top of his mini bedside table. Seungri stiffened— he never puts his keys there. He grabbed the metal and made quick footwork into his living room. There was his key, hanging on the nail beside the main door. His fingers trembled, and his legs suddenly felt weak. Seungri supported himself against the nearby wall feebly as he held the key to his lips. He collapsed onto the floor shaking his head as fresh tears spilled forth.
 
“No,” He breathed. “Jiyong—“ Seungri gathered his strength and forced his sanity to keep their pieces together. He changed into a pair of jeans and rushed to put on his shoes before grabbing both keys.
 
He’d never run that fast. He doesn’t even know where all that stamina came from. He came up panting in front of a mini fountain situated at the heart of the large building that circled it. Seungri looked up at the majestic structure and felt the world spin slightly around him.
 
“Seungri?”
 
Said person snapped his head towards the familiar voice. He smiled widely, “Jiyong—“

His cheery mood was lost when he saw the disapproving look on the other’s face and the frown that never fit. The taller man was hugging a huge box in his arms when he walked up to Seungri, frown still embracing his beautiful eyes, the corners of his mouth turned downwards.
 
Jiyong considered the other man for a long moment before he spoke again. “Let me send you home.” The immediate turn of the back and directions towards his car stopped any protests that bubbled from within Seungri.
 
Seungri peeked at Jiyong from under his lashes throughout the ride home. He was afraid the other would be angry at him but the expression on his face told him a different story. In fact, he found it hard to read him with his eyes staring blankly ahead. He lowered his head. Jiyong was blocking him out, and he’d never done that before. Seungri used to read his every emotion inside out.
 
The car stopped at the front of his house and he made no move to get down. Seungri stared down at his linked hands. He’s scared because he knows Jiyong is leaving him for good. He’s moving from his office, giving his key back to him— there is nothing that tells him the opposite because even up to now, Jiyong just sat stiffly in his seat quietly, waiting for him to leave his car.
 
Seungri worried his bottom lip. “Would you like to come in for coffee?” He kept his head lowered for fear that his tears will escape upon seeing the other’s disapproving face. The lord above helped him. The shut of engine and a car door opening surprised him and made Seungri fumble with his seatbelt. He got down and Jiyong was waiting for him.
 
***
 
They sat on the couch. Silence engulfed both men in an awkward cloud. Seungri sat straight and stiff, staring at the familiar empty space in front of him. Jiyong on the other hand, was sitting casually facing the smaller man with one leg on the couch and the other stretched out on the floor. His back rested comfortably against the armrest of the couch. The long limb nearly touching Seungri’s right foot.
 
“You have something you want to talk to me about?” Jiyong said quietly, no longer tolerating the suffocating silence.
 
Seungri looked sideways, up into the taller man’s eyes. Those beautiful orbs that used to look back at him with so much love and hope, was staring back blankly. The same man he loves is still underneath that cold exterior that blocked him out. He knows this man can never look at him the same way he did again. Seungri shook his head when his chin wobbled. He really doesn’t want Jiyong to leave him.
 
“You forgot your keys—“ Seungri blurted out honestly.
 
“I’m leaving, Seungri.”
 
The smaller man pressed his lips into a thin line to stop his emotions from running rampant. Though eyes are becoming heavy with unshed tears, he smiled shakily. Nodding in resignation, “I get it.” He lowered his head for the nth time that day, fingers playing with each other. “We’re still friends right?”
 
“I’m moving back home, away from this place.” Away from you—There was the unspoken message and both man heard it pounding through the walls of the quiet space.
 
Seungri’s body reacted instantly, he snapped upwards to look at Jiyong with eyes wide as pancakes. That single statement answered all of his questions for the taller man. No, it’s not possible to be friends anymore, like how it first started between them. “Jiyong,” Seungri pleaded, his voice shook.
 
Jiyong looked at him painfully, he shook his head—eyes as watery as the other man. “I can’t do this anymore, Seungri. I can’t look at you and not think about what you did.”
 
“I was drunk—“
 
“He’s my friend,” Jiyong’s silent tear escaped and rolled down his left cheek. “Seunghyun was my friend. You cheated on me with my best friend. I caught the two of you—” He swallowed a few times, keeping his emotions in check. “How do you think that feels?” He looked at the smaller man earnestly, really wondering how he’d have reacted.
 
“But I was drunk… a— and Seunghyun’s not around anymore.” Seungri stuttered, he was panicking— and if he wanted to make things right, it’s now or never. But judging from Jiyong’s reaction, he’d said the wrong thing again.
 
“I can’t believe you.” Jiyong frowned at the other man. “We can end this nicely and you just need to let go.”
 
“I,” Seungri looked downwards, not knowing what to say.
 
“I feel sorry for you, Seungri. It’s been a year…”
 
“I love you, Jiyong.” The smaller man looked up again, hands gripping Jiyong’s own tightly in a bruising grip he didn’t know he possessed.
 
“I know,” Bigger hands squeezed back once in acknowledgement. “—but I can’t be with you anymore and Seunghyun’s no longer around. There’s nothing left for me here.” Jiyong the delicate skin holding onto him with his thumbs. “I love you, Seungri. I always do, and I don’t want to leave without you knowing that. But I also want you to know that I can’t do this anymore, because I’m not as good as you thought me to be... I can’t forgive you.”
 
Seungri smiled back weakly when Jiyong cupped his face. His own tears brushed away by calloused thumbs. He closed his eyes and leaned into the gentle caress. He knows nothing he say will change the other man’s mind now. He’d done enough, he’d erred, and there is no one else to take this blame except him.
 
The thunder rolled above the roof, dark clouds projected his mood and the rain outside began pouring heavily. Seungri shuddered. “Stay,” He said softly with a gentle push in the words, demanding selfishly for the last time the other man to keep him company. “I’m scared.” He added when Jiyong opened his mouth to protest.
 
Without hesitation, Seungri brought both his legs onto the couch and forced Jiyong backwards so that he was lying against the armrest. He then plopped onto the taller man’s chest, not caring if he crushed him, and they lay huddled together. Silence filled the house again— Jiyong stared up into the white of the ceiling and listened as the rain beat down onto the windowpanes.
 
Seungri wrapped both his arms around Jiyong’s waist. He listened to his beating heart, the vibrations of the air moving in and out of his lungs, his head moved together with the rise and fall as the other man took each breath. He sighed contentedly. When one really loses something, you’d feel bliss even if it’s just touching that thing for one last time. He snuggled closer, face buried deeply into Jiyong’s neck, nuzzling his lips against the smooth skin, Seungri smiled when a shudder went through the other man.
 
Then he felt hands slowly, hesitantly travelled up his back. One of them cradled his head— the other hugged his smaller frame at the small of his back. Seungri’s heart raced when long fingers peeked into the waistband of his jeans and caressed the bare skin. He was shocked when he felt himself hardening at the innocent touch. Embarrassed, he turned his head a little to hide the blush burning intensely at his cheeks. His arms tightened around the other’s slim waist as he willed his body to obey him.
 
“Seungri,” Jiyong’s voice was gruff against his ear. Hot breaths fanned the sensitive arch and sent shivers down his spine. Loosening his grip, he propped himself with hands on either side of Jiyong’s head to look down at him.
 
“Kiss me,” The taller man breathed. “One last—“
 
Jiyong didn’t have to finish what he wanted to say for Seungri to more than willingly comply.

It’s been so long.

The smaller man cupped the other’s face and pressed his lips firmly onto his. Moving gently up his face, Seungri weaved his fingers into Jiyong’s hair, pulling gently on it and tipping the head back. He deepened the kiss, tongue seeking tongue, all the rubbing and teasing fuelled by pent up emotions and a proportionate degree of heartache. The taller man growled when he felt his groin tightened.
 
Jiyong’s hands sought the skin underneath Seungri’s shirt—so hot, it was choking him. He ran his palms smoothly over his back and to the sides. And when the smaller man started to move his hips, pressing his pelvis onto Jiyong’s, deepening the kiss even more— it was all the other man could take to forget everything and start all over with him again. He gripped Seungri’s hips and came up for air. “We—we need to stop now.” Jiyong panted.
 
He ignored the disappointment in Seungri’s eyes and removed his hands from under his shirt. Hugging his arm around the other man, Jiyong brought the smaller man against his chest. He shut his eyes tightly and held back a moan when he felt wet heat clamp down hard at the base of his neck. “Seungri,” He warned.
 
“I love you.” Seungri whispered against the abused flesh, swirling his tongue on the skin to soothe the throbbing flesh. He nuzzled his mark on Jiyong and is already dreading the feeling of never seeing the other man again. A choked sob broke from his control and he turned his face into the man’s shoulder. Feeling hands soothe his back and hearing a soft voice that he loves so much whispering by his ear, Seungri tried to relax in Jiyong’s arms. He laid his hand right above the heart, feeling Jiyong’s life pulsing against his hand.
 
Thunder clapped loudly outside the warm haven of the house, but Seungri didn’t even flinch this time. Jiyong is finally here with him. He smiled, fatigue suddenly claiming him. The hand at his back is now combing through his hair in languid . Seungri gave a contented sigh before letting the dream weavers lure him away.
 
***
 
It was dawn and Seungri woke without anything alarming him. He smiled when he realised someone had covered him with his comforter. He stretched before sitting up. His body ached from lying on the small couch all night. He looked around, and for the first time, the stillness wasn’t disturbing to him at all. The soft orange glow that painted the wooden flooring of his house entranced him, and he let it lead him towards the window.
 
It was sunrise.
 
The gentle breeze caressed his cheeks and danced with his messy hair. Seungri looked out into the city. Had he ever thought it beautiful in all the years he’d lived here? Birds flew past in flocks chirping in charming harmony, celebrating the break of a new day.
 
His eyes tracked the movement of the rising sun. Goodbye Jiyong.

A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS~ Enjoy (: