Everybody living on the 9th floor of the apartment knows the young man living in the unit 94 is not married. He moves there about two years ago and lives alone since the beginning. He doesn’t seem to have a lover either, and the neighbors never see him bringing any woman home. But maybe he has a boyfriend, but the neighbors really don’t know that part.

 

His friends usually come to his apartment, bringing bottles of beer and takeouts and stay overnight, typical young lads. But it usually happens on weekend, or holidays when the young man is not going home to spend it with his parents. Now that the neighbors remember, there is this man’s friend who often drops by, alone or together with the others, even on weekdays. The friend is tall, probably taller. He’s lanky and his hair color often changes, the last time the neighbors saw him was a week ago and this man’s friend’s hair color was blonde, after a month before supporting black hair. The guy usually brings beers (what else can you expect from two young man in their 20s), and Chinese food takeouts. But, this guy sometimes brings bags of groceries too. He might be a friend, or a lover, the neighbors cannot guess.

 

Well, whether the he blonde guy is the young man’s lover or not, everybody in the world, especially the 9th floor occupants know for sure that man definitely cannot get pregnant.

 

It’s usually quiet and peaceful on the 9th floor. The families living there are relatively calm. The only usual noises are the conversations between the fathers and mothers of the family when they meet at the hallway. There aren’t babies or toddlers, as far as the neighbors know, so there aren’t cries or sound of children throwing fits. The youngest at their floor is Do Jongdae, son from the Do’s family living at the unit by the end of the hall. He’s in junior high already and he won’t cry every now and then, it will hurt his pride.

 

But there is something unusual for the past few weeks. There are occasional baby cries resonating in the hallway every morning and sometimes every night. The cries never last for long, but still questionable for the neighbors. At first they thought it was a baby ghost or something but they discovered that it wasn’t. What they find is even weirder because the cries…

 

It's coming from the apartment 94.

 

**

 

"Taeoh, Taeoh" Jongin coos at the crying baby previously sleeping peacefully for about half an hour in the kangaroo baby carrier hanging in front of his body. The crying baby wrestles inside the carrier, trying to get away. The soft pat Jongin gives, which usually makes him calmer, is no use today.

 

Jongin rocks his body to the left and to the right slowly, trying to lull the baby back to sleep. The baby slept fewer hours than he usually was for the past two nights, the sounds from the late night construction near Jongin's apartment building keep him restless and awake. The sounds aren’t not that loud, but probably too loud for Taeoh's little ears.

 

"Taeoh.... Ah!" Jongin is suddenly being reminded of his attempt of making breakfast earlier when a smell of burnt food invading his nostrils. He immediately rushes to the kitchen to turn off the stove. The previously strips of bacon and sausages, now become unidentifiable black objects. Jongin sighs.

 

There goes his breakfast.

 

As if his misery is not enough, the sudden movement and loud voice from Jongin apparently surprising Taeoh, and the little boy cries even harder. At that moment, Jongin really, really, really wants to cry along.

 

"Taeoh...." Jongin pleads with thin voice, on the verge of crying himself. He only stares at the crying baby, feeling clueless and helpless. His mind working so fast, thinking the way how to solve this problem quickly so that he can get to work, maybe not too late. He is pretty sure his boss won’t tolerate any of his excuses this time.

 

Damn, his boss doesn’t even know Jongin has a baby to take care of now.

 

Can he ask Joonmyeon hyung? He has experienced with kid since he adopted one too with Yifan hyung, his husband. Ah, but they live at the other side of the city and they're both really busy. Yixing, their child, is probably already in the day-care right now and since his parents are at work.

 

Can he ask Luhan hyung? Ah but he's on a holiday at Thailand with Minseok hyung...

 

Jongin is clawing his face in frustration; he never encounters this kind of situation with Taeoh before. He is usually calm in the morning and never throws a fit whenever Jongin tries to feed him his milk and drops him at the day-care. He doesn't have much knowledge about baby because he is the only child; he is always being taken care of, not the other way around. Unlike Sehun, his best friend, who has two baby sisters and one baby brother and always on the task of babysitting every time his mother is busy.

 

A lamp goes on inside Jongin’s brain.

 

Sehun.

 

Jongin takes his phone out in a flash, and dials Sehun's number from the speed dial. Few seconds passed filled with Taeoh's cries mixed with the waiting ringtone from the phone. A newest song from a girl group Jongin can't really identify what. It's always Sehun who likes to catch up with the entertainment scene.

 

Jongin? Not so much. He is always too busy with his paperwork or maybe he doesn’t have any other interest other than watching his favorite actor, D.O, acting in a drama or a movie.

After a second of agonizing waiting, Sehun finally picks up. "Hello?" Sehun greets him groggily.

Definitely just wake up.

 

"Am I imagining things or am I really hearing a baby crying?" Sehun groans, and mutters something close to 'I must have drank too much last night'.

 

"Eum..." Jongin starts, hesitating a little. Even if he is close with Sehun, like.. ‘Really Close’. Capital R, capital C, bold, italic, underline. They are practically glued to the hip since they met on the last year of junior high. But, Sehun still doesn't know about his Take A Kid Home plan. The older had wanted to tell Sehun long ago, but he always feel scared that Sehun would be mad at his brash action, looking that Sehun is usually the one to knock sense into Jongin's head and clean up the mess he makes. So he usually backs off without even trying.

 

But, when Jongin found Taeoh inside a box at a nearby park on his way home from work the other day, abandoned and lonely, crying and feeling cold, he didn't have the heart to just pass and pretend that it was nothing.

 

"Kim Jongin. If you don't say anything within five in’ seconds I will hung up and you will never know anyone named Oh Sehun anymore." Oops, someone is in a foul mood, Jongin grimaces. Jongin knows there isn’t any real threat on Sehun’s words, but he has learnt not to mess with Oh Sehun’s bad drunken side.

 

Jongin finally takes a deep breath, one hand patting Taeoh's soft messy bed hair, the baby is still crying, but now turning down into sniffles. "First, you're not imagining things..."

 

Sehun doesn't say anything on the other line, waiting for Jongin to continue, "...help"

 

There's no answer other than the rustling of bed sheets, and sounds of what Jongin guesses as Sehun's Krong bedroom sandals scrapping on the tiled floor. And there’s a sound of a door opening, Jongin can only guesses it’s the bathroom door. Jongin is familiar since Sehun’s apartment is like his second home, crashing there now and then if he doesn’t feel like being at his own.

 

"I'll be there in ten." And then the call disconnects.

 

**

 

Jongin is busy making warm milk in a bottle for Taeoh when he hears the sound of front door opens. He unknowingly sighs in relief, he is sure that must be Sehun, since the only other person who knows the code for his house beside his parents is Sehun. His guess is proved right when there's a tuft of blonde hair peeking out from behind the living room wall, hand holding a plastic bag from a convenience store just right on the first floor of Jongin's apartment.

 

Sehun's mouth goes open in a shock as soon as he spots the whiny and struggling Taeoh in the carrier Jongin is supporting.

 

"Holy s--"

 

"Ya!" Jongin shouts, palms quickly covering Taeoh's little ears. "Mind your words around my son!"

 

To say Sehun is surprised is clearly an understatement; he is just completely gone blank at the situation. Taeoh's cries, the burnt smell still lingering in the air that don't help much to his hangover headache, and now the statement from his best friend saying that he can’t swear around his, son.

 

"Son....?"

 

Jongin feels a little bit of regret forming for calling his best friend to help him without explaining this whole thing to Sehun first. Sehun only stares at him with a questioning looks and they are focusing on their own thoughts for a few minutes until Taeoh wails again, louder this time and Jongin is snapped out of his thoughts, pleading eyes looking up at Sehun.

 

"Please help me first? He didn't sleep much last night and when I tried to put him to sleep this morning he kept crying. I don't--"

 

Sehun quickly rushes to Jongin to calm him down before Jongin is wailing alongside the little baby in the carrier, "Jongin, relax, okay?"

 

"--know what to do. You have sisters and brothers’ right please help me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this earlier but I promise you I will explain please don't delete me from your list of friends--"

 

"Jongin.."

 

"--first please help me first Taeoh is crying and my heart can't handle this, please you can be mad at me but not at Taeo--"

 

"JONGIN!" Sehun finally snaps. Jongin immediately shuts up and looks up at his best friend, eyes wide and lips quivering. Sehun sighs.

 

"Jongin, I will help you. Relax, okay? Let's get him," Sehun gestures to the baby, "Taeoh?" Kai nods. "Let's get Taeoh calm down first and then you will tell me what happened and explain."

 

"How long has he been in the carrier?"

 

Jongin goes silent for a while, thinking back. "Since I tried to put him to sleep? He slept about half an hour in this carrier, while I was making breakfast. I don't want to leave him alone in my bed."

 

Sehun only nods, taking in the info. "I think I know what will do. Let’s go to your bedroom. Don't forget to bring his bottle of milk"

 

They walk down the hall to the apartment's main bedroom, where Jongin's four poster bed is in the middle of the room, clearly too big for someone who's living alone. There are only a few pillows; there is a small blanket next to a small pillow. The comforter is on the floor next to the bed.

"You put the comforter away?" Sehun asks as he lifts Taeoh from the carrier, the baby struggles a bit in his hold, not used to him yet. But the little kicks and sobs stop immediately when Sehun lays him gently on the bed, soft pillow under his head, and put the blanket on top of him. Taeoh closes his eyes as Sehun starts to pat him softly on the stomach, lulling him with soft hum of a children song. It's not long until Taeoh's breathe evens out, a sign that he's asleep.

 

Jongin who is standing on the side with a bottle of warm milk in hand only watches in fascination, an indescribable warm feeling form in his chest as he looks at the scene in front of him.

 

"Oh my God, how did you do that?" He asks in wonder, walking to the bed and sitting at the other side of sleeping Taeoh carefully. Taeoh sleeping is one of the cutest things Jongin has ever seen, mouth slightly open and his hands will form a small fist, sometimes there are some strands of Taeoh's hair falling just right on top of his eyes.

 

A sound of camera shutter brings Jongin out of his thoughts about Taeoh and he looks at his side to find Sehun holding out his phone, angling it to capture Taeoh. "He is so cute! I'm going to make his photo as my wallpaper."

 

Jongin feels a surge of pride hearing the praise from his best friend. His best friend just called his son cute! "I know right." Jongin says as he caresses Taeoh's hair, the baby squirms a bit on his sleep but continue sleeping peacefully.

 

"And Sehun, about the previous question, I took the comforter away because, when Taeoh sleeps on my bed he will not get buried in it. I saw it on the internet they said thick comforter will be dangerous for babies because they can get asphyxiation from it..." Jongin trails off, eyeing Sehun worriedly. "Is it right? Or am I doing the wrong thing? Oh my God I'm such a--"

 

"--good father." Sehun cuts his sentence before Jongin finishes them.

 

"Uh?"

 

"You're such a good father. What you did was right, you learned from the right source" Jongin lets out a breath that he didn't know he was holding before. He looks up shyly at Sehun, one hand scratching his neck in embarrassment. "Really? By the way, how did you know how to stop Taeoh's cries just now? He doesn't like his carrier? He used to like it..."

 

"You said he didn't get much sleep last night right? He was tired, and sleeping in the carrier didn't provide him the most comfortable position to sleep. He couldn't say it directly to you so he could only cry."

 

"My brother, Jinki, was like that when he was a baby. Every time mom went to work I would put him in the same kind of carrier and brought him anywhere, every time. Once, he cried a lot. I panicked but then my aunt told me to lay him down on his cot. He stopped." Sehun laughs a little, remembering his memories taking care of his brother.

 

"You called the right guy, Jong."

 

Jongin lowers his head, slightly upset, neither to Taeoh nor Sehun, but at himself. He is upset at himself for making Taeoh uncomfortable, even if it's not his intention.

 

Sehun notices the sudden gloomy atmosphere inside the room, and he throws his arm around his best friend’s shoulder, pulling him into a side hug, "Hey, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone learns. Parenthood is all about experience. Cheer up dude. And how about you explain to me right now what this is all about?"

 

Jongin takes a look at his watch and sighs, he's tired already and it's still half past 8 in the morning, "But I have to clock in to work. And take Taeoh to day-care."

 

Sehun seems to be thinking for a while. "You know, I don't have any work right now so I think I can babysit Taeoh for today" he proposes. Sehun is a freelance writer/editor so he works on his own schedule; Jongin envies that about Sehun the most. Don’t get Jongin wrong, he loves his architect job. It pays good money and now that Taeoh comes into his life, he has enough money to support the baby. But the work time is sometimes unbearable.

          

"Really?"

 

Sehun nods, "I want to know a lot more about him too, because certain someone just had to hide him from me all this time"

 

The wide grin on Jongin's face is fast replaced with a frown, "I thought I said sorry..."

Sehun can't help but laugh at Jongin's sulky tone. His friend is really like a child sometimes. "I'm just kidding with you!" Sehun throws a light punch on Jongin's shoulder, "I guess having a baby turned you into those boring and sensitive sleep deprived new Appa. Now go to work. Shu shu~"

 

I am indeed sleep deprived and hungry. Jongin says to himself as he walks to the door, getting his blazer and suitcase in the way. As if Sehun has the power hearing his internal thought, Sehun calls him, "Ya! Bring that sandwich on the counter I bought downstairs! I bet you burned your breakfast"

 

Jongin's ears perk up at the mention of breakfast and sandwich so he doesn't mind with Sehun's insult.

 

"And there's canned coffee! Your favorite is that brand that tastes but you like it because D.O promotes it, right?"

 

Sehun can insult him all the way he wants (he does it every day anyway so Jongin is immune with that), all day all night but what Jongin really cares right now is only his sandwich.

 

And, Jongin can't live without Sehun anyway. He doesn't have a plan to get rid of the said guy in the near future.

 

**

 

The day passes by rather quickly for Jongin. One time he is in his office working on papers drawing blueprints and signing some papers about the construction his firm is handling. One time he found himself in the middle of a meeting with the higher ups, trying hard to reply Sehun's text about bringing Taeoh with him to his apartment because of the construction noise, without getting caught by his hawk-eyed boss.

 

By the end of the day, he is standing in front of Sehun's apartment door, one hand holding a plastic of take-outs and one hand reaching out for the bell to press it. Jongin can hear the faint muffled sound of the bell and the soft patters towards the other side of the door.

 

Not too long after, the door clicks open and Sehun pops his head out, grinning, "Ah, it's you. Come in" Jongin holds the door open to let him in, and he is greeted by baby Taeoh smiling at him from his place in Sehun's hold.

 

It’s the first time for Jongin, he usually picks up Taeoh after work at the day-care and then coming back to his empty apartment after buying some food or groceries for dinner.

It feels oddly great, coming back from work to something, someone, and greeted at the door like that.

 

Jongin wonder if he’s married, would it be like this every day.

 

Taeoh lets out his whinny sound and reaching his tiny arms out to Jongin, wanting to be picked up. Jongin wastes no time to put the plastic bag aside and complies with Taeoh's wish.

 

"You miss daddy that much?" Taeoh erupts in laughter when his dad blows at his stomach, the gesture the little one seems to like lately.

 

Sehun, who only watches quietly from aside, grabs the plastic bag from the Jongin's hold and trudges to the kitchen to prepare the food. Jongin follows a few minutes after that with Taeoh who is dozing off, arms circling around his neck.

 

"He's tired already?"

 

Jongin moves a bit to position Taeoh's head better on his shoulder, the baby scoots closer to Jongin in response, eyes closing and tiny fists moves to clutch at his work shirt, "I guess laughing tires him out"

 

Sehun lets out soft giggles from behind the counter, sound reverberating in the small kitchen. He arranges the food in the small table before he walks to Jongin, getting Taeoh’s out of Jongin’s hold to his. "Let me put Taeoh to sleep. There is my brother's old baby bed that I found"

 

Jongin looks like he's about to say something but Sehun beats him to it, "I already cleaned the bed, Jong Jong. Don't worry, okay. Just eat first; you need all the energy because you won’t get any sleep before you give me your explanation. I will join you after this" Sehun smiles as he squeezes his hand, for assurance.

 

As soon as Sehun disappears behind the living room wall, Jongin immediately sits down on one of the dining chair, not wanting his legs to give up first because of the recent skin-ship. All of the pent up feelings after all this years, hidden behind the secret glances, touch that lingers a bit too long, and sleepless nights thinking about the other. Jongin has been careful all this time, not to reignite the feelings he has for Sehun to not break their friendship. He tries to feel enough to have Sehun as his best friedn, he doesn’t want his greedy side put them on the strangers term. But, sometimes he just yearns. For the younger’s touch, for the younger’s attention. And this time, Sehun is the one who initiates it. His hidden feelings coming out in waves and washes over him, breaking down the wall he has built around his heart to keep it safe and not showing.

 

"Why are you not eating?"

 

Sehun's voice startles Jongin and he tries so hard not to show his nervousness. He just hopes Sehun doesn't notice the pink tint on both of his cheeks.

 

"I’m waiting for you, of course." Jongin answers. Sehun rolls his eyes as he sits down on the chair across Jongin.

 

"Now that I'm here, now eat." Sehun scoops some rice and puts in into his plate, before putting some on Jongin’s plate. "And spill it to me. Who puts you in charge of a tiny human being?"

 

Myself, Jongin answers inside his head. "You promise not to get mad at me?"

 

“Did you make someone pregnant and then she doesn’t want the baby and puts the custody on you instead?” Sehun says as if he’s telling the last Saturday latest makjang drama, which makes Jongin snorts at his accusation. “I did not!!”

 

"Teehee, I’m kidding. And, I think Taeoh makes me forgive you in a way. His cuteness plays a big role in my decision"

 

Jongin takes a deep breath before starting, "I was walking home from work last week and I passed through a park. It was nearing midnight, around eleven or twelve. When I passed by the bench near the lake, you know that one where we used to sit and drink beer together?" Sehun nods, "That one. There was a box there, I didn't care at first and I would've left it there if only it didn't start crying"

 

Jongin feels Sehun’s hand on his and that time he realizes that his hands already formed fists because of the growing anger inside of him. Sehun’s fingers delicately straightening Jongin’s fingers, thumb moving in a slow calming circle on the veins. Jongin feels himself relax a little bit.

 

"I went to the box and found him, found Taeoh."

 

"There was a letter along with him. They said his name is Taeoh. He is ten months old. They are sorry for leaving Taeoh on the bench because they aren't able to support Taeoh anymore because of financial problems. On the letter, they said they love him. But how could they leave him there, if they loved him?"

 

Jongin takes in a deep breath; his eyes feels like burning, tears threaten to pour out at the memories of that night. It was cold, nearing winter, and Taeoh was left alone clad with nothing but his onesies and a blanket over him.

 

"I brought him home. I bathed him. I fed him the baby milk I could find at that hour that night. He look so tired, so so.." Delicate. Sehun tightens his grip on Jongin's hand when he hears the latter's voice starting to shake, I'm here, "I thought, he was even too tired to cry he only whined”

 

They are sitting in silence for a few minutes, only their breathings are heard. Sehun keeps his eyes on Jongin who has his head down, but Sehun knows that he's biting his lips, trying to keep in the sobs. His shoulder shakes slightly overtime, but it disappears after a while. For all the years that Sehun knows Jongin, there's hardly thing that makes him angry, or sad to the extent of crying. Sehun can only remember Jongin crying once, that is when his grandmother died a few years ago. Both of them are not that soft hearted or sensitive. So it’s a rare occurrence for them to cry.

And here Jongin is, talking about Taeoh and crying as he tells Sehun.

 

"It's late." Sehun breaks the silence, his another way to say you want to stay for the night?

          

There’s no way Sehun would leave Jongin alone right now, not when he’s in his weakest state and in no condition to drive back.

 

Jongin doesn't say anything, only looking up at Sehun with red eyes and a palm over Sehun’s warm hands. Thank you.

 

**

 

Jongin looks up at the bathroom mirror in front of him, his face is red like he just ran miles and his eyes are puffy because of the crying earlier, but his heart feels a lot lighter to the fact that he already shared about Taeoh to his best friend. Jongin is thankful that Sehun doesn't get angry at him, or yell at him, or even ask him to get out from his house. He isn't ready to the idea of losing Sehun. Not like he will be ready someday.

 

And somehow, Jongin feels a new surge of confidence inside of him. He feels… supported, he feels like he's not alone. The willingness of Sehun to take care of Taeoh earlier this day must've meant that Jongin can ask him for help, right?

 

Jongin is about to get out from the bathroom, clad in Sehun's boxers and loose t-shirt the other had given him before to borrow for sleeping, when he hears Taeoh's cries. Jongin quickly goes out and makes his way past the living room, down the hall to Sehun's room.

 

"Taeoh, what--"

 

"Sshhh," there's a whisper coming from the room and Jongin lets his eyes adjust with the dimness to see who it is. The voice is no other than Sehun, sitting on the bed with Taeoh in his arms, one hand supporting the bottle that fed Taeoh.

 

"He's hungry" Sehun whispers while smiling as Jongin makes his way to the both of them, he takes the space next to Sehun and leans down to land a kiss on Taeoh's forehead. He is silent for a while, only staring at Taeoh with adoration clear in his eyes.

 

“Jongin” Sehun breaks the silent. “There is something I’ve been thinking about this situation. And I want to ask you about this”

 

“What is it?” Jongin sits straight up, eyes following Sehun who is putting Taeoh back to his baby bed. After making sure that the baby is tucked safe and sound inside the baby bed, Sehun leads Jongin outside to the couch.

          

“Are you planning to adopt him, Jongin?”

 

The answer is a nod immediately, without any second of hesitation and Sehun is smiling at the answer. “Do you know how it works?”

 

Jongin shakes his head, now realizing that he’s clueless about this.

 

“So, you have to report that you found Taeoh to the police first. And then the nearest foster home will take him—“

 

“But they can’t take him, he’s small! He will cry all day!”

 

Sehun knows Jongin would react like this at the information. When Jongin was at work, Sehun went on the internet and searched for how adoption works for cases like Jongin. He was worried about telling Jongin because he knew how Jongin would react, and he is proven right just now. Sehun sighs.

 

“But, Jongin—“

 

“Can we just not report it to the police?”

 

“And then someday you can be accused of kidnapping?”

 

Jongin goes silent. Sehun notices the way he plays with his fingers, the sign that he’s nervous and thinking. For the past few days since Jongin found Taeoh, he never went outside with the baby except for the trip to the day-care and a few run to the groceries. But, Taeoh will grow, he will need to go to the doctor someday, he will need to go to school someday or even he will need to go to the park to meet his friends. And Jongin, as his parent now, will have to show Taeoh how the world outside their home is like.

 

Going out will mean Taeoh will be out there, for everyone to see and recognize. There is no guarantee there will be no friends or acquaintances of Taeoh’s real parents, or even his families, seeing him one day and wondering why Taeoh is with Jongin, a person they don’t know who. When it is them who doesn’t know what happened for real.

 

Jongin knows Sehun is right, and there is no other choice, but that doesn’t stop him from asking Sehun, “Is there any other way?”

 

Sehun shakes his head sadly before looking at Jongin, his eyes look as sad and lost in this. Somehow, Jongin feels relieved he’s not the only one who feels like this. Sehun might be sad, but he at least has the tendency to put some sense into Jongin’s mind, like he always does.

“Let’s get you into bed and we will talk about it later? You’ve had a rough day” Jongin lets himself being guided to the room by Sehun.

 

**

 

Jongin dreams that it wasn’t him who took Taeoh home that night, instead, a gang that Seoul police department has been searching for years. They have long sheet of crime that they did and dark business they are involved in. Jongin comes home at night and watches the TV and sees news about a boy who is sold into a black market, the boy is already a teenager, and he is forced into doing things unexplainable to human morals. Jongin looks at the corner of the screen only to realize the boy’s name is Taeoh.

 

Jumping into another scene, Jongin is on his way to save Taeoh but one of the gang members sees him first and kicks him on the stomach. Jongin falls to the ground, he can feel blood coming out from his nose, but he doesn’t give up. He immediately stands up to walk again but the number of the gang members keep growing and growing. Jongin tries to walk forward again but the gang member keeps hitting him in the chest, in the stomach..

 

“NYAH!”

 

Nyah? Why does a gang member sounds like a baby?

 

Jongin feels himself rise into consciousness and he tries to move but there’s weight on his stomach preventing him to do so. His eyes are still blurry and the bright sunrays coming from between the curtain is blinding he closes his eyes again. The source of weight lost for a moment before it is back again, with the same “NYAH!” and two lighter weights planted on his chest.

 

He pops one eyes open, now his sight is clearer, and greeted with the sight of grinning Taeoh sitting on his stomach, two arms supporting his body on Jongin’s chest. Taeoh looks so excited for Saturday morning and looks even more so when he notices that his father is awake.

 

“Good job on waking up your daddy, Taeoh” Jongin hears Sehun says from the other side of the room. He wants to tilt his head to see Sehun but Taeoh places his hands on both of Jongin’s cheeks each, mashing them together and holding Jongin’s face in place. Taeoh giggles at his duck face.

“Yweou likwet iwt?” Taeoh only giggles more.

 

Jongin places his hand on Taeoh’s sides and lifts him as he sits up. The baby lets out an excited squeal when Jongin pecks him a good morning kiss.

 

“Did you get a good sleep?”

 

“NYAH!” Jongin smiles proudly. Taeoh is starting to show efforts to talk, even if what he said are still incoherent and all baby mumbles. But it’s a step. Jongin can’t wait until he can hear Taeoh calls him ‘dad’. Or maybe his first word can be 'Jongin'. Or maybe it will only be ‘Jong’ or ‘In’ he won’t mind it at all.

 

“Now, Taeoh, say ‘Appa’?”

 

Jongin is in the middle of teaching Taeoh to call him dad when Sehun barges into the room once again, clad in apron and spatula in one hand.

 

“Attention boys! Breakfast is ready! Now who wants pancakes?”

 

**

 

Breakfast is eventful. With Sehun trying to feed Taeoh another food aside from milk and Jongin is worrying from the side. “Sehun, he doesn’t want to eat that!” Jongin whines as he eyes the bowl filled with perfectly blended lentils, legum and kidney beans on the bowl in Sehun’s hand, only to have Sehun throws him his murderous glare that definitely says “Shut up or I’ll stuff this down your throat”

 

Jongin hates kidney beans, and Taeoh seems to inherit it from him, even with the fact they are not even related by blood. The thought of it brings a smile to Jongin’s face; he feels proud somehow that Taeoh, his son, is beginning to resemble him.

 

“Why are you smiling?” Sehun asks before he sighs in defeat, placing the small bowl onto the counter and reaching out for tissues to clean the mess Taeoh made while refusing the blended red beans earlier. Nothing Sehun did make the little 10 months old eat the food he gave him. Not even Song Ilkook’s recommended try-to-make-airplane-movement-with-your-spoon way. If he can’t persuade Taeoh with the master of triplets’ way, he doesn’t know what will.

 

“Nothwing spwecwiawl.” Jongin answers in between chews of his pancakes. Sehun makes a disgusted face at him before throwing a crumpled tissue paper at Jongin, who dodges it away easily.

 

“I just wish you don’t grow up like Jongin, Taeoh. You don’t want to be stupid like him.” Sehun runs his fingers over Taeoh’s soft hair, the baby only looks at him with eyes wide, as if thinking about the thing the older just said.

 

“Ya! He’s my kid! He has every right to be like me!”

 

“I feel like he’s my kid too…” Sehun mumbles to no one.

 

Jongin peers at Sehun through his unwashed bangs, “What did you say? I didn’t hear it”

 

Instead of answering, Sehun stands up and brings the plate to the sink. “Nothing. By the way, do you have something to do today? I think Taeoh might need a few more jackets now that winter is nearing”

 

Jongin is silent for a while before turning his head to Taeoh, “What do you think, little one? Do you want to get out and go shopping today?”

 

As if understanding what his dad says, Taeoh’s face lits up and, “NYAH!”

 

“Myeongdong it is, then” Jongin smiles as he leans back to his seat, “But Taeoh needs a bath first”

“And you need to brush your teeth” Sehun voices as he picks Taeoh up. “Who do you want to bath with, Taeoh-ya? I have Mr. Ducky and Mr. Larva for you to choose!”

 

**

 

Shopping goes on smoothly, even if Myeondong is undoubtedly crowded, but with Taeoh safely straps himself in the newly bought stroller, it is a lot easier. The said baby is now sleeping peacefully on the stroller, all bundled up with new jacket and a sweater underneath. Little feet clad in socks and little hands covered with gloves. He looks so calm and undisturbed despite the people’s chattering around them.

 

Before going home, they decide to make a turn and head to the nearest grocery store because Jongin starts to run out of diapers, and also for groceries because Jongin’s parents will come at 3 to check out their kid and grandson, apparently. They are on the baby food aisle when Taeoh wakes up and whining for his father to pick him up, but Jongin is still busy picking which baby food will suit Taeoh so Sehun does it in his place instead.

 

“What’s taking you so long?” Sehun walks closer to where Jongin is hunched over one of the rack. The older shakes his head in defeat, “I don’t know which one to choose. Do you have any idea?”

“I might be better at handling babies than you but my siblings didn’t get this kind of food, mom always made it herself. So, I don't know. Sorry, buddy” Sehun apologizes, and then he looks at Taeoh, “How about you choose Taeoh? Choose one”

 

Taeoh is still too dazed to react to Sehun’s words so he continues on laying his head on Sehun’s shoulder. Suddenly, a middle-aged woman walks closer to them, “Do you guys need help?”

 

Jongin is stunned at his place at the question, making the woman chuckles, “I heard what you guys were talking about just then. I am a mother of three so you can believe me” At that, Jongin lets out a relieved sigh like his biggest burden in the world has been lifted up off his shoulders. “I didn’t know choosing baby food would be this hard”

 

The woman only nods with an understanding smile on her face, before asking “How old is he?”

“Ten months old, and seems to dislike kidney beans, like his father” Sehun answers, adding the small information while glaring at Jongin with no real venom in his stare. The woman turns her attention to the rows of boxes on the rack, inspecting it one by one before taking one of the green colored boxes and hands it to Jongin.

 

“You can start with this one; it is the most suitable for his age. And it has various flavours so you can suit his taste. But, for you, as the other parent, it’s your job to ensure he eats everything well. Sometimes he just needs a little push.” The woman explains to them, looking at Sehun for her last two sentences. “I’ll make sure, ma’am” Sehun says after a few seconds thinking, playing along.

 

The middle-aged woman doesn’t seem to notice the growing tension between the two in front of her and continue to explain some other things to Jongin, “When his teeth starts to grow, you can start giving him these baby biscuits. It will help” Jongin nods as his mind working to store the information he just received. He wants to ask for another question but disrupted by the sound of someone’s phone ringing, turns out to be the woman’s.

 

Jongin looks back at the rack and chooses two kind of baby food he thinks Taeoh will like while the woman talks to her phone, something about picking up her child at the school and having lunch together. Hearing about school, Jongin’s mind wanders about how it feels like when Taeoh goes to school in the future; will his son think his friends are cooler than Jongin? Will he go out frequently with his friends?

 

Before his mind goes far, Jongin snaps himself back into reality. Just in time the woman is done with her phone call. “I’m sorry but I have to go, my third child already done with her classes. It’s so nice to see young parents like you two. It reminds me of myself when I was having my first child. Don’t worry, you guys will learn along the way”

 

“And he, what’s his name?” The woman points towards Taeoh. “His name is Taeoh, Kim Taeoh” Jongin introduces.

 

“Taeoh is handsome, I’m not surprised after seeing both of his parents” She compliments, at which Sehun bows and says ‘thank you’ with a blush on his cheeks. “I pray for a smooth parenthood journey for you two” After saying her goodbye, she leaves them with a wave.

 

Jongin looks at Sehun from the corner of his eyes, doesn’t know if he should say something about the whole encounter with the woman. It’s not their first time being assumed as young parents. The clerk and cashier at the baby’s shop and a few passerbies were all complimenting Taeoh, saying that ‘Your baby is beautiful. You two are lucky.,.  Sehun looks unaffected and cool about through it all, and sometimes, playing along. Thanking them, or saying that the couple is the ones who are lucky. For now, Sehun looks relaxed as he straps Taeoh back to his stroller.

 

Jongin almost wants to think that maybe it is a sign that Sehun doesn’t mind with the idea of both of them being parents to Taeoh (or more to ‘if they end up together’, Jongin slaps himself mentally at the thought), but the small voice in his mind tells him that maybe Sehun is just really good at acting.

 

Jongin never likes his low self-esteem and over thinking part for a reason.

 

After making sure that Taeoh won’t fall out from his stroller and giving him his new plush toy to keep him occupied, Sehun looks up, smiling at Jongin. “Let’s go? You should be at home before three, right?”

 

Jongin really wishes it’s the first one.

 

**

 

Beyond expectation, Jongin's parents love Taeoh as much as Jongin does, if not more. Well, they were not that excited when Jongin told them for the first time through the phone call, but not exactly angry at Jongin too. More like, confused? They expect to be introduced to a possible daughter or son in law first before being introduced to a grandson, more than that, not related by blood. They said it is up to Jongin's decision, whether to adopt Taeoh or not. It was before they meet Taeoh for the first time.

 

Three hours after his parents arrive; Jongin can only sit on the couch, abandoned and lonely, starring at his parents cooing and playing with baby Taeoh. Jongin is slightly bitter, because all of Taeoh's attention has been on his grandparents but he is happy nonetheless. So, to distract his lonely heart, Jongin stands up and walks to the kitchen, deciding to prepare food because the dinner time is approaching. He smiles when he hears a laugh, characteristically Taeoh's, resonating from the living room to the kitchen. The apartment has always been empty and silent before Taeoh come.

 

He's almost done with the soup and now moving onto re-heating side dishes when the one who sends them every month comes into the kitchen, her face radiant with her smile. She quickly shoos Jongin and tells him to sit down so she can take over the kitchen. At first, Jongin refuses but his mom threatens him that she will not send him side dishes any more if he keeps this up, so Jongin ends up on the bar stool, watching his mom cooks.

 

"Are you going with the plan of adopting him?" his mom asks after a few minutes in silence.

 

Jongin nods, even if he knows his mom can't see. "Yes, I can't back up now. Too attached"

His mom laughs at the remark, "Not surprised. I've only met him today and I could say I can't wait to spoil him already"

 

"Mom, you can't spoil him okay!" Jongin half groans from where he sits. Jongin can picture how many toys and clothes his mother and father will buy for Taeoh. "Ah come on, toys or clothes won't hurt anyone. He's adorable, really. So I can't help it."

 

"Who has been helping you so far? I know you can't handle a sudden baby alone"

 

Jongin leans his head on one of his palm, minds wandering back to the past two days. "Sehun. He's so great with them"

 

His mom keeps silent as she chops down some kimchi, but Jongin knows she’s thinking about something from her tensed posture. “Mom, what are you thinking?”

 

She places the knife on the cutting board and moves to check the soup, clicking the stove off when she deems the food ready. Then, she turns around to face Jongin, concerns written all over her face, “Are you sure you can do this alone? Parenting is hard even when there are two parents figure, and now you’re alone. Sehun can’t be there forever.”

 

He can if only I can do something about it.

 

“And you know, adoption is easier when you have a girlfriend or boyfriend with you.”

 

“You don’t want to search for a girlfriend? Or boyfriend?” Jongin has expected his mom to ask that, she really wants Jongin to have a girlfriend, or boyfriend. Someone to take care of you when I’m old, she said one day. She’s been setting up dates for Jongin, with her friends’s daughters or sons. But none of them turned out well. She doesn’t know for sure why, but Jongin knows for sure the reason why it turned out like that. Every time she asked, he just said that the person was not his style or any other reason if his mother wouldn't accept it.

 

Jongin sighs, and now with his status as Taeoh’s father, it will be even harder for him to get a girlfriend or boyfriend. To add more, the stigma towards single father. On the other side, Jongin feels relieved that maybe his mom won’t try as hard as she usually does after this. “I don’t know, Mom. Not my priority for right now. And it’s hard to find a lover who wants to take responsibility for Taeoh too; I’m not just by myself right now.”

 

His mom doesn’t say anything yet Jongin knows she’s a bit disappointed. Jongin feels it is hard to look at his mom’s eyes. The rest of the cooking goes by in silence and Jongin doesn’t move from his place, too deep in his thinking.

 

Not long after, the dinner is ready to be served. Without being called, Jongin's dad comes to the kitchen with Taeoh sitting on his shoulder, laughing happily and fascinated by the new point of view. It melts the tension immediately; they sit down together in the dining table, after ten months not seeing each other, with Taeoh between his grandparents on his high chair. He's cooperating really well that night, eating the baby food they just bought without any problems.

"Is raising a son hard?" Mrs. Kim asks when she and Jongin stand side by side doing the dishes; Mr. Kim is back on the living room to prepare for the DVD for them to watch together. “Are you ready for more in the future?”

 

"Yes, of course." Jongin answers, with confidence in his voice. "But, it's and it will worth it, mom."

 

**

 

By the time Sunday evening rolls in, Jongin finds himself lounging on his bed with his laptop on his lap after sending his parents off on the train station. Taeoh is beside him, trying slowly to crawl. He's almost there, but not yet. Jongin gives his son a supportive pat in the back before continuing to browse more and more about adoption.

 

His mom is right about what she said yesterday, Jongin sighs at the realization. But the information he read on the internet is making him feel a little bit better, Taeoh doesn’t have to be taken to the foster care or stay that long there while the adoption process is going if only Jongin meets up some criteria. Jongin looks up the criteria, and he finds that he is qualified enough. His case is one of the special case types, and Taeoh is still too young to understand. But it still needs a little persuading and assurement to do.

 

And that doesn’t mean he won’t lose to other parents searching for a kid to adopt.

He’s scared, but he will try.

 

After rows and rows, pages and pages, and a thousand words read, Jongin leans back on the bed frame. Massaging his scalp with his fingers to get rid of the upcoming headache, he looks to the side and sees that Taeoh sits, starring at him.

 

“Taeoh-ya, say appa?” Jongin tries.

 

“Nyah?”

 

“Jong, In?”

 

“Nyah!”

 

“Se, Hun?”

 

“Uh?!”

 

“Almost there buddy”

 

**

 

Jongin is frantically running to the elevator right now, needing to get into his car quickly and needing to get to Taeoh’s day-care as soon as possible. A minute ago, he was still in the middle of the reviewing contract papers that should be discussed in the upcoming meeting later when a call from the day-care came. They never called before, so Jongin had a bad feeling from the start when he picked up the phone.

 

Why does bad hunch never wrong? Jongin asks to himself as he waits for the elevator to get down to the parking lot quickly.

 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Kim, to have called you right now. But Taeoh is sick, he seems to have a fever and he keeps crying.”

 

Jongin already notices Taeoh’s change in temperature from the night before, but his baby boy still looked healthy and after checking his temperature in the morning after that, it was fine. So, he dropped him off at the day-care as usual. He didn’t know his condition would go bad so quickly, it’s not even lunch time yet.

 

Jongin grows even more anxious when he finally gets to his car and makes his way to the road. It’s the first time Taeoh is sick, and he doesn’t know what to do. What if it is more than a usual fever? What if it is worse than he thinks it is? What if… What if…

 

He shakes his head, hoping the negativity will go. He can’t let his mind wander right now; he needs to focus on driving. Nobody wants to add another problem. But, the lady luck is not on Jongin’s side that day and he is faced with a long traffic because of a recent accident on the road leading to the day-care, Jongin tries to find a shortcut but he passes it already and there is no other way.

 

“Arrrrrrgh!” Jongin yells in frustration, thinking angrily about whom the hell decides to be so careless on the road today to make this huge mess of traffic.

 

The day-care calls once again to know where he is and he tells them that he is stuck in the traffic and he will be there as soon as he can. He tries to sound cool, composed. But, the truth is, he is a mess. He needs to get fast but the traffic doesn’t look like it would resolve in a minute or two. So, Jongin decides to call for help.

“Hello?”

 

“Sehunsehunsehunsehunsehun, please can you help me?” Jongin rants as soon as Sehun greets from the other side of the line.

 

“Jongin? Are you okay? What happened?”

 

“Taeoh..Taeoh…” Jongin takes a breath but everything just feels like caving in at him and he’s suffocated. He feels half frustrated because he couldn’t notice his baby getting sick, he feels half scared that he fail at being a dad, and he’s panicking because he can’t get to his baby in time. After a few seconds and Sehun commands him to breathe slowly with him that and Jongin finally calms down and tells Sehun the reason why he calls.

 

“I’ll be there picking him up, can you call the day-care so they know that I will pick him up?” Jongin croaks out a yes. “Good, I’ll see you at your house that. Relax, Jongin, babies do get fever, it’s bound to happen. Everything will be fine.” After saying his goodbye, Sehun cuts the call and Jongin finally can breathe easier.

 

How he wishes Sehun will be there on every step of raising Taeoh in the future, Jongin really can’t do it alone. But, it feels like it’s unfair, for Sehun mostly. Why should he stay with Jongin and Taeoh when he can get another single guy, dating, get married and then adopt their own chosen child?

 

Jongin sighs as he moves the car forward for a few meters. He can’t think of that right now, the only think he should be thinking about is how to get back home quickly.

 

And safely.

 

**

 

After an hour and a half getting stuck in the traffic and going with a snail pace, Jongin finally made it home. Sehun texted him a few hours before that he already took care of Taeoh and told him to not be reckless and just drive safely and follows the rules. Well, Sehun knows him too well. He almost crosses the red light or just abandons his car and run to his apartment.

 

The house is calm, there is no sound of Taeoh crying, which can be a good sign. Jongin toes his shoes on the front door and puts it aside before making his way to the living room, only to find it empty. He looks at the kitchen, and it is also empty. Jongin decides to check his bedroom after getting a bottle of water, and that’s where he finds Sehun laying down next to Taeoh, calm and peaceful in their slumber. There’s a cloth that Jongin guessed as a wet warm cloth over his baby’s forehead.

 

Jongin moves slowly to the bed, trying not to make a sound. Putting the warm-water filled basin away at the food of the bed, he makes himself comfortable as he lays beside Taeoh, body facing him.

He finally can relax after seeing his baby boy is getting the treatment he should have and will be fine, so he closes his eyes and succumbs to sleep. Hoping he will meet Taeoh and Sehun in his dream.

 

**

 

Jongin wakes up to an opened curtain the warm evening lights streaming from the window and a blanket covering him. Jongin raises his hand to look at the watch and he finds that it’s already five o’clock. He must be really tired after going through the traffic, he guesses. He looks at his side to notice that Sehun and Taeoh aren’t there, but there are sounds coming from outside so they must be up and doing something.

 

Throwing the blanket asides, Jongin strides to the bathroom to change his work clothes to a more comfortable one. He just steps out from the bathroom when Sehun appears behind the door, looking excited as ever. Well, Jongin heard Sehun shrieked when he was brushing his teeth just then.

 

“Jongin! You are not going to believe this” Sehun says, eyes wide in fascination.

 

“What?”

 

“Taeoh says his first word! And guess what, his first word is: Hun!”

 

**

 

When Jongin and Sehun are back to the kitchen, Taeoh is there sitting on his high chair while looking around for his companion before. He doesn’t look sick, but Jongin can see clearly that he’s not completely healthy either; at least he’s getting better. His eyes widens when he spots them, “Hun Ppa!” he shouts before breaking in laughter.

 

Sehun laughs alongside him and walks closer to him, patting him softly on the head. “Hun Ppa is here, Taeoh.”

 

Jongin stands in front of the doorway, only starring as the scene unfolds before him. One thing comes to his mind….

 

He’s jealous, of course. He’s madly jealous.

 

He’s been teaching and guiding Taeoh to say his name but to no avail, and Taeoh’s first word turned out to be Hun Ppa, which according to Jongin’s own baby language dictionary in his mind, translates to “Sehun Appa”. Jongin feels a light painful pang inside his chest.

 

But he can’t deny it, Sehun might had been there on Taeoh’s most improving days, even if he only met Taeoh two days ago. He takes care of Taeoh better than Jongin ever did. Maybe he spends a lot of time with Taeoh while Jongin is asleep, teaching him with more effective ways than Jongin has done.  

 

It’s not because his own son resents him, Jongin is sure.

 

……...Right?

 

“Jongin?”

 

Jongin shakes his head, trying to clear any negative thoughts before responding to Sehun’s call, “Yes?”

 

“You okay? You were silent the whole time.” Sehun asks curiously, eyes studying Jongin. It is after a few seconds that he realizes something, “You were thinking that Taeoh doesn’t like you because his first word is my name, aren’t you?” He asks accusingly.

 

With the lack of answer from Jongin, Sehun assumes it as a yes, having known his best friends for years already. “I knew it. Jongin, you’re the best father he could ever get. He’s just saying what is easier to him. And I bet ‘Hun’ is easier for him than ‘Jong’. He’ll say your name in a day or two. Give him a time”

 

Getting his inner mind discovered by Sehun, Jongin doesn’t say anything to deny what Sehun said. He knows it’s the truth anyway, and what Sehun said makes his head a lot clearer. As a response, he only nods as he makes his way to sit beside Taeoh. The said baby smiles when his appa sits beside him.

 

“Jongin? I’m gonna make dinner. Stay here and play with him, okay?” Sehun says as he waltzes around the kitchen. There’s a spring in his step, a sign that he is definitely on his good mood. Jongin wonders why, is it because of the recent event? Taeoh is calling him Appa?

 

Jongin suddenly realizes something.  

 

“Sehun?” Jongin calls, which Sehun stops in cutting the carrots and looks around at him. “Yeah?”

 

“You, you don’t mind with Taeoh calling you appa?”

 

Sehun seems a bit shocked at the question, having realized the intensity of Taeoh calling him ‘appa’ just now. Taeoh might say it out of the blue and just because it is easier. But if it’s about what is easier, then Taeoh could just said ‘Hun’. But instead, he said ‘Hun ppa’, which means he has the image of Sehun being his other appa inside his head. For Taeoh, it’s an improvement. But, for the two grown adults, what Taeoh thinks can be something more means more. And, making them questioning about where they stand.

 

Sehun stays silent for a little while, lost in his thought. Truthfully, whether he answers the question now, tomorrow, next year, there is only one answer for that. He’s been harboring feelings for Jongin since God knows when, and he’s already attached to Taeoh, treating the baby as if he is his all this time. And that’s why he’s really on a good mood after hearing Taeoh’s first word.

But he might have a feeling for Jongin, and Taeoh sees him as his other appa, but what matters the most would be how Jongin feels about all of these. Sehun’s mind travels to the past two days, ever since he met Taeoh for the first time, the heart-to-heart talk at that night, and Myeongdong. He can’t lie that he loves all the attention given to them and Taeoh. He loved how the passerby referred them as a couple, as Taeoh’s parents, referred Taeoh as theirs. He loved how the middle aged woman told him what to do with Taeoh’s habit of picking his food. That was why he played along; acting like he was really Taeoh’s other parents.

 

Seeing Jongin’s close to none reaction, could he assume it as something positive? A green light?

Sehun decides that it is now, or never. He just hopes he won’t regret it later. “I don’t mind at all.” is all he says before going back to his cooking.

 

**

 

Dinner passes by in silence, only exchanging words when they need help to pass over the side dishes or taking turns in feeding Taeoh. Jongin distracts his attention to Taeoh, watching him eating and keeps talking to him about everything. He will take a glance once or twice to Sehun, only to find the younger not eating, picking around his food his chopstick or just looking at Taeoh babbling his response to Jongin’s talks.

 

They move to the couch after dinner, dishes washed and put away. Jongin put in the dvd on the player, deciding on Inside Out because it is what Taeoh picked when he laid out all of the dvds they have. Jongin lies on one side of the couch, and Taeoh is on floor, laying in his belly on top of his pillow with Sehun guarding him on his side.

 

Halfway through the movie Taeoh fell asleep, no surprises there. Even if they both know Taeoh is asleep and they can stop watching but both Jongin and Sehun don’t say anything about it, prolonging the time to avoid talking to each other.

 

Joy and sadness are finally back to headquarters and taking care of things when Jongin finally breaks the silence between them, “I browsed about adoption last night.”

 

Sehun nods, acknowledging. “And? Is everything alright?”

 

“Yes, I fit all of the requirements. I have fixed jobs and all, my family history is good. I think it’s easy to convince them. But I’m afraid..”

 

“Why is that?”

 

Jongin runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m afraid I will lose to the married couples. Almost all of the foster home are prioritizing a couple who wants to adopt first. They allow single parent, but they don’t prioritize. Another reason why I don’t want him to be placed in a foster home while adoption process is ongoing because... Taeoh is….” Jongin sighs, “Well, there is no guarantee that he will be chosen by one right away once he’s at there, but if he is…. I don’t know, I just can’t picture myself without him anymore.”

 

“Why don’t you search for someone then, a girlfriend or a boyfriend?”

 

After Sehun’s question, they fell into silence again. Jongin feels like he’s back to his conversation with his mother two days before, but the difference of the situation is now, the person he has in mind for a boyfriend is sitting in front of him. Only their breathings are heard in the room and the movie credits starts rolling in. Jongin looks at the clock on top of the TV table, it’s nearing half past ten, Sehun will have to go back to his home and Jongin won’t have another chance.

 

Jongin rises up from his seat and moves to sit beside Sehun. Sehun stiffens when he feels Jongin’s presence close to him, too close for comfort. Their conversation in the kitchen is still ringing inside his head. Jongin doesn’t say anything for a while, only starring ahead.

 

“I have someone I’ve been having a crush on, for 5 years right now. He’s one of my close friends” Jongin starts. Sehun can feel his heart breaks at the sentences, and he feels choked up but he tries to keep his cool, he can’t cry in front of Jongin, because if he does, Jongin will ask why and everything will be reveal. He isn’t ready to lose his friendship just because he confesses and Jongin doesn’t feel the same way. “I can’t even ask him out when Taeoh wasn’t there, and I.. can’t ask him right now because I’m not confident. I have Taeoh now, not everyone wants to starts a relationship with someone with a kid..”

 

“It’s not like I resent Taeoh, not at all. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me alongside with this person. But, I just realize that it will be hard to search for another parent figure for Taeoh. I also think the person that I like also deserve better than stuck with me and forced being Taeoh’s parents..”

 

“Why don’t you try it first? You don’t know if you don’t try” Sehun is grateful his voice doesn’t come out hoarse, or Jongin will notice something is wrong.

 

“Probably…” Jongin nods, playing with his fingers, nervous. “Imagine you’re in this person’s shoes, I’m asking you out but I’m a single father. What will you say?”

 

"I will besurprised of course, because it is too sudden. But, with a baby as cute as Taeoh, I think I would try. Everyone is different, but you have to be brave and ask, so you know and won’t regret anything later.”

 

What Jongin asks him after that is something he never thought he would hear in the conversation, “So, would you be there, with me, at the police station, at the foster home, as my boyfriend, as Taeoh’s other parents?”

 

“Jongin, don’t joke around about this okay. Ask it to the person, not to me.” Sehun tries to laugh, to ease the growing tension inside the room and to calm himself when his heart is beating faster right now. His mind going haywire at Jongin’s question but he still can’t believe it. Part of him feels like he wants to explode in joy and happiness, but the other side of him prevents him to prepare himself for heartbreak if Jongin turns out be lying.

 

Jongin shakes his head, “You’re that person, Sehun. Why would I ask anyone else?” Jongin says again, now facing Sehun. His face is hopeful, and Sehun finally realizes that he’s not playing around. Jongin is serious.

 

Jongin takes another deep breath before he asks again, “Would you like to try?

    

**

 

[EPILOGUE]

 

Jongin raises himself from the sofa in the living room; the TV is still blaring infinity challenge’s newest episode. After moving around a bit to shake the stiffness away, Jongin makes his way to the kitchen, trudging the shelves to search for a pack of instant hot chocolate he is sure he hide a few days before from prying hands. He is a child like that. The house is empty aside from him, so there will be no one asking for the last pack of instant hot chocolate in his hands.

 

He brings his steaming cup to the small table near the window. The remnants of yesterday’s light snow are sticked to the window but still leave a space for him to see what’s going on outside. The street is busy, people are either going out to grab something or only to wander around waiting for the next snow. The colorful street lights give a characteristic glow that one only can get at the end of the year.

 

He sighs as he wraps his hand around the cup, It’s been a year, he thinks.

 

His train of thoughts is interrupted by a tell-tale sound of the security password being put in correctly and the door opens. Jongin makes no move from his seat, knowing well whose coming.

 

Knowing well who’s coming home.

 

“Appa!” the sound registers before Jongin can feel a presence beside him, hugging his legs thightly. He looks down to see Taeoh, all bundled up in the thick layers of winter jacket and the hem of his sweater peeking out from behind. Definitely the work of his mom. His face is red because of the cold air but he doesn’t look cold. “How’s the trip to the supermarket, honey? Did you buy hot chocolate?”

 

“Yes! And then we went to…” Taeoh keeps reciting all the things they did on their short trip as Jongin makes his way to the kitchen with Taeoh in his arms, nodding and giving response when needed. In the kitchen, he found his another reason to come home every day, his another reason to wake up every morning, his another reason to work so hard for.

 

Jongin leans his body on the door frame, watching the other waltzing around the kitchen to store the things bought from the short trip to the supermarket after dinner because they ran out of Taeoh’s milk. Jongin had offered himself to go, but the latter wanted to go instead because of he has something to buy too. Taeoh, bored being home all day, insisted that he wanted to come along.

 

“You don’t have to dress him this thick, you know. Don’t you think it’s a bit too much?” Jongin puts Taeoh down on his high chair, zipping down the outer jackets until he is left with sweater and a light jacket on the outside. “Is it cold, Taeoh-ya?” Jongin asks, which the baby replies with a shake of his head before going back to play with his plush toys.

 

The other person in the kitchen snorts before facing Jongin, “I just don’t want my baby freezes. Is that too much to ask?”

 

Jongin grins, before reaching up for the latter to engulf him in a hug and peck the other lightly on the lips. It makes pink tints creeping onto the latter’s face, which is on the top 5 of Jongin’s favorite thing in the whole world. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, anything you want, Hun. You’re the mom anyway” The sentence makes a light slap end up on Jongin’s arms, before they are both erupts in laughter.

 

Sehun, it’s been a year since Jongin asked him if he’s willing to try with him. And it’s also been a year since Sehun started to prove his words. This past year has been nothing but a roller coaster right for Jongin. From Taeoh’s adoption process that had a bit of problem when a couple suddenly wanted to adopt Taeoh too, to Taeoh finally calling him Jong-Ppa two days after Hun-ppa, to Taeoh’s first birthday party, to Taeoh’s first snow, Taeoh’s first spring picnic, Taeoh’s first trip to the beach, Taeoh’s first fall on the park the other day. Jongin and Sehun can’t wait for his another first.

 

It’s also a lot of firsts for both of them; first kiss, first date, first intertwined hands, first birthday spent together, first make out, and to first make love.

 

Speaking of making love….

 

“By the way, how about tonight we… It’s been a while.” Sehun can feel Jongin’s hand trailing on his backside, igniting fires on every touch. He shudders at the hidden meaning.

 

“Hun ppa! Sleepy….” Taeoh suddenly calls, and when they both look at him, he’s yawning and his eyes are droopy. Sehun peels himself away from Jongin’s arms to tend Taeoh, not responding Jongin’s suggestion and bringing Taeoh to the previously guest room turned nursery next to the main room. Jongin follows behind; watching Sehun changes Taeoh into his pajamas and brings him to the washroom to brush his teeth.

 

“Taeoh-ya, do you want to brush daddy’s teeth?” An idea forms inside Sehun’s mind when he catches Jongin’s eyes through the bathroom’s mirror. The baby’s ears perk up at the idea and immediately nod his head in excitement.

 

Jongin on the other hand, seems dazed with the request and only obeying when Sehun asks him to get closer. Sehun gives Taeoh the toothbrush and put the toothpaste over it before beckoning Jongin to open his mouth and guide Taeoh’s hand around. Jongin doesn’t know if it’s unintentional, pure Taeoh’s uncoordinated hands or Sehun intentionally guides Taeoh’s hand a bit too strong, making the toothbrush to bump onto gums and cheek.

 

After a minute or two of more like attacking his mouth cavity instead of really brushing his teeth, Sehun deems that they are done and tell Jongin to brush his teeth for real right now while he’s putting Taeoh to sleep. Sehun leaves without looking back at him and Jongin is left clueless. What was that all about? Did he do something wrong?

 

Jongin is done with his given task in no time, washing the brush and rinsing his mouth before he gets outside to search for Sehun. He finds S in the nursery, carefully putting a blanket on Taeoh’ body. Jongin creeps from behind and puts his hand on both of Sehun’s sides, trapping him. He leans down and whispers to his ears, “What was that all about?”

 

Sehun turns around, making them standing face-to-face. Body almost pressed together and lips only hovering a few centimetres from each other, “I don’t want to kiss someone whose breath stinks”

 

That’s the only answers Jongin needs before he drags Sehun down the hall to the main bathroom.

 

Later that night, they lay side by side in silence and Jongin’s arms wraps around Sehun’s waist, keeping him close. They already done with their thing since one hour ago but it looks like sleep hasn’t come to both of them.

 

“Sehun. Thank you.”

 

“You said that every day. What’s the reason this time?” Sehun yawns, his eyes started to get heavy.

 

“Just.. for being with me?”

 

“You said that two days ago and three weeks ago. Be more creative.”

 

“I’ll tell you that anytime I want.” Jongin says, “and I love you?”

 

Sehun only hums as an answer, brain to tired and sleepy to think of another answer. He tightens his hold on Jongin’s hand instead, hoping to get the message across, I love you too.