- Myungsoo POV -

We are all currently out for dinner, it seems that our sunggyu hyung is on a really good mood therefore will be treating us tonight his good mood even doubled since he’s pretty satisfied with our dance and vocal practice. It doesn’t happen a lot so all of us are pretty hyped up about it well almost all of us; the maknae isn’t that chirpy like the rest of us. Lately he hasn’t been smiling like usual, he’s always wanting to be alone don’t get me wrong it’s not unusual for him to do that because he always want his alone time but this time he is more how to I say this? Somehow he is hollow, distant, quiet and blue.

When I notice that he is walking all alone at the back I slowed down my pace and wait for him, he eyes focused on his shoes as he just mindlessly follow hoya hyung’s footsteps. He must have not notice me since he just continued walking and eyeing on the pavement. I just followed him and reach my hand to his shoulder and gave it a squeeze, he was startled and turned his head and look at me, I smile at him and then calm and gave me a small must I add “forced” smile.

You okay?

Sungjong- mhmm why ask?

You haven’t been talking and you don’t look like you are excited for gyu hyung’s treat

Sungjong- I am I’m just not in the mood to talk or much less show my excitement, I guess I’m too tired from all the practice we did and recordings.

You sure?

Sungjong- kekeke I’m sure. Don’t worry myungsoo hyung.

I nod my head on him and let my arm rest on his shoulder; he didn’t bother telling me off since he knows I would just ignore him and do whatever I want. I didn’t bother asking him what’s really bothering him since I want to respect his decision and I’m sure one of these days he would tell me, that is if he is ready. Once we got to the restaurant I made sure we would be sitting beside each other. We started ordering our food and after a few minutes all our orders come and our once empty table are now full with raw meat, stew dishes, side dish and vegetables. As I was grilling the meat I made sure that I would put the perfectly cooked meats on sungjong’s bowl.

Like usual we are all rowdy and talking loudly as we stuff our mouth with food but sungjong just keeping his silence and none of the hyung’s even trying to tell him off or asking him since they know they wouldn’t get anything from the maknae and better to just give him the quiet time he wants, though sometimes he would also join the conversation but only a few seconds. Once we finish our meal we all head to our dorm and call it a night even though we have the next two following day a rest day. Once we got to our dorm sungyeol and woohyun hyung went off first to the living room as I grab sungjong’s hand while he was about to go inside also

Sleep in my room tonight please?

He looks at me for a moment and processes the words I asked him and after a few seconds he nods his head as a reply to my request. He told me he would just put his things in his room and change his clothes; I nod my head and told him I would wait for him in my room, as I wait for him I took a shower and laid down on my bed after a few minutes there was a knock in my door and a fresh from the bath sungjong then come into view.

I smiled at him and scoot so that he will have a space to sit and lay down he close my bedroom door and walk towards my bed and once he was an arm reach I grab his hand and pull him down, wrapping my arms around his thin body and let his body rest on my chest, I laid my chin on his shoulder as I hug him and enjoy the head that is coming off his body and basically savor the peacefulness of our surrounding. Neither of us bothers speaking and just let ourselves give in to the warmth that our bodies are offering us.

Do you want to sleep already jjongie?

Sungjong- you don’t?

I do, but I want to ask you something first

Sungjong- what is it?

What do you plan for our once in a blue moon 2 days rest day?

Sungjong- hmm actually, nothing just get as much rest and sleep I could get and go for a scroll around the park I guess, why?

Nothing I just want to spend some time with you.

Sungjong- ohh want to go somewhere?

No, I would rather stay here and have you in my arms than be outside and be a few inches away from you.

Sungjong- oh cheesy, kekeke ok then but I’m fine if you want us to go somewhere

Okay, I’ll tell you if I suddenly want to go somewhere.

Sungjong- mhmm, lets sleep?

Okay, I’m sure you’re tired.

Sungjong- we can still talk if you want, I’m not that sleepy yet

Said the guy who just yawn rather loudly, he lightly laugh at what I said and say his sorry, I told him it’s okay and smiled at him and tighten my hold on his body, seemingly afraid that he might disappear right in front of my eyes

Let’s just sleep and we can talk more when tomorrow comes.

I then shifted our position and pulled the covers over us. Sungjong shifted his position, now his head is lying on my arm and he then look at me and wrap his arms around my body, our eyes lock on each other I gave him a small smile and lean down and kiss his forehead once I pulled away he also gave me a small smile and close his eyes and after a few minutes his breathing even out a sign that he is already drifted to dreamland.

I look at him and let my hand caress his cheeks, he lips slightly apart and breathing evenly, his face look so solemn yet you can see from his features that all our activity and work is taking a toll on him, his eyes has big bags under it but despite that he is the same lee sungjong I met a few years ago and still the same lee sungjong that I fall in love with and still the same lee sungjong that is ever so beautiful and angelic. Even though nothing change in his appearance I know something change in him, he isn’t smiling that brightly anymore, the smile that captivated me the moment he showed me that sincere smile of his.

He isn’t as carefree as he was, though I understand that it just means that he grew up and matured but every single day I can see that his light is slowly flickering, like all the candle he has is slowly fading and that I’m slowly losing him, he isn’t as cheerful as he was, now he is in a constant battle with himself and constant battle between anxiety and pressure, worrying about what would people think and if he was doing the right thing. Now he is too aware of people’s opinion or criticism which would haunts him every minute and every day.

It feels like he already forgot how it’s like to just be him and ignore what people thinks and the crowds expectation. He is smiling in front of his fans and in the camera yet the smile he has is not his same old smile, the smile he has in his face lately is forced and all an act, you could totally see that it’s all an act. Whenever I would look at his eyes all I can see now loneliness and emptiness, the sparkle in his eyes are now slowly fading out.

Everything is taking a toll on sungjong and it scares me that one day because of all those things he would finally break and really give up, let his monster and insecurities eat him up and what scares me the most is that he might also give up on our relationship, our relationship that went through a lot of obstacle yet we still choose to hold on and believe on one another, our relationship that we promise to keep until eternity comes. I don’t want to lose him and especially let him lose his one of a kind, bright and sincere smile.

I need to do something to somehow bring back his smile and the old him. I said as I clench my fist tight

I look back at him and brush his fringe away and tuck it in his ears; I slowly move closer and lean in to kiss his lips, pressing my lips to his soft and pinkish lips, once I pulled away I caress his cheeks once again and slowly pulls my arm under him, once I successfully retrieve my arm I slowly get off the bed and cover him with my blanket. I then head towards my study table and open my computer, I open the folder of sungjong’s picture and look at the photo’s I took of him. His latest pictures come out nicely yet something is missing and it feels something is wrong, when I finally realize what I was looking for I couldn’t help but sadly exhale.

He isn’t smiling and instead he has this serious look and dull expression.

Why didn’t I notice this earlier? Was I too focused on my own wellbeing and was too busy to even notice something is wrong with my lover? That something is burdening him? If only I did then maybe I could make a difference and do something to prevent this from happening, yes I wanted to give and respect his privacy but I still should have notice when enough is enough and notice that sungjong can’t go through and handle this alone and needed my help. Sigh but this isn’t the time to blame myself it’s already there and already happening

All I can do now is to show him the way back and show him that he shouldn’t be feeling like this and that he isn’t alone that he has me and I won’t leave him. I would make him feel all my love towards him because I know that would somehow make him feel secured and hopefully bring his smile back and somehow use that to fight off those monsters that is constantly haunting him. I will do everything for sungjong because he didn’t give up on me and now it’s my chance to return the same thing he did for me.

He stands by me when no one else would and made me stronger, he assured me that everything would be well as long as we believe and we fight for it. He never gave up on me and I wouldn’t give up on him also. I would do everything just to have him back and make him win his battle, even if he hasn’t shared it to me yet I will cross that boundary just to make sure I won’t lose him. As I’m looking at my pictures I suddenly thought of an idea on how to surprise him and somehow cheer him up.  

I went through all his pictures and printed out the entire pictures where he is smiling brightly and radiating with happiness. Once all the pictures are printed I took my phone and quietly went outside my room so that I won’t disturb sungjong’s sleep. I took a sit on the couch and search for shop that offers a home delivery. Once I found a shop I dialed the number and a few rings someone answered

Shop- party shop good evening how may I help you?

Ah yes, I’d like to order 30 helium balloons string type holder

Shop- ok sir when and where do you want it delivered?

Do you do home delivery early in the morning?

Shop- yes sir, but we would put an extra charge for it

That’s fine with me; have it delivered around tomorrow at 6:30 am at 0393xxx

Shop- okay sir, we would inform you if we are on our way.

Okay thank you.

Once I’m done talking on the phone, I went back to my room and see sungjong still sleeping soundly; I took a sit on my reclining chair once again and started sorting out the photos I printed out choosing the most breathtaking picture of sungjong and perfectly took picture. Choosing only 15 perfectly took photos and punches a hole on the center. Once I’m done I stack it all up and put the other photos away in my table drawer.

okay I’m done for today, tomorrow I just need to wake up early and set things up, since tomorrow is our day off I’m pretty sure sungjong didn’t set up an alarm and would be sleeping until around ten or eleven in the morning which would mean I have all the time I need to prepare for my surprise. I head towards my bed and got inside the covers and carefully wrap my arms around sungjong and kiss him goodnight once last time for tonight and then close my eyes and sleep.

I feel something vibrated under my pillow so I drowsily look for my phone, once I have it I squint my eye and read the message that I receive, I blink a few times before fully reading the message and when I did I sat up immediately yet carefully since I don’t want to wake the sleeping angel in my bed, I look at the time in my phone and see that its already 6:20 am. The delivery would be here in a couple of minutes so I stand up and went to the bathroom and do my morning routine.

Once I’m done I went to the kitchen and look inside the fridge to look for something that I can cook and serve to sungjong when I wake him up. I pulled out an egg and vegetables so that I can make him a salad, after a few minutes the doorbell rings and I scramble towards the intercom and saw that it’s the delivery man who is holding on to my ordered balloons, I silently run towards to my room and took my wallet and head out again towards the door. The delivery man handed me my ordered balloons and once I paid for it and said thanks the delivery man bowed at me and left.

I close the door and went to my room and took the photos I sorted out last night and then started hanging the photos on the string of the balloons and once I’m sure that the photos aren’t gonna fall off and securely tied on the end of the ribbon I started arranging the balloons, I scattered the balloons that doesn’t have a picture hanging on its end string on the side while the balloons that has a picture hanging on it at the mid center of my bed so that sungjong would see it immediately, making the balloons that has a picture hanging on it trapped on the center surrounded with different colored balloons. Once I’m satisfied with my work I then quietly went out of my room and go back to the kitchen to start preparing sungjong’s breakfast. Since he is in a diet (which I highly disapprove) I guess making him a vegetable salad is the best idea, I started washing the vegetables that I would use and boiled some eggs and some chicken .

When I was done, I put some salad on a bowl and put some dressing on it and put the bowl in the tray I prepared together with the tea he would always drink in the morning. I went back to my room holding the breakfast I prepared; I put the tray on my side table as I walk towards my study table and write a letter for sungjong. Once I’m writing the letter I fold the letter and put it in the tray, I took a sit on my side of the bed, tray secured in my lap and started waking sungjong up.

Sungjong- ngh?

Wake up babe

Sungjong- what time is it?

Its 7:45

Sungjong- still early let me sleep some more

Come on jjongie, I prepared breakfast for you!

He lift his head and face me, his eyes squinting and looking if I was saying the truth, I smiled at his cuteness his hair all messed up and his big round eyes all squint up. As he looks towards me he looks down to my lap and when he saw the food tray in my lap he look back at me while his eyebrow is raised, looking at me suspiciously and I just showed him my dimpled smile

Sungjong- did you do something again? Or is there an occasion I forgot?

Yah! Have I ever coax you with food if I did something wrong? And is it so unusual for me to surprise you?

Sungjong- there was this one time that…

Yah! Yah! Yah! Fine I understand, hmp can you just please be happy that I made you some breakfast sungjong-ah

Sungjong- kekeke I was just kidding myungsoo hyung. Thank you for preparing me a breakfast, I’ll just brush my teeth first and I’ll eat it okay?

Okay so, so far so good. I somehow made him laugh early in the morning.

He then sat up and stretch his body and once his fully open his eyes and see my other surprise he looks like he was taken aback to see a lot of photos hanging right in front of him, sungjong then looks back at me and I just mouthed “surprise” at him and he just shakes his head at me and sat up properly as he look at the photos hanging near him and pulling some of the balloons closer to him so that he could clearly see the photos hanging on it,

As he looks at the pictures that are hanging on the balloons I can see a smile slowly blossoms in his lips. After examining the pictures Sungjong then went out of my room but only a few minutes fast he comes back and he’s holding a towel and wiping his face, once he is done wiping his face he took a sit on my bed and look at me straight in the eyes.

Sungjong- what’s up with the pictures?

Nothing, I just want to show you how perfect and beautiful you look like when you’re smiling or basically how angel-like you are. Show you that your smiling face is your best appearance or best fashion. Should I say dare say that your smiling face is my style

He gave me a questioning look yet has this ghostly smile in his lips, he is silently asking me what is going on and instead of giving him any answers I just smiled at him and put the food tray on his lap and he looks down and he immediately notice the letter and took the folded letter. He started reading it well actually it’s just a short letter

I just told him that I love him so much and that no matter what happens and whatever it is that he is going through he mustn’t forget that he has me, he can lean on me and share his burden to me because I am his partner and I’m willing to carry some of the load he is carrying in his shoulders and if he want I would gladly take those load and carry them myself so that he wouldn’t have to be burden with it.

So let’s just say that I confessed my undying love and unwavering feelings to him all over again and assuring him that he always has me beside him. When he was done reading the letter he looks at me and I can see unshed tears forming in his eyes. I grab the food tray away from his lap and put it on the bed while I pulled him closer to me, hugging him and I feel Sungjong’s hands going around my back and he buried his face on my shoulder, we hug each other for a few moments as I lean down and kissed his head.

Sungjong- thank you

Huh? Thank you for what?

Sungjong- thank you fo