Seolhyun closes her eyes with a sigh, before she reopens them, gaze set on the person in front of her.  The soft grin as she tells her about her day at work. Pride at what she has accomplished and will accomplish in the future.

Seolhyun gives a small grin. “You’ve done great. As expected, Hyejeong.”

Hyejeong returns the grin, running a hand through her hair. “Thank you.”

They end their dinner in silence, Seolhyun occasionally looking up to watch her lover and before Hyejeong can catch her staring, she already has her eyes on her own meal again. Hyejeong knows that she loves her, but she doesn’t know how much. Unconditionally. But that’s Seolhyun’s secret, Hyejeong doesn’t need to know.

 They both agree to wash the dishes tomorrow morning and instead get ready for bed.

Seolhyun is curled into Hyejeong’s embrace. The brunette’s arm around her waist, pulling their bodies closer and Seolhyun’s head resting in the crook of her neck. Hyejeong’s even breathing is lulling her to sleep and Seolhyun has never felt safer than when Hyejeong has her in her embrace.

It’s like she shields her from any harm, like she shields her from the world.

Whenever she’s in Hyejeong’s embrace, she feels unattainable. Invincible. It’s like the world and its population are at her feet, no one can do anything to hurt her. It’s like home. It’s love.

It’s three am when Seolhyun wakes up. Hyejeong is still fast asleep and it has Seolhyun wondering why she suddenly woke up. She closes her eyes, about to fall asleep again, when she hears a soft muttering.

Hyejeong.

Seolhyun stops breathing for a moment, listening closely to what the older woman is muttering in her sleep. Trying to decipher it. She can’t though. It’s inaudible, the only things she managed to hear was ‘Mi’ and ‘na’, which she figures is some girl’s name. At least it is if she puts it together.

But Seolhyun doesn’t think much of it, doesn't need to. She’s probably just a co-worker.

Seolhyun is sitting in the park, under a big tree, patiently waiting for Hyejeong. They had agreed to go on a date and the girl is already thirty minutes late. It’s unlike her, usually she’s always on-time. Seolhyun sighs again and she can’t help but to worry if everything’s alright.

Maybe Hyejeong got caught up at work. Maybe she’s caught up in traffic. She doesn’t know, yet she’s worried. It worries her even more that Hyejeong didn’t answer any of her messages. She’s probably overreacting, but Hyejeong always answers her messages.

Seolhyun decides to call Hyejeong when the girl still hasn’t shown up after one hour. But as long as she’s fine Seolhyun doesn’t mind waiting. She’d always wait for Hyejeong.

Hyejeong doesn’t pick up.

Seolhyun waits another ten minutes. Ten minutes turn into thirty minutes and soon another hour has passed. The temperature has dropped and it’s getting chilly. With hands and fingers shaking Seolhyun dials Hyejeong’s number again.

Hyejeong doesn’t pick up.

She tries hard to ignore the disappointment and sadness rising inside her. Tries hard to prevent the tears that accumulate in her eyes from falling. Because once they do, they won’t stop. And she refuses to accept that Hyejeong may have forgotten her, because it hurts too much.

It’s starting to get dark and Seolhyun decides to head home. It’s no use. Hyejeong isn’t going to come anymore and if she does, she will surely understand why Seoljeong headed home.

Hyejeong isn’t at home. But she didn’t expect her to be and at the same time she’s relieved. Because even though she kept telling herself that Hyejeong wouldn’t be at the apartment, she was doubting herself. If she had been here, then it would have meant that she had truly forgotten about the date.

A sigh escapes her lips and she gets herself a glass of wine, which she nearly fills to the brim and stands at the window to look at the nightlife of Seoul. The lock clicks open and it has Seolhyun instantly look at the door in expectation and then at the clock and then back at the door. She hadn’t realized how long she had been standing at the window, lost in her thoughts.

Hyejeong enters the apartment looking tired as hell. Her hair is lightly tousled and the tie of her suit is undone. She looks exhausted. It has Seolhyun wondering what happened.

With slow steps she walks up to her lover, the glass of wine placed on the table.

“Hyejeongie.” She greets in a gentle voice, which has the older woman whip her head up.

“Seolhyun.” She mutters and when she sees the dress the younger is wearing, her eyes widen significantly and she takes a step back. “I made you wait didn’t I?”

Seolhyun shrugs, the nonchalant expression visibly forced. It hurts her that Hyejeong forgot their date. More than she wants to admit. Even more, because she tried so hard to tell herself that there was no way Hyejeong would forget about their date. No way she would forget about her.

 “It’s okay… Why didn’t you pick up when I called?”

Hyejeong shakes her head. “No. No, I was so caught up in work that I forgot about our date. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Seolhyun repeats. “Why didn’t you pick up when I called you?”

Hyejeong pulls out her phone, only to put it back into the pocket of her coat. “My battery is dead.”

Seolhyun gives a faint smile, takes Hyejeong’s hand and pulls her into the kitchen. “Come on, I made dinner. You must be hungry.”

She wakes up again this night. Hyejeong’s arm is safely draped around her waist, although the hold she has on Seolhyun isn’t as tight as usual.

The brunette is mumbling something. It’s still as inaudible as last night, but Seolhyun has managed to also hear something similar to ‘watch out’ this time.

Mina, watch out.

She wonders what that’s supposed to mean. What happened. Maybe Hyejeong had saved this girl and her curiosity can’t help but be peaked. Curiosity. Or is it fear?

She shakes off the thought as quickly as it has appeared and snuggles back into Hyejeong. Welcoming the warmth and comfort she loves so much. Her head is buried in the crook of Hyejeong’s neck and a soft smile spreads on Seolhyun’s lips at the familiar scent.

She doesn’t have to worry, she’s safe.

They started drifting apart. Their talks during dinner haven shortened considerably and there are even times where they don’t talk at all. Times where they don’t talk, or times where Seolhyun is eating dinner alone.

She wakes up nearly every night. And nearly every night Hyejeong talks about this Mina girl and it has Seolhyun wondering about the company Hyejeong keeps outside of their love life. Who has managed to capture Hyejeong’s attention so much that she even talks about them in her sleep?

She can’t help but to feel worried. A feeling of insecurity tstarts consuming her. Consuming her more with each passing day - and it only seems to worsen. Hyejeong talks about this girl so much when she’s asleep, Seolhyun wouldn’t even be surprised if she herself does the same. Because she did dream about her. And she just seemed so perfect.

She used to be perfect for Hyejeong too.

Most of the time at home she spends deep in thoughts. Ignoring the mess of emotions inside her. Ignoring how Hyejeong’s smiles no longer bring her joy, but pain. How they no longer look genuine.

The door opens and Seolhyun has to brace herself to face Hyejeong with a smile.

“Hey there.” She grins and tip-toes to press a soft kiss on her girlfriend’s lips.

“Hey there.” Hyejeong grins back after she has broken the kiss. “Just let me wash up and I’ll join you in the bedroom.”

And it’s only when she hears the bathroom door close that Seolhyun wipes her lips with her sleeve. She could taste another's lipstick on Hyejeong’s lips like she was kissing it away. She’s probably perfect.

Hyejeong sits next to her on the couch, reading a magazine, while Seolhyun is deep in thoughts, eyes trained on her girlfriend. This Mina girl doesn’t once leave her mind and it’s painful and tiring and she has to do something about it.

“How does she touch you?” Seolhyun suddenly asks, voice shaky and gaze unfocused and it takes all of her willpower not to crumble in front of Hyejeong, not to give in to her fears and doubts.

Hyejeong’s head shoots up at the question, her expression showing something that looks like panic. “What?”

Seolhyun takes a deep breath, Hyejeong’s worried expression has already told her everything. “How does she touch you?”

She doesn’t know what came over her. She doesn’t know why she suddenly asked those questions. Why she suddenly accepted her feelings. Accepted the truth.

“What are you talking about?” Hyejeong asks and Seolhyun can tell, she’s genuinely confused. Or maybe not. Hyejeong had always been a good actress.

“I know about Mina.”

Hyejeong stays quiet. She breaks the eye-contact with Seolhyun, looks at the TV next to them and it’s enough for Seolhyun to know that her doubts had been right all along.

“You talk about her in your sleep, so much I can already picture her laying across your chest. Tell me, can she make you lose your mind?”

Hyejeong shakes her head.

“I would probably love her too. Just like you.” Seolhyun is surprised that her voice hasn’t given in. She can’t think properly anymore. She has to get all those thoughts and emotions out of her. “I’m surprised she managed to grab this much of your attention. She must have it all, just like you.”

Hyejeong shakes her head, refusing to look up and meet Seolhyun’s broken gaze.

“Maybe I should be more like her.” And finally Seolhyun’s voice cracks, tears that she tried so hard to hold back flow down her cheeks. She can’t ignore the pain she’s feeling any longer. She can't pretend to be fine.

She used to be perfect for Hyejeong.

Hyejeong finally looks up. “No.” She says weakly, her eyes glistening. “No, you’re perfect just the way you are.”

“Then why?” The younger gives her a bitter smile. If she was perfect like Hyejeong has claimed, then why did she cheat on her?

Hyejeong doesn’t answer.

A shaky laugh escapes Seolhyun’s throat as she stands up and walks towards the door, Hyejeong following her. She sees no point in continuing this. She has already lost anyway.

“Where are you going?” Her tone is worried and it has Seolhyun smiling, despite the anger that’s rising inside her.

Maybe, after all, she still means something to Hyejeong.

“I’ll crash at Chanmi’s place.” And after a short silence she adds. “It’s over between us, but don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.”

Hyejeong nods, lips tightly pressed together.

“Before I go…”

Seolhyun moves closer to Hyejeong and presses her lips against her cheek. “She’s perfect, isn’t she?”

Hyejeong nods.

“Yes.” She says in a faint whisper and falls to her knees when Seolhyun turns around. “She’s perfect.”
 

Maybe she should have been more like Mina.