Ignore the cat, I've got you
Ficlet HQ"Ignore the cat, I've got you" Minseok/Sehun
"Sehun? Sehun... I hate to ask this of you, but... what is that?"
Minseok glares at the carrier dangling from his boyfriend's right hand. It's clearly for carrying a small animal and has paw prints up and down the sides in lieu of breathing holes. The top is a metal grate and one scrunched kitten ear sticks up from it while a wild mewling echoes from within.
Sehun smiles down at him, his other hand scratching the hairs behind his head and he laughs nervously. "You... you don't know what this is?"
"No," says Minseok, "Because it's clearly not what it seems to be, because it seems to be a kitten, and you know very well that I don't like cats and therefore would never bring one home, so I'm at a loss to explain what I'm seeing. Please, clarify this for me?"
He loses the argument this day when Sehun side-steps him, successfully smuggling the not-a-kitten into the guest bedroom where he promises it will live so that it never ever gets on Minseok's bed to make messes or claw at the sheets.
Two weeks later, Minseok comes home from a long day at work to find his bed a mess. The door of the guest bedroom was open, and the odor of cat piss emanates from his pillow. At the foot of the bed, his mother's hand-crocheted afghan lays in ruins, its tassels undone, fringe everywhere, and one big hole in the corner. Beside the hole sits the thrown-up remnants of the kitten's mid-day snack, and just beside that sits the offender himself.
Minseok is waiting for Sehun to come home an hour later with the worst scowl of his life, and the kitten back firmly in its carrier.
"I want it gone within the hour, else you're sleeping alone for the rest of eternity!"
Somehow, he and Sehun end up sleeping in the guest bedroom that night since while their sheets, comforter, and mattress airs out to be rid of the scent of cat.
The litter box is his nemesis. Every day he sweeps up at least a gallon of spilled litter and he hates the kitten so much he doesn't even put it in the trash; he just dumps it back into the box with whatever other dirt was on the floor. They entire laundry room sits beneath a seat of ashy dust so that Minseok has started taking his clothes to the laundry mat - the laundry mat! - because it's probably cleaner in there than in his apartment.
He hates Sehun, he truly does. But not as much as he hates that kitten.
"That's it," he tells Sehun for the nth time. "That cat is gone. Gone!"
"But Minseok..." Sehun whines. "At least it made it halfway into the box this time!"
Minseok sighs. "You're right. You're absolutely right. Two turds hit the box. The other two, however, didn't. And I know for a fact that a third turd made it ALL THE WAY TO THE LIVING ROOM AND IS SITTING IN MY SHOE!"
Sehun wraps himself around Minseok's back, plastering kisses to his fuming red neck. The action doesn't calm him down at all, but it does keep him from strangling the 'precious cute little thing' for the time being.
"I'll buy you a new pair of shoes, I promise," Sehun whispers, now nipping gently around his ear. Minseok's shoulders relax and lower just a fraction of an inch.
"Will you also massage my neck, because Sehun I can't take it. The stress. That kitten. Me. Something has to go."
"Relax, Minseokkie.... I got you. I got you." Minseok represses a shiver just long enough to push Sehun's arms away and scowl at the kitten purring happily in Minseok's favorite chair.
Sehun helps him relax fully about a ten minutes later, and it's almost enough to ignore the few pebbles of litter he finds actually in his bed from where somebody - he's not naming animals - tracked it earlier.
Sehun promises him that kittens grow up, they have to, it's just in their nature. However, their kitten is now three years old and still as obnoxious as the day Sehun first defied mortality and brought it home.
"Sehun, I have to inform that I am now, after all these years, officially done... with... that..."
His boyfriend rolls over in bed and looks at him blankly. "What? What are you talking about."
"I mean, that. Cat. Look at it. Sehun, do you not see it?!"
Sehun glances down at the cat who's sitting at the foot of the bed, eagerly watching them post-coitally cuddling as if he just can't wait for round 2 to commence.
"It's not doing anything."
"Exactly!" Minseok fumes. "It's not doing anything. Except looking at me!"
"Why wouldn't it look at you though? Don't you know you're hot? He's got great taste. I always knew it." Sehun chuckles and runs his hand along the side of Minseok's bare and extremely sensitive thigh. He shrieks and pulls away, accidentally (he swears) kicking the cat off the bed with a muted yowl.
"I am not... not sleeping with you ever again if that thing's going to be watching."
"Aww, but Minseok..."
"Don't you, aww but Minseok me. You've been doing that for three years. Three years with your cute pouts and sad eyes, but I'm onto you. I've got you figured out now. You won't do this to me again. That thing is a menace and it better be gone by tomorrow morning and--"
Sehun jumps him, silencing his lips and rolling on top. He won't let him mention the word 'cat' again tonight, but he does make him purr, just a little bit. Maybe. It's a decent enough distraction that Minseok waits until after round 2 to complain how the cat just coughed up a hairball on his discarded boxers.
"Yeah, well, you won't need them again tonight, so shhhh, I love you."
Minseok hates Sehun, he really does. He just can't remember to say that out loud right now.
He does figure how to form the words a couple weeks later when their neighbor Kyungsoo shows up at their doorstep with a very pregnant female cat, demanding that Sehun and Minseok take responsibility for their tom's active playboy life.
"No... No, Sehun. There will be no more kittens in this house. That is it. That is final. There will be no discussion, no argument, don't even scrunch those lips of yours. Your pouting will not work this time and..."
Two kittens are deposited at their doorstep a few weeks later, and Sehun is so beside himself with glee, sitting on the couch with their wretched cat and their wretched cat's kittens climbing and mewling all over him, that Minseok softens. Just for a second there... he thought the sight was kind of cute. Just for a second.
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