It’s been 2 years since his grandfather was diagnosed with Parkinson. During the first few months Jonghyun felt strong and brave enough to take care of him and cope with his university at the same time. Unfortunately, Jonghyun was only a human and after a mere few weeks he started suffering from insomnia, losing sleep in the name of homework or just to attend his grandfather.

It only got worse for him with the amount of assignments he was given, and majority of them required him to bring self-composed songs almost every day. Besides that, his grandfather’s condition was worsening each week and at times Jonghyun couldn’t manage all the duties that had rested on his shoulders.

He was completely alone to deal with everything.

If only that drunkard hasn’t… his parents and sister would still be here. It has already been 5 years but the pain of loss and longing have never faded, even in a bit. He has always been close with his grandfather, that’s why he moved in to his house being an underage who had lost his whole family. Everything seemed to be fine until that one day when Jonghyun drove his grandfather to a hospital and got a long lecture about how it is possible to live and function as a normal person while suffering from Parkinson. He had almost scoffed when the doctor handed him an ‘instruction manual’ upon exiting the office.

Nowadays, when his life was at the most hectic point, he often went to his room and cried his eyes out, clutching at the photo of his family. It was simply too much for a 26 year old to handle.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

It was nearing 4am but Jonghyun was bravely browsing the internet, looking for a house-help slash nurse. His finals were just around the corner and seeing how the condition of his grandfather has worsened over the last few weeks he deemed it necessary to hire a help who would take care of him when Jonghyun was too busy. He noted down phone numbers to a few nurses having checked their qualifications and range of duties they’re willing to cover as well as salary they expect in return.

Looking at the clock which was currently flashing an ugly 5:00 am at him he shut off his laptop and decided it would be reckless of him to go to sleep since he would have to wake up in an hour or so. Instead he decided to pick up his notes to analyze the lyrics and music once again. It was too early to play piano, that’s why he tried to imagine the melody and started singing softly, careful not to reach the high notes and accidentally wake up his grandpa as well as half of the neighborhood.

Days at university were long but majority of classes were really interesting for Jonghyun and having gained sympathy of most professors for excellent pieces of music, he was allowed to skip classes as long as he stayed in university and continued to compose and write lyrics. Today was no different, aside of the fact that Jonghyun instead of composing decided to make a few phone calls and interview possible nurses for his grandfather. Most of them were a decided ‘no’, upon investigating deeper into qualifications and hours of work during the day.

In the end Jonghyun was left with two results which turned out to be both qualified and available enough to work for him. It was a choice between experience and one of the girls, despite a young age of 25 has two PhD diplomas and a long list of patients she has worked with. Jonghyun wanted only the best, that’s why without hesitation he called the number once again.

“Hello?” the voice at the other line answered.

“Good morning, Kim Jonghyun speaking. We’ve talked a few minutes ago about possible employment for you.”

“Ah, of course I remember, Mr. Kim.” The girl answered and Jonghyun smiled hearing her bubbly tone.

“Upon a closer analyze I’ve decided that you would be most suitable for my expectations, Miss Kim. I’d like to meet with you and discuss other additional matters, like accommodation and so on. How about a coffee at Mouse&Rabbit?”

“With pleasure, Mr. Kim. And thank you so much for phoning me. Let’s say 3pm today?” Jonghyun could swear he heard the girl giggling and jumping in happiness.

“Will do. See you soon, Miss Kim.”

Jonghyun ended the call and pumped his fist up, congratulating himself and letting out a breathe of relief, aware of how much of a help Miss Kim will be for him.

The pointer at his wrist watch was leisurely ticking to 3pm and Jonghyun was pacing back and forth before the café they were supposed to meet.

It’s a job interview, not a date. Stop behaving like a fool in love, idiot. She will be working for you, not dating you.

Unfortunately Jonghyun’s scolding wasn’t doing much for his intoxicated brain. How come he was so nervous to meet the girl just because of her voice? He was nervously looking around, hoping to recognize her right away. He couldn’t stay long because of his grandfather who stayed home alone. At the same time he hoped Miss Kim would come with him home so she would acknowledge her duties right away.

“Mr. Kim?” A quite familiar voice asked and Jonghyun turned around. “Hello, nice to meet you” the girl bowed and smiled at him softly.

“Miss Kim I suppose?” Jonghyun grinned and bowed back in a greeting.

They say a person deems other person attractive after first 20 seconds. Jonghyun didn’t need that long.

“Shall we enter? The heat is unbearable.” The girl suggested and Jonghyun nodded vigorously, opening door before her like a gentleman he was.

Having ordered and chosen a table they sat down. After taking a few sips of their coffees they got down to business, which consisted of Jonghyun asking questions, explaining the situation and discussing nurse’s duties.

Miss Kim made a very good and professional impression and Jonghyun knew he made a good choice.

“I’d be glad if you followed me to the house to familiarize yourself with it and with my grandfather as well, Miss Kim.” When Jonghyun was 100% sure he will be hiring the nurse, he decided to push his chances and earn himself a nice walk through Seoul.

“I also thought it would be best. The quicker I start, the quicker I’ll learn everything.” The nurse responded and gifted Jonghyun with a lovely smile to which the latter couldn’t help but smile back. He paid for both drinks despite a quiet murmur of objection from girl’s lips.

Warm sun has started to drown over the horizon of enormously tall skyscrapers, making way for an oncoming evening. Moon has started to raise on the dark sky and brought a chilly wind with himself, biting into warmed skin of a certain blond male.

“It’s getting pretty cold, isn’t it? Here, take it please.” He pulled out a sweater from his backpack and handed it to Miss Kim who was noticeably shaking in her white t-shirt and shorts.

“Thank you. Will you be ok?” She asked having put her arms into the sleeves.

“Don’t worry. I’m rarely ever cold.” Jonghyun answered and grinned at the girl, who to his annoyance was a few centimeters taller than him. But it wasn’t like he was angry because of this. He has always been ‘the short one’.

“Once again, thank you.” The girl smiled at him sweetly and Jonghyun grinned once again and resumed walking. “We’re almost there, just one more block.” He felt the need to reassure the nurse and take care of her as good as he could.

Finally arriving at the door of his house, Jonghyun inserted the key into the lock, opened it and ushered the nurse into the house.

“Grandpa, I’m back!” Jonghyun hollered and he could hear a cough from around the living room, which meant grandpa acknowledged it.

“Miss Kim, you’ll have to learn a special code I share with grandpa. It’s like our own Morse’s.” Jonghyun winked at her and she giggled in response. She returned the sweater and followed Jonghyun into the living room. She was introduced to the grandpa and afterwards, Jonghyun took her for a quick tour around the house.

“How soon could you start?” Jonghyun asked as they were sitting in the living room, next to grandpa’s wheelchair.

“Even tomorrow. I’d only have to move a few of my things in here and I’m good to go.” She answered and Jonghyun let out a sigh of relief. He wouldn’t have to worry about his family member anymore while staying after classes to practice.

“You would be staying at the room upstairs, close to grandpa’s. Of course you’re not bound to stay here every night, just when the condition drops.”

“Of course, Mr. Kim.” She nodded and her shoulder-length hair fell to her face. Jonghyun was this close to brush them away with his fingers but she beat him to do it. Only then Jonghyun noticed a mark on nurse’s right eyebrow. He decided to drop it for today, noticing how late it got during the conversation.

“I’ll have to catch the last metro soon.” The girl said as she stood up and headed towards the exit, putting on her shoes in mid-way.

“Here, take this. It’s even colder now and I don’t want you to catch a cold.” Handing her a sweater she used earlier, Jonghyun was asking himself why would he care so much for a girl he has known less than a day.

Maybe because he already knew he will be fighting to make her something more than just a house help..

“There’s no need to-“

“Just take it, please”

“Thank you, I’ll return it tomorrow, Mr. Kim.” The girl bowed slightly and Jonghyun grinned at her.

“Let’s stop being so official. I’m Jonghyun”

The nurse was already out of the door when she stopped in mid-tracks and turned around to look Jonghyun right into eyes.

“Eunggyu. Kim Eunggyu.”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

“Grandpa’s medications are slowly running out. I’ll visit the doctor tomorrow and afterwards I’d ask you to visit a pharmacy to buy them, is that ok, Eunggyu?” Jonghyun asked as he was cleaning dishes after the dinner Eunggyu has cooked.

“No problem, Jonghyun. I need to do a grocery shopping so it will be convenient for me to visit pharmacy.” The nurse answered, bringing last plates from the table. Afterwards she took a cloth and started wiping the already washed dishes and putting them back into their respective places.

Two months have passed since Eunggyu started working for him and Jonghyun knew he made a good choice choosing her. She was polite and caring, wasn’t fearing any kind of duty thrown at her and what was most important, cooked the best dinners ever. Eunggyu wouldn’t leave the house until she was sure everything was cleaned and prepared for the night and as for mornings, she would come even earlier than Jonghyun’s alarm clock would ring. Though he couldn’t complain, waking up to Eunggyu’s soft voice was something he could eventually get used to.

Seeing Eunggyu daily, before and after coming back from university, Jonghyun couldn’t help but admire and slowly develop some more than professional feelings towards her. He wasn’t the one to fall in love head over heels, but seeing her genuine caring nature and that lovely, lovely smile he would feel dozens of butterflies tumbling in his stomach.

“I’m going to bathe your grandpa now. Go and do your homework” Eunggyu sad as they’ve finished washing the dishes and brought kitchen to a spotlessly clean state.

“Why do I feel like you’re my babysitter as well?” Jonghyun asked in a playful tone and splashed some water onto girl.

“Sometimes I wonder it myself.” She answered wittily and winked at him before disappearing upstairs. Jonghyun only sighed and walked into his music room. He prepared his sheets and sat at the piano to play his last song. Somewhere in the middle he started singing lyrics which had been tumbling into his head whole day.

“What a lovely song.” He heard from the doorway and upon turning around he noticed Eunggyu leaning against the doorframe, his grandfather sitting in the wheelchair with both thumbs up. His hands were shaking badly and despite a painful pang that hit his heart Jonghyun smiled and bowed, making all of them laugh a little.

“Goodnight grandpa, sleep well.” Jonghyun approached his grandfather and kissed his forehead before waving to him as Eunggyu moved him to his bedroom. Jonghyun resumed his play, much more motivated after he heard Eunggyu’s compliment on his piece. He played it once again knowing that his grandpa loved to hear him play before sleep.

He could also sense a presence behind himself, but he didn’t bother to check since the sweet fragrance belonging to the person was embracing whole room, causing Jonghyun to immediately smile and drown into the sweet aroma.

“You really play marvelously, Jonghyun. But I love the most to hear you sing. Your voice is really soothing and warm. No wonder you’re a perfect student.” Eunggyu said as she entered the room and sat at the chair next to the piano.

“Thank you, it’s nice to hear someone appreciating my work outside of uni.” Jonghyun responded as he turned to face the girl and grinned at her. “You should probably head back home and take a good rest, you look really tired. And thank you so much for taking care of both grandpa and me.”

“It’s my work Jonghyun, although I have to admit it’s one of the nicest case I’ve been working with.” Eunggyu said and smiled at him sweetly. Jonghyun wasn’t sure if it was because of his grandpa’s condition or probably.. because Jonghyun himself was there?

“I’m glad to hear it then. Maybe a cup of tea before you leave?” Jonghyun proposed to which Eunggyu nodded and they moved to the kitchen. Jonghyun prepared tea and put both cups on the table.

“Thank you.” Eunggyu nodded and took a sip, humming in appreciation as warm liquid flew down . “How about we get to know each other more?” she proposed and Jonghyun’s eyes widened in surprise, though afterwards he nodded and grinned at the girl to which she smiled back. Jonghyun proceeded to tell his not so happy family history. During his talk his voice broke and he was trying to hold his tears but his attempt was futile. “I’m so sorry to hear that, I probably shouldn’t have asked.” The girl said and took Jonghyun’s hand in his, which the boy squeezed as an ‘it’s ok’ sign. He needed a few more minutes until tears stopped flowing but all this time Eunggyu was holding his hand and wasn’t even thinking of letting go.

“In return I’ll tell you that my parents have never really cared about me. It has always been only business and company important to them. Thankfully my grandma, who practically raised me was there for me, and it’s only her making that I’m the person that I am today.”

“She sounds pretty cool.” Jonghyun choked out and tried to smile despite wet traces on his cheeks.

“Yeah, she was. I own my whole life to her.”

She was? So she’s gone too..

“The life wasn’t treating neither of us lightly, was it?” Eunggyu attempted to joke to which both of them pulled their lips into somehow sad smiles. “Enough of crying.” She reached for a tissue and gently wiped Jonghyun’s face before pressing it to corners of her own eyes. “Look at the time, we’ve been talking for almost an hour! I really should go now, I’m sorry for taking so much of your time.”

“No problem, take as much as you want.” Jonghyun grinned and he could swear he saw Eunggyu blush just a tiny little bit. And there it was, that sweet smile once again. Jonghyun fist pumped mentally before walking Eunggyu to the door.

“See you tomorrow, Jonghyun” she said gently and her eyes smiled together with her lips. Jonghyun reached for the knob and pushed it, making a way for the girl right afterwards. He made sure to whisper a soft ‘Goodnight’ just as she was passing him. She turned around one last time and this time Jonghyun was 100% sure he saw a blush on her face. His body reacted automatically and he winked at her, just before closing the door.

It took him exactly 20 seconds to calm down his racing heart and he hit his forehead before grabbing keys from the drawer, putting on some jacket and storming out of the house.

“Eunggyu, wait!” he shouted and thankfully the girl hasn’t walked far away.

“Jonghyun? Is everything ok?” she asked as the man caught up with her. He raised a single finger in the air signaling he needed a second to gather himself. Eunggyu smiled at him and waited patiently. After few more seconds Jonghyun straightened his posture.

“I just thought a girl shouldn’t be walking alone so deep into the night. Especially on Friday.” Jonghyun said with a voice as smooth as velvet and Eunggyu couldn’t help but breathe in a little harsher than normally.

“It’s.. it’s so sweet of you Jonghyun, but-“ she coughed a little “you really don’t have to-“

“But I want to be with you a little longer.”

He knew falling in love with the nurse was the least appropriate thing to do, but it wasn’t like he could fool his heart.

“Let me.”

He never really considered himself the one to fall in love and create a successful relationship. Not until Eunggyu appeared in his life, at least.

Eunggyu only nodded and let her head down hiding her face in her jet-black hair. Jonghyun proceeded to walk but felt a little pulling at his hand. He realized Eunggyu’s delicate hand was trying to make its way into his own and Jonghyun couldn’t help but gladly accept it.

Despite not exchanging even a single word they were surrounded by a comfortable atmosphere with Jonghyun grinning all the time and Eunggyu keeping her face hidden in her hair. He squeezed her hand cheekily and she responded with a squeeze of her own to which Jonghyun snorted and laughed. Eunggyu responded with a somehow snorty giggle and Jonghyun could swear it was one of the most beautiful sounds ever.

They have reached the metro station sooner than they expected. Having checked that the metro is supposed to arrive in 7 minutes they stood beside each other, their eyes not meeting one another but their sides were almost glued together and both felt comfortable with such a close distance.

“Listen, Jonghyun, there’s something you should know.” Eunggyu started all of sudden and Jonghyun turned to her, meeting her eyes in the process. “I-“

There were tears in her eyes and Jonghyun suddenly felt like crying too. He had no idea what Eunggyu was about to tell him but whatever it was it must have been really hard for her. Not really thinking he reached for her and pulled her into a hug. Even though she had to bend a little to actually nestle under his chin she enlaced her arms around Jonghyun and put her palms at his blade-bones.

“Shh. Whatever it is, I don’t want you to cry because of it. I want you to be proud and sure of what you’re going to say.” Jonghyun encouraged her and slowly reached to her cheek to caress it. He felt his hand being stopped in mid-air and instead of making contact with girl’s cheek, it was put onto her waist, making the hug a little bit more intimate.

“I really want to tell you but I’m afraid you won’t look at me the same and.. I don’t want anything to change between us.” Eunggyu lifted her head and looked Jonghyun into eyes.

“If I promise you nothing will change, will you tell me?” Jonghyun asked, his voice full of hope.

“I wish I would, but unfortunately I know it’s a promise you certainly won’t keep.” She answered, her voice in such a despair Jonghyun couldn’t help but widen his eyes. Suddenly, he smirked.

“Try me.” he whispered.

Eunggyu let her head down once again and started shaking badly. Jonghyun wasn’t really sure what to do before he noticed a soft whisper coming from the girl.

“I promise to tell you tomorrow, but before I go-“ she stopped to swallow and raise her head “kiss me.”

The plea was so blunt and simple Jonghyun felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Sudden mixture of emotions buzzing in his head ordered him to faint and run a marathon at once but his face was so blank, void of any emotions or expression at all.

“Please. I need it.”

How dare she be so straightforward and demanding? How dare she order Jonghyun and smack him right onto his thick skull, making him realize his true feelings towards her?

He could only nod.

Seconds later he felt soft, velvety soft lips against his own, barely brushing, barely there, but still present enough to order his brain to kick in some action and pour himself into the kiss. True, he has never been kissed yet alone lead the kiss, but feeling such warmness and affection just from the simple touch of the lips he felt like he could rule the world right there and then. He knew he was clumsy but somehow he managed to pull Eunggyu into his arms once again and press her so close to himself it was impossible to put a sheet of paper between them. Her lips, good god, her lips were everything he could ever dream of. Even if their kiss hasn’t really consisted of much more than simple press of the lips, Jonghyun was the happiest man ever.

Unfortunately, their joint joy was shattered to pieces by a sound of an oncoming metro, signalizing them to part their ways for tonight.

Eunggyu broke out of the hug and with a blush on her face run off to the doors. Jonghyun followed her but it was too late and the wagon was already driving off. He could see her through the window and noticed a thick stream of tears leaking down her face.

His confusion kept him a company until he was comfortably situated in his own bed, having showered and checked on his grandpa. He liked to think all the things over that’s why he spent almost a sleepless night considering each and every behavior, hint or anything for that matter that might have actually make Eunggyu so upset about some unknown to him thing.

Suddenly his mind wandered to the kiss.

Eunggyu was his first kiss and Jonghyun did not regret any bit of it. At the same time he knew that the jar he was so carefully trying to keep closed has been opened and all his feelings and emotions became visible and scattered all over himself. Whatever was driving both him and Eunggyu into the direction they were heading to, Jonghyun couldn’t help but be thankful to.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Since it was Saturday, Jonghyun let himself sleep a little longer, knowing that Eunggyu will take care of everything either way. Instead of going out and meet her he stayed in his room until it was almost noon.

“Jonghyun!! Oh my god Jonghyun call the ambulance!! Hurry up!!” Eunggyu’s terrified voice sounded and Jonghyun ran out of his bed and stormed into the direction of the girl’s voice while dialing the emergency number.

“Give me the phone!” Eunggyu ordered and Jonghyun passed her the receiver. His eyes widened at the scene that he was currently witnessing- his grandpa lying on the ground, clutching at the left part of his chest while Eunggyu was kneeling next to him and softly caressing his chest.

Jonghyun was too shocked to actually follow every word Eunggyu said but what he could make out of her monologue was a ‘heart attack’, ‘Kim Kibum’ and his grandpa’s personal information.

“Jonghyun, you need to calm down and not freak out, the ambulance should arrive in less than 5 minutes, until then stay with your grandpa and try to calm him down, ok? I’ll be back in a jiffy” Eunggyu said and Jonghyun all but nodded dumbly and immediately moved to his grandpa, took his hand and begged him to stay strong and not leave him alone.

His grandpa was shaking badly and Jonghyun knew he was in pain. He felt so useless and stupid for not waking up earlier and greeting his grandpa instead of lazing around in bed.

“Ok, Jonghyun, the ambulance is here, let the medics do their job. We will follow them with a taxi, I’ve already ordered it.”

Jonghyun turned around into the direction of the somehow unfamiliar voice and his eyes widened once again. There was a person, a man actually, standing in the hallway of the house. The person approached him and pulled him by his arm to make way for the medics who were currently placing his grandpa on a stretcher. during whole action of transporting his grandpa to the vehicle, Jonghyun could hear the man’s voice explaining almost every aspect of his grandpa’s sickness and how the attack proceeded. He was speaking with such a confidence and knowledge it left Jonghyun stunned. Once the doors of the ambulance were shut the unknown man pushed him into the taxi after the ambulance set off and kept talking to him during the way but Jonghyun couldn’t pay it any attention.

His mind was in such a mess he started crying. The unknown man pulled him to his chest and in the moment of desperation he clutched at the man’s jacket.

That was when everything clicked in place.

“Eunggyu.” He whispered and distanced himself from the man. “Who are you?” he was incoherent, mad and on the verge of the a breakdown.

“My name is Kim Kibum. Before you say anything else I want to say that yes, I lied to you but I felt guilt and wanted to tell you everything yesterday. I remember about your promise and I hope you remember it too. I am truly sorry but I know it doesn’t matter at all right now.” The man- Kibum spoke and Jonghyun only continued to cry.

He couldn’t even gather his thoughts yet alone form a decent sentence in his head.

Everything was too much.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

“Your grandfather’s state is unstable and the fact that the attack was really strong bounds us to hospitalize him for around a week until we normalize his state completely. Unfortunately the condition he’s suffering from is halting us from prescribing certain medications, hence his condition may not improve greatly. In case of darkest scenario he may have to undergo a surgery but that as well is risky due to his sickness. There is no sure prognosis as to his health. Thankfully the reaction to the attack was professional and really quick, and that is only why your grandfather is still alive.” The nurse informed Jonghyun as he was pacing back and forth in front of the room his grandpa was currently at.

“Unfortunately Sir, you are not allowed to visit him as of now, but I may assure you that if anything happens you will be first to be informed. I recommend you to go back home and come back tomorrow morning, the main doctor will be examining your grandpa’s condition and will be able to set a more precise diagnosis.” The nurse continued and Jonghyun nodded at her words.

“Thank you so much for everything. I’ll take him home now.” Kibum answered as Jonghyun wasn’t really able to utter a single word. He wanted to scream at the nurse for not letting him in but he knew she was only doing her job.

That is why he once again let himself be led by Kibum. The drive back home was quiet and tense as neither of them knew what to say.

“Listen Jonghyun, I’m only going to gather my things and I’m gone from here and from your life as well.” Kibum announced once they crossed the doors of the house and for the first time today Jonghyun actually reacted to his words.

“No. Please.. stay here.”

His plea was ridiculous considering what really happened today.

Kibum should be the last person Jonghyun would reach his hand for, yet..

“I promised you something so don’t try to make me break my word deliberately.” Jonghyun choked out and sat on the couch. “Besides, I’m not ready to stay completely alone all of sudden.”

It was a cry of a teenage boy who lost everything in his life.

“Although I don’t even want to think why would you do such a thing in the first place, right now I just need you, Kibum.”

Kibum felt a tear flowing down his face. He didn’t expect whole day to unfold like that. He wanted to tell Jonghyun today and after hearing his promise he was almost sure everything would be alright. Seems like fate planned this day differently.

Kibum only nodded and with his head bowed he sat next to Jonghyun and pulled the crying mess that Jonghyun currently was to himself and let him cry his eyes out. He was happy to just hold him in his arms and be there for him, providing any kind of comfort.

“I’m sorry I lied to you, I’m so sorry. I regret it every day.” Kibum whispered and Jonghyun only shushed him to which Kibum snorted a little and started rocking them back and forth feeling how Jonghyun’s hiccups started to finally quiet down.

The scent, the soft voice, the posture.. everything was the same. The same caring aura and the sweetest smile.. it was still there.

From the very beginning Jonghyun knew he’s fallen for Eunggyu for her character and personality, not looks or whatsoever. Eunggyu and Kibum were one person and Jonghyun really couldn’t care less for the outer look, although he did not expect everything to turn out like this. He didn’t really want to think about all that right now as he had a much more important case to carry about, but he knew his promise will surely last.

“Should I put you to bed?” Kibum asked with a soft voice and Jonghyun nodded into his chest.

“But only if you stay with me tonight.” He pleaded and Kibum snorted at him but agreed without even thinking.

Having settled into Jonghyun’s room both of them laid comfortably onto elder’s bed and without hesitation cuddled into one another.

“Please don’t leave me, Kibum.” Jonghyun whispered and nuzzled into Kibum’s neck.

“I promise I won’t.” Kibum whispered back and kissed the top of Jonghyun’s head. “Thank you.”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The next day Kibum was the first one to wake up. He was a little bit startled as to where he woke up but everything clicked in place while he noticed Jonghyun’s sleeping silhouette right next to himself.

He reached his hand to caress Jonghyun’s cheek and let his finger wander to Jonghyun’s lips, lips which were kissing him so passionately just two days ago. His finger then traced his own lips and he sighed a little, feeling the emotions extremely vividly once again. Afterwards he proceeded downstairs to prepare a breakfast for both him and Jonghyun, knowing how hungry the latter will be after waking up.

Upstairs, Jonghyun was laying in his bed with a skull-bursting headache. Everything was a mess, both with Kibum and his grandpa.

He couldn’t even think about his grandpa passing away all of sudden. He would become completely alone in whole world, with no relative alive. He was so terrified of being alone it made him shake in anxiety.

On the other hand there was Kibum and as far as he could easily start a relationship with Eunggyu, Kibum was a completely different case. Even if they were one person, Kibum lied to him and Jonghyun wasn’t the one to easily forgive such a big lie, even despite the feelings he was bearing for that person. He had absolutely no problem with the fact that Kibum was a man. He believed love came in all shapes and well, genders, and what really counted was what the person carried inside.

And Jonghyun knew Kibum was one of the most angelic beings on this planet.

He knew Kibum was downstairs, probably preparing a breakfast, just like Eunggyu used to do. Jonghyun hesitated as to what he should do. He was aware of yesterday’s happenings yet he knew everything that happened after they came back home was caused by Jonghyun being at his breaking point, and it was mostly his insecurities and loneliness that spoke for him.

Kibum hurt him a lot and Jonghyun really wasn’t able to concentrate fully on his love life, yet some part of him truly yearned for Kibum and needed his presence at all costs.

Lost and confused he went downstairs where a variety of food was awaiting him. He sat at the table and looked around, not noticing the other male anywhere.

“Eung- er, Kibum? Where are you?” he called out and got up, with an intention of finding Kibum somewhere in the house. He wouldn’t stand being alone in that very moment.

“In the bathroom, please eat the breakfast!” a muffled voice came and Jonghyun sighed in relief and proceeded to eat the delicious dishes awaiting him.

Kibum joined him few minutes later and only then Jonghyun could actually take in his whole presence and looks. He finally had his mind clear enough to analyze him and admire the beauty in front of him. Kibum could really be mistaken for a woman, even without a wig and fake s.

“Morning, Jonghyun.” Kibum said, his voice as delicate as ever yet Jonghyun noticed it was much lower than the voice Eunggyu used to talk with.

“Hey.” He responded as his full mouth wouldn’t really be able to endure a longer word and keep all the food inside at once. Kibum smiled at him and for a few seconds Jonghyun felt as if everything was fine again. As if no emergency happened, as if he and Kibum were just an ordinary couple.

“We should visit the hospital soon.” Unfortunately Kibum popped his bubble with his words and Jonghyun swallowed. The reality kicked in really hard and suddenly.

“Yeah.” He chewed another bite not tearing his eyes from Kibum.

“How do you feel?” the other male asked as he took a bit of his own food. The atmosphere was neither tense nor comfortable, but they both knew it wasn’t a time to take care of the problem between the two of them.

“Fine, actually. Physically at least. It’s the first time in quite some time I was able to sleep through whole night. Thanks for staying.” Jonghyun replied clumsily, still not able to meet Kibum’s eyes.

“No problem.” Kibum only replied and proceeded to eat.

“Just so you know, and even if the timing isn’t most convenient, I want you to know that I intend to stay true to the promise I’ve given to you. I just need time.” Jonghyun said and looked up. He noticed how Kibum’s face slowly changed into relaxed and relieved one. He sent him a little smile as well and Jonghyun knew it won’t be as hard as he thought it would be.

“I’m going to do the dishes and you get ready for the visit in hospital. Do you want me to go as well?”

“I’d feel less lonely if you went, so yeah. Thanks, Kibum.” The name rolled easily off his tongue and he didn’t feel weird saying it. It suited the other man a lot and even if he associated the face with Eunggyu at first, he knew it was truly Kibum whose face he has been seeing all the time.

“Ok.”

This time they decided to go by metro. While waiting for the wagon to arrive, Jonghyun couldn’t stop thinking about what encountered in there just mere 3 days ago. He held Eunggyu in his arms and kissed her, giving her his first kiss. He let himself daydream a little and remember the plushy feeling on his lips. He didn’t have any problem with imagining him and Kibum kissing once again. This time it would be just Kibum and him. No one else.

“Was I your first kiss?” the question sounded and Jonghyun could feel a sudden rush of blood on his cheeks. He nodded his head in a shy manner, once again not able to look into Kibum’s eyes. He noticed Kibum’s sincere smile when their wagon arrived and they boarded it. The ride was quite quick and they didn’t really have time to converse with each other, but due to the mob of people in the wagon, they were squeezed tightly against each other, their arms brushing in the process.

Upon their arrival to the hospital, Jonghyun let himself be led by Kibum once again as he was not able to remember the route to his grandpa’s room. They were allowed inside the ICU but only one person per visit. Of course Jonghyun was the first to enter the room and he immediately sat next to his grandpa’s bed.

“Grandpa, hey, it’s me. I came to visit you. How are you?” Jonghyun asked swallowing his tears. He could see grandpa wasn’t feeling really well, but he didn’t even want to think about the darkest possibilities.

His grandpa only lifted his hand and formed a ‘thumb up’, only to change it into a ‘thumb down’ seconds later. He tried to smile weakly at Jonghyun but it was barely visible from under the oxygen mask.

Jonghyun was prostrate. Not even in his darkest nightmares had he imagined something like that to happen. He knew the condition of his grandpa has been deteriorating for last few months but such a sudden attack hadn’t crossed Jonghyun’s mind even once.

He wasn’t even able to speak out any other word as his throat was constricted by all the chokes he was trying to stop. He just took his grandpa’s hand into his and it carefully, tears flowing down his face as he felt how the limb shook. He could feel a weak squeeze and only cried harder, his tears blurring his vision completely.

“Jonghyun,” he heard a whisper and lifted his head to face his grandpa properly “I’m sorry.” Jonghyun only shook his head as a coughing fit attacked his grandpa. He wanted to help somehow, but he knew it wasn’t possible. His grandpa once again squeezed his hand. “Kibum will take care of you, forgive him.”

Jonghyun couldn’t really think of how his grandpa knew, but he was sure his words were what he needed to hear. It was a reassurance he needed.

“I know, grandpa. I cherish him too much not to forgive him.” He choked out between his tears and tried to smile through the grimace on his face. He could feel how the squeeze on his hand slowly loosened and a machine next to the bed started making some weird noises only to change into a flat sound seconds later. He looked alarmed at his grandpa.

The man was smiling softly and suddenly a deaf silence surrounded Jonghyun. He knew someone ran into the room and pulled him away from the bed and pushed him out of the room. He hit the wall before someone pulled him into their arms and sat him on a chair.

He could recognize the familiar scent but it wasn’t a thing he could focus on right now.

He knew all too well what just happen, but he wasn’t yet ready to accept it.

“Mr. Kim.” A nurse’s voice sounded. “I’m so sorry but-“ he just stopped listening to her. He knew what she was about to say.

His grandfather, his last relative, passed away.

Jonghyun fell from the chair and kneeled on the floor, screaming and crying his eyes out.

He didn’t want to acknowledge it. He couldn’t accept it just like that. He was so devastated and so helpless he just lied on the floor and cried, cried and cried before eventually falling unconscious from the fatigue and pain in his chest.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

He knew he was unconscious and he knew he eventually would have to wake up but at the same time he knew that waking up equaled coming back to reality, which was the last thing he wanted to encounter right now.

He knew Kibum was right next to him, holding his hand and whispering apologies to him and begging him to wake up.

He knew there was an IV in his hand, probably giving him a nutrition he needed.

He knew that once he wakes up, he will be alone in this big world.

But at the same time he knew at the back of his head that he wouldn’t be completely alone.

His grandpa’s last words were ‘forgive him’. He couldn’t do anything else but follow grandpa’s last will. He knew that despite all the obstacles that will be waiting for him in his life, he will be able to walk through his life proudly.

Because there was that one man sitting next to him right now.

“Hey.” He called out with a raspy whisper and smiled softly at Kibum’s tear-covered face. He got slapped on the arm softly but soon enough Kibum giggled as well.

“Hey yourself. You really scared me there.” Kibum responded as  he wiped his face and pulled a more relaxed expression.

Neither of them knew what to say. Even though it seemed like everything between them was going into a good direction, both of them knew how much work was awaiting them now. As much as Kibum wanted to cherish the serene atmosphere around them, he didn’t want to impose his joy onto Jonghyun who obviously wouldn’t want to celebrate anything as of now.

Jonghyun could see the ever changing hesitation on Kibum’s face and decided to take matters into his hands. He slowly sat up, forgetting about his aching body and pulled Kibum to himself, causing the man to trip and land onto Jonghyun’s laps, face to face.

“I was asked to forgive you. I don’t really know how did the deal work out between you and grandpa but-“ Jonghyun stopped for a second to swallow oncoming tears, “I’m glad it did in the end.” With those words he grinned and bumped his nose against Kibum’s.

“He didn’t know until I forgot myself and spoke my normal voice while talking about you around a week ago. But he said he had his suspicions, he just needed a proof. He was the first ever to outsmart me.” Kibum giggled and Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile as well.

He once again closed distance between their faces just to nuzzle his nose against Kibum’s own. Jonghyun couldn’t bear it anymore and puckered his lips a little, just enough for them to brush Kibum’s sweet and moistened lips. It didn’t take long between their kiss transformed into a little teasing and biting before it once again became a slow and deep kiss where Jonghyun could pour his whole grief and want and Kibum responded with understanding and acceptance. When neither of them had any more strength left, their kiss reduced to sweet pecks and teasing kisses here and there.

Jonghyun was discharged and hour later after the doctor had interviewed him one last time and ordered him to rest. He also offered him a psychological help but Jonghyun only thanked him, looking longingly at Kibum. The doctor nodded and let him go home.

The journey by metro was spent in silence once again, just like the previous day. Neither really wanted to talk, because it would equal one of them would start crying at some point. Instead they sat next to each other and let their hands touch one another, sometimes brushing a thumb against the skin.

“I have to prepare a funeral ceremony.” Jonghyun stated once they arrived home. “It won’t be a big ceremony though, just me.” He looked hopefully at Kibum and smiled at him sadly.

“Of course I will be there with you, Jonghyun. I wouldn’t dare to miss it, no way.” Kibum responded and placed a hand on Jonghyun’s arm. “I’m really sorry Jonghyun. I will be here, whatever you would need me for.” Kibum let himself be pulled into a hug that Jonghyun initiated and man’s back, feeling a hiccupping from Jonghyun’s chest.

“Shhh, baby. I know. I know.” Kibum tried to console him however he could, but he knew the pain was too much at that very moment.

“Thank you for being here with me, Kibum.” Jonghyun whispered and nuzzled even more into Kibum.

“No need to thank me for that. How about we move to your room? Doctor ordered you to rest.”

“Just a moment.”

The whisper hit Kibum’s ears and he couldn’t help but start crying as well. Seeing Jonghyun so broken, so exhausted and what was the scariest, so terrified wasn’t an easy thing to handle. He knew how it is to lose a beloved family member, but he still had his parents. He promised himself to do everything and anything that would make Jonghyun happy.

They moved to Jonghyun’s bedroom and once again cuddled into each other on elder’s bed. The atmosphere was serene and intimate and for the first time in god knows how long Kibum felt confident about his true self in front of Jonghyun.

“I’m in love with you, Kibum.” Jonghyun whispered against Kibum’s neck and kissed it softly, as if asking for a reassurance that it’s alright.

“I’ll be better. I’ve been in love with you from the day we met at the café.” Kibum confessed and snorted at the cheesiness of his words.

“Sincerely?” Jonghyun couldn’t believe his ears. He looked up at Kibum and once again his breath hitched upon laying his eyes of the perfection that Kibum’s face was. When the latter nodded his head Jonghyun started giggling like a 14 year old girl and got slapped at his arm for that.

“Stop laughing. It’s not hard to fall in love with someone like you.” Kibum reasoned but his words went with the wind as Jonghyun suddenly towered over him and made him completely unable to move as his arms were pinned down by Jonghyun’s hands and his lower half was immobilized by Jonghyun straddling him.

“I want you to be mine Kibum.” Jonghyun suddenly whispered and slowly lowered himself, making their noses touch each other.

“I’m already yours, Jjong.” Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh at the cute nickname but at the same time he let the tears flow, however this time those were the tears of joy. The drops of salty water slowly dripped onto Kibum’s face and he reached his hand up, resting it on Jonghyun’s cheek and wiping the tears away.

“My crybaby” Kibum whispered and pulled Jonghyun down, connecting their lips. Jonghyun’s tears got in the way but neither of them cared as they had already lost themselves in the sensations.

Kibum was as gentle as ever, both giving and receiving, taking a lead when Jonghyun let him but following the latter once he wished for it. Their lips were moving slowly, gently, sometimes even barely touching but they both could pour their passion into it, letting the other know how much it really meant for them.

Seconds later the kiss became hungry, messy and demanding, lip-biting and tongue , with Kibum pulling Jonghyun even closer to himself, desperate to feel the latter as much as possible. Jonghyun gladly followed and rolled them around, causing Kibum to sit on top of him and giving him the lead. However the younger broke the kiss then and there.

“You’re exhausted Jjong. You need to rest and most presumably, sleep.” Kibum stated a little breathlessly and couldn’t help but blush at Jonghyun’s hazy gaze.

“But I want to kiss you more. Your lips are magnetizing.” Jonghyun responded equally breathlessly and grinned at the suddenly shy man above him.

“Stop saying things like that. At least go take a shower before sleeping.” Kibum continued nagging and freed Jonghyun who reluctantly stood up and went out of the room but not before pecking Kibum’s lips once again. The younger only growled at him to which Jonghyun smiled and proceeded to the bathroom.

Kibum wanted to somehow free his mind of all the words Jonghyun had said but he simply couldn’t and groaned in frustration before going downstairs and drinking some water. He could hear Jonghyun singing while showering and he smiled softly, enjoying the slow and emotional song.

“How about you play for me before sleeping?” Kibum asked once Jonghyun exited the bathroom brushing his teeth.

“Wip pleare” Jonghyun gabbled out and Kibum couldn’t help but laugh at the dripping foam from Jonghyun’s mouth.

“You’re such a child sometimes.” Kibum continued laughing and Jonghyun silenced him by kissing his lips once again, this time leaving him with a white foam on his face. “I swear, Kim Jonghyun!”

Kibum followed Jonghyun into the bathroom and took his own toothbrush to clean his teeth. Jonghyun was already finished and after sticking his tongue at Kibum he proceeded to his music room and sat at the piano. He started playing a completely new song, hoping Kibum will like it as well.

Soon enough he felt a presence behind himself and let himself lose in the music, pouring all his emotions in the melody.

Kibum was flabbergasted. He loved listening to Jonghyun play but this was a completely new piece and he closed his eyes, slowly disappearing in the melody, letting it embrace him and hit every nerve in his system. His body seemed to move on his own as he suddenly found himself next to Jonghyun, his palms resting on latter’s shoulders, clenching them at particularly emotional notes in the song.

“It was so lovely, Jonghyun.” Kibum whispered, still in awe, as Jonghyun finished playing. He let himself be pulled towards the older man and embraced him with all his might.

“It’s just a raw version now, but I’m glad you like it already.” Jonghyun whispered into Kibum’s ear and kissed the base of his neck softly. “Thank you for being here with me.”

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The ceremony was quick and just as Jonghyun predicted, only he and Kibum were present. His grandfather’s urn was rested in Kim’s family grave, together with Jonghyun’s mother, father and sister. Even after the priest have left Jonghyun stayed in front of the grave, doing a full bow and crying his eyes out. Kibum was right beside him, just standing there, offering all the comfort he could give to his lover.

It took Jonghyun a few more minutes to calm down. However all the emotions and crying exhausted him so much he needed Kibum’s assistance to stand up and gather himself. One last time they both bowed in front of the grave.

On their way back home Kibum decided to stop at a restaurant and buy some takeout, as neither of them felt like cooking. During whole journey neither spoke a word but Jonghyun was holding Kibum’s hand all the time, craving for any kind of assurance and presence next to himself.

They entered the house not much later and Jonghyun started crying once again when he noticed grandpa’s wheelchair in the living room. Kibum left the bags in the kitchen and run to Jonghyun, offering him a hug. He sat them at the couch were Jonghyun couldn’t stop himself anymore from screaming and wailing. Kibum was holding him as tightly as it was only possible, massaging his back and holding his hands, them gently.

Jonghyun was shaking badly, murmuring incoherently under his breath.

“Jonghyun, Jonghyun please look at me.” Kibum whispered when Jonghyun seemed to choke on his own tears. “I’m not going to tell you that everything is going to be alright. But whatever happens, I’m going to be right next to you, ok? Please calm down now.” He continued and Jonghyun finally looked at him, his eyes barely visible due to how puffy his face had become. Kibum reached for a tissue and handed it to Jonghyun who used it right away.

“I love you Kibum” Jonghyun said as he calmed down just enough to utter a sentence. “I love you so much you have no idea. But at the same time I’m terrified. Because now I’m alone, completely alone. I don’t know how to- how to deal with it. With everything. I’m so scared Kibum.” Jonghyun confessed and let a few more tears fall from his eyes. “I love you so much.”

“Jonghyun, you’re exhausted. Let me get you to bed.” Kibum didn’t really know how to deal with current situation. Of course he loved Jonghyun back but he couldn’t bear seeing Jonghyun so devastated. He helped Jonghyun up and lead him to latter’s bedroom, where Jonghyun immediately fell on his bed and curled into a fetus position.

“I’m going to stay with you as long as you need me, Jonghyun.” Kibum whispered lying next to Jonghyun, letting the latter cuddle into him, just like yesterday.

“Don’t leave me alone, please.” Jonghyun whispered and nuzzled his nose against Kibum’s neck.

“I wouldn’t dare. I love you too much.” Kibum responded and kissed the top of Jonghyun’s head.

They knew they won’t fall asleep anytime soon as the sun was still shining brightly, peeking through the curtains and illuminating half of Jonghyun’s room. Kibum lifted his hand and started playing with the shadows on the wall, Jonghyun joined him soon enough and they both started creating some nonsensical and abstract shadows, simply enjoying each other’s presence.

Sometimes they would turn to each other and smile, sometimes their hand would catch each other in a playful manner, only to let go and be chased once again. Afterwards, both were laying on their back, starring at the celling. Kibum turned his face to Jonghyun when he heard the latter started singing one of his songs, his sweet, sweet voice embracing both of them.

“Move in with me, Jjong.” Kibum said all of sudden and Jonghyun immediately ceased his singing. He turned to Kibum wide eyed as if Kibum has just proclaimed that Santa Claus is not real. “If you want to, that is.” The younger added but it didn’t help at all. Jonghyun was just staring at him, not able to grasp the meaning of Kibum’s words.

The proposition was blunt, not over-thought and almost random.

Just like that time Eunggyu asked him to kiss her.

And Jonghyun loved every second of it.

“Ok.” He answered shortly and reached for Kibum’s hand to kiss it.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Kibum’s flat was perfect for the two of them. It was in the other district than Jonghyun’s past house but it was as convenient as it could ever be.

It’s been 2 months since they’ve moved in together and Jonghyun couldn’t imagine it to be any better. Living with Kibum was a dream come true.

Although for the first few days it was really hard to let go and Jonghyun would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, confused as to where he was and if his grandpa was ok, but Kibum would immediately hold him close and his back until the latter fell asleep.

His relationship with Kibum was marvelous. It seemed as if they’ve known each other all their lives and there was nothing that would slip unsaid between them.

Jonghyun was mad in love.

“Jjong babe, the movie you wanted to watch is about to start soon, come here!” Jonghyun heard while sitting at the piano, composing a new song.

“Coming!” he yelled back and played just a few more notes, before noting them down on his sheet.

A few days ago his professor told him that he noticed a certain change in Jonghyun’s songs. They seemed.. happier. Jonghyun knew all too well what was the reason behind it but he just nodded and thanked for the lecture.

He collected all the papers around him and stored them in the drawer, closed the lid of the piano and exited the room.

Thankfully Kibum had a spare room in his flat where Jonghyun could organize his own music room. Everything seemed to go so smoothly Jonghyun finally started to be thankful for his life.

After all the storm that his life has been, he finally seemed to fine peace and solace. What was most important, he found a solace within a person whom he loved, loved more than one could imagine.

“I prepared popcorn.” Kibum said as he sat comfortably on the sofa in front of TV. “Perfect.” Jonghyun replied and sat next to Kibum, nestling into his side. Kibum rested his arm around Jonghyun and kissed the top of his head.

The movie started and both of them were watching it with great amazement and curiosity, sometimes squeezing latter’s hand if the moment gave them a fright.

Everything was so natural between them, as if they were destined to be together.

“Hey, Kibum?” Jonghyun asked as commercials rolled in.

“Mmh?” Kibum hummed in response and they both giggled at it.

“Say,” Jonghyun got up and pulled Kibum’s face close to his own “Did I keep my promise?” he whispered looking deeply in Kibum’s eyes.

Kibum immediately blushed and flustered tried to look away, but Jonghyun’s grip on his chin prevented him from doing so.

“Answer.” Jonghyun continued and bumped their noses together, smiling at him. His other hand was playing with Kibum’s hand rested on latter’s lap.

“You did.” Kibum whispered in answer and smiled at Jonghyun “You did and I have no idea how to thank you for that.” He continued and closed his eyes, not able to bear with Jonghyun’s drilling gaze. Soon enough Jonghyun pulled Kibum onto himself and made him sit astraddle of his laps, only to feel a gentle lips pressing against his own and he smiled, feeling that the latter smiling as well. Jonghyun’s arms circled Kibum’s body and pulled him close to his own chest, letting their bodies collide with a soft thud. Jonghyun would grip at Kibum’s jet black hair, not letting their lips part even for a brisk of a second, and Kibum tangled his legs behind Jonghyun’s back, bathing in all the warm their bodies were emitting.

The kiss lasted felt like it lasted centuries, but neither of them was ready to let go as of yet. They wanted to feel and touch every inch, bring each other as much joy as it was only possible.

Kibum’s tongue was constantly battling with Jonghyun’s own, not fighting for dominance, just to cause Jonghyun shiver in sheer pleasure.

Jonghyun would respond by pulling at Kibum’s hair, making latter gasp a little in a harsh pleasure.

When they finally parted, too hazy to continue, Jonghyun immediately pressed his lips against Kibum’s neck, lapping on latter’s milky white neck. He exhaled onto the area he previously kissed, cooling the hot saliva with his breath. When Jonghyun couldn’t bear the emotions anymore, he rested his head against Kibum’s collarbones and exhaled a few times. Kibum rested his cheek against Jonghyun’s head and kissed his hair a few times.

“Love me.” He heard a deep whisper coming from Jonghyun. “Just love me. And don’t let me go.” He smiled and reached his hand to Jonghyun’s face to wipe the tears he knew Jonghyun shed.

Lies, deception, hiding.. Kibum regretted each of it. And even despite all that, Jonghyun offered him his whole heart, body and soul. And he knew all too well to cherish it, with all his might.

“I promise.”

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A/N:

Hello sweets!

How are you doing?

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Luv yaaaa