8.00 pm.

Jaebum glanced towards the clock. He should be home by now, cuddling with his sons, but instead he's stucked in his office, surrounded by a whole lot bunch of paperworks that was dued the next day. He silently cursed his boss who decided at the very last minute that Jaebum's the perfect person to dump all the paperworks with. He wanted to call Youngjae to check on his children, but his phone was dead and he forgot to bring the charger. He could only hoped that Youngjae didn't forget to feed the kids dinner.

8.30 pm.

" all of this. I'm not gonna make it. It's impossible. I wanna go home." Jaebum threw everything into his suitcase and after switching off all the lights, he walked out of his office. Arriving at the parking lot, he fished out his car keys and unlocked the door. He switched on the ignition and quickly drove out of the building. It's kinda creepy, after all. He couldn't wait to get home and cuddled with his babies. That included Choi Youngjae too.

9.00 pm.

"All I wanted to do right at this ing moment is to go home! If you ing people want to watch the ing accident, move your ing from the middle of the ing road and let me ing pass!" Jaebum's cursing was intolerable. Angry was an understatement. He's furious. The journey home was supposed to only take 15 minutes, but it's been half an hour, and he's not even halfway through. Apparently, an accident occurred and the traffic was hell. He punched the steering to let out his anger. He could almost hear Youngjae laughing at him. 

"Chill babe."

9.13 pm.

A few more cursing words later, he passed the accident scene and the traffic after that was smooth. He was really thankful, speeding all the way home. Youngjae once said that Jaebum was really likely to get into an accident if he's driving when he's mad. He tended to drive recklessly and carelessly. Jaebum couldn't care less right now. He just wanted to go home. But still, he slowed down. He couldn't afford even a single nag from Youngjae if he crashed. This was Youngjae's car after all (blame himself that he had crashed his own car into a tree last week). 

9.20 pm.

He pulled his car to a stop in the parking lot. Grabbing his suitcase and turning off the ignition, he stepped out of the car and locked it before walking towards the elevator. He had this feeling that something was wrong, but he couldn't guess what it was.  Waiting for the elevator felt like years when it's just a matter of a few seconds. He tapped his foot impatiently while humming to a random song. 

"Hey, you just got home?" He turned towards the source of the voice he'd recognized in a beat. He smiled and nodded. 

"Yeah. I got a last-minute proposal to be done and sent by tomorrow, which I haven't finish yet. I'm pretty much in a trouble. You went for a walk?" The older guy, Mark, chuckled. 

"Yup. Coco won't stop bugging me, so I have to take her for a walk. Jinyoung's been sleeping since he arrived home this evening. He wouldn't even wake up for dinner." The elevator opened up, and Mark picked Coco up in his arms before entering the lift alongside Jaebum.

"Jinyoung got a lot to do today in the office. He's so busy, I didn't have the chance to talk to him. He must've been so exhausted, huh?" Mark gave out a small smile. "I guess so." 

"But at least he got a day off tomorrow." He sighed. "So lucky." 

The rest of the journey spent with them talking about Coco gaining weight. Jaebum held her in his arms for a second, and admitted that she's heavier than before. But he hadn't play with Coco for a long time, and reasoned that she was just growing up. 

Arriving in front of Mark's and Jinyoung's house, Jaebum bid his goodbye and walked a few more steps to the next door. He knocked the door, hoping that Youngjae wasn't sleeping yet and for the latter to open the door for Jaebum. The first time he tried, it went unanswered. Thinking that Youngjae probably didn't hear him, he knocked again, this time louder. 

No one answered. 

It's like he's knocking the door of an abandoned house. He's worried. But then Youngjae could be sleeping, and heaven knew how hard it was to wake him up. Not that Jaebum was any better. Deciding not to disturb the neighbours by knocking on the door repeatedly, he took out his keys from his suitcase and unlocked the door. 

He stepped into the house and was greeted by silence. It was unusual. His kids were loud, even if they were watching the television. There was always something to bicker on. But when Jaebum saw that the tv is off, and there's nobody in the living room, he started to freak out a little. His sons were not the type to sleep early, and it was a hard task to put them to sleep. 

'Maybe Youngjae was too tired, so they went to sleep early.' Convincing himself that it was the best reason, he walked to his sons' bedroom and poked his head inside. Jaemin was sleeping on his bed, hugging his favourite plushie close to his heart, and Jaehan was safely tucked in his curb. Jaebum then realised that he worried too much. He went inside to kiss his sons forehead before retreating to his own bedroom. 

He opened the door to the room and the first thing he noticed was there was no Choi Youngjae anywhere to be seen. He looked behind the door to check if Youngjae was there, because, well, Youngjae could be unexpected. If Jaebum wasn't quite tired, he would look under the bed and inside the closet to search for his husband. Youngjae could be anywhere, waiting to scare the out of Jaebum. 

"Youngjae?" 

Jaebum called out. Just like what happened when he knocked the front door, no one answered. He loosened his tie and took off his shirt, changing quickly into his black T-shirt and a pair of shorts. 

"Youngjae, where are you?" He sighed loudly. He was too tired, and he didn't even want to look at the bed, at least until he had finished his work. The bed was so tempting, just looking at it made him felt sleepy already. He turned to go to the bathroom, and that was when he heard the faint sound of someone crying and sobbing on the other side of the closed door. He put his ear to the door, and confirmed that the sound came from there.

He tried to open the door, and it turned out unlocked. Slowly, he pushed open the door, and peeked inside. There's Youngjae, knees drawn to his chest and face in his hands. He was obviously sobbing hard, to the point where he could no longer control his breath, and choked on the air he inhaled, like a child trying to hold back tears. 

"Honey?" He looked up to see Jaebum standing by the doorway. Youngjae blinked tears from bloodshot eyes, his thick lashes stuck together in clumps as if he'd been swimming. The tears made wet tracks down his pale face and dripped from his chin. He was trembling, and there was a piece of razor, broken from one of the shavers, lying next to him. Only then Jaebum realised that Youngjae's left forearm was bleeding, and that he'd pressed it against his shirt so that the blood wouldn't drip onto the floor. 

"Youngjae, wha-"

Jaebum walked slowly towards his husband and knelt down beside him. He cupped Youngjae's cheeks softly, afraid that if he put in more pressure it would break him, and wiped his tears. He carefully wrapped his muscular arms around the other male and pulled him close to his heart. Jaebum blinked back tears that were so close to roll down his face. He thought it would never happen again. He thought he would never see this scene again. He thought everything was fine. He thought Youngjae was fine.

Apparently he thought wrong.

*

Jaebum and Youngjae sat side by side on the floor in the bathroom, leaning against the wall. Jaebum'd cleaned Youngjae's cut and bandaged it, and Youngjae had stopped sobbing but the tears still flowed down once in a while. He rested his head on Jaebum's shoulder, while the latter stared off into the opposite wall. Jaebum let out a soft sigh.

"Are you okay?" He turned slightly to his left to look at Youngjae's face. The latter cleared his throat and croaked out a 'yes', sniffling. Jaebum grabbed his hand and held it firmly.

"...what happened?" 

"I don't want to talk about it." A lone tear escaped the corner of Youngjae's eyes. Jaebum held the other's face in his hands and kissed his lips delicately, and Youngjae started sobbing again. The elder rested their foreheads together and stared into his husband's eyes, or at least, tried to, because Youngjae didn't even open his eyes. 

"Youngjae, babe, you need to tell me what's wrong. And then we could figure this out together. You can't keep this to yourself. You promised me, remember? You promised me, if anything upsets you, you're going to talk to me, and we'll solve it. Remember that promise? We're in this together. I love you, Choi Youngjae, and I don't want you to get hurt." Jaebum felt the all too familiar lump in his throat, and he inhaled deeply to stop the tears from flowing down his face.

"You...love me?" Youngjae lifted his eyelids and looked straight into Jaebum's eyes. Jaebum felt it again, the way his heartbeat doubled, adrenaline rushed to every part of his body, from the core of his heart, transferred to the very tips of his fingers. Only a certain someone by the name of Choi Youngjae could make Jaebum feel like this. 

"Of course. Of course I do. I've loved you, and I always will. Why would you ask that? Don't you trust me?" Youngjae bit his lips so hard Jaebum thought it'd bleed. Youngjae let out a wretched sob and looked down to his bandaged arm.

"You shouldn't love me."

"Wh-what?" 

"You shouldn't love me." Youngjae repeated, voice lower than before. "I don't deserve your love. You deserve someone better. Someone better-looking, someone more useful, someone who could relieve your stress at the end of the day. Someone who you could hold his hand without shame in public. Someone you could boast about. Someone you're proud to be with. I just-..." A sigh escaped his lips. "I just don't deserve it." 

By the time Youngjae'd stopped talking, Jaebum had tears running down his cheeks and he almost screamed because what makes you think that way and who told you that, I'm gonna chop their heads off. 

"Youngjae, listen. What are you talking about? You are that someone. Even if there are someone better, I wouldn't want them because they're not you. I just need you in my life. And only you. I wouldn't need anything else." Youngjae searched Jaebum's eyes for sincerity, but even if he found them, he didn't believe them because some voice in his head said that Jaebum would live better with someone else and not him. 

"I'm sorry, but you would be better off with someone else, because I'm not good enough for you-..." Jaebum leaned in and sealed Youngjae's next words with a deep kiss. He pulled away when they're both out of breath.

"I don't want someone better. I just want you. And that's it. You're good enough for me. Now, let's get out of here. It's getting too puffy." Jaebum stood up and pulled Youngjae's hand, smiling down at him. "Where to?" 

Jaebum smiled. 

*

Youngjae glanced at the dashboard. It showed 1.15 am. He didn't realise that they spent too much time in the bathroom and that it's so late. And then it occured to him that Jaebum certainly didn't eat his dinner yet. And he obviously hadn't clean himself properly. He had come back from work and found Youngjae in the bathroom, and he was too busy cleaning up the mess that Youngjae was to even clean himself. Jaebum must've been so tired, Youngjae thought. Instead of sleeping his exhaustion away, Jaebum was here, sitting right next to him in the car, driving somewhere he wouldn't tell. Youngjae turned his head towards the elder, and when their eyes met, Jaebum grabbed his hand and offered him a smile. 

Guilt was eating Youngjae from the inside. He squeezed Jaebum's hand softly. "I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. I want to do this. Besides, I could always call in sick tomorrow. And Jinyoung will probably finish the proposal better than what I can do." He chuckled, earning a small smile from Youngjae. 

"Jinyoung, please. Just this time. I'll do anything for you, I swear." Youngjae could almost see Jinyoung rolling his eyes from the other side of the phone. Jaebum gripped the phone tightly in his hand.

"Fine. I'm doing this for Youngjae. You better not forget that promise, hyung. I'm going to wake Mark up and I'll be there in a minute." Jaebum let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. 

"Thanks, Jinyoung. I owe you one."

"Hell yeah you did."

Jaebum put down the phone on the table, telling Youngjae to wait up as he went inside the bedroom to change his clothes. The latter sat on the couch in the living room, staring at his reflection through the dark screen of the television, when the door to their house that was left unlocked by him pushed open. Jinyoung strode in, dragging a sleepy Mark who was wobbling in his steps, both of them still in their pyjamas. He let go of Mark's hand as soon as he saw Youngjae sitting quietly on the couch, quickly taking a place beside the latter. Mark was left to plop down on the couch on the other side of Youngjae. Jinyoung pulled the younger into his embrace, the younger's face nuzzled up against his chest.

"Are you okay?" He asked, Youngjae's hair slowly. He nodded, too lazy to form any words. Jinyoung pulled away and looked at him in the eyes. "You know I'm always here, right? I'll always be here for you."

"I know. Thank you, hyung." 

Jinyoung smiled. "Anything for my favourite dongsaeng."

Jinyoung was the first one who discovered about Youngjae's dark secret, he was the one who was always there for him. He never asked anything when Youngjae climbed into his bedroom at night, arms bleeding and tears on his face when they were still teenagers. He would just take him into the bathroom, clean his cuts and make him change into clean pyjamas, dragging Youngjae into bed with him. Jinyoung was the one who protected him from the voices in his head, back then when he still didn't know the existence of Im Jaebum. 

He thought he would fall in love with Jinyoung. But then Mark came along, and Youngjae never saw anyone who could love Jinyoung more than Mark. And in Youngjae's eyes, they were the cutest couple on earth, which led him to ship both of them so hard, that Mark had finally knelt in fron of Jinyoung and proposed to him that night they went on a group date. 

Jaebum came out a few seconds later, carrying a few files in his hands and dropping all of them onto the dining table. "Alright, Jinyoung. You know what to do. I hope you're not sleepy, though. But in case you are, you guys can take our room. And you know what to tell the kids when they wake up." 

Jinyoung walked over to Jaebum, sighing as he saw the loads of paperworks. He lazily flipped the pages, scanning briefly about the work that has to be done. Mark sneaked up behind Jinyoung, putting his arms around the younger's waist. "No worries. Jinyoung, in fact, just woke up from his sleep, and he ate too much and drank a few glasses of caffeine, he won't feel sleepy anytime soon. But I could use some sleep, though." Mark yawned, pressing his chin onto Jinyoung's shoulder. 

"The room is the first door on the left. Alright then, make yourself at home. Thanks again, guys." He walked past them, ruffling Mark's hair on his way. He walked up to Youngjae, offering his hand to him, smiling. 

"Let's go."

*

Youngjae was too busy staring at the stars on the night sky to notice Jaebum pulling up the car to a stop. Jaebum rolled down the windows on both his and Youngjae's side before turning the ignition off. It was when Youngjae inhaled a familiar scent of salt and sand and sky that he was dragged back to reality. He turned around, taking in the view he knew so well, all the worries in his heart drained out. He turned towards Jaebum who had drawn up his knees and was munching on a bag of chips he got earlier at a gas station. "Why are we here?" 

"You are always so calm when you're by the ocean. That's why. And it's also the place where I first fell for you." Youngjae let out a soft sigh, smiling. "You know me too well." 

Jaebum scoffed. "Of course I do. You're my husband."

Youngjae stared at the view in front of him, though it was still dark. He could find the big rock, his rock, easily even with his eyes closed. He grew up here, the ocean had become his childhood friend. The only spectator of his own small concert before Jaebum came. 

"Remember when you were so surprised that I came up to you on the big rock that morning?" 

Youngjae giggled. "Yeah. I swear to God, I almost pushed you into the water. I didn't know you had the nerve of coming up on the rock with me." 

"It's because I really like you. I was willing to wake up early every morning just to go to the beach and listen to you singing. And then one day I was really determined to find the owner of the voice. I can't believe that you're just a few feet away from where I was seated. I guess the big rock kind of blocked my vision of seeing you." Jaebum grinned, reminiscing the memories.

"You're so annoying, though. Always asking me to sing songs for you." Youngjae cringed. Jaebum laughed loudly, throwing his head back. They talked about their teenage years, waiting for the sky to turn a lighter shade of blue before going out of the car. 

*

Jaebum sat down, leaning against a tree by the beach, facing the ocean and waiting for the sunrise. He tugged on Youngjae's hand, manhandling the latter to sit between his legs, his back pressed againt Jaebum's chest. They sat in silence, the only sound that could be heard was from the ocean that was kissing the shore, and Jaebum's soft hum. Jaebum had his arms around Youngjae's shoulders, who had his eyes closed and was breathing softly. After a while, Youngjae broke the silence. 

"Jaebum, can I ask you something?"

"If it's about my work I left for Jinyoung to do, don't. I'm pretty sure he's gonna take half of my bonus this month. If it's not that, then yes. What is it?" 

"You got a few chances before to leave me. But you don't. Why?" Jaebum straightened his back and crossed his legs, Youngjae slid down to lay his head on Jaebum's lap. 

"Are you crazy? Why would I do that? I'm not gonna let you go to other people. I must've been crazy if I do that. Call me selfish, but you're only mine. You can't belong to others. I'm keeping you to myself forever. And don't you dare to leave me. I won't let you. I'll locked you inside the house if you as much as mention about it." 

"I'll never even dream of doing that. You're the perfect husband everyone's dreaming to have. Thank you."

"No, you're perfect, Jae." Jaebum leaned down and pressed a kiss onto the younger's nose. Youngjae grinned. "My lips are available, though." 

Jaebum smirked. "Cheeky, are we?" Youngjae laughs. Jaebum's heart was filled with happiness, and he decided right then and there that he would never trade Youngjae for the world. Jaebum lowered his face and kissed Youngjae passionately on the lips. Youngjae pushed him away when things got too heated.

"W-wait.." He stuttered, face flushed dark shade of red.

"Why? I thought you want this. I can do you right here, right now." Jaebum's grin got bigger, and Youngjae thought he's gonna explode with embarrassment.

"Not here! Let's just go home." Youngjae got up, and before he could walk away, Jaebum grabbed his hand and pouted at him.

"Not yet. I didn't drive for hours for nothing. Let's watch the sunrise first. Please. I won't do anything to you." Youngjae thought he'd seen this scene before, and remembered that it was back then when they were still dating. And he reacted the same way he had the last time. It's not like he could resist Jaebum's pout anyway. He sat next to Jaebum, hand still in Jaebum's hold. A few minutes spent with Jaebum singing random songs, and Youngjae laughing whenever he got the lyrics wrong. And it was when Youngjae saw that the sun was up at the horizon that he stopped laughing at Jaebum and smiled, relishing the moment. 

"Jaebum, look. The sun's up. It's beautiful, isn't it?" 

Jaebum, on the other hand, found that Youngjae was far more beautiful than the sunrise. When the latter smiled, showing off his pearl-white teeth, Jaebum swore to God and the entire universe that he's blinded. 

"Yeah, but I think you're a million times more beautiful. I must've saved the entire planet in my past life to deserve someone like you." 

"Ugh, cheesy."

"But you still love me." 

"I can't say no to that." 

*

"You know what, I do love them, but I swear to God, Mark, if they don't get their asses back here in 10 minutes, I'm going to explode." 

"You do know that they're like, 4 hours away, don't you?"

"I ing hate Jaebum hyung for leaving this work for me to do. I never thought that it would be so hard to complete this. I'm gonna finish this hell of a proposal and send it and then we're going out with the kids. I'm holding the kids hostage until Jaebum hyung promise that he'll give me his bonus for this month." 

"That's kinda mean, Jinyoung."

"And Jaebum hyung dumping all his job for me to do is not?" 

"True enough. I'm gonna get the boys ready, Jinyoung. Good luck with the proposal." Mark walked away from the living room and went into the boys' bedroom. Jinyoung pinched the bridge of his nose and suddenly, he heard his stomach grumble.

"Mark!" He called out. Mark yelled back a what do you want and Jinyoung grinned, although he knew Mark couldn't see it. "Can you make breakfast?"

From where he's seated, he could see Mark went to the kitchen with a sleepy Jaehan in his arms. He put the kid to his high chair, and grabbed an apron. "Yeah, sure." 

Jinyoung made a mental note to kiss his husband when he's done with this damn proposal. "Thank you, baby. You're the best." 

Mark turned to him and smiled. "I know. Tell me something new." 

Jinyoung let out a small chuckle and smirked. 

"You look hot wearing that apron. What about taking everything off and wearing the apron only?" Mark rolled his eyes so hard, he thought they're gonna fall out of their sockets. 

"Save it Jinyoung. It's too early for your erted thoughts." 

"But you never complained before."

"Shut up." 

A/N : feel free to point out any grammar mistake to me. I'm kinda sleepy when writing this lmao.