Pain fades away with time

He was feeling better but sometime he would stare blankly thinking about it –about her. To ease the pain, he stopped trying to contact her or see her, he had avoided every place she liked.But today, it had been two years, kind of their anniversary. He laughs at the thought of it, how depressing, their anniversary of break-up was also their anniversary of meeting, and the day he planned to propose her. He let his mind wander, walking without any aim. Little did he know that his feet had dragged him at her favourite coffee shop but he didn’t even realized it. Feeling tired, one cup of coffee was welcomed, definitely. He was about to push the door while a couple was doing the same, exiting the shop. Their eyes met and everyone got shocked. It was followed by an awkward silence. He didn’t know what to say, did he really have to meet them today? He cursed himself and his stupid feet.

“Hello” she beamed smiling at him.

“Hi” he succeeded to say. He stared at her, she hadn’t changed. Always same warm smile, her hair was a bit longer but she looked quite tired. She was as beautiful as always and his stomach was filled by butterflies, again. He cursed himself for being so weak in front of her, one sight of her and he was again deeply in love.

The awkwardness was still in the air and no one seemed to do something about it. But she did, because she was Jieun and she hated silence. She would always tell him how silence was a scary sound.

“Hum, Woohyun-shi” He was startled by this use of the honorific. So unlike Jieun. He didn’t like it at all, neither did he liked the tall boy smirking at him.

“Are you going to take a coffee ? If you do maybe we could talk a bit, to catch up. What do you think ?” She asked twisting her hands he noticed. She would always do that when she was uncomfortable or self-conscious. He hoped, deep down in his heart that he was the one making her like that, maybe Jieun had fallen in love again with him. Could he be that desilusional ?

No, thank you, seeing you with him is enough painful, I don’t want to know how much you’re happy with him by now. His heart was screaming in his chest, the words reverberating inside his whole body, each like a punch in his guts.

“Yes why not” God he was so weak, he wanted to punch his own face.

“ Sorry I need to go, they need me at the office. See you tonight at home” Sungyeol finally spoke, he kissed her on the cheek, smirking to Woohyun again and leaving quickly.

“So I think it’s only the two of us now ?” she smiled but seemed really embarrassed.

They sat at a table near the window, the first five minutes were only filled by him blowing on his coffee. She was staring at him trying to find some answers to unsaid questions. She didn’t know what to say, neither why she proposed him to take a seat there. She was so stupid and now she was hurting herself again. Sungyeol had a point, she really was masochistic. But she had to do it, to ease finally her heart and let him go. But he cut her before she could open .

“So, how about you ?” when she had looked up at him, it was nearly lovingly, but he just pushed his thoughts aside, he was seeing things again.

“ You know, normal things, I just finished my degree and I get a job in a big company as a PA. My boss is hard to work with, but I appreciate him actually. The only annoying things is that he can’t really understand the fact that people sleep at night, so he ends up calling me any time. Now I understand more things about you.” He looked at her, not knowing what to think of that so he just remained silent. Actually he just heard bribe of her speech, he was too focused on her, the way her hair was tied into a tight ponytail but still cascading on her shoulders in brown waves, how her long eyelashes were hugging her eyes every time she was looking at her cup of tea. Her long fingers holding the cup and he could see her small wrists he liked so much, he remembered how much he liked to caress them. They were so thin and delicate under his touch, they were fragile just like their relationship even though he thought they were bound to be together.

“ And Sungyeol ?” He was so eager to ask about it, he tried to remain cool but his body was so tensed. She only shrugged averting her warm and big chocolate pool like eyes he wished he could swim in again. He missed it so much, her eyes, her vanilla fragrance that got him drunk in love every time he was diving in her neck, her milky skin as soft as velvet that would react under his touch. Did it react the same way when Sungyeol was touching her ? He couldn’t fathom the fact that now someone was loving her the way he does. It only made him angry, toward Sungyeol, toward her, toward the world but more importantly toward himself. He had lost her in the most simple and stupid way.

“ Okay I guess, we didn’t talk a lot actually, with our work we hardly see each others.” He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. She left him to go out with a guy she can’t even see because of their work. It was driving him insane. His last bit of sanity was certainly going to stay with her when they would separate ways again after that encounter but why would he bother, he didn’t need any sanity, his heart, his paradise, his haven was laying with her. So why bother act rationally or live sanely anymore.

“Must be really difficult for you”. She looked at him oddly and furrowed her eyebrows cutely. He wanted to kiss her right now but she wasn’t his so doing it was forbidden. But just the thought of pulling her by her neck, his fingers in her soft hair and his lips finally meeting the plumped and soft lips he had missed so much made him ache to do it right now. It made him ache for more.

“ Not really but well... How about you ? Is your job okay ? You look quite tired and thin? Are you sure you eat well? You need to eat more really. Is your girlfriend a bad cook or something?” He raised an eyebrow and she gasped, realising her stupidity. One hand covering , she shook her head several time.

“Sorry, I am an idiot”. He loved seeing her like that, he remembered all the time he had made her gasp like that only for his own enjoyment. He missed it so much it hurt.

“ It’s okay, you are already forgiven. My job takes me less time than before, I am helping the chairman so I have less surgeries and more paper work which is actually better for my situation right now. I am not really in the right mind to have people’s life in my hand, when I can’t even manage to ...well you know... same stuff.” He couldn’t say it or explain it. Or could he tell her he was barely living he was just a wreck.

“Oh, I see” she stared at him and he felt that she could see right through him. That all he had hidden deep down was be unveiled in front of her own eyes like an opened book.

“I don’t have anyone in my life right now, I have someone in my mind, but she doesn’t seemed to be available”. She furrowed her eyes again and he was going crazy, feeling the heat everywhere in his body, she took a sip of her beverage then look at him avidly.

“But I thought Hyemi was single”. It was his turn to look at her ardently. The tone of her voice, he could recognize it so well. Jealousy. It was a feeling he hated so much because it changes a person so much that, that person sometime can’t even recognize itself. But right now it felt like the most beautiful and comforting feeling he could see in her.

“Huh ?”

“ You’re talking about Hyemi right ? I mean I saw you last time at the hospital so I thought ...” she couldn’t finished her sentence, trying to remain calm and not letting her emotions show. However she was startled when he let out a huge laugh.

“ Sorry, you’re right, you’re right” He blurted with a sly smile. Her eyes started to become watery again and her heart was bleeding profusely. She was so stupid to have this hope. Of course he would have a girlfriend, he was an exceptional flawless boy. She wanted to disappear right now. She couldn't do it, it was too difficult to keep the appearances.

“ Woohyun-shi, it was really nice to catch up a bit with you but right now I need to go. See you soon.”