A touch of gold, a pool of warmth and a hazy light broke in between my mint green colored curtains, the birds sang a mellow tune as they woke up along with the sun greeting me a bright good morning. The sun’s rays danced on the tips of my eyelashes until they tapped me awake and flutter my eyes open. I was blinded for a mere second, my pupils adjusted to the morning light and beheld the blotches of the custard sea until it was washed away by the tsunami of the light blue color, the sky finally was left to reflect the color of the vast ocean and a couple of cotton balls of white rained.

It’s winter.

I heaved a long and deep intake of air, completely mesmerized by the morning sky. I watched the curtain flowing through the winter’s cold gentle breeze in silence. I didn’t move nor did I speak, I only lay quietly admiring the sky in the soft bed. My eyes followed the clouds imagining them like pirate ships made out of cotton and the birds as fishes in the sea.

I remember when I was a young man, I used to run in the fields to catch the wind and jump as high as I could just to touch the sky. To my dismay though, I can’t do any more of that now.

Carefully I rose from the bed feeling the ache run through my spine, the cramps on my legs and a thumping migraine in my head. I stood up, cracking my bones in the process and made my way slowly to the bathroom’s mirror where there I saw a pair of old wrinkled eyes staring right back at me. A pair of eyes that belonged to an elderly man with thin silver white hair that used to be waterfalls of dark raven, sagged pale cheeks that used to be chubby and stained with rosy cheeks that had been a signature feature, wrinkly eyes that could barely open that used to be large and cat-like that everyone noted admiringly, but all of those were once in a blue moon for the old man he saw in the mirror was none other than myself.

“How time flies” I chuckled awkwardly in my words. Even my voice changed, it was a raspy, frail and more agile to break into scattered stutters. I wasn’t as articulate like I used to be either. I could remember the times I could rap non-stop in the underground battles and hoist up the Champion’s trophy at the end of the night. It was hard to believe I can no longer do it anymore.

But I didn’t mind it at all. I lived a good life and all must come to pass such as running with the wind in my ears or conjuring the greatest sentences that could woo the crowd. Being old was part of life and I had no problems with it, I didn’t care for it anymore.

What I really cared about right now was not myself, rather it’s a special someone that makes my mornings brighter and more magical than the sky and clouds I watch so intently everyday on my bed.

I made my way outside of the room and peeped my head on the other by the right only to find the room empty. I frowned and a rush of panic filled my heart. I tried to pick my legs up to find him, to find the person that never fails to make me smile, the person I’d spend my days drowning with endless conversations only the two of us could enjoy, the person who I’ve grown over protective and fond of.

I virulently threw my head from side to side once I got into the kitchen, to the living room and the pantry but there was no sight of him. My breathing’s pace quickened that I came to a resolve to call my neighbour Junmyeon to help me find him, not until I stumbled outside of the backyard and found him.

“Baekhyun” I sighed in relief and charged at the old man sleeping soundly on the old rickety rocking chair. I crouched down to look at him with tender eyes resting upon his sleeping face. I brushed away the fallen strands blocking Baekhyun’s worn-out face and smiled to myself.

Up until now, I could never tire of seeing him. Not even if youth faded from our faces, I still find Baekhyun handsome despite having the same wrinkles and having whitish blonde hair that used to be a soft auburn brown hair I used to brush my fingers through. In fact, having whitish blonde hair doesn’t stop me for brushing my fingers through him as well.

Slowly I reached my weak fingers over his hair, retracting every now in hesitation trying my best not to wake him. When the tips of my fingers got a hold of the strands of his hair, my old beating heart raced like horses riding in the glen. Oh how he makes my heart flutter even after all these years, with just one touch, happiness exploded in me like fireworks in New Years; bright, colourful and warm.

“Hmm?”

I swiftly withdrew my hands tangled from his hair as his eyebrows creased and his eyes twitch until they fluttered open and I was met with his dark hazel nut brown eyes. He blinked thrice trying to comprehend if he was still dreaming or if he was now awake. He lifted his head up with his eyes never leaving our interlocking gaze.

A tender smile played along my lips seeing him so focused on me. He cocked his head to the side and raised a brow and I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself.

“Good morning” I greeted him warmly.

He blinked once more to narrow his eyes at me and with his lips parting, I held my breath in excitement to hear his voice. Just to hear him speak, it always melts my heart.

“Who are you?”

Who are you?

Those were the words that he would always mutter every day now. Those three words that always catches me off guard, three mere words that drags my lips into a frown, my eyes to be shrouded with mists and a deep water and a strong tug in my heart strings of hurt to flash across my pained face while he on the other hand would remain carrying a blank expression with nothing to bear but complete void and confusion circulating in his mind.

Baekhyun is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

That’s why he can’t remember me that much. Getting old is kind of sad really, you enjoy all your life creating happy memories only for it to slowly fade and deteriorate because the brain is undergoing degeneration.

That’s right, I almost forgot.

People would sometimes come up to me and ask me why don’t I just give ourselves in the care of our child rather than me taking care of Baekhyun all the time? They say I’m old as well, they could see me hardly pick up the cup of coffee on my table I used to carry around before. They ask me: why do I have to go through this everyday trying to take care of Baekhyun even though he barely remembers anything anymore; barely remember me.

It pains me to see him fade away from my eyes like this and bring the sun with him as he slowly forgets everything.

Even though I’m getting forgetful myself, I can never forget everything Baekhyun and I’ve been through all these years we’ve been together and I will never forget the promise we shared years ago.

I will never forget it.

Old I may be inside and out, but my heart is still young. And because my heart whispers so persistently into my weak ears, I couldn’t help but follow it.

Baekhyun had his blank expression still. His eyes were unmoving, his lips weren’t quivering when I took hold of his bony hands, the same hands I intertwine my fingers where they fit perfectly in each spaces, the same hands that radiated heat and beat rapid pulses whenever we walk side by side.

“Come on, walk with me” I stood up and gently pulled him.

I guided Baekhyun into the kitchen and had him sit on his usual seat. He sat there with eyes following my very figure everywhere I went. I poured a glass of milk, cooked up two scrambled eggs and slipped in a grainy loaf of bread on his plate and placed it in front of him and even with that presentation, his eyes were unwavering.

I dabbed my fork on a piece of  egg and took a bite as I shot a smile at him “Eat up! Before the food gets cold”

“Who are you?” was his only response.

Oh dear. I sighed heavily with a sad smile closing my eyes shut and chuckle to myself, Oh dear, oh dear.

“Who are you?” he repeated, this time a little louder but expressionless.

I pursed my lips into a straight line, shortly after a curve formed on the edge as I propped my elbows on the table and watched Baekhyun with loving eyes until my mouth popped open and give him the brightest smile I could ever give him for the day.

You may not remember me, but I do remember you.

I am Kim Minseok.

You are Byun Baekhyun.

You like to swim, but you’re afraid of the ocean.

You love to ride rollercoasters, but you’re afraid of heights.

You’re always asleep during the day, but you’re up and about at night.

You say you’re manly and yet you cry like a baby when you watch Disney films such as Toy Story 3.

You love to dance but you don’t know how to dance.

You hate delinquents and yet, you love me.

Every one of these facts about you are all true. I can pinpoint everything I know about you, recall every memory we shared.

Heck, I can even remember all those little things and important days of our life.

Like when we first met!

We met on the first week of spring in high school where all the flowers bloomed from their hibernation from winter. What a good way to start a new year of school and see new faces, meet new people.

Just like when I met you.

I was a delinquent who loves to ride skateboards and prank professors. You were a new student in campus who wore glasses and carried volumes of history books in your hands.

I remember laughing with my friends as we silently teased how nerdy you looked. We even planned on targeting you as the “new meat” and greet you with an embarrassing welcome to your first day of school. But somehow, we didn’t.

If you could recall, nothing happened to you on the first day. But something did happen to me.

You turned your head to look at our group leaning by on the lockers and interlocked gazes with me. I was sniggering and mocking you silently in my head but then something clicked in me. The more you stared at me with those chinky oval puppy eyes of yours, the more and more the wolfish smile on my lips and the name-calling in my mind subsided. You battered your eyelashes wondering to yourself why were we laughing at you.

But for me?

I stared at you for a long time because I was desperate to know what your name was.

You rolled your eyes in infuriation when one of my friends commented how stupid you looked and sent you whipping your head to avert your attention from us. Shortly after that, I smacked my friend’s head in offense to what he had done. I wanted to spring up to my feet and run after you and apologize and hopefully you wouldn’t think of me same as my friend who just offended you, but I guess that would take time for you hated me to be very honest.

You hated me throughout the first months of high school. You heeded the voices of those who were around you, warning you about our group of misfits. You made sure to steer clear from our way and avoid having in contact with us even just stepping inside a vicinity where we were. You’d choose an alternate route whenever you would come across us or make excuses just to leave the cafeteria.

Unfortunately for you, fate played her little game.

The time where we actually became classmates for the first time. But wait, there’s more.

“Lab partner day!” the professor rubbed his hands together, “I wrote down all your names and to be fair I’m going to pick two names from this jar and whoever names I pick will be lab partners!”

My heart raced upon hearing about this and statistically I tested my chances in having you as my lab partner. You on the other hand had your eyes closed and hands clasped with each other. I guess you were silently praying to have a decent partner and hopefully it wasn’t me, right?

Well, good for you for you got to be partners with Kim Jongdae. Oh how I felt so disheartened thinking the Kim my professor mentioned was Kim Minseok. I on other hand got partnered with Lee Hi. You sighed in relief and cheered while I sulked in a corner and hung my head low to look down on my feet.

“Oh wait, wait” the professor caught his breath “It seems Kim Jongdae and Lee Hi aren’t present today”

I shot my head up with wide eyes as the professor announced that you and I were going to be lab partners since both of our partners were absent that day. Now, the tables have turned. I was cheering quietly and you banged your head on the desk.

All throughout Laboratory class you’d try your best in ignoring me.  You separated us with a stack of books in between us, and you’ll only talk to me when you want me to hand you over a scalpel or a beaker. That doesn’t stop me from trying to strike up a conversation with you though.

“You’ve been humming that tune for quite a while now” I noted him humming absent-mindedly a familiar song that piqued my interests.

Although you were humming, you sounded so melodious. The way you hit every note right with just a hum and how it sounded like a little humming bird got me curious on what you might sound if you uttered the words to the song.

A pink stain of a blush pooled your cheeks and your humming ceased. Even so, you didn’t reply to me. Not even a grunt of acknowledgement nor a nod.

I smiled to myself and nodded dejectedly as I went back into staring at the laboratory manual only to shoot my head back up and look at you with wide eyes in astonishment.

“Yeah, I love this song so much. It’s called Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley” you said without looking at me. You cleared your throat as you jiggled the mercury inside the test tube and wrote down the result.

You talked to me. You actually talked to me!

I couldn’t supress the exhilaration I felt once I heard your voice directed at me for the first time. I was starting to think I didn’t exist in your world but now I know I do.

“I like that song” I muttered under my breath.

“Me too”

And for the first time in my life, I couldn’t breathe. My world stopped and my heart leapt out of my cage. What seemed like forever the first time I saw you, you laid your eyes to stare back at mine.

Through those eyeglasses of yours.

To see your eyes. Those brown circles swimming in a sea of white, I was drowned in wonderland.

I saw something in them.

It was the day I began to start believing in a forever.

Summer rolled through spring replacing it with booming colors and fun. Just like how our acquaintanceship that exploded into friendship.

“Sup Baekhyun” you passed by in front of our group.

“Hey there Minseok” you flashed a grin and went away with your group of friends.

Both your group and my group exchanged bewildered looks seeing that you and I actually interacted. I just snickered and shook my head, a smile twitching to escape my lips. I stared down under my jacket where I hid my phone and saw your name flash on my screen.

Did you see their faces? Priceless! – Baekhyun

If only I can laugh out loud right now dude. – Minseok

Go ahead! Because I’m laughing my off right now! – Baekhyun

I darted my eyes up and found you throwing your head back and laughing as your friends stared at you weirdly thinking you’ve gone crazy. That was enough for me to burst out in laughter and I earned the same reaction from my friends.

There were particular days when we’d talk casually down the hallways whenever we meet but you always cut it short and run off. It pained me to see you go, I guess I could understand that. You were a busy guy after all.

You always had your nose in your books and you’d get straight A’s in class. You’ve joined the math and science club, the Historians Society Guild but you never joined the Glee Club.

I wondered why you would always look through the sign-up sheets of the Glee Club posted in the bulletin board but I never saw you take out your pen and write on it. Instead, you’d drop the pages and walk away with downcast eyes.

Why waste this opportunity in honing your skills? I wondered and urged myself to wait outside school until I could call you as you were about to leave.

“Minseok?” you were stunned to see me unexpectedly leaning by the school’s outside walls. You bode goodbye to your friends and approached me with those goofy glasses of yours, “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you” the way I said it got my heart skipping beats it’s so absurd.

“M-me?” you stuttered whilst giving that adorable look of shock.

I gave you my infamous lopsided grin and gestured for you to come with me, “Walk with me Baekhyun”

And you did. Without second thoughts you adjusted your glasses and stayed close beside me as we walked to a nearby park. We sat by a bench quietly and I could see from my peripheral vision that you were tapping your feet impatiently, anticipating why I called you to sit with me here in the park.

To be honest, the longer we sat here without words being exchanged, I would have considered asking him to come with me just because I wanted him to sit here with me and watch summer’s sunset drowning in the horizon right before our eyes.

Instead of starting a conversation, I sang an expert of lyrics from a very familiar song. A song that caused him to be taken aback.

“Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can’t help, falling in love with you” I sang.

I heard you stifle a chuckle. I snapped my attention to you and saw you clasp a hand over your mouth.

Okay, I admit: I’m a bit out of tune. But somehow, you sang along – correcting me along the way I might add.

Oh my ears blocked out all of the environment’s noise just to listen to you sing for the first time. Pinch me I must be dreaming, but I swear you sounded so ethereal. So pure and out of this world. Like a siren hypnotizing me with every word you sang that flooded my ears.

Twilight spreads its wings as the world was being washed with golden glory from the sunset and how I marvelled at the way the sun's gleam playeing around your face. This was your moment I thought. You belonged to the sunset.

I could listen to you forever.

“What gives Baek?” I finally popped the question after you pressed your lips close.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been seeing you browsing through the sign-up sheets lately”

“O-oh that” you looked away and blushed, fumbling with your thumb.

“Have you signed up for it by any chance?” I cocked a brow up.

You shook your head in negation.

“Why not?”

You shrugged your shoulders and frowned “I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready”

“Not ready?” I laughed in disbelief “Have you heard yourself? You sound amazing”

A blush came and it was such a sight to see.

“Stop being so modest Baekhyun, truly you can do it. Go and audition” I patted your shoulders felt you flinch at my touch and instantly I withdrew my hand.

You stared on your feet for quite a while before you spoke. It was a faint whisper, but I managed to hear you say it.

“I’m scared…” was all you said that had me speechless.

The sincerity of being afraid in your frail voice had me taken aback. Although I couldn’t see it, I know that you were hugging yourself tightly in your thoughts just to make sure you were fine as you lived through the horrors filling your mind.

“Why may I ask?” I inquired softly.

He shrugged “I don’t want to see people judging me”

“Believe me Baekhyun, the only thing they’d say when they judge you is that you’re worthy” hopefully that motivation was enough and it was the truth! You on the other hand didn’t buy it.

“What if I fail Minseok? What if? I don’t want people to be disappointed…” you frowned deeper “I don’t want people to remember me as someone who failed…”

I watched how the light fade away from your eyes and it was up to me to do something.

You didn’t want to disappoint anybody that was who you were.

You loved to sing, but you were afraid to be heard.

Afraid of people remembering you to be someone who failed at singing. Your greatest fear.

I reached my hand out and you stared at it with caution.

“Come,” I called and you trailed behind me.

We ran throughout the streets until we got to the soccer field in school. I told you to feel the wind brush through us and spread our arms like wings as if we could fly. Remember when I told you to look up in the sky and watch the clouds as we glided all over the place?

I could remember well how you laughed happily. It’s so nostalgic just recalling how you sounded.

We watched the clouds for a long while before the sky was covered by a pitch black blanket and stars shimmered in the ocean of darkness.

Remember when you told me a story of how the moon whispers lullabies into our ears? I could replay all over to my mind how you sang a gentle tune and how you heard the moon singing to you when you were a child.

Let me tell you Baekhyun, you didn’t disappoint me when you sang that song.

I was enthralled.

And I hope you could share this gift to everyone. I’m glad I was one of the firsts who got to hear your beautiful voice.

“If only you could put your shoes in mine Baekhyun, you’ll know how your voice is so beautiful” I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes.

I didn’t see what your reaction was, but I knew you were smiling when you responded to me.

“I don’t know why, but somehow I believe you Kim Minseok” you sighed in relief “Thank you for believing in me”

After that night, I never knew that by saying those words could lead into something more.

Like leaves changing its color from green to fiery ambers, so did our lives the fates so happily intertwined.

Everything was different now. Who knew we would be this close?

A nerd and a delinquent together was a sight to behold.

I thank you for coming into my life like this Baekhyun, if you didn’t come then I wouldn’t have taken my bad reputation from people off. People started to think differently of me, nobody was afraid or disgusted with me anymore. In fact, I think not having the bad boy or cool boy gave me into this way.

It changed me.

You changed me.

Ever since you came into my bleak colorless life, you brought in crayons and colored my world. You smiled at me and brought the warmth of the sun and brightened everything up.

I’ve created many friends may it be the jocks, the geeks, the preps basically everyone you could pin point in school. All of them would greet me with high fives and smiles on their faces. Nothing ever felt so nice like this before.

I also joined the Soccer’s Varsity Team and became the MVP. Everyone would run to me and lift me in the air whenever we bring home the Champion’s prize. But even amongst the sea of people, you were the only face I could see.

“Whoo! Kim Minseok! You rock!” you cheered my name the loudest and it melted my heart.

How different it was to see your face cheering for me. Who would’ve thought you’d cheer for me and smile at me like this? Be proud of me like you could scream to the heavens how amazing I was?

You changed as well it seems.

You’ve changed.

You started to audition for the Glee Club after a couple of gentle nudges – or rather numerous persuasions. I remember sneaking inside the auditorium with a couple of my friends and watched you behind the red seats. You held that mic whilst shaking and introduced yourself shyly.

“You can do it Baek, you can do it” I kept whispering to myself over and over again. Silently cheering you on. But please know, I’ll be screaming in triumph if I could. If only we wouldn’t get caught I would. Just like how you cheered for me when I won the championships.

The whole auditorium was silent not until you opened your mouth and we were all transported to dreams.

You sounded like a nightingale, Baekhyun.

You were amazing beyond reason. It was as if the angels itself carved your very vocal chords and out from your lips rolled out heaven’s gates. Everyone held their breaths completely mesmerized by how you felt the song in your heart and brought it out to share it to us.

It was an honour to hear you sing Baekhyun.

A sudden change of heart clicked in the cockles of my heart.

I wasn’t seeing the same friend named Byun Baekhyun, instead my eyes perceived something else.

You opened a new gateway to my heart Baek.

I was slowly falling for you.

When you hit that last note, the president of the Glee Club and their members stood up from their seats and applauded you, they showered you with compliments and cheers.

I couldn’t waste this opportunity!

“Baekhyun! That was awesome! Congratulations! You rocked the world Baekhyun!” I jumped to my feet and screamed it that my voice echoed and bounced through the walls of the auditorium and caught everyone’s attention.

It makes me laugh everytime I remember.

Do you remember when the president of the Glee Club pointed over to us and his nose flared in wrath?

“What are you doing here?! You can’t be here!” he threatened to kick us out and ordered the members of the Glee Club to run after us.

“Go, go, go!”

I pushed my friends out of the room and before I could fully leave the auditorium I caught a glimpse of you laughing uncontrollably on stage. With that, I gave one last cheer and dashed away.

Every time there was an event in school and you were sent to sing up front, I would stand up from the seats and cheer the loudest. The embarrassed faces you made whenever you hear me and my group scream your name never failed to register in my mind.

“Embarrassing? Maybe so, but at least I’m supportive Baekhyun!” I patted your back joyously as you held the sing-offs medal on your hands.

“I did it Minseok, I did it!”

You fondled with it so tenderly with eyes welling up in tears at your accomplishment. I could see it in your eyes and I could feel it radiate from you. You’ve proven to yourself that you could do it. You didn’t disappoint anyone with your singing.

You made everyone fall in love with your voice.

Including me.

You shot your eyes up at me and gave me your signature smile and crescent eyes. You waved the medal in front of my face and popped your lips whilst adjusting your glasses.

“Thank you so much Minseok for your never ending support” you said cheerfully, “Thank you so much for being such a good friend”

Friend.

A word I once was so desperate for you to call me when you never dared talking to me. But now, why does it feel like I’m being stabbed in the chest with a poisonous dagger?

“You’re welcome” I said in dismay.

For some reason Baekhyun, I never wanted to hear that word from your mouth ever again.

When will we be more than friends?

We’ve done mischief together with some of my pals that even though you were against it, you still played along. I’ve gave some time of my skateboarding just to study with you in the dreaded library but you made me love reading books. Sometimes though, you’d feel sorry that you take away my time for skateboarding that you tried riding a skateboard as well.

You could glide through it – well, stand on the skateboard mostly.

“Baekhyun, steady your arms! Stop moving – ugh stop flailing it!” I ran after you as you were going berserk. You couldn’t even jump off a moving skateboard as if your life depended on it.

“I’m trying Minseok! I’m trying!”

In a blink of an eye you crashed onto a pole and fell on your back onto the ground. I shook my head and laughed seeing you roll in pain but you managed to laugh out loud in your own clumsiness.

From the moment on, if this was a video game I swore I heard a Level Up sound effect for we’ve reached another level of friendship.

From being Friends, we became the best pair out there.

We became Best Friends.

We spent a lot of times together. Every weekend we’d invite each other to hang-out outside or even to the point the two of us could sleepover in each other’s house that our parents would mistake us as family already. We shared clothes, we shared notebooks bags and heck I am too embarrassed to admit it, but I wish I could throw away the memory when we shared our underwear.

Years passed and like glue, we were inseparable. Wherever you went, I followed. Whatever I ate, you had it in your hands as well.

But the glue didn’t stick for so long. Even being together came to pass.

The cold winter’s grasp blew in leaving me stone cold and empty when you brought me the most dreadful news in the dead of December.

The snow was pouring like rain, as if all the angels in the heavens cried when along with my frozen heart when you delivered me the news that you were going to move into another city after graduation.

“You’re going away?” I halted in my steps as we trudge through the thick blankets of snow. I wasn’t cold or anything but it was as if December’s breeze froze me in my spot like an icicle, I couldn’t lift my foot to take another step.

You didn’t meet my eyes when you turned around. You covered your pink lips – the ones I’ve been staring at for so long and wondered how soft they looked – with a scarf and stared down at on your feet and nodded solemnly.

“Dad got promoted and his work involves us moving to another city”

“Y-you can’t go Baekhyun, what about us? What about returning to the Glee Club and becoming their alumni mentor?”

You closed your eyes in disdain “I think they’ll do fine without me”

“So what, you’re just going to disappear on them like that? Just like that?” I growled hoarsely in disbelief “Not even a goodbye to remember you by?”

Your eyes bulged wide, startled on my remark.

“Don’t you think they’ll get disappointed because you didn’t tell them goodbye?” I shook my head, trying to avoid the waters forming on the edge of my eyes “What about me Baek?”

You remained silent. You didn’t utter even a little squeak. You just stayed quiet, immensely engrossed in listening to me ramble and mumble.

Did you know how afraid I was to think I won’t be able to see you again?

You were going to move five cities away from us Baekhyun. You were going to leave everything behind, leave all those years we’ve hung-out, you were going to leave this godforsaken town we’ve planted all our memories together. Now I dread walking pass the parks, the school or the restaurants for I know I will see the ghosts of our past.

Most importantly, you were going to leave and I have not told you yet how much you mean to me.

Oh Baekhyun, how many times have I tried and tested my courage to come up to you and blurt it all out. Pour all my feelings to you. How much I wanted to show you a world I wish to share with you with me close to your heart because I’m willing to give all of me to you.

If you could notice that one time when I keep on pointing out that you had a dirt stain on your sleeves? I would grab your hand and flip your sleeves even though there wasn’t anything there just so I could feel your hands.

I would offer you my drink and you’d sip the straw and a little flag of victory would wave on top of my head for an indirect kiss.

I would snatch your glasses and you’d try your best swiping it back from my hands just so we could get closer to each other.

Even just sitting by each other, I’d press my knees onto yours just so I know we have contact.

Oh Baekhyun how you drive me crazy in those sleepless nights as I stare out into the moon and recall you singing the lullaby you sang to me in the soccer field.

Whatever happens, I could never take you off of my mind.

I can never take those memories off of my mind.

And to know you weren’t going to be there in the future to create new memories with me had my eyes bawling out tears.  The snow withered all the leaves until it were all buried in the snow. Just like the memories I dreamed of sharing with you.

You stiffened in your spot and hung your mouth agape at me. With a concerned tone, you held out your hands to comfort me.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. Don’t be sad about it Minseok,” you shook my forearms gently “It’s okay, we have facebook and cellphones. Thank god for technology we can contact each other every day”

“That’s not enough Baekhyun” I felt my heart constrict painfully in my chest.

“Minseok please don’t cry”

Why wouldn’t I cry you dumb nerd? Why wouldn’t I shed a tear when the person who has become the world to me was going away?

You were going to disappear.

You were going away.

And I don’t want you to go where I can’t follow.

“Don’t disappear Baekhyun” I mumbled under my breath.

“Wh-what?”

With one swift motion, I took you into my arms and I nestled my face onto the crook of your neck. I felt you tense in my embrace and heard you stutter a couple of words meaning to come out, but to no avail. I held onto you tightly and never wanted to let you go. I never wanted you to leave and you didn’t.

I felt you wrap your arms around me as well and held me there for a long time. If only we could be trapped like this forever, I’d stay like this for eternity.

We walked back to my house and I offered you some coffee. We talked for hours regarding the holidays and recalled the haul of the experiences we had that year. A couple of jokes were thrown and gossips that had us in fits of laughter.

In one topic though that we stumbled upon had us shut our lips into a straight line.

“So you’re really going to move away huh?” I scratched the nape of my neck.

“I hate to admit it but yeah, I have to go”

I pressed my lips tighter.

I guess this is the end of the line Kim Minseok. Baekhyun’s leaving for good and you can’t do anything about it.

“In all honesty, I don’t want to go” was what you said that jolted me in my seat.

I stared at you with calculating eyes awaiting for what you’ll say next as you gave me a dejected look and a wry smile.

“I’ll miss you Min” you chuckled awkwardly, a stiffle followed suit.

My heart ran in a marathon and my cheeks flared until I was tomato red. The way you looked at me that winter night, it looked so pure like the white snow and yet you kindled a bright flame inside the cockles of my heart like a fireplace brought to life in the middle of the winter storm going wildly inside me.

You breathed life into me despite my stone cold heart Baekhyun. You have become the air to my lungs. How will I live without air?

“It’s getting late” you noted as you peered down at your watch. You look at me and gave me a high five before standing up “See you tomorrow Min”

As you were about to take a step, I grabbed hold of your wrist and left you stopping in your actions. You waited for me to do something, anything that could explain why I pulled your wrist. I stood up from my seat and just held your hand fondly. I played with it for a while before meeting my peaceful eyes over your confused ones.

Something possessed me and nothing was going to stop it. I won’t back down now. Not while you’re still with me, not while I can still tell you.

I smiled sadly and began to sing.

The same song you always hum lovingly to yourself and now, I’m going to sing it for you.

“Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can’t help falling in love with you”

You wrenched your hands off from mine and shook your head as your eyes began to form a deep water, but I kept on singing.

“Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? If I can’t help falling in love with you”

“Stop” you demanded and I did.

The moment you strayed your eyes from me, the way you moved away scared me. I knew I shouldn’t have said it, I knew I shouldn’t have done anything. I knew I should have let you go, but I didn’t want to. It was now or never.

My first expectation was that you were going to storm out of my house and never talk to me again and I prayed it would never come to that. The second was that you’d just sing along with me and think I was just singing the song.

But I was wrong.

You shook your head, not wanting to look at me because you felt the same. I wasn’t the only one after all.

“Don’t make this anymore harder for me Min” you choked in your own words “Don’t tell me that you like me, please”

“Why not?” I asked in a worried tone.

“Because it’s-“

”It’s?”

“It’s just so-“ you kept shaking your head.

I approached you with a sympathetic smile. My eyes twitched as pain crossed my face upon seeing you retreat your steps from me. You were no longer urging me to come any closer. But I was a very persistent man, you’ve might have noticed it from all those years. So you know I wouldn’t stop right?

“This is just so-“

“What Baekhyun, what?”

“I-I don’t think I’ll bear it Minseok, I don’t think I can bear knowing you like me” you began sputtering out words that ran like a machine gun out of control in trigger happy mode.

I watched you calmly, absorbing everything you were spitting out into my face. Were you rejecting me? I didn’t believe every bit of it for when I held your hand your face turned bloody ruby and your glasses misaligned from flinching at my touch.

I held you there and gave your palms comforting squeezes. I didn’t say anything, I just stared into those eyes of yours. Those beautiful eyes that I swore even in broad daylight there were stars and they were in yours. I could see everything in those dark pools of pupils you have. I could see oceans, the sky, the universe and myself staring at you with hopes in becoming your everything as you have become mine.

And what seemed like hours into staring into your eyes, a tear fell off from the corner a minute later. One long streak of water streamed down on the side of your cheek that clenched my stomach.

“I’m scared” a faint whimper escaped your lips that sent my heart sinking.

I’m scared. You’ve said it again. You’ve said it once and I tried to help and motivate you in facing your fears. I was there to help you get up when you couldn’t do anything and feared you might lose yourself into failures.

This time, I can’t help you. Because this time, I too was scared.

I was scared of what you might think of me, scared of what might become of us, scared that one day you’ll disappear right in front of my eyes and I’ll never see you again.

I’m terrified Baekhyun, I’m ing terrified.

And yet, you went back up and took it all away. With your hands responding to mine, you squeezed it tighter and held onto it and you never took your eyes off from mine as slowly you parted your lips.

“Tell me you don’t like me Minseok. At least that way I can bear it”

I scanned your eyes. Analyzing, anticipating, calculating. Hoping.

“Please say it, tell it to me right now”

“What? That I have fallen unexpectedly, unconditionally and madly in love with you?”

I’ve said it, I finally said it face-to-face.

All those years of trying to tell myself to get over you, all those times I’ve tried to kick my feelings out in fear that you might never talk to me again, I’ve spilled it and there’s no turning back.

I love you, don’t you understand?

“No, please don’t” you shut your eyes and looked away “Don’t make me suffer like this”

 I winced in pain as I felt my heartstrings tugging harshly at every word you used trying hard to lock away your feelings.

“Don’t let yourself suffer more by pushing me away” I shook my head and gripped your hands tighter “Do you think I could bare it if you don’t tell me that you love me as damn as you do too-“

And without letting me finish on my sentence, you broke our intertwined hands and clasped it both on my cheeks, taking my lips into yours. Finally, after all those years of wondering I could finally say that your lips were soft, they tasted like honey and you smelled like cinnamons. Everything exploded into my mouth like fireworks in the fourth of July and all the flavours of jellybeans gushed out from every peck you gave me.

I drowned in our kiss and yet you shared what little air you could give me just so I could keep on kissing you. We transported into another dimension. I couldn’t tell what was real anymore. But I can tell that this kiss meant everything to the both of us.

We kissed each other for a long time. No words exchanged, only through our lips did we communicate everything we felt; sadness, happiness, surprise and even love.

When we broke our kiss, we just sat on the couch and had our foreheads pressed together with wonder flashing in our eyes. 

Who would’ve thought that you’d be in love with me as well?

I was also surprised to know that you were started to fall for me the same time I began tripping to your heart. That same day in autumn where you auditioned for the Glee Club and when I snuck in just to cheer you on.

I’m so lucky to be in love with my best friend but damn, why does everything have to be so difficult?

I wish we could be stuck in autumn and replay the moment we started to fall in love in clandestine, but all seasons must pass and winter was killing everything.

Autumn was a dream, winter was reality.

We’re in love, but you’re going away.

Autumn leaves must fall.

“I don’t want to go Minseok, I don’t want to” your voice was breaking, your eyes were pleading and I couldn’t do anything but be petrified in front of you.

“Then don’t go” I squeezed your hands tighter “Stay here, stay with me”

“Hold me” without second thoughts, I took you into my arms and never let you go.

Starting that day, I promised myself I would take care of you. No matter what. I will always be there for you even though you’re going away, I will still be hopeful that you wouldn’t forget that day I gave you my oath.

Even if you forget me, I will always be there for you Baekhyun. Always.

We spent our days in winter together, giving each day the time just for the two of us until the dreaded day you’ll be moving away. Each and every day we’ve gone to restaurants, composed music and even played video games just so we could have each other’s arms around and keep warm throughout the icy cold season. Kissing wasn’t such a bad idea for warming each other up either.

By the end of winter, our relationship grew stronger and our bond blossomed along with the first day of spring. Our love became fruitful as we’ve made a long list of promises we intend to keep.

We even had the courage to face our friends and told them about our blossoming relationship and to our relief and beyond unexplainable surprise they accepted us. They found our love to be beautiful like the first flower to bloom in the break of dawn of the first season of New Years.

Truly, this was a new year.

There was one afternoon by the park where we laid our picnic basket under the tree and gazed up to watch the clouds together that you fell asleep on the crook of my neck. I your hair and smelled your scent and thought how was it possible for you to be more beautiful than the clouds I loved watching everyday? How could the earth be brighter even with the sun up in the sky?

How could you be all these things Baekhyun? How?

But then I remembered graduation was just around the corner. As a delinquent, I’ve always looked forward in getting out of school, but ever since I met you I never wanted school to end because as now that I count the days until graduation day and the start of summer days, the light from my eyes were drained and only sadness loomed over me.

I looked up at the leaves on the tree’s branches and watched as one by one a couple of flowers woke up from their sleep. There was one, noticeable among many. The bud wasn’t as large as the others, but it was equally radiant. Unlike the others, it hasn’t bloomed. Oh how you’ve come a long way little one.

Maybe just like the little bud, we all go through hardships you and I. We will experience hardships like this little bud who went through the icy cold winter, but when the time comes the bud of our relationship will bloom into the most beautiful of all. I stared out into the sky, millions of miles away staring at the future I was hoping to build.

All we need now, was time.

Spring is as they say the season of hope.

I hope Baekhyun. I hope for someday we will see each other again.

“Goodbye Baekhyun, call us whenever you’re back in the city!” one said.

“Do bring us presents when you come back!” another chuckled.

“Baekhyun have fun, okay?” someone cried.

You nodded and laughed at every goodbyes they gave to you like your normal self. Always smiling, always laughing but I know deep down when it was my turn to say goodbye, behind those glasses, behind those crescent shaped eye smile of yours there’s a waterfall of tears just waiting to stream down but nevertheless you kept yourself calm and composed.

Everyone gave us some space and went to a nearby café inside the airport’s vicinity where they vowed to wait for me once I successfully take you to a nearby seat. Everyone whispered motivations to me before I got my strength to face you and hold back all the sadness threatening to pour out from me.

You inhaled deeply, “How are you feeling?”

“Fine I guess. But in truth? Devastated” I shrugged in disdain.

“Don’t be Minseok, this isn’t goodbye after all” you sniffled a short whimper and managed to chuckle it out.

I held your hand and pressed them tightly and felt the pools of familiar warmth whirl in my stomach.

“Don’t forget me Baekhyun, please don’t forget about me” I quivered.

Your eyes scanned mine and no words came out from your lips. Maybe you were as scared as I am than I thought. Without further prolonging the deafening silence, I pulled out from my backpack a wheel of sky blue flowers that resembled so close to the sky. I held it up and wrapped it around your neck like a necklace.

“Forget-me-nots?” you gasped in joy. You whirled your head to me and squinted your eyes in happiness “Oh Minseok, I will never forget you. I won’t ever, ever in my life forget about you”

“Nor I you”

I took your hands in mine once more and sighed. I just don’t know what to do right now.

Isn’t summer something worth being happy about? Summer was supposed to be a month of parties, being wild and free but why do I feel like I’m stuck in winter?

I snapped my eye back at you and saw how closely you resembled the beautiful blue sky I always admired. The forget-me-nots were the sea of blue and you were the sun.

Maybe, just maybe I feel sad in summer because the sun was disappearing right in front of me eyes. Without the sun, summer wouldn’t be summer right?

“Kiss me” you mumbled that had me flinching in my stand. You gripped my hands more firmly now and leaned closer, “Kiss me goodbye”

My lips trembled as I scanned your eyes and with one more look, I popped my lips into a smirk and cupped your chin.

“No, this isn’t goodbye”

I paused and leaned closer until our noses could touch.

“We’ll be together Baekhyun, I swear”

“We will be Minseok, I know it”

“Then let this kiss be a seal of our promise”

One last kiss before I watched you walk away bringing the sun with you and leaving me into a cold, cold world was beyond unbearable. You were my sky, my sun and my world. I don’t know how you did it, but you’ve taken everything from me.

But that won’t stop me from getting you back.

I’m wondering something, what did you feel those months we’ve been apart? Well, all I could say is fall was supposed to be beautiful with all those different colors of crimson and amber leaves but why did I see everything as bleak as black and white? Winter was a thousand times colder without having you beside me and spring?

I sat back under the tree we last spent our time together before graduation. Initially, I regretted coming back there for tears came streaming out from my eyes but then, I saw the little bud on the branch. Well, you couldn’t tell if it’s the same bud anymore for truly it had changed. Its petals weren’t as small and faint as before, it woke up into an enrapturing flower. Like a caterpillar that underwent a metamorphosis and transformed into a ravishing butterfly, this flower was beyond amazing.

And then, I remembered everything.

Spring was a time of hope.

This was no time for me to sulk in one corner. If I really want to get you back Baek, I will have to do something about it.

Remember that day you came home from work?

I talked to one of your new found friends named Chanyeol through facebook and planned this big surprise. I could remember it very well as if it happened just yesterday.

Chanyeol told you to come to Pizza Hut that night. You looked so exhausted that your eyes were drooping just to shut as sleep called you with every step you took. Your head bobbed, fell and bolted right back up and you tried to keep yourself awake.

I was hiding behind the counter where the clerks watched with great interest I might add. Oh how I wanted to leap out and grab you into my arms again Baekhyun. Just seeing you again had my heart melting like ice in a hot summer day.

“What’s going on Chanyeol? It’s ten in the evening. I need some rest” you yawned and propped an elbow to help support your bobbing head.

“It’s just very important” Chanyeol said.

“Well it better be because I need to wake up early tomorrow”

Your eyes were slowly betraying you and your temper was getting ahead of everything that little did you notice that I had already slipped in beside you. Chanyeol couldn’t hold the laughter he was trying so hard to supress that it caught your attention.

You followed Chanyeol’s gaze and when you laid your eyes on me, the expression you exploded never failed to replay in my mind until today. As if all the drowsiness you felt disappeared in one click and the gears of your mind ran as our registered who I was.

“M-minseok?” your jaw fell and your eyes bulged followed by series of stammers bordering into complete speechlessness.

“Sup Baekhyun?” I whispered.

You covered your mouth, still completely stuck in awe, shock and dumbfounded. Chanyeol was laughing uncontrollably in front of us holding a hidden video cam I asked him to bring. I couldn’t miss this moment and opportunity of course!

My cheeks turned bright red the more I stared into your eyes, “Baekhyun I’m-“

A beat of a second you took me into your arms. You wrapped your legs around me like a koala hugging a tree and sobbed into the crook of my neck. I couldn’t contain my laughter in hearing you whimper like that. Well, I couldn’t contain my tears either.

I let all the waters shed. I didn’t care whether everyone stared at us. In fact, everyone in Pizza Hut applauded us. There were “awws” and “wows” around every corner.

My heart panged in my ears that blushed the tighter we held each other closer and closer until we could become one.

The tired expression you carried inside Pizza Hut disintegrated and was refilled with relief and cheerfulness that you even insisted in walking me around the streets. We held each other’s intertwined hands firmly as you told me about your adventures during work, the people you met, your first salary, your annoying boss but my most favourite part was when you would always look out your window and watch the clouds pass by, reminding you all about us.

You felt the same way I did when we were far apart. You tried finding ways just to reminisce about us, find echoes of my fingers and listen to Elvis’ song; your favourite song Can’t Help Falling In Love.

I had it on replay on my Ipod too.

We settled by a bench overlooking the river. The wind blew gently brushing our hairs back, but that didn’t stop you from brushing mine.

“Am I dreaming? Are you really here?” you ran your fingers through my hair as you said it and nestled your hand on the right of my cheek.

“It all feels surreal huh?” I pressed my cheek onto your palms and closed my eyes.

“It feels wonderful”

I took your palm off from my cheeks and planted a soft kiss, “Beyond amazing”

“I still can’t believe you came for me. I mean, five cities away?”

How silly you are Baekhyun. Of course I did.

I pushed the nape of your neck so that you could come closer to me as I pressed our foreheads together like we always used to do and I can’t believe we’re doing it again. It all feels like heaven.

“I love you, that’s why”

And so you took off your glasses and battered your eyelashes as you pulled my chin closer to breathe into my mouth the raw emotion of hunger.

“Kiss me”

It was all magical. The stars twinkling above our heads, the sweet fragrance from the pine trees enveloped us, our bodies omitted heat and how our lips craved for each other. It’s been a long time huh?

“So, until how long are you going to stay here?” you asked as I escorted you back to your new house.

I gave you the cockiest smirk I ever gave anyone and winked “Hmm let’s see. Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week, next month?”

“Wh-what?” you blinked hard in confusion “What do you mean…”

And with realization slowly creeping, you gasped and smacked a palm over your mouth.

“N-no way”

“Yes way,” I bit my lower lip and chuckled “I found a little apartment I could rent just nearby the Pizza Hut place”

“How about your parents? The group? Your home?” you just couldn’t comprehend how unbelievable it was that chortling slammed into me.

“I’ve talked with my parents, they thought that being here would give me lots of opportunities. The group said they’ll try visiting here by summer and hang-out”

“That’s incredible” your hands were shaking. It was too adorable.

“Besides Baek, you’re my new home now”

And I meant it. Most ardently.

“Hurry it up! Come on, come on!”

“You are such a slowpoke Kim Minseok, hurry it up already!”

A couple of screams and calls had me throwing my head in laughter as I finished fixing my bowtie. I peered out of the window of the beautiful white house in the middle of the glorious subdivision surrounded by flowers, men and women garbed in white alike. There were at least two to three of my friends in high school waving their hands below urging me to come down quickly.

“Are you done fixing yourself up? Come on already!”

“Chill down guys, my own wedding won’t start without me!” I shouted with a goofy grin plastered on my face as some of my relatives passed by with uncontrollable smiles shooting up from the corners of their lips.

I walked over in front of a mirror, dusting myself and adjusting my vest and just stood there staring at the young man staring back at me. Who would’ve thought this was me? My hair was no longer spiked up like it used to be when I was in high school, it was brushed down and the highlights were gone as well. Now my hair reverted into its natural dark brown shade. My body wasn’t as chubby as it was before either, I was bulkier, more muscular and seemed like my workouts in the gym paid off – not to mention, you liked my biceps and abs, don’t you?

Well Baekhyun, I hope my abs won’t be the only thing you’ll find to love for today, things will be different.

Today, we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.

Autumn leaves were falling. It was time for another chapter of our life together.

I rushed down to be escorted by ushers who lead me to stand outside the garden where a long red carpet sprawled across from my spot to the center of the garden where a white arch wrapped with forget-me-nots enveloped it. My family and friends were all seated on the right and his was on the left and all of them watched me walk down the aisle as our theme song: Can’t Help Falling In Love played in the background.

Everything was perfect; the autumn morning, the caterers, our families, the music but even with all those combined, nothing was more perfect than seeing the person I love the most in all my life, the one I’ve been chasing and aching for was standing in the end of the aisle all garbed in an all-black suit just waiting for me to walk up to him.

The song echoed in my ears as I approach the aisle and saw you turn your body and held out your hand for me to reach. I grabbed it and placed the white rose I held so tightly and together we intertwined our hands as the priest bestowed upon us the blessings.

We never took our eyes off each other throughout the exchanging of vows and how our cheeks turned like ripe tomatoes. We were so red that I could have sworn blushing was tattooed on our cheeks!

And as magical as “I love you” might sound, nothing was more ethereal to the ears than hearing the two strong words “I do”.

The power, the commitment and the bond was created and the whole garden exploded in cheers. The confetti was fired and there it hailed for the celebration of our matrimony.

Today, we were blessed under God’s eyes as one.

Our hearts were finally one.

We got married on a beautiful fiery autumn.

Like a tree in autumn, our love was and bare

I would have loved to tell you how we spent our honeymoon together, but I guess I don’t want to get into details. All I want you to know was, you had me up all night and you never ever wanted to stop. We were both so sore after the honeymoon that I made sure I’m going to get myself ready everyday.

I never knew you were that kind of lover Baekhyun.

You drive me crazy.

Winter passed by really fast and the first month of adversity in coping up with a married life was very challenging for us like a snow storm at the dead of winter carrying buckets of snow downpour, but then again catching snowflakes in our tongues wasn’t at all bad. In those problems, we found all the good sides as well. We learned to understand each other more, we learned how to fix problems, we learned that we can do everything through thick and thin.

In winter after all, they say it’s the couples’ month for the cold lets people compress and get together.

Spring however, has got to be the most exciting part of our early life in marriage. That was the time when we went to that park and talked to that little kid Mark. I remember how you exchanged looks with me and pouted.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” you pursed your lips into a straight line.

My eyes travelled from you, to the little kid and back until it all sunk in into my mind. You took my hands and gave two to three comforting squeezes and smiled brightly.

“I want to have kids”

If only there was milk in my hands now and I was drinking that milk, I would have spat it all out like rain showers at the sudden suggestion you made.

Parenthood.

And so, you and I found a willing mother who was going to give up her baby to the orphanage once she comes to give birth. She was a teen mom if you could recall, her name was Hyoyeon. She was this beautiful young girl who brought sunshines with her bright smile.

I remember how you were so pleased to know that the mother was happy-go-lucky thinking our baby would grow up to be like her mom as well.

When Hyoyeon was eight months old, we visited her by her house where her parents warmly welcomed us in. Remember when she cried in front of us? Remember how she was frightened in giving birth?

“I don’t think I can do this” she whispered quietly, a little tear gushing out from her eye. She rubbed her eyes with the sleeves of her wrist and shook her head.

She called herself a fool for ever spending a night with a boy she thought who loved her back but now, that boy won’t even show his face to her. Oh how she cried in front of us Baekhyun, how she felt sad.

But I do remember you placing a hand over her shoulder and giving her comforting pats with the same bright smile that lighted up the dark room.

“It’s all going to be okay dear, the past is the past. All you have to do now is look the future. Care for the child. Love him with all your heart. Hey, we could even visit you during the holidays and his birthday so he would know about his real mother” you nodded solemnly at her.

Hyoyeon’s tears were replaced with tears of joy, “I would like that very much”

And so it was settled, we planned that every birthdays and Christmas we would spend the day with Hyoyeon and her family. We didn’t plan on hindering the information about his real mother too.

The only problem was that…on the day the child was born, all the plans came crumbling down.

I was pacing back and forth outside the delivery room and you were shivering in your seat beside Hyoyeon’s parents. We were all hoping for a miracle until we heard him cry. The little baby finally cried and it was music to our ears.

The only music that shattered it into coda though was when the doctor came out with his shoulders hanging low and his eyes downcasted. He took off his glasses and slipped the bloodied gloved hands off as he approached all of our anticipating faces.

“So? How did it go?” Hyoyeon’s mother leapt to her feet.

“It’s a boy” the doctor plainly said.

Everyone rejoiced, happy to hear that the child was delivered. But there was something more to it. I watched how the doctor pinched the bridge of his nose and how his tired eyes began to turn red. I took a step forward and spoke quietly.

“Everyone, wait” I called and everyone ceased into a halt, turning all their attention to the doctor who didn’t raise his head to look up.

It took him a while, but with just one flash of his eyes up to look at us, we already knew what was happening. Silence spoke louder than words.

Hyoyeon’s parents broke in despite the nurses preventing them in doing so. I broke into fits of anger telling them that they should let them be.

“It’s their daughter for crying out loud! Let them in!”

“Minseok stop, Minseok calm down”

“That’s their daughter, that’s their daughter!”

“Minseok, Minseok look at me. Look at me!” you pressed both of your palms on each of my cheeks and pressed our foreheads together as we listened outside the delivery room the mournful cries of Hyoyeon’s parents.

Hyoyeon, was dying.

We found time to sneak inside her hospital room that day where her parents allowed us to have some alone time with her. Hyoyeon although weak tried to give us that gorgeous smile of hers and held our hands tightly.

“Take care of my baby, please?” her fragile voice broke into whimpers.

“We will” you swallowed hard.

“We will tell him everything about his mother, we will make sure he grows strong and happy like his mother” I pursed my lips into a straight line, repressing the overwhelming sadness "We will never forget about it, I swear"

“Thank you, thank you both. Thank you so much” she drew in a sharp intake of air as the heart rate monitor beat faster and faster.

“Oh my god, we need a doctor. We need a doctor now!” you sprang up to your feet and pressed the emergency button as you cried with the tears slamming into our eyes. You ran outside and screamed for help and her parents went crashing inside.

“Tell my baby I love him”

I watched her Baek, I watched her life drain away from my eyes. I watched how the angels took her soul until she was left with nothing but a lifeless body reaching out to grab my hand.

I swear, somewhere in the meadows I heard a flower blossom.

She was gone.

It was hard for Hyoyeon’s parents to let go of the child. Mostly because the child was the only thing left to let them remember her by. We were willing to give the little baby back and pay for the rest, but they chose to let the baby stay with us.

“We know they are in good hands” they nodded solemnly and kissed the baby with all their love poured into him.

A nurse approached us with smile and bowed us in greeting.

“What’s his name?” Hyoyeon’s mother asked the nurse.

“Minhyun” she responded that had our eyes bulging in shock.

Hyoyeon named him after us?

Hyoyeon’s parents grinned us at and patted our backs, “How creative of our daughter. To mix your names together”

I couldn’t be ever more grateful for what Hyoyeon did for us. Even after her last breath, she was kind til the end.

I remember how a drop of tear fell on Minhyun’s cheek when you looked at him, cradled him in your arms both in Hyoyeon’s behalf and actually for having our own baby.

“Minhyun…” you snorted and the cheek of the baby boy, “Your mother is so blessed to have you”

Son of Hyoyeon. Son of Minseok and Baekhyun.

The boy who grew up in best of both worlds.

Our little spring boy.

Kim Minhyun.

You know, when Minhyun came into our lives we became different. We grew over protective, we never stopped cooking meals for him, help him in tutoring lessons, bring him to plays, we even bring him to his mother's grave and put forget-me-nots over her tombstone. Minhyun all in all never fails to make us happy.

As predicted, he had his mother’s smile and attitude. He was happy-go-lucky, care free like the wind we so love chasing.

He was just so different you know?

He was obedient, kind and a disciplined child. He was also smart, creative and a virtuoso.

What kind of blessing did we receive to have such a child?

He was like all the seasons of the year.

Fruitful and surprising like spring, colorful and free like summer, flexible and ever-so-changing like autumn and yet he was calm and pure like winter.

Minhyun became our life.

But of course, children never stay as children for long.

Minhyun went off for college, met his wife and had a family of his own that he didn’t have much time for us anymore.

I could still see you sobbing in the corner of our house cursing under your breath. I was wondering what made you get work up like that not until I sat beside you and learned everything.

“How could Minhyun abandon us like this? How could he forget about us?” the anger in your voice was so raw that it frightened me Baek. It really did.

“He didn’t forget about us Baekhyun, Minhyun’s just…” I huffed a long sigh “He’s just grown up now”

“So what, he has the right to forget about his parents just because he’s no longer a child?”

We sat there watching the leaves fall off the branches. One by one being plucked off until the branches were no longer shrouded with the fiery ambers. I listened to you sobbing beside me and wrapped my arms around your waist, murmuring into the crook of your neck.

“Like autumn leaves falling off from branches, everything must come to pass. Minhyun is no longer a child, he has his own family to take care of now for this is the new chapter of his life. Us on the other hand Baekhyun, we’ve finished our job. He’s grown up into a fine young man and he has children of his own. Right now, our time from having him in our arms have come and it’s time for us to take care of each other from now on”

You leaned away from me as I tilted your chin to meet my eyes. The sign of youth faded from our faces and wrinkles replaced our complexion. Our eyes were not as bright as before nor could we see clearly like we used to. Our knees were weaker, our arms were always tired.

But get this Baekhyun, our hearts are young.

And our hearts was what kept us going even without Minhyun in our arms anymore.

Seasons were changing but our love didn’t. We stayed together, grew up together, grew old together.

We danced to Elvis Presley, we sang to musicals, we watched heart breaking movies. We rode rollercoasters. We swam in the sea, we rowed a boat. We ate cupcakes, and we burnt cupcakes.

All of those were memories we created in all the seasons, all those years. Together, we could do it forever.

Together.

Forever.

Those were the words I found in your eyes the first time we met. I saw all of those in you and how I want to scream to the heavens that I was right or else, I wouldn’t be crouching in front of you now and telling you all these things now that we are seventy years old.

Together. Forever.

“And now, we’re here. Together eating in the middle of winter” I smiled at Baekhyun, lifting a glass of milk and drank from it until a streak of white line marked just above my upper lip. I tried making goofy faces at him but he never did budge.

Baekhyun just stared at me with expressionless eyes. Even after – well even during – the story, he didn’t actually even twitch nor did he grunt in approval of anything. He was just this statue with eyes that followed me everywhere.

Oh boy, I sighed to myself, settling the glass of milk back on the table.

I stared into your eyes. Those eyes that drove me crazy, that had me lost in dreams. Although they weren’t as bright as before, it’s still there. I know you’re still there Baekhyun, I know. And I’m hoping, that even just once, you’ll remember. Remember me.

I stood up from my seat and took out my old Ipod. I plugged in the aux for the audio and let the speaker play the song that brought us together. I walked over to Baekhyun and held out my hand. He just stared at me for a long time, stranger to my actions.

Nevertheless, I swept him off his feet and began dancing to the music we played in our wedding night, we sang in our car in those endless cruise drives and the song we hum to each other whenever we go to sleep.

I twirled him around and around and swayed with the beat of the music. One, two, three. One, two, three.

I felt young again.

Although we don’t look the same anymore as we used to, I could still see the ghosts of our past. See the crescent shaped eyes you shoot up, your bright smile and the laughter that broke out every now and then. The music, everyone watching us, our families, friends. I was reliving everything.

Oh how I could dance forever just to be in your arms.

How about you Baekhyun, do you feel the same?

“Who are you?”

My shoulders sunk.

Of course, that’s his answer.

You were like the wind I always loved to chase. Have you ever tried catching the wind? It's hard to grasp and you can't see it but you know it's there and you can feel it. Even if you don't remember Baekhyun, I can feel it. I can still feel everything we have.

But you know what Baekhyun?

No matter how many times you’d question me who I am, I can never be happy than to lay it all out to you again and relive all those memories we shared because…

Every time I tell you how we met, how we became friends, how I fell in love with you, how we fought, how we raised little Minhyun, I never ever tire and I can’t help it.

I can’t help but keep falling in love with you.

I can’t help falling in love with you all over again Baekhyun.

You whispered to me once, you were scared to be ever forgotten. You were scared people will never remember you by, abandon you, afraid that you’ll one day disappear from the minds of your loved ones. But rest assured Baekhyun that will never happen to you. It will never happen to you. As long as love flourishes every season like a flower in bloom in may no one will ever be forgotten.

Hyoyeon, Minhyun, the midnight strolls in the park...

You may forget all these memories, but I will never forget you Baekhyun.

Never.