3rd person´s pov

Wavering tones were awkwardly coming from an old gramophone and filling the cold air with unsuccessful try to brighten the gloomy atmosphere. There was mud on the ground and drizzle mixed with snow was leisurely drenching the tents of the circus. It was still early so the creepy troupe didn´t need to pretend to be friendly. No spectators meant no mercy.

The circus was similar to usual cheap performers, just that maybe there were a little more disturbing things than was kosher. Every circus back then collected weird anomalies only to show them to normal people for money. The freaks themselves were mostly glad that they had a job or at least a place to stay.

Donghae stirred in his sleep when he was woken up in the early morning by the cold drop, that penetrated the roof of his tent. He grumbled but refused to move from his spot because then he would wake Eunhyuk up. Eunhyuk or Wingless, how they called him over here, was a thin man that walked on ropes. Eunhyuk owned a pair of fair wings but they had been chipped off before he even joined circus. Donghae knew how much Eunhyuk hated cold so he stayed in his uncomfortable position that doted the warmth to his closest.

“Morning,” the bloated lips mumbled against Donghae´s chest.

The latter was awake since Donghae stirred for the first time. Eunhyuk didn´t want to wake up, he wished he could stay cuddled to his Beast. Everyone called Donghae Beast because he was brought up by dogs. Donghae understood but he never learnt how to talk. After years he spent with Eunhyuk, he was finally able to repeat things he has heard. Wingless was also the only one that knew how to control Beast, thanks to him Donghae didn´t need to wear a chain anymore. As payback Donghae protected the vulnerable ropewalker with all his might.

“We need to get up, Donghae,” Eunhyuk sighed but contrasting to his own words, he snuggled even closer.

Donghae grumbled loudly and breathed into Eunhyuk´s white locks. The soft hair flailed a little and made the owner chuckle. Donghae seemed pleased by the reaction he caused and began blowing air into the white mess in front of him. The ropewalker found it funny and soon the small dirty tent was filled with laugh. Sound much more pleasant than the broken gramophone.

When the pair finally managed to get out of the bed, the marquise standing in the middle of the muddy field already boomed. Performers and freaks, that were already awake, began with their training for the evening show. Eunhyuk and Donghae were sitting on a bench and watching while eating the lousy breakfast. Nobody usually sat close to them because they were afraid of the beast. Eunhyuk liked this privacy as much as he liked Donghae.

“Hey! Wingless! It´s your turn!”

Eunhyuk snapped his hand as a man in brown tweed jacket called him down on the sand. He sighed and squeezed Donghae´s tight. It was a gentle command to stay put and it worked fine. Then the ropewalker ran to the circus ring and began stretching. Two large men suffering from gigantism in the meantime prepared the ladder for him and tightened the rope. They put up the net, which unfortunately was here only for practice. During the real show Eunhyuk would have to be careful to not fall.

As the thin man was trying to keep his balance and job, Donghae was patiently waiting on the bench. Unexpectedly a small Chinese woman used this rare chance for the pair to be separated and fearlessly sat down next to Donghae.

“Good morning, Beast,” the contortionist greeted with a smile. Donghae wasn´t pleased by her presence but he didn´t make any scene at the moment. Eunhyuk was standing pretty high, after all.

“I see you are waiting for Wingless,” she continued with a quiet accented speech. Donghae hated that she was talking about Eunhyuk. “I always thought it was kind of unfair for you. He´s using you,” she shook her head in disappointment. “And it´s not like he loves you.”

Ciao, the contortionist, was a part of a Chinese circus in the past. She ran away only to continue her career in another one, less famous, less glamorous circus. She wasn´t satisfied but she knew how to raise her standing at least here. She smiled and swayed her hips in Donghae´s face before leaving. Donghae looked.

Eunhyuk finished his practice without a single fall into the net and climbed down the ladder. With bowed head he escaped the cruel eyes of the principal and tiptoed out of the circuit. He and Donghae had still some labour to do, today it was laundry. But when he met with the bulky man outside, he found him in weird mood.

“Is something wrong, Donghae?” The only person calling Beast by his real name reached for his hand.

Donghae shook his head mutely and followed Eunhyuk to the stream. He still didn´t utter anything, not even after an hour of washing clothes. He wasn´t used to talking, although he knew already how to say many things. He never spoke to anyone but Eunhyuk, he felt embarrassed for his awkward voice and the ropewalker was honestly happy to hear every single word. But now was Donghae confused, is there something he doesn´t know?

“It´s so cold, I´m dying seriously. Washing clothes in winter is the worst,” Eunhyuk gladly talked for the both of them. He had many thoughts, although he wasn´t educated. The wingless man liked to blabber about just anything and because of that Donghae thought he knew everything about him. Is it possible to talk so much without revealing everything about yourself? But what if Eunhyuk was telling lies?

“Ah!”

The quiet beast suddenly focused when Eunhyuk´s legs slipped and he dipped them into the cold stream. The thin man quickly climbed out of the water but soon after tears began streaming down his red cheeks. He was sobbing with wide eyes, surprised that Donghae didn´t even move. Is he upset at Eunhyuk for something? Can´t he see how the freezing cold hurts?

“Carry me!”

In the end he had to order or else his stiff legs would stay in the mud forever. Donghae obediently let the ropewalker climb on his back and once he was settled, Donghae picked up the heavy basket with laundry. On the way he angrily pushed the basket to dwarf´s arms and the little man didn´t even dare to protest. In the tent, Donghae dropped his backpack unceremoniously on the mattress.

“Donghae?” Eunhyuk was of course surprised. He wasn´t used to this kind of treatment. “Donghae, look at me. What´s gotten into you?”

The angry wet man was trying to get rid of the cold layers, frowning as his red fingers kept shaking. Donghae also couldn´t keep it down anymore, he was a beast, he was used to solving problems with force. Just when Eunhyuk managed to throw away the sticky clothes and pull over his body a dry rough shirt, he was pinned down on the mattress by his stronger friend. Wide but fearless eyes connected with the deep and fierce ones. Eunhyuk didn´t fight, only waited. He trusted Donghae, he´s never been afraid of him, not once.

“Love?” Donghae croaked with his sore throat, used only to grumble and roar. “Love me?” That was the best he could do but it was enough because the man below usually understood even without words.

“If I love you?” Eunhyuk asked surprised. “What makes you think I don´t?”

“Love me?!” Right now Donghae wanted a straight and clear answer, which obviously he wouldn´t get. He got mad and hit the mattress with his fists. Eunhyuk´s light body jumped up and cold wind even worsened the uncomfortable shivers.

“I thought I did, Donghae,” Eunhyuk honestly answered.

He was sad because Donghae didn´t believe in him and now he didn´t believe himself. Did he love the latter? He certainly was attached and needed Beast, he liked his presence and warmth. He enjoyed his husky rare voice and honesty that came from his animalistic behaviour. Eunhyuk didn´t trust anyone but Donghae. But he trusted him to the point that he offered everything he owned to the other man.

It was no secret that Beast satisfied his feral needs with Wingless. Since Donghae didn´t care much about time or place, Eunhyuk found himself more than once in a very embarrassing position. Yet he didn´t care, there was no reason to. Donghae was his and he was Donghae´s, and also Eunhyuk didn´t really talk with the rest of the troupe, if it wasn´t absolutely necessary. But right now he was pressed down for a different reason and somehow it saddened him, that Donghae wasn´t even aroused. Something was surely wrong.

“Who told you that? I know you well and you don´t doubt me. Why now? Who made you like that?”

“Ciao,” Donghae didn´t hesitate much to answer. He didn´t grasp the whole situation and all he cared for was the truth. And the truth was that Eunhyuk didn’t love him.

“That ,” Eunhyuk swore. Then he raised his extremely cold palms and pressed them on the each side of Donghae´s face. The latter shivered. “Listen to me. I count on you and you have to believe me that you are the most important person in my life.”

Donghae nodded, he was intimidated by the deadly touch. Something in him changed, he couldn´t feel Eunhyuk anymore but he wasn´t as heartless as to not warm him up. Donghae laid himself down and breathed into the white mop. Cold limbs retreated into the warmth of his body and stayed like that for a long time.

Compared to the unfriendly weather and grey sky of the day, the night seemed much merrier. The dirty parts of the camp were hidden in the darkness and only the colourful way to the marquise was brightened by lights of the cheapest bulbs. People were all eager to see the creepiest of freaks and hurried to be in the front rows. The audience was soon full and the mismatched music could start.

It was before the grand finale when Wingless appeared in the ring. He was wearing white lacy clothes and had two paper wings attached to his back. It was a cruel joke but Wingless was pretty much used to it, and also to the fact that there was no net beneath the rope. His bare feet were again cold and waiting on the platform for another performer to enter.

It was Beast. he was ushered to the ring. Roaming around in the sand, he was roaring loudly. Women were secretly scanning his sculptured body and bare manhood, while men were having fun seeing his wild behaviour. Children were mostly scared of the beast and would instead follow the careful steps of the white man above them.

Wingless always had to perform at the same time as Beast. Nothing could be done about it since the principal insisted on the no net rule. Donghae couldn´t bear the stress and always had to sit beneath the net and because he was the final performer, it was stupid, when he showed up in the middle just to watch over something as boring as a ropewalker. Thus they went on the stage together and in the end the wingless man with paper wings tumbled down to be caught by the ferocious beast. It was romantic.

A few days passed and Eunhyuk could feel it. That something was different about Donghae. He lost interest and Eunhyuk even caught him once watching Ciao change her clothes. It was also Eunhyuk´s fault, because he was doubting himself and hiding it from Donghae. The latter hated lies, he was simple when it came to feelings. Now Donghae was on hunt and he had to do something before it´s too late.

“What do you think you are doing?!” He stormed to Ciao´s tent.

“Oh, Wingless,” she only smiled. Eunhyuk grabbed her hair and shoved her out and on the ground. The contortionist, thought, wasn´t easy to fight and even if she was female, she could easily take down somebody as light as Eunhyuk. Soon the ropewalker was pressed into the mud.

“I have it all figured out. How you managed to tame Beast. You know it too, right? That you are useless, you only walk rope and without your wings, you aren´t interesting. You don´t sell, only Beast does. You are still here because you can command the savage but what will happen when I take the command? You lost, Wingless.”

Ciao snorted and Eunhyuk got so mad that he kicked her with all his force. He stood up and watched the dirty woman under his feet. He couldn´t believe it that somebody wanted to use his Donghae. He didn´t know where it went wrong but he knew it would go only worse from now on. Especially after Donghae saw him humiliating his new interest.

During the next practice Beast was filled with enormous anger. He felt betrayed and unloved, Eunhyuk was lying to him the whole time! He was in rage, dangerous. Only Ciao could save him now, he was sure. She was smarter than he and Eunhyuk together, that´s why she knew that Eunhyuk didn´t love him. He would go to her, if she could relieve his pain.

“Wingless, stop him!” The principal was horrified by the scene. Beast was out of control.

“Donghae, stop it. Donghae come here, please,” Eunhyuk tried for a long time. Even wanted to just catch Donghae but he didn´t listen. Donghae ran out of the marquise and right into Ciao´s arms. Eunhyuk was crashed.

The principal beat up Wingless and then he chained Beast up. The fact was that Beast was out of control and couldn´t walk around anymore. He was back to the cold metal but didn´t regret a bit. Wingless on the other hand was for now jobless and was demoted to being only a helper. But that was the least important for him. The small dirty tent was empty as Eunhyuk settled himself near Donghae. But his friend refused the contact and preferred the company of the contortionist.

Whenever those two would engage in lewd entertainment, Eunhyuk would in disgust ran away. Yet he would return every night to settle on the driest place beneath the wooden make-shift roof. Donghae was still a star but Eunhyuk didn´t matter anymore, everyone knew and his life was in danger. But to Eunhyuk even this was unimportant. He was sure that he couldn´t keep living without Donghae anyway.

“Can I hold your sleeve?” The ropewalker was tired and scared. The wild beast was the only one to calm him down. When he didn´t receive any answer he simply tried his luck. Lying down into the dirt, he stretched his arm over and tightly clasped the long sleeve. He felt immediately much better.

“Do you remember my first night here?” Eunhyuk felt like reminiscing, if he wanted to remind Donghae of their past or just console himself, he didn´t know.

“When I was accepted to the circus, I couldn’t trust anybody. They all seemed like monsters to me, hungry and desperate. I was afraid to stay in my bed and so I wandered around the camp until I found your cage. Back then you still lived in a cage.”

Donghae was a horrible creature before Eunhyuk came. Nobody treated him as human, therefore he had no reason to act like one. He bit and fought and screamed so he had to be chained even during the performance. When Eunhyuk found his cage, he was clueless but for some reason the person inside seemed the least frightening.

“I wanted to come to you but I couldn´t get through the bars, I stripped myself off my clothes to fit in. You were so surprised, I think you were too. I was scared and you were shocked, but it was all so endearing now that I think about it. The whole time we didn´t talk, I had no idea you couldn´t.”

Donghae was really shocked when a boy he didn´t know was trying to get inside his cage. People usually wanted to get out, not inside. He wanted to see more and so he patiently waited for the strange creature to join him. He noticed he had two bulges on his back and something was sticking out, but it was torn so he decided to not point it out. When the pretty boy was in, he smiled brightly and stretched two awaiting arms. Eunhyuk didn´t know Donghae when they met for the first time, therefore he couldn´t become friends only to receive protection. Bewildered Donghae dove into the embrace, for the first time following Eunhyuk´s lead and from then on he wouldn´t be able to stop doing that.

His cage was placed backstage but still he could hear the rain that began falling outside. The cold body embracing him was begging for warmth and Donghae was unusually eager to give it. Soon they were crumbled in the corner of the cage and for the first time in his life, Donghae found out what it meant to lust and yearn. But also care as he realised when he was trying to grab thin clothes through the bars in order to place them back on the exhausted body. Wingless felt always cold.

Hot tears were the first to warm up Eunhyuk in days. The memory of their first night together was burning in his chest. He missed Donghae. Sniffing quietly while gripping the lonely sleeve, Eunhyuk fell asleep. Only then Donghae shifted closer and blew some hot air into the wet white strands.

It´s been a long time since somebody woke him up so harshly. The kick into Eunhyuk´s back was still aching when he scrambled up on his legs. Ciao was there to fight him and he wasn´t in mood. He went over this many times for the past days. She would tell him to go away and die or something like that, while he would shamelessly tell her to herself instead. This time she grabbed his hair and pulled him away from Donghae´s reach. She wasn´t sure, how well Beast converted to loving her yet.

“You are still here? Just go!” Her accent was annoying, just like her face.

“Go where? Beast is here and so am I,” it was definite. He would leave only on the other world from here.

“You don´t get it, do you?” She slapped the ropewalker and he wiggled a little bit. Too weak to be a man, too strong to kneel.

Donghae´s blood began boiling again. He hasn´t felt so much hate since Eunhyuk climbed into his cage. He wasn´t thinking, he was back to being a dog. And perhaps that´s why he didn´t mess up his mind this time. His sight was blurred as the chain straightened under the pressure, but even in the midst of all the blood and fog, he clearly saw the small dirty back in front of him with two bulges raising the rough shirt slightly.

“It´s nothing complicated, Donghae needs to relieve himself and he will follow the pretty that gave him pleasure.” Ciao was confident but not as much as Eunhyuk with the sound of rupturing metal behind.

“You know nothing,” he shook his head hearing the thudding against the cold ground, “I don´t sleep with Donghae to control his urges. I sleep with him because we are lovers.”

And then a blood freezing roar hit the camp and the unleashed beast threw himself on the contortionist. Eunhyuk stood there unmoving and watched the hell. The principal yelled at him to stop Donghae and was promising him the moon. Eunhyuk wasn´t sure it would work but he tried.

“Donghae?” he started in a weak voice. “I´m cold.”

Beast stilled and everyone else in the camp with him. Nobody knew what he could do now, after all. But Donghae had it clear in his head now and pushed himself back on his legs. In a learnt movement he took Eunhyuk into his arms and pressed him against his heaving chest. The ropewalker just simply wiped Donghae´s bloody face with his shirt and sighed.

The camp burst in commotion, everyone attending to the injured contortionist. The principal only nodding for himself, that his decision was right. Letting Wingless stay was the only way to control Beast, he would be more careful next time. Donghae brought the exhausted ropewalker into the abandoned dirty tent. In a moment Donghae was buried in the mountain of blankets and Eunhyuk was somewhere in that roughly warm mess.

“Donghae? I think I love you, after all.”

His name together with a question mark was always pronounced at the start of every Eunhyuk´s sentence. Donghae loved that, and he loved his voice and also he loved to hear those words. How come he dared to doubt them?

“I love you,” Donghae repeated as best as he could. And he knew he did well when out of nowhere a pair of properly warmed red lips pressed themselves against his.

The rain was again falling, mixing with the snow and landing down almost soundlessly. The old gramophone began awkwardly playing tones that were deafer than anything else. They couldn´t brighten the eerie atmosphere but for that there was a different sound anyway. The sound of longing kisses.

ThE eNd

Hi! It´s been a long time, hm? Finally out of my ideas, I found one I wanted to share. No matter what you say, I feel like this one story is creepy. I´ve always wanted to write something circus themed, especially 19th century dark themed. I did have a longer version in mind, (if you are curious: Hyuk was supposed to be got rid of and they decided to give him a wild cat to carry on the rope so he would fall and make it entertaining but instead the cat would calm down. well more things like these but then it would become a chaptered story.) but this one is better. Thank you for reading and have a nice day muhehehehe - PandaHero