"I miss my fluffy Kkukkung,"

Changkyun stares back at you, trying to guess the meaning behind your word. But then he thinks that it is nothing. His expressions are shifting between eyebrows furrowing and smiling, jokingly.

“’To love you in your fluffy time and your skinny time,’” he says, mimicking the priest intonation.

“Should I add that to our wedding vows?” he asks you.

A laugh comes out from your mouth but deep down your heart feels like about to burst into crying. The fact that Changkyun thinks about wedding vows while you are not quite sure with what you have now hits your head hard. You look at his face while he is still busy munching the chicken popcorn.

“You never know how to be serious, don’t you?” you ask him.

Changkyun stops eating and seems like thinking about your words.

“Why would I be serious in such a relaxing time with you?” he says while playing with your hair.

Changkyun realizes how much of a kid he is while he is with you. How he puts down all of the guard he has, how he does not try to be a tough boy who knows everything. He realizes that you mean everything to him; a friend, a lover, a sister, or even a mom, because of how much you care about his health. Changkyun feels that world is a bit at ease whenever and wherever he is with you. That is why he does not even try to be serious when he is with you. World is already serious enough for him.

“Even it is when I am being serious to you?”

He nods. He looks so much like a kid in your eyes and this time, it hurts. It hurts to think how you are not even sure you could stay with him while he seems like wanting you to stay forever. You close your eyes. Remembering how he looks like he could do everything by himself but he is actually careless in his own way. Remembering how he looks tough but he could actually cries inside his heart while he watch a puppy abandoned by its owner. Remembering how he looks strong but he is still a kid at heart. At least, to you.

“So you won’t take me seriously?” you pretend to sulk.

He chuckles, “You know that is not what I mean,”

“Kkukkung,” you call him while fixing your position. You sit beside him while staring blankly to the television. He watches you shift.

“You should learn to cook well, at some point,”

“You should fix your circadian rhythm, you should live properly, and you should eat healthily. You should let fresh air hit your lung more often; you should let your bones absorb as much sunlight as they can. You should be good to yourself. You should care about yourself,”

You realize that you start to tear up and you try your best to hold the tear back. You realize how you love him you do not want something bad happen to him. And the words flow out from your mouth as if they could protect Changkyun like a mantra.

“You should care about yourself more, because I might not stay beside you forever,”

You look at him. You could read how his eyes hold so many questions. Why she said things like that? Did I do something wrong?  His eyes hold so many affirmations too. She is alright, isn’t she? She is not going anywhere, isn’t she? She is joking right now, isn’t she? And you could catch a glimpse of anger. How could she say such things? Does she really think I would let her go? And you feel your heart aches.

“There are so many things that could happen in the future and who could guarantee that. . .”

You stop, realizing how Changkyun looks at you more in disbelief. His emotions are mixed, and it looks like he wants to say so many things but he chooses to be silent. You could not help but become more teary, and you still hold that back.

“Who could guarantee that I could stay with you forever?” you lower your tone, cannot clearly think that you actually said that. A ball of doubts that stay in your heart for whole month, you finally said that.

Changkyun caresses your head. Trying to calm you down. Trying to calm himself. Trying to get rid of all the thoughts he had earlier after he heard everything you said. He caresses your cheek and slowly takes you into a sweet kiss. Changkyun never took this move before, but he feels that he needs to. He needs to push all of your doubts back. He needs to reassure you that everything will stay like this. That the only time they would cherish is now, not tomorrow.

You could feel this twist of feeling inside your heart. You are so happy, but also so sad at the same time. So happy and so sad that the tears you tried to held back start to flow down your cheek. He breaks the kiss and puts you in his chest. He caresses your head, telling you to let out all the cry that you held back earlier. He kisses the top of your head. He waits for you to calm.

“No one can guarantee that we could stay forever, but we could make it happen. Of course, if we want to. Now I am leaving all the question to you. Do you want us to stay?”

He leaves that question hanging because basically he knows you won’t answer it at that time. You stare at him with your glistened eyes. And he smiles at you. He smiles like you never said anything before. He smiles like he trusts you with all of his might. He smiles like he knows that the answer is yes, while you are still not sure about anything.

“I need to go back to my place for a while, my neighbor needs something. I will be back after it is done. Is it okay?” you nod. Maybe Changkyun and you need to recover the moods for a while.  

You curl yourself up right after Changkyun close the door. You cannot believe you just burst your doubt to Changkyun like that. You thought you could say those things smoother. You thought you could make it a lot nicer that that.

Suddenly your phone is ringing. Perhaps it is from Changkyun. But then when you look at the screen, it is from Kihyun. What a right timing to call.

“Hello, Kihyun,”

“Hi. Did you tell him already?”

You stay in silent because your mind suddenly wanders on everything that just happened.

“No. Not yet,”