(Song: Jars of Hearts cover - Boyce Avenue ft. Tiffany Alvord https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTlUu0a9oWc)

 

 

 

 

 

Seulgi looks at Wendy for the umpteenth times since they woke up this morning until the latter puts down her fork diverting her precious attention from the nicely-fried bacon strips to her girlfriend.

 

 

“Yes?”

 

 

The taller girl just casually lifts a grin at the adorably confused face, “Do you have any plans for today?”

 

 

“I thought you’re going out to meet other exhibitors.” Wendy fiddles with the icy silver cutlery in her hands while taking time to admire Seulgi’s blindingly white set of teeth and delicately fair pair of cheekbones. “So you aren’t asking me out for a date, are you?”

 

 

“Just wondering. You rarely go out these days.”

 

 

“I’m just a bit tired, Seul.”

 

 

 

She casts her feline eyes to Wendy’s soft bijou hands then leans towards the wooden table so that her upper body touches its edge, “Huh, tired from what?”

 

 

“What are you leading us to?” She mimics her gesture feeling unamused as their breakfast are getting cold from this absurd conversation. “Stop beating around the bushes.”

 

 

 

There is a long sigh before a slivery clink when Seulgi accidentally hits the plate with her mug for her butterfingers tend to act up sometimes. “She’s looking for you. Hiding in this house isn’t exactly a good idea because we both know she has been here.” 

 

 

Then it is followed by a sharp screeching when Wendy pushes herself up from the chair, head hanging, shoulders dropped and jaw tightened. “I don’t care. I’m not seeing her.” 

 

 

She should have seen this coming knowing Seulgi for so long. Seulgi can’t hide things from her. In this dim lit living room, a gust of warmth creeps up from her cold feet.

 

 

 

“No, you do care.” The dark-haired girl her head up almost instantly and holds her stare stern, unlike how soft and sluggish she always is. “Or else, you won’t be acting like this. Seungwan, I’ve known you for too long. Now as your girlfriend, I do think you need to see her at least for once.”

 

 

“What for?” Trying to make her way to their shared bedroom, Wendy flails her arms around even knowing the other girl would not fidget an inch by her usually big gestures. “She kicked me away twice and now she wants me back after so many years, Seul. What more to talk about?”

 

 

“A closure.” Much to Wendy’s dismay or not, Seulgi remains still at her seat, wanting nothing more but getting her girlfriend to the right track. “And that’s exactly why. After all these years, I know she still holds a place in your heart. Those nights you held onto me so tightly and cried…….” 

 

 

That has Wendy nailed on her spot. Seulgi watches half of Wendy’s body drenched in the dark corridor while her eyes contour the way sunlights caress her small back. She wants her, she wants her back, she wants her all. 

 

 

 

“I know she still holds that piece of your heart that I cannot have. And I don’t know if I can ever have a hold of it.”

 

 

“Stop, stop…….. ” With the veil on her face crumbling down, the petite figure pleads with such a croaked voice which has never happened to the used-to-be star vocalist before. “I can’t do it. I’m sorry, Seulgi.”

 

 

“I have been trying to make them go away.” She finally gets up on her feet and unhurriedly makes her way to the fragile girl who has all her armor stripped down. “But in the end, it’s your heart. And I don't have all the pieces.”

 

 

While she is just standing there, helpless and guilty.

 

 

And it’s awfully rare for Seulgi to talk that much and Wendy to talk so little. 

 

 

So she takes her into her arms, pressing her cheek to her shampooed hair. “I can’t tell you what to do. I still don’t know what your heart looks like. But what I do know, she must have her reasons and she wants to talk to you. Joohyun was our friend.”

 

 

 

Wendy naturally adjusts her body so that she could be close to her as possible. It fits so perfectly because they have done it so many times already. Seulgi did not know it before. But after so many years, after Wendy’s heart being broken and after her breaking so many hearts, Seulgi takes her in, again and again, away from everything.

 

 

The Sun is fully up. The house is rattling so loudly when Seulgi can see it shaking and tumbling along with Wendy’s weeping.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Irene shivered. Not only with the cold but also with her own thoughts. She walked pass the place and memories of a certain day flooded. Where her world was into an abyss and she was seeing no end to it.

 

 

 

“I don’t think we should go on anymore.” She had it practiced for a hundred times which she was growing tired of it. It came out so precise and clear. Months ago, she would never have imagined breaking up with someone she had a crush on for years.

 

 

“Okay.” Nodding, Taeyeon looked back at her with a half-smile. “I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, but I guess this decision is mutual.”

 

 

So Irene gladly sipped on her half-cold drink. “Thank you.”

 

 

 

There was always something not right between her and Taeyeon. It did not go as planned. She did not think much of what was between her and Jessica, or herself and Wendy. She only saw what she wanted to see.

 

 

But Taeyeon was so gentle, even when she left. 

 

 

 

Ending with her first relationship, she began to search high and low, wandering astray, trying to merge her heart with someone else’s. She had learned to give, half of her heart maybe. All she needed was the right person.

 

 

It did not happen.

 

 

It was way after Irene had her diploma, landed herself a decent job, bought her first car and many later and having her given heart returned by some people she truly adored. 

 

 

 

She used to be scared to look back but she did anyway. She forced herself to watch it over and over again. They even came up to her in her sleep.

 

 

She cut ties with her old friends thinking it was a good decision for everyone but things somehow found their own way to her ears.

 

 

 

What if she said yes the first time Seungwan asked? Or perhaps, the second time? 

 

 

Would they last?

 

 

 

And so, her search continued but it was only for a certain someone.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Wendy remembers the kiss on the forehead Seulgi gave her before she left for the meeting. Wendy remembers the paper slip Irene placed on the counter where she wrote her number.

 

 

She remembers a lot of things she should not, since she is ashamed of what she has become.

 

 

 

Irene had given her the answer but why didn’t it end there?

 

 

Wendy thought it would sink in, that Irene was the butterfly meant to take her flight and spread her beautiful wings and leave. 

 

 

Who would have known Irene was the butterfly which flapped her wings and a hurricane followed?

 

 

 

“A tiny butterfly flapping its wings today may lead to a devastating hurricane weeks from now.”

 

 

Isn’t this how they say?

 

 

 

There are too many things happened after one another that Wendy cannot regret every single one of them. 

 

 

In fact, she would accept them if that means she could go her merry way, she could finally go forward from then on.

 

 

But why this butterfly has to come back now? After all the ripples and cracks and shocks and haunting nights? After Seulgi has brought calm to this calamity?

 

 

It pushes Wendy to somewhere she thought she had it locked up far, far away.

 

 

 

“No, I can't take one more step towards you,

'Cause all that's waiting is regret.

And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore,

You lost the love I loved the most.”

 

 

 

It is not like Wendy had never told Irene how she felt. She did even after she knew Irene was chasing blindly after a shooting star that was only meant to soar through her sky.

 

 

Wendy thought she would be relieved, that it was the closure she needed when she walked out of the school gate alone at Irene’s graduation day. There was a smile on her face, although short-lived. 

 

 

 

She does not know she has not let Irene go until today. Instead, she has locked her up along with her darkest days and hours. 

 

 

She hated Irene for chasing stars and she hates her more for showing up at her door as if nothing has ever happened.

 

 

 

“I hear you're asking all around,

If I am anywhere to be found.

But I have grown too strong,

To ever fall back in your arms.” 

 

 

 

After all, Wendy does admit that she is not the best people in the world thus she does not deserve that much, like, a perfect love. 

 

 

If it wasn’t Seulgi who still loves her for who she is, and what she has done, she could have become worse.

 

 

Maybe, she hates Irene too much that she is driving herself to become her, so unknowingly.

 

 

 

Still, Wendy has everything locked away - the flickering flames and the glowing gleams, the calming red and the alluring blue, the soft chuckles and the loud quietude, the cadaverous potting and the hale cutlery, the cheery books and the forlorn bed. There is nothing inside. Everything have been swept away and she is not letting anything in anymore. Not even when the sky knocks on her window nor Irene knocks on her door. 

 

 

They went from nothing, best of friends, then back to nothing.

 

 

 

She remembers how she used to be so happy, so looking forward to what would be waiting for her ahead. She was the smart friendly popular student in school and she was envied by many.

 

 

It is not that Wendy has screwed up completely, but she is rather, dead, so as to say. She has learned to live without living, to live with faking smiles and hiding tears. She has learned to be selfish so that she will not be hurt anymore. 

 

 

As if she had given too much away yet receiving too little.

 

 

So now she is not giving anymore.

 

 

 

Wendy knows it is not fair to Seulgi. 

 

 

She does not want to make Seulgi wait like she did for Irene.

 

 

 

The sequence of numbers punched in, fingers shaky.

 

 

But she just cannot.

 

 

 

If freeing Irene, and everything that her chains have entwined with, is the only way out.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

It was not the first time. 

 

 

A brush of the shoulders on the street where there is a cosy cafe serving ice drips, and a cold snicker.

 

 

 

Wendy stood there and curved her lips in such a weird angle.

 

 

They would usually be irreverent, or uncomfortable at the very least. 

 

 

Some might quickly flash a smile and walk away with their heads ducked down.

 

 

 

“Wendy, I see you’re doing good, no?”

 

 

“Oh, hi, Wendy.”

 

 

“I’m surprised you are alone, Wendy.”

 

 

“You didn’t even reply my text of whether you want your things back, Wendy Son the big shot.”

 

 

 

Bumping into your exes.

 

 

 

She gives her most polite answers every time. 

 

 

But that one time, she could see the flames coming up from nowhere. It got her thinking if she was that of a jerk.

 

 

Judging from that person’s expression and harsh words, she would not be surprised if she was getting a slap or something.  Wendy could not recall what provoking words that raven-haired woman said but she remembered her buffing on a smoke nonchalantly. Wendy does not smoke and she dislikes its smell to the back of her bone. But Wendy should have known people change more than the Moon does.

 

 

 

“And who do you think you are?

Runnin' round leaving scars,

Collecting your jar of hearts,

And tearing love apart.”

 

 

 

And Wendy should have known hate, often comes from love.

 

 

And if Irene has broken her heart, how many hearts has Wendy broken?

 

 

 

Although she did not mean to.

 

 

Or maybe, neither of them meant to.

 

 

But, does that matter anymore?

 

 

 

“You're gonna catch a cold,

From the ice inside your soul.

So don't come back for me,

Don't come back at all.”

 

 

 

That night, Seulgi found her sitting on a bench at the little park near their apartment. 

 

 

“Hey. You didn’t pick up my calls.”

 

 

Wendy blinked and realized it was late. She just let her feet guide her, while she was absorbed in how the veil of the night quietly fell upon the land, embracing her all from her head to her feet. 

 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

 

 

Shaking her head, she sat down beside her. “Something happened?” She did not need her to apologize, she never did.

 

 

“Hm, barely anything.” She shifted closer to her.

 

 

The girl with a ponytail then turned to take a good look at the shorter’s side profile, yet without saying another word.

 

 

Yet Wendy knew. Seulgi would never force her to do anything she does not want to.

 

 

 

The silence was so pleasant.

 

 

Wendy had all of her time running away from the chaos around her. 

 

 

While Seulgi had been trying, trying to offer nothing but absolute peace. For she was not sure if Wendy would have her love.

 

 

 

Hugging her cardigan tighter to her body at that young night, Wendy slowly closed her eyes and leaned her heavy head onto Seulgi’s awaiting shoulder. “Do you remember the things you said to me that day?”

 

 

Those brown orbs were then replaced by two crescent moons. “You mean, do I remember how I confessed to you?”

 

 

She replied with a quick hum and she giggled.

 

 

At least, they were both smiling.

 

 

 

“Of course, I remember. I remember everything.” Seulgi softly mumbled to those locks that covered her ear. 

 

 

Wendy moved her hand which had been laying cold and forlorn on her thigh, reaching for Seulgi’s warm one and watching how they entwined. “Say it to me one more time.”

 

 

 

There are many ways to say the same thing.

 

 

And so, Seulgi knows Wendy would merge her half a heart with her half.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

I'm finally back? 

And, I'm really sorry if this is not going well as you guys expected. 

To be honest, I am feeling stuck in drafting for this story but I'll still try my very best to finish it.

 

 

btw I'll finish She's The Man next.

As always, see you on the flipped side.

xo