There wasn’t any particular reason Jaehwan refused to go to the club with Wonshik that night. He just had a lot of homework he needed to do. With midterms approaching fast, he had little choice but to stay in and study while the friend he’d known for years slipped off to dance and have fun in the way he loved best.

But in all honesty, Jaehwan was lying. He already knew the arithmetic off by heart, and he’d memorized every tidbit of information he’d scratched into his notebooks. He would much rather go to the club than sit around at home with books he hardly wanted to look at. After all, the club was the only real time he could let himself be free and do what he wanted, even if it was just for a few hours. Hell, he could jump on Wonshik’s back completely sober, dub him a pony and get carried wherever he wanted—a favourite pastime of his—receiving a laugh and a very fake sounding whinny in return. He couldn’t dance worth , but his favourite part was when Wonshik grabbed his wrists from behind and made him dance. In the end, Jaehwan would eventually be content to sit back with a light drink and watch Wonshik tear up the dance floor. He loved watching Wonshik dance. He only wished he could approach him the same way the women did, drawn to him like bees to honey. Jaehwan’s heart ached when Wonshik ran his hands over their waist in a slow, sensual dance while they touched him in return, swinging their hips seductively. Sometimes they kissed him. Jaehwan had to pretend he hadn’t noticed—more than that, he had to pretend it didn’t rip his heart in half from the inside out.

And that was why Jaehwan decided he didn’t want to go that night. He didn’t want to watch Wonshik surrounded by beautiful women who had so much more to offer than some half-blind biual nerd did. The only reason Jaehwan could even be in the same vicinity as someone as cool and amazing as Wonshik was simply because they grew up together and he wasn’t ditched in high school.

Sighing heavily, Jaehwan decided he might as well do what he said he needed to do. Propping his chin up on his fist and shoving his glasses further up his nose (he wore contacts when he left the house—glasses were a home-thing only) before flipping lazily through his biology textbook. He tried not to crack a smile when his random flipping unintentionally found the male reproductive system, remembering the way Wonshik had cracked joke after joke about the diagrams. Jaehwan blushed as he remembered the way Wonshik gripped his shoulders from behind, leaned in close and whispered into his ear, his hot breath ghosting across his skin.

“That is tiny as . Even you have better,”

“Kim Wonshik—it’s a biology textbook, not a magazine!” Jaehwan had scolded, trying desperately not to laugh—or blush, which he had been really close to doing.

“Yeah but we get to watch animals mating in biology class—why can’t we watch in ed?”

Honestly, Jaehwan didn’t even have a response to such a question.

That night had been the first night he actually decided to look up —he quickly found out it was nothing like watching animals mating.

Jaehwan could honestly attribute more than half of his spontaneous actions to Wonshik. Being polar opposites, it was bound to happen at some point. Jaehwan liked to think some of him had rubbed off on Wonshik as well—especially when the other male began really caring about his grades just before the end of middle school. Wonshik had a lot of catching up to do, but Jaehwan had dragged him through every last bit of it. Now, clubbing was Wonshik’s way of letting loose after he used up his brain power studying for maximum, ten minutes. Jaehwan always though it was better than no minutes. When they actually studied together, it went on for at least an hour—sometimes three.

On Jaehwan’s end, without Wonshik, he probably never would’ve had the courage to ask out the girl he had a crush on, resulting in his first girlfriend and then his first kiss. Barely a month later, he went through his first breakup after discovering his ‘girlfriend’ was cheating on him resulting in Wonshik taking him to his first club that provided him with his first drink. He woke up with his first hangover the morning after, which resulted in Wonshik convincing him to skip one day of school (still the first and only one he ever skipped) so they could recover, stuff their faces with takeout Chinese and play Starcraft until their eyes could no longer stay open. In many ways, Wonshik truly was his first for everything—including his deepest secret.

Wonshik was the reason he realized he was biual. He was the first crush he’d ever had on a male, and no matter how attractive another man was, Jaehwan always thought Wonshik was far more so. Jaehwan couldn’t help but notice the perfectly toned curves of muscles in his arms or the way his long legs looked in skinny jeans...god forbid him in a swimsuit. Wonshik’s body was perfection—and some nights the subject of Jaehwan’s secret fantasies. He’d been crushing on Wonshik for so long, he didn’t even know when it had started. All he knew was now, he couldn’t bear the sight of women touching the chest he still hadn’t had the chance to or kissing the lips he felt himself craving on some days.

Groaning in frustration, Jaehwan slammed his books closed again, giving up on even pretending to read. He began to hate Wonshik for actually leaving their shared apartment to head to the club without him. If it were Jaehwan, he would’ve stuck around as company as Wonshik studied. Then again, with Wonshik studying music, something he was just naturally gifted at, he really had little need to pick up a textbook.

Heading out into the living room and collapsing onto the couch, Jaehwan flicked on the television, heaving a sigh as he began to idly surf channels for some sort of interesting show. He rarely found one unless it was on one of those education channels. Slowly immersing himself in a documentary about the discovery of some ancient Korean emperor, Jaehwan tried to forget about Wonshik.

He began to doze off as the program changed to an even less interesting one about mining. His head bobbed towards his chest as the words from the television became distant blurs of sound. It was hypnotic in a way, but it quickly came to an end with the sound of a key fumbling into the lock and a frustrated grumble from the other side. Jaehwan squinted at the contraption, slowly reaching over to flick off the television before getting to his feet just as the door swung open at last. With a rather violent stagger, Wonshik half walked, half fell into the apartment and probably would’ve fallen to his knees if it weren’t for his firm grip on the doorknob. Jaehwan sighed a moment later in understanding when he caught a rather strong whiff of alcohol sliding from Wonshik.

“Aish...” Jaehwan sighed, stepping over to help him stand up straight. “Wonshik is this what happens when I’m not there?”

“I misshhhed you, J’wannie,” Wonshik slurred, nuzzling into his neck.

Trying desperately not to blush, reminding himself that Wonshik’s tongue was just loose from the alcohol, Jaehwan tugged him towards his bedroom. “Come on, Wonshik...let’s get you to bed,”

“You shhhhould call me...Shik-ah,” Wonshik proposed spontaneously. “It would be...shoo cute from you....” his head fell onto Jaehwan’s shoulder as he closed his eyes, allowing himself to be led to the bedroom.

“Shik-ah,” Jaehwan said, humouring him for once, feeling kind of tingly at the use of the nickname. “Time for bed,” he pushed the other gently onto his bed, smiling warmly. “Sleep well, okay? I’ll leave water on the bedside table for you,”

“Ah...” Wonshik mumbled, his eyes darting towards the floor before Jaehwan pushed him again, guiding him to lie on his side among the blankets and tucking him in gently. “Thanks...”

“Anytime,” Jaehwan said, stepping back out of the room and heading for the kitchen. He pulled several bottles of water out of the fridge before bringing them back to Wonshik’s room and setting them down where they would be within easy reach. Wonshik lay still when Jaehwan found him, his head lolled to the side as he breathed slowly. His snoring wasn’t quite present as of yet, telling Jaehwan he probably had another five to ten minutes of blissful silence before the godforsaken sound began anew. Gently reaching over to his best friend’s hair (after all, he was drunk, he would miss the affectionate gesture) Jaehwan left the room for the final time that night, pulling the door shut behind him.

I should get some sleep too, Jaehwan thought to himself, flicking out the living room lights and heading for his own bedroom. Wiggling out of his day clothes, he pulled on the tank top and boxers he always slept in before crawling between the sheets, letting out a soft sigh. He hoped Wonshik hadn’t drank too much...

As he began to doze off, he barely registered the sound of his bedroom door creaking open. He grumbled when his bed moved, only to gasp in surprise when a warm, bare arm wrapped around his chest. Frozen, all Jaehwan could do was attempt to still his racing heart as Wonshik’s soft breath brushed the top of his head. The warmth that seeped into his back, along with the muscular arm draped across his torso, only suggested Wonshik had taken his shirt off.

“W-Wonshik...” Jaehwan stammered, wishing he could find his words.

“Shh...” Wonshik murmured, nuzzling into the hair on the top of Jaehwan’s head. “I’m lonely...can I do this?”

Every part of him wanted this desperately—but at the same time, this wasn’t how he wanted it. He’d always imagined his first cuddle with Wonshik would be sweet and filled with little affectionate kisses. Instead, the first time was when Wonshik was practically wasted. If he were sober, he wouldn’t be doing this.

And with that thought, Jaehwan just nodded, letting a silent tear slide down his cheek to soak into the pillow. As he closed his eyes, he thought to himself that Wonshik’s cologne was the best he’d ever smelled.

...

Jaehwan had never felt so comfortable.

Despite the events of the night before, he allowed himself to smile, trying to memorize the way Wonshik’s body spooned perfectly around his own; the way his arms secured him firmly in place against a warm, broad chest; the tangle their legs had become throughout the night—Wonshik had pushed his knee between his legs and Jaehwan had wrapped his foot around his ankle. He’d never felt so comfortable or well rested since his childhood days.

But Jaehwan knew it couldn’t last. Wonshik would wake up soon enough, and it would be with a massive hangover and probably a regretful sounding mumble. He couldn’t avoid the hangover, but if he got out of bed right now, he could avoid hearing the apology and tell Wonshik they just swapped beds for the night because he was too drunk to figure out which one was his. He let out a soft, bitter laugh at that, taking one final moment to remember the feeling of Wonshik’s body against his own before shrugging off the arm and climbing out of the bed. As he’d guessed, his friend didn’t budge an inch.

Grabbing a hoodie from the back of his desk chair, Jaehwan pulled it over his head and stepped into the common area of their house, heading to the kitchen and opening the cupboards, trying to pick something that Wonshik could eat. He decided on cup noodles, pulling several packages out and filling the kettle with water for when he woke. Chewing his lip for a moment, Jaehwan decided to turn the kettle on anyway, opening one of them for himself. He could use some comfort food after last night...

He was slurping the last of his noodles to the morning news when Wonshik woke, wearing nothing but a loose pair of pyjama bottoms and a sleepy expression. His bedhead completed the outfit, making Wonshik simultaneously look y and adorable—a feat only he seemed to be able to accomplish.

“How’d you sleep?” Jaehwan asked with a smile, forcing cheerfulness into his tone.

Wonshik paused, as though he didn’t quite notice him there at first before letting out a quiet, incoherent mumble and sitting down at the kitchen table, immediately laying his head on his arms. His lips curling into a small smile, Jaehwan turned the kettle on once more to reheat the water to make more noodle cups for Wonshik. Reaching into the cupboard, he d for the bottle of painkillers and set them on the table beside Wonshik with a glass of water.

“Here,” he said. “This will help you feel better,”

Wonshik lifted his head just enough to take in the water and the medicine before he sighed, his head falling back onto his arms again, shaking his head slowly.

“Wonshik?” Jaehwan frowned in concern, a dozen scenarios darting through his head. He said he was lonely last night. Did something happen? Did he lose someone? Was that why he’d had too much to drink? “Are you okay?” He gently rested his hand on Wonshik’s bare shoulder, rubbing slow, soothing circles.

Wonshik’s shoulders slumped as he let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, Jaehwan-ah...”

If the apology hadn’t caught his attention, the affectionate twist to his name sure had. Blinking in surprise, Jaehwan tried to still his beating heart. “What for...?”

“I lied to you,” Wonshik mumbled.

Jaehwan didn’t like to hear those words. He never knew what they meant. His mind darted over dozens of scenarios, each more terrifying than the last. He didn’t like the idea that his friend had kept secrets from him—then again, Jaehwan kept a few to himself. He couldn’t really blame Wonshik for keeping secrets.

“It’s okay,” Jaehwan said softly, hearing the kettle click off in the background. “I’ll make you some noodles, alright...? They’ll help with the hangover,”

Wonshik let out a toneless laugh as Jaehwan got to his feet. The sound forced a chill down his spine—Wonshik never laughed like that. Not unless something was bothering him enough the only humour he could find in the world was cold sarcasm.

“Don’t bother, okay?” Wonshik said, his voice still dull. “I’m not hungover,”

“What do you mean...?” Jaehwan frowned in confusion, slowly making his way over to the kettle.

“I didn’t drink at all last night,” Wonshik lifted his head at last, running a hand down his face. “I faked it. I’m sorry,”

Jaehwan stood frozen, his hand stretched towards the kettle, hanging in the air. Had he heard that right...? Wonshik had been sober all night...? But no... Jaehwan had smelled the alcohol on him... he even looked drunk. But then again... it wasn’t that hard to act drunk. Jaehwan’s heart skipped a beat as he remembered the smell of Wonshik’s cologne—cologne, not alcohol. His breath hadn’t even smelled. But then...

“I was dancing with this girl and she wanted me to come back to her house. When I said no, she got angry and threw her drink on me,” Wonshik mumbled, his eyes looking at anything but Jaehwan. “I decided to come home after that but the smell was so strong and... well I don’t know what came over me,” he bowed his head shamefully. “I’m sorry, Jaehwan... I lied to you...”

“I don’t understand,” Jaehwan mumbled, his hand dropping back to his side at last. “Why would you fake being drunk?”

“You can’t really hold a drunk completely accountable for their actions,” Wonshik said bluntly. “If I didn’t wake up feeling sorry for deceiving you, I’m sure we’d be having a pretty good laugh about it right now, wouldn’t we?”

“I probably wouldn’t have said anything...” Jaehwan mumbled, his eyes focused on the floor.

“Damn it...” Wonshik cursed, his head falling back down onto the table. “I ed everything up, didn’t I?”

“Because you knew what you were doing when you crawled into bed with me?” Jaehwan finally came out and said it, feeling his heart clench a little.

“Yes!” Wonshik shouted, rushing to his feet once more, burying his hands in his hair. “I did it because I wanted to! At least once, I didn’t care what it took, I wanted to know what it was like... to just... be with you as something other than friends,” his voice trembled sadly as his words stuttered out. “And now I ruined what we already had... I’m so sorry Jaehwan...”

“What are you saying?” Jaehwan’s voice trembled, disbelief slipping into his tone. “Wonshik... do you...” like me? He couldn’t bring himself to say the final words.

“I’ve been in love with you since middle school, okay?” Wonshik closed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Those tutoring sessions were just a way to spend more time with you because I knew I couldn’t ask you out. I never left for the ‘cool’ crowd in high school because I never wanted you to be away from me. Damn it, Jaehwan, I even moved to the came city as you for school just so I could stay with you... And I always knew you’d never feel the same, so I said nothing,”

“But... you just did,” Jaehwan pointed out, his voice faint.

“I can’t take it anymore,” Wonshik shook his head. “I just... I had to do something, even if it meant I lost you... and I already know I have...”

Jaehwan couldn’t find his words. They were the words he’d been dying to say since he’d developed that never ending crush on his best friend. He’d always wanted to confess, maybe in the cheesiest way possible, but now, he couldn’t. The words stuck tight in his throat. All he had left were his actions.

Five shaky steps were all it took to clear the distance between them. Wonshik was taller than him by a few inches, but it didn’t stop Jaehwan from reaching up and sliding his fingers into his hair, pulling his head down to capture his mouth in a kiss. Wonshik stiffened in surprise for a moment before he yanked his head back, his face twisted with irritation.

“Don’t bull me, Jaehwan,” he growled. “Seriously, just—”

“When have I ever kissed someone without meaning it?” Jaehwan asked, cutting him off and silencing his words. For a moment, Wonshik looked like a fish—a handsome, wild haired fish—but when Jaehwan’s words finally sank in, it was him that pulled the other man in for a kiss, this one warmer, less hesitant. Jaehwan melted into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Wonshik’s neck, letting his body feel everything it had craved for a horribly long time. Warm, muscular arms held him close while large hands traced paths wherever they could reach. Panting heavily as they parted at last, Jaehwan let his forehead drop onto Wonshik’s shoulder, closing his eyes as he breathed the scent of his friend turned crush.

“How long...?” Wonshik whispered.

“Just...a little while after Chaeyoung,” Jaehwan admitted. It had been a long time... “I don’t even know how it started, it just did,”

“And you kept it quiet...?”

Jaehwan let out a soft laugh. “Hey... I feared rejection just as much as you did. You can’t really blame me,”

“Ah,” Wonshik chuckled softly, resting his cheek on Jaehwan’s head. “Well... if it’s okay with you... do you want... to maybe date?”

Jaehwan’s heart fluttered. He hugged Wonshik a little tighter, smiling happily. “You don’t even need to ask,”

Wonshik smiled, kissing Jaehwan’s hair softly, nuzzling into it. “Can I cuddle with you again tonight too?”

Jaehwan lifted his head to look up at Wonshik’s face, his own lips curling into a bright smile. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,”

.

.

.