Congrats, Jonghyun. I’m happy for you <3. I really am, your smile is angelic in those pictures. However, I was a JongKey shipper. I just really needed to get this out. Two-shot, Key centric.  Angsty. Little scrambled, like my brain. And Jonghyun wasn’t even my bias -_-. Second part may consist of OnKey.

It’s been a month, and I’ve never seen you happier. Always texting away on your phone, that smile on your face that used to be exclusive to whenever we would ‘joke’ around.

I was never joking though…

It’s been a month, and I remember when you came to tell all of us. Your ideal girl, you had said, eyes lit up, the biggest grin on that face of yours. We’d all congratulated you, patted you on the back, and I’d hugged you. It was wonderful to see you happy…

Onew sometimes frowned at me, as if he could see right through me. Minho had spent some time with me as well, as if he knew my feelings too. Heck, even Taemin…

You were the only one, blind to everything.

You kept telling people, and we all kept making jokes, laughing, but it hurt so much. It just kept hurting.

Am I a bad friend for not being happy because you’re happy?

“Yah, Key, you ready yet? I want you to come, to help me pick out the right present. Isn’t it great? We’ve gone public!” Jonghyun repeated the last part for the fifth time today, and my heart continued to clench at his carefree words.

A month should’ve been enough to prepare me for this…of course, it would eventually have happened…

Why was it that everyone knowing made it more real?

“Key?” Jonghyun poked his head in the washroom, where I stood, staring blankly at the mirror. He blinked and I quickly looked down, as to hide my face.

I hadn’t realized I was crying, quickly brushing the tears away from my face.

And then you were there, next to my side, a hand around my shoulders and your confused and concerned voice at my ears.

“Key? Kibum? What’s wrong?” My name sounds so holy on your lips, and they don’t belong there. I don’t deserve your kindness, not when I can’t properly appreciate your love, your happiness.

But the tears won’t stop; they flow harder at your touch, sobs wracking out at how close you are to me.

“Are you feeling sick? Should I call Onew?” Your voice is laced with anxiety, and I can only shake my head, unable to look up into your eyes. The love that I have been suppressing for so long, solely for you, was probably evident in my bloodshot eyes.

I step closer to you, and you take that as an invitation to wrap me in your arms, tightly. I feel deceptive, sneaky, as you hold me tight, undeserving of your unconditional love and care.

Your hand ruffles my hair, and you whisper my name, and I know now, that you will never whisper my name the way you sing hers, the way you voice her name.

Shin Se Kyung.

How did I even think to compare?

You’re calling Onew now, sounding panicked, and I realize that my sobs have gotten louder, as the composure I’ve been struggling to keep up the past while breaks completely.

Sorry Jonghyun, I can’t be happy for you, not yet.

For now, just let me cry in your arms, that will never be mine.

I’m a fan-girl. I write fiction. What do you want from me? Next chapter will probably be the last – this is just supposed to be a 2 shot. Judge me.