Irene's not used to smiling in the morning.

 

But when Seungwan's still sound asleep in her arms, legs tangled together, sheets crumpled up, falling over the side of a bed meant for one, Irene wants it to last forever.

 

She wouldn't mind getting used to having Seungwan be the reason for every smile.

 

It grows wider, feeling Seungwan shuffle her feet, sliding skin against hers, her expression scrunching up from sleep.

 

“Good morning,” Irene leans in, kissing Seungwan’s bare shoulder, the soft glow of skin irresistible under streams of sunlight.

 

Seungwan groans, rubbing her eyes, feeling her stretch against her legs; Irene's lips curl up higher.

 

“…’Morning,”

 

Sleep still fills her voice, adorable and damning that it has Irene wanting to sprinkle more kisses along Seungwan's throat, memorize tender skin, appreciate the sounds that come out of – map out every inch that makes up Seungwan.

 

Again, and again, and again.

 

“W-Wait, that tickles, Hyun-ah—” Seungwan’s giggles thrum against , only growing louder the wider Irene’s smile spreads. “S-Stop that, I’m serious!”

 

She wants to wake Seungwan up with laughter like this every day.

 

Irene chuckles, leaving one more kiss before shifting back, just enough to press her lips on Seungwan’s brow, lingering.

 

“I'm just happy,”

 

Seungwan tugs her back down, taking and tasting her smile.

 

“Me too.”

 

Her hand nestles against the small of Seungwan’s back, wanting nothing more than for them to melt together again, memorize the expanse of her skin, touch every part that has Seungwan smiling, , writhing—

 

“…I guess we’re ready for that single-bedroom apartment now, huh.”

 

Seungwan’s question doused every fire burning Irene’s limbs, washing out the gears that make her hungry for a replication of last night.

 

“Really? You bring that up now?” Irene whines into Seungwan’s neck, hears her laughter wiggle into her ears. “Couldn’t you have asked that after?”

 

“After what, exactly?”

 

Irene can hear Seungwan grin – even feel it stretch across her face, looping around her head, smug and playful and teasing and cute.

 

Her lips trace the lines along Seungwan’s shoulders.

 

“Let me show you.”

 

Seungwan’s chuckles fade into moans and groans and whines that has Irene shivering to hear more, fingers crossing over the soft slopes of Seungwan’s chest, following after.

 

She can’t wait to share more mornings with her like this; be able to come home and welcome each other with open arms and soft kisses, melt in gentle hands and tender hugs whenever the sun falls and rises - and be together for every moment in between.

 

-

 

Wendy's never felt much like a soldier of honesty.

 

That has always been more of Joohyun's code of honor.

 

But Seulgi's a written secret on a page she had forgotten about with words she can't recall and images she can't place.

 

Wendy can't imagine what it feels like to be the only one who remembers; to be the one who has to watch her lover look at things differently – behave like they were someone entirely new. To think she had kept quiet through it all - Wendy still reels at the notion from time to time.

 

Seulgi's endurance has been both her virtue and her prison.

 

Wendy checks the time on her wrist, her watch a comforting presence coiled around her skin.

 

1:05 PM.

 

She hopes the admiration she holds for Joohyun's honesty and Seulgi's endurance carries her words this afternoon.

 

“Hey, Wen!”

 

Her eyes flick up from the numbers, spotting Seulgi jog towards her, a childish grin lighting up her face.

 

Wendy smiles, patting the space beside her, the steel bench cool under her palm, lacking the ice that had painted over it a few weeks ago.

 

It's spring.

 

“Hey, Seul.”

 

Seulgi slides in next to her, bumping their elbows together.

 

“Great day to just have this park all to ourselves, huh?” Her hand motions across the landscape, “It’s still a little cold out, though. Which reminds me, why aren't we talking inside a warm coffee shop?”

 

Wendy laughs, lifting her hands to cover her ears at the slight gust of wind that breezes by, snuggling her nose into the warmth of her blue scarf.

 

“But the park is nicer to look at. And besides,” Wendy says, nudging Seulgi's arm in return, “I'm sure you've seen more than enough coffee shops with Joohyun, anyway. Time to appreciate a different view.”

 

She hears Seulgi giggle, watching the taller woman blow air against her hands even when they're already clothed in mittens.

 

The silence afterwards is comforting; a brief pause for Wendy to just clear her mind of doubt. There's no more room for that. That's what they both agreed on.

 

Wendy fiddles with her gloves, breathing in and out, letting her heart squeeze between her lips.

 

“I'm not the Wendy you want me to be, and I don't think I'll ever be, either.”

 

It's quiet, save for the whistles of wind, filling her skin with a touch of cold; Wendy pulls up the collar of her jacket, tugging her scarf to hide her neck better.

 

Seulgi hums. Wendy sees the encouragement to continue from the smile on Seulgi's lips. So she does.

 

“You were the noises I couldn't bear to hear. I counted you away because it hurt to listen.” Wendy allows herself to catch a breath, calm her heart. “I thought I wanted to be that person in your memory because she sounded more beautiful than I could ever be. But that was wrong. I'm not any lesser than I was before. And that's the problem.”

 

Seulgi's fingers reach out to curl over her hands. It makes Wendy realize how much her bones are jittery - as if the cold had seeped into her skin.

 

She rubs her thumb over the back of Seulgi's hand, finds courage between the lines on Seulgi's skin. It's gotten a little rougher than the last time she's held it.

 

“...You're looking for Wendy, but I'm Seungwan.”

 

Seulgi's the only one who could understand what she really means.

 

“It's almost funny,” Seulgi's tracing Wendy's knuckles, voice tapering off to a whisper. “You sound just like Wendy.”

 

Anger doesn't dress Seulgi's voice; almost as if Seulgi had taken a nostalgic trip, losing herself between each memory lane and wandering off to relive it.

 

Seulgi's syllables come off a little louder, more stable, like she's no longer hurt.

 

“All that confidence. I've missed it.”

 

Wendy doesn't correct her. She's not confident - or maybe she is, right now, but whatever image this 'Wendy' has come up with, she doesn't have. And she doesn't want it. She just wants to be herself.

 

Seulgi squeezes their hands together.

 

“I know you're not Wendy because you're not in love with me.” Wendy feels the way Seulgi paints circles on her palm, “I just - I thought you were coming back. You sang our song when I wanted to forget that the best thing I ever had was already gone. It felt like a sign to not give up on us. So I didn't.”

 

Wendy listens to steady words, so unlike her trembling lips. It's a wonder how her voice doesn't crack when all Wendy hears is how broken she's been; that somehow, Seulgi's still holding on even when she's barely pieced together.

 

Seulgi's chuckles choke with tears.

 

“...Then I started thinking about how Joohyun unnie could steal you away - that she got to be with you when I could've been there, instead. I even thought about all the things she had that I didn't - and I hated it. A beautiful face. Beautiful skin. Beautiful voice. She was even a beautiful friend with all our coffee talks, and I hated it. I hated that she was beautiful, inside and out.”

 

Wendy wipes off the wet lines that scar Seulgi's cheeks; listens to every truth she has to say because she knows it's not good to keep it in; Yeri's shown her that.

 

Seulgi stops drawing circles on her skin.

 

“But more than anything, I hated that she had you.”

 

Her truth is enough to puncture her lungs, have her choke on emotions Seulgi's bottled up to the brim.

 

“I had a lot on my mind, you know. Things like, 'What does she have that I don't?' 'What made you fall in love with her?'“ Seulgi smiles, small and bittersweet. “Sometimes, I even wonder: would you still love me if you never forgot? If there was no accident – would you still fall in love with her knowing I’d still be there for you, too?”

 

Wendy wants to give her an answer – something concrete and sure and right.

 

But she doesn’t know, either. Would she still fall in love with Joohyun if she never forgot Seulgi? Would she still be in love with Joohyun if she remembers loving Seulgi?

 

“Then I realized that I'd rather not know.” Seulgi plucks at the edges of her sleeves, “I don't know if I want you to remember; I don't know if I can handle knowing you'd still choose Joohyun unnie, if you do. Or maybe you won't. Maybe you'd come back to me. But at least this way, I won't know for sure. Right?”

 

“Seul…”

 

“I’m okay,” Seulgi pauses, a grin spreading across her face. “I mean it. I wasn’t, before, but…” she shrugs, “…things change.”

 

Wendy watches Seulgi comb fingers through her hair, loosening the bun to allow ebony fall over soft shoulders.

 

Seulgi’s gaze has Wendy holding her breath.

 

“You’re not my Wendy, and that’s okay.”

 

There's calm to her expression, an understanding Wendy finds herself reeling back from.

 

Wendy's seen enough sadness in the mirror to know that Seulgi’s no longer wearing it.

 

Seulgi laughs.

 

“You know, I kind of like you like this.” Seulgi’s fingers fiddle with the curves on Wendy’s palms, “You're not as mean. I want to say I don't miss it, but I do, sometimes. But I've gotten used to you. You're not so different.”

 

She really has changed. Pride swells Wendy's chest; she hopes Seulgi feels the same, too.

 

“If I ever remember again, would you want me to tell you?”

 

There's a certain strength to Seulgi's smile despite the small curve across her lips, too tiny to be laughter lines but prominent enough to be honest. Her voice makes no room for arguments.

 

Seulgi sounds like she's finished relying on something as fleeting as a wish.

 

“No.”

 

-

 

Yeri finds it weird not to be running away.

 

Escape isn't hard; it’s not as difficult as staying. She knows it'll take time before she could get better at it, but it’s tough.

 

Dreaming is still her favorite thing to do. If only the nights were longer.

 

Sometimes, she sees Joohyun hold her; vivid enough to even feel the illusion of arms securing her close and not the purple blankets she's received as a present when Joohyun was still hers. It’s all she has, but it’s enough – she won’t ask for more.

 

But she’d give anything to have Joohyun hold her like she never ran out of patience.

 

“…Irene unnie?”

 

She blinks as if it’d help clear the image away.

 

Joohyun's sitting at a table for two, exactly where Joy had been when she told her to come back home - just on the opposite seat, like two sides of the same coin. Amazing how the most important people in her life take up the same space in her heart - yet they're still so different.

 

The surprise tumbles in her stomach, bouncing as if both turmoil and happiness could co-exist; her knees already tremble at the thought of stepping towards her waiting heart.

 

She barely manages to scribble down the couple's orders, have them repeat the list again of chicken and rice and choice of salad before breathing in, filling her lungs with air and calming the nerves quaking her limbs.

 

Joohyun still takes her breath away; squeeze her lungs empty as if her hands could still hold her and fill her up instead.

 

Yeri almost trips as soon as Joohyun looks her way.

 

Get it together.

 

“Irene unnie?” She says again, voice quieter, softer than the squeaks her shoes make towards a woman she still chases after in her sleep.

 

Joohyun's smile is warmer than the ones in her dreams. Funny. She thought illusions would make up for all the pretend with too-good-to-be-true’s.

 

“Hey, Yerim.”

 

Yeri comes up right beside her, fingers twitching to touch Joohyun; pat her shoulder, squeeze her arm, anything just to feel the real thing - refresh her memory of a lover she can't let go.

 

There's a certain feeling welling up in her chest, fogging her head, jumping around in her stomach. For some reason, she thought that Joohyun wouldn't come see her anymore. That they were the exes who wouldn't communicate - lose contact because they've already ended.

 

Yeri's relieved they're not that.

 

Happiness bleeds along her toes, feels them wiggle in her shoes, eager to jump and just pull Joohyun in for a hug.

 

She forgets that she's supposed to be working until Joohyun speaks, tapping a finger against Yeri's wrist, a smile twinkling across Joohyun’s eyes.

 

“O-Oh, right!”

 

Yeri scrambles for the notepad in her pocket, wrist burning under a touch she's been craving for even when it's already gone.

 

Joohyun's stare still makes her heart skip.

 

“What would you like to order?”

 

She watches Joohyun drum fingers against the table, a soft hum squeezing between closed lips. Joohyun always manages to look good doing nothing.

 

“Company,”

 

Her pen pauses drawing the curve of 'c'.

 

Wait, what?

 

Yeri blinks at the homebrew coffee Joohyun passes to her, tucked in a paper bag tied with a purple ribbon.

 

“What's this for?”

 

Joohyun stands, ruffling Yeri's hair, her hand a familiar weight. Normally she'd care about the fact that her hard work of combing through strands of copper has been ruined, but it's Joohyun.

 

It’s not that exceptions exist when it comes to Joohyun; exceptions were made for her.

 

“I figured you'd forget so I'm here to remind you.” Joohyun smiles as she readjusts Yeri's hold on the bag, their fingers warm together. “Happy birthday, Yerim.”

 

Oh.

 

…That was today?

 

Yeri jumps at Joohyun's touch beneath her chin, lifting to close the small 'o' and allowing her to finally swallow.

 

“Are you up for throwing a surprise birthday party for yourself at Sooyoung’s, tonight?”

 

Joohyun's smirk makes Yeri forget she's still got orders to run.

 

When her boss yells from the kitchen to hurry along, his gruff “Yeri!” a stark contrast to how Joohyun tends to say her name, Yeri feels inclined to ignore him.

 

Joohyun nudges her elbow. “Call me when you've finished your shift. I need help picking out a present for Sooyoung.”

 

Yeri scowls, whining when all her heart is doing is jumping and cheering and crying.

“Even though we're throwing a surprise birthday party for me?”

 

“Yes,” Joohyun chuckles, the sound lighting up Yeri’s cheeks. “Don't worry. I'll buy you whatever you want, too.”

 

What she wants can’t be bought. They both know that. But being with Joohyun just like this, cozy as camaraderie, then she’ll take it. It’s all she can have left.

 

Yeri bumps her back. “You better.”

 

-

 

“You know, Joy's kind of really cute.”

 

They’re walking along the edges of a lake, the park a soft mesh of green and grey, the snow having melted enough to squish beneath her boots, squelching with each step.

 

Wendy shifts to see Seulgi smile. “...Joohyun's friend?”

 

Seulgi nods, the afternoon sun painting orange over her skin.

 

“She’s…prickly,” her hands gesture a drawing of something small and spiky. “Like a porcupine? Sharp to talk to but just, well, fuzzy when you get to know her better. Did you know she’s actually really talkative once you get her interested enough?”

 

Wendy’s not sure why she’s telling her this. Then again, it’s not like she knows much about Joohyun’s friend, either. She hasn’t seen her since their group date; all she remembers is that she was someone kind – and really tall.

 

She hums. “Sounds like you’ve been spending some time together,”

 

Seulgi kicks at a melting pile of snow and soot.

 

“Yeah,” she scratches her cheek, “just been trying to figure out why she likes me.”

 

Wendy feels her jaw go unhinged, hearing it click shut when Seulgi presses fingers beneath her chin, her giggles tinkling with a sort of glee.

 

“Wait, she told you she likes you?” Come to think of it, she didn’t even know Joy liked Seulgi like that – she thought it was just a casual group date. “And you’re trying to figure out why?”

 

Seulgi shrugs. “Yes, and yes.”

 

“There are plenty of reasons, Seul.” Wendy starts, frowning at Seulgi’s raised brow. “Too many to count, even.”

 

“…But they’re not enough for you.”

 

Wendy winces; she should’ve seen that coming. She practically gave it to her.

 

Seulgi’s hand is warm on her shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t - I mean...”

 

“No, you’re right.” She feels Seulgi's warmth seep beneath her fingertips. “I - um, I sometimes wonder why it's her and not you, too.” Wendy thinks back on one of the questions Seulgi had asked herself, “You're both similar: kind, sweet, caring, playful – you two even look alike, sometimes. It's kind of terrifying.”

 

“What makes us different, then?”

 

Wendy smiles, wringing her hands together. She thinks of Joohyun and Seulgi and how much she loves them the same - yet still so different.

 

One has her heart and the other one doesn't.

 

“Why not Joy?”

 

Seulgi’s silence is all she needs to hear.

 

“…Can we sing our song together, tomorrow?” Seulgi’s shuffling her feet, fiddling with her sleeves like the nerves won’t stop shaking along her bones.

 

Out of all the things she expects Seulgi to say, it certainly wasn’t that.

 

Wendy tilts her head. “Why?”

 

“It's just - we never got to. I mean, we did, but it wasn't exactly, well, planned. Or happy.” Seulgi stretches the cuffs, “And I think it would help. Like putting everything to rest.”

 

She smiles. Seulgi's been waiting for her duet partner for far too long already.

 

Wendy takes her hands, holding them. “I'd be happy to.”

 

She knows Seulgi wants more than just a song to be hers, but her voice is all she can give.

 

She can't give her heart when it's already Joohyun's.

 

“Four minutes and five seconds, then.”

 

Wendy frowns. “What?”

 

“I'll be in love with you for four minutes and five seconds. That's how long our song is.” Seulgi grins, the brightest Wendy's ever seen. “I hope you don't mind. I'll stop when our song ends.”

 

Laughter follows Seulgi's smile, not as fleeting as all the other times she's tried to pretend in front of her.

 

It's the happiest she's seen.

 

Wendy joins in, giggling. “Okay.”

 

-

 

“So, what would you like?”

 

Irene watches Yerim weave through rows of makeup: lipsticks, eyeshadow, foundation - anything that looked pretty, Yerim would test them out.

 

Irene sees the quirk of her lips, the bright glaze in her eyes, the way her feet skips for the next pretty thing. She remembers how she fell in love with every little bit of her.

 

“This one!”

 

How excitement coats Yerim’s skin with that toothy smile; Irene feels like she’s watching a movie reel of a time she barely thinks about, anymore.

 

“That’s…” Irene pauses, sighing at the pricetag because of course Yerim would choose the most expensive set of eyeshadows. “...a lot of zeros.”

 

“Too bad they’re not at the front, huh.” Yerim’s smirk twinkles, the tiny bit of white peeking between her lips has mischief embedded into them that Irene doesn’t need to see her wiggling brows, too. “So? What do you say?”

 

She groans. It could’ve been worse, really. Irene hums, gaze shifting towards a set filled with various shades of red; they look pretty.

 

“Want to add in new shades of lipstick, too?”

 

As soon as the words escape her lips, Irene wants nothing more than to take them back, catch them before they reach Yerim’s ears and swallow them deep until every letter is gone. It’s terrifying to see the syllables sink in Yerim’s head, settle there and adjust the gears to control her expression, her limbs - even her energy.

 

The glow in her eyes dim, her smile growing smaller. Apologies line up behind Irene’s mouth.

 

Happiness belongs on Yerim’s skin.

 

“Yerim, I’m sorry, I didn't mean—”

 

Warmth grips her wrist, hushing the words on her tongue.

 

“I know. It’s okay,” Yerim tucks copper behind her ear, “...I’m not looking for anything new, just yet. I still love this one.”

 

Yerim’s lips curl up wider, as if to muster up even a fraction of happiness she had walked in with. Irene recognizes the color Yerim's currently wearing; the same shade of red they shared their first kiss with under the rain.

 

(“I should've made you wear that red lipstick,” Yerim's whisper still sounds clear in her head, even if it's been summers ago.

 

“Well, you are, aren't you?” Irene remembers her laughter; bright, and way too happy. “I'll probably be wearing it too, at this rate.”

 

“...Oldie.”)

 

“How about this one?”

 

Yerim's twirled around to the other side of the aisle, hands settled on a package of eyeshadows and eyeliners wrapped up with a pink bow.

 

“As long as you want it, Yerim.”

 

She receives a giant grin and a pair of smiling eyes, watching her skip towards the cashier; though Irene knows it's more so she could leave a memory behind, have them no longer talk with a heavy air over their shoulders.

 

Irene’s gaze returns to the set of eyeshadows filled with too many zeros because of its name.

 

“Unnie, hurry up! The line is getting shorter!”

 

Yerim's waving her hand before turning back to the cashier, watches how she smiles as the sales lady dumps her set into a plastic bag.

 

Irene takes the box, ignoring Yerim’s protests when she pays for both, and nudges her to hold onto her presents, tells her - they're yours; my gifts to you, and ruffles Yerim’s hair because she knows how much she loves it.

 

“You really didn't have to,”

 

She pulls up her umbrella, shielding them from spring rain, yanking Yerim closer with an arm over her shoulders.

 

“I told you. Anything you want.”

 

She'll make up for all the zeros with her new job, anyway.

 

“…You already know what I want.”

 

Whispered under a breath, fleeting like moments they used to share. It passes over Irene’s eyes, gaze flicking through memory films, biting back her tongue and keeping her lips shut.

 

She knows Yerim didn’t mean to let her hear them, so she pretends she didn’t, letting the moment trickle into nothing.

 

-

 

Joy’s used to falling down for Seulgi.

 

Always, she falls at her voice, at her smile, at her touch - a friendly pat, a teasing nudge, a lighthearted slap - Joy's used to feeling weak; bruises on her knees and battered heart.

 

Her skin’s scabbed and knocked on blue, yellow, green, purple - it's been awhile since she'd last had them be anything but splotches of colors that don't match her Converse shoes.

 

Pathetic that she still crawls towards someone who will never look her way.

 

“You're wet.”

 

Joy wasn't planning on sweeping her floors with paper towels, much less letting in a woman drenched from head-to-toe. Exceptions are for Yeri and Joohyun, of course.

 

But here Seulgi is, ruining every simple rule she's made for herself.

 

“Yeah, um, it's raining.”

 

Joy rolls her eyes. “Obviously.” She shifts her weight on one foot, “And you didn't bother bringing an umbrella?”

 

Seulgi fiddles with the ends of her sleeves, water squeezing between her fingers, droplets crashing against her floor.

 

“...I didn't know it was going to rain, today.”

 

Joy shouldn't be surprised. Not with all the constant stupidity that leaves Seulgi's mouth, entering her ears, dropping plaque everywhere. She thought she'd be deaf by now.

 

She sighs into a hand. “You don't check the weather, do you.”

 

“...No,” Seulgi's sheepish, rubbing her arms, water flitting out of her sleeves. “They're not always right…”

 

“And I'm not always nice, yet here we are.”

 

It's blunt and rude and totally uncalled for, but Seulgi's in her home again and all the feelings she brings with her makes Joy's stomach churn like a cacophony of bile rising up . It's the worst.

 

“...Thanks, Joy.”

 

Paired with a smile Joy knows she's absolutely weak for - how tragic. She shouldn't be giving Seulgi any more ammo, but who was she kidding; she gave her an endless supply the moment her heart was left open for her.

 

“Just—” Joy drags a hand down her face, wonders how long it’ll take before her heart breaks. “Just stay still so I don’t need to clean up more than I already have to. I’ll get you a towel and dry clothes to wear.”

 

-

 

Irene's forgotten how nice it is to just be walking under the rain holding Chinese take-out with Yerim beside her.

 

Hopefully Sooyoung will appreciate the extra servings of chicken she asked for.

 

“Fabric Softener!”

 

Irene grunts at a weight bumping into her legs, something tiny but nonetheless strong, wrapped snug around her knees.

 

Yerim's mouth opens and closes, confusion drawn over the wrinkles on her forehead.

 

“...Fabric Softener?” Yerim parrots, questions no doubt lining up in her head.

 

Irene readjusts her grip on the umbrella, making sure it shields the three of them; that short blonde hair looks way too familiar.

 

“...Hi?” Irene yelps at warm giggles pressing into her jeans, tiny arms holding on tighter to her poor legs. “Where are your parents?”

 

She's starting to think her parents (or guardians) aren't doing a good job of keeping the child under proper supervision. She shouldn't be getting used to seeing the kid alone.

 

“They're shopping,”

 

Yerim's not as calm. “They left you?”

 

“No,” she looks up, brows furrowed. “I left them.”

 

“That's not any better!”

 

Irene winces at Yerim’s voice, catching the little girl jump - no doubt fear coloring her lips, how they quiver with eyes frantic to look anywhere else but at Yerim.

 

She passes the umbrella so Yerim will have something to distract herself with instead of being too sharp. Yerim's always been the closest with her younger sisters; her outburst isn't a surprise.

 

She crouches to be at eye-level with bright pairs of brown.

 

“You should be with them,” Irene pats the girl's head, help soothe the jitters she sees in her arms, recalling the name Seulgi had called her by. “They might be scared right now because they don't know where you are, Tae-Tae.”

 

Tae-Tae pouts, shuffling her feet, head down; blonde tresses pool over her shoulders.

 

Irene rubs her arm. “Didn't they tell you not to talk to strangers?”

 

“Of course,” Irene almost falls backwards from a lunge, tiny arms securing themselves around her neck. “They told me not to hug them too, or take candy from them.”

 

Yerim snorts. “Looks like you don't even need the candy, unnie.”

 

Irene chuckles, rubbing the little girl's back, feeling blonde strands tickle her skin.

 

“But you're hugging one right now. I could be bad, you know.” She says, feels the little girl squeeze tighter.

 

Tae-Tae’s voice is muffled. “Anyone who smells like my favorite fabric softener can't be bad.”

 

Irene laughs. It’s cute, albeit, a little troubling if it were anyone else, massaging lines against a small back.

 

Yerim smirks. “Oh god, they just keep getting younger with you, unnie.”

 

Irene rolls her eyes. “You sound just like Sooyoung,”

 

“Only better.”

 

Tae-Tae’s shifting back, tucking blonde behind her ear. “Does she have a ‘Wendy’, too?”

 

Irene blinks, lips parted to speak but nothing comes out.

 

Yerim her head. “Me? Have a ‘Wendy’?”

 

“Yeah,” Tae-Tae grins, gesturing to herself, then her. “I have one, and Fabric Softener has one, so you should too!”

 

Irene doesn't know what to say.

 

Yerim's lips tighten, pulled back as if to chew on words going rampant behind . It isn't hard to tell that she's struck a nerve; what they used to be is still fresh, old wounds that take too long to heal.

 

“A ‘Wendy’ would be nice,” a smile breaks through her face, “but I'm already happy with my ‘Joohyun’.”

 

“What's a ‘Joohyun’?”

 

Yerim crouches like she's telling a secret, a hand curved to her lips.

 

“They smell like fabric softener,”

 

Tae-Tae’s eyes light up, tiny arms circling around her shoulders again. It feels like affection could burst her heart open with how much it fills her chest up.

 

“Oh! So I have a ‘Joohyun’, too?”

 

Irene watches Yerim laugh.

 

“Yeah, you do.”

 

“Yay!”

 

It's not until she hears the stomps of footfalls and the splash of rain puddles that small arms finally loosen around her.

 

Two adults looking frazzled and panicked and relieved all at once speak gibberish, puffing out breaths and frantic thank you so much, we're sorry for the trouble, before Tae-Tae’s waving her goodbye; her cheeky smile the only thing that lights up amidst gray rain.

 

Yerim straightens up to a stand, dusting auburn off her shoulder.

 

“She’s cute. Reminds me of my little sisters.” She pauses, passing the umbrella back. “...They miss you.”

 

Irene pats down her knees, readjusts her grip so they stay safe under a black shield, feet moving towards Sooyoung’s home, again.

 

“I miss them, too.”

 

“You should buy them those Barbies they love so much,” Yerim chuckles, shifting closer when a gust picks up. “The ones you gave them a while back have their dresses ripped.”

 

“I should,” Irene glances at a toy store just around the corner, “you won't mind if we take a little detour, do you?”

 

Yerim laughs, shaking her head, knows by how she jumps for the next topic that she’d rather say anything else but what they’ve already talked about with a little girl.

 

(“A ‘Wendy’ would be nice, but I'm already happy with my ‘Joohyun’.”)

 

Irene didn't think Yerim would say it so openly.

 

“I am happy, by the way.” Yerim doesn't look at her, facing forward like the drizzle of gray keeps her focused. “I mean, it’s not like you're gone; you're still here. And I still have you. Even if it doesn't mean the same way I want it to.”

 

She doesn't get to say anything in return when Yerim skips forward, twirling under the rain and splashing into puddles looking exactly the same way she did those years ago at the bus stop, her laughter dancing along to every drop of plop, plop, plop.

 

Irene knows when Yerim wants a conversation to end, so she lets her. No use digging through scabs they’ve already gotten over.

 

She smiles at the yelp Yerim squeaks out, watching her pat down the soaked cuffs of her jeans; she believes her.

 

Yerim always looked her best when she was happy, and that was all Irene could see.

 

-

 

When Seulgi walked through her door, she didn't look like pain.

 

Ironic that it's the only constant thing Joy feels when it comes to her.

 

“You're so quiet,” Seulgi says between munching her Pringles and fiddling with Joy's sweater. For someone who's normally not into taking up personal space, it’s all Seulgi's been doing, lately. “It's not like you to be this quiet.”

 

Joy covers a laugh with the end of her sleeve, hiding behind cotton and polyester and hopes it's not too obvious she's flustered at the truth.

 

“And it's not like you to be this touchy,” she prods Seulgi's elbow, nudges her away. “Just focus on your Pringles.”

 

There’s something different about Seulgi.

 

Joy can’t tell if it’s because her hair is down instead of the usual messy bun, or that she’s wearing her clothes, or if it’s in her steps - like they’re a little lighter to carry and Seulgi’s been doing nothing but hopping around in them all day.

 

She just seems off; as if she were stuck in a world tipped over its axis, and this Seulgi was someone else.

 

Joy considers purchasing a pair of chains and weights so Seulgi won’t go skipping around and make her head spin in circles, but Seulgi's boisterous energy is rubbing off on her and it's admittedly addicting.

 

“You seem…jolly,”

 

The word tastes foreign on Joy's tongue, but it's the closest thing in her dictionary to describe the anomaly squeezed beside her.

 

Seulgi shifts closer as if to close up the distance Joy’s still trying to make.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Another loud bite to her chips; her munches obnoxious and piercing like gunshots in her ears. It cracks Joy’s focus, her gaze returning to a mouth speckled with crumbs and a bewitching shade of pink that's too kissable.

 

Crap.

 

“Clean your mouth, geez.” Joy ignores the voice in her head telling her to dive in, clean it up for her – taste all that pink. “You’re making a mess.”

 

She's never seen Seulgi this close. And since when did her living room’s lighting give such a nice shade of topaz over Seulgi's skin? There are nice flecks of brown in her eyes, now that she could see them better. And oh, it's actually quite pretty with the way topaz hits them from the side just like that—

 

“Joy?”

 

She jerks backwards, bumping the back of her head against the arm of her couch, the loud thud mixing in with her groan.

 

Seulgi peers over her, tresses of her hair cascading down her shoulders, tickling Joy's neck.

 

Joy hisses at the throbbing still wracking her skull, the gentle massage of foreign fingers against her head easing a bit of the pain.

 

“You okay?”

 

Seulgi’s breath tickles her cheek; it's enough for Joy to forget about the embarrassment of hurting herself when there's a bigger danger looming right above her.

 

Joy kicks her off.

 

“Ow!” Seulgi lands somewhere on the floor, Joy doesn't know where - not when she'd rather take in lungfuls of air and steady her heart. “What was that for?”

 

Joy grips her chest. “You were in my personal space,”

 

“As if you weren't intruding on my personal space, first.”

 

Oh. Right. She managed to get a better look at her unfairly pretty brown eyes.

 

Seulgi crawls back up on the couch, rubbing her stomach, the creases on her shirt no longer carrying the imprint of her foot.

 

Joy won't apologize for it. If anything, it should be Seulgi. Her heart's more fragile than a wrinkly shirt.

 

“Hey, are you sure you're okay?”

 

Seulgi's back to taking up space next to her, their thighs melting heat together, scarring warmth deeper into her skin. God, she shouldn't have worn shorts. Better yet, she shouldn't have even given Seulgi shorts.

 

Joy in a breath, shutting her eyes and willing her heart to stop pounding her eardrums. Seulgi's rubbing her back and it's really not helping.

 

“You're getting kind of red,” worry seeps into her ears, feels movement shift to cradle her cheek; Joy's terrified of what she'll see when she opens her eyes. “Joy, you're scaring me. Are you sick? Why do you feel so warm? Should I take you to the doctor’s?”

 

Joy just wants her to shut up.

 

She catches Seulgi's gasp, orange filling her lungs, tangling her hand between tresses Joy never imagined she'd get to feel.

 

Seulgi's fingers slip from her cheek but Joy keeps them there, holding her hand and hopes this kiss explains every open secret she's kept to herself.

 

And how much this crush has been her personal hell.

 

“...I-I – Joy?”

 

Her name is all it takes to snap her out of a trance she didn't want to leave, jolting up and away from a woman who still has her heart.

 

The floor feels crooked beneath her feet.

 

“I-I'm sorry,” Joy staggers back, away from the very thing that has screwed her over for the past few years she's been fine. “I shouldn't have - god, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I kissed you. I'm sorry.”

 

Joy's apologies come out scrambled like she couldn't get the words out fast enough.

 

Their kiss still ghosts over her lips.

 

Seulgi grabs her wrist.

 

“I'm not.” Seulgi’s yanking her back in with words she’s only ever wished for, “I'm not sorry, Joy. And I really hope you don't mean that, or else we might have a problem.” Seulgi stuns Joy to a stop, frozen under her smile. “I'm not ready to have my heart broken again right after fixing it.”

 

Joy stares at pearly whites and crescent eyes and thinks— none of it is true. It can't be.

 

She's not stupid enough to play this game.

 

“Don't joke like this, it isn't funny.”

 

Seulgi’s smile curves down, a frown that doesn't fit her lips - not when Joy prefers it curled up, bright and happy.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Joy wants to smack the ignorance off Seulgi's face.

 

“Just because you know that I like you, it doesn't mean you have to like me back.” It's textbook knowledge - it's almost as obvious as Seulgi's googly eyes towards Wendy. “You're not obligated to like me back.”

 

Seulgi’s frown digs deeper, voice raised higher. “I'm not—”

 

Joy's tired of hoping.

 

“Because I swear,” her finger jabs into the edge of Seulgi’s shoulder, “if you're just saying you like me to make me feel better, or to feel less guilty about not feeling the same way at all, then you're the worst.”

 

“Joy—”

 

“Shut up!” She tries to swallow as much anger as she could, but it’s still rising up . “Just— stop. Don’t bother lying to me. I don't want to be in love with someone who's the worst.”

 

For all of the fire that's left , Seulgi's still standing.

 

She's not scrambling away, she's not afraid like Joy wishes she'd be, and it just makes her heart run faster and beat for hope that shouldn't be there.

 

Stupid monolid-smiling-moon eyes.

 

Soft fingers cradle her cheek. “…Can I be your tomorrow? And not just for today?”

 

Joy’s startled at the calm she isn’t used to hearing, her words thrown back at her, sinking in, Seulgi's touch melting comfort into her skin.

 

Time always seems to stop with Seulgi’s smile.

 

“I mean it, Joy.”

 

Her heart grows louder, pounding harder when Seulgi’s breath tickles ; orange returning to fill up her lungs.

 

Joy's eyes fall shut, closing for a touch she isn't just dreaming of.

 

Seulgi's not a ghost on her lips, anymore.

 

-

 

Wendy makes it to her four o’clock vocal lesson with Taeyeon.

 

She spots Taeyeon by the stack of vinyl records, tapping fingers against the pile in rhythm to her singing, her body swaying in beat to the music in her head.

 

Her coworker greets her by the register, jacket in hand. Wendy clocks in as she’s clocking out, waving her goodbye, the door chiming her leave.

 

Taeyeon’s great company all on her own.

 

“What would you like to practice, today?” She settles next to her, smiling at Taeyeon’s frown; she's even cuter when she's thinking.

 

“Anything,”

 

Wendy hums, watching tiny feet tap to a beat she can't hear.

 

(“...Can we sing our song together, tomorrow?”)

 

An idea pops into her head. She's sure Seulgi wouldn't mind; she knows she loves Taeyeon just as much as she does.

 

“Would you like to sing with Seulgi and I, tomorrow?”

 

“Oh!” Taeyeon tilts her head, bright eyes peering up at her. “For Beargi? Is it a surprise, again?”

 

Wendy blinks, a flash of words that sounds too similar to an old conversation worming its way into her head.

 

(“Would you like to sing with Seulgi and I, tomorrow?”

 

“Oh! For Beargi? Is it a surprise?”)

 

Wendy freezes up. It's back.

 

She musters a bigger smile just so Taeyeon can't hear the shock in her voice.

 

“...That’s right.”

 

Taeyeon jumps into her arms, a hug that's crushing enough to momentarily forget that a memory just came back to haunt her.

 

“I can't wait!” Wendy recognizes this scenario; the familiarity terrifyingly crushing. “I was so sad when we couldn't. I practiced really hard, you know?”

 

Shaky fingers pat Taeyeon’s back, her heart hammering at the new image she hadn't been made aware of.

 

She had the same idea as before?

 

Wendy swallows the nerves in . “...Me too.”

 

-

 

Kissing Seulgi hadn't been on her mind. As far as she knew, it wasn't even an option.

 

But she did and even when Seulgi already left for work, Joy still can't bring herself to leave the couch.

 

Did that really happen?

 

Joy jumps at a knock on her door, heart drumming for the silly possibility that it'd be Seulgi. It shouldn't be, not when she complained about already being late.

 

She pulls it open to find two of the three people she loves most.

 

“Joohyun unnie? Yeri? What are you two doing here?” Joy pauses, gaze flickering between them. “And together, no less.”

 

Yeri rolls her eyes. “To hang out, obviously.”

 

Joohyun's more polite, raising a hand; a plastic bag hangs from her fingers.

 

“We haven't had a proper get together for a long time with just the three of us.” She shrugs, “We figured you wouldn't mind. Besides, you haven't really told us how you've been. We're here to listen.”

 

Yeri scoffs. “You make me sound nice, Irene unnie.”

 

“Scratch that. I'm here to listen.”

 

“Wha— you can't take that back, unnie!”

 

Joy watches them bicker, blinking at images of happiness that’s been rare to see; she hopes it never disappears. She won't tell them, not out loud at least, and especially not with words, about how much she loves this - and how much she loves them.

 

“We all know it's my special day and that I should be the center of attention, but...” Yeri flicks her hair over her shoulder, “We know we haven't been very good at keeping you company, and really, things just, well, got super messy and complicated, so—”

 

Joohyun intercepts her rambling, clearly fed up with the circles Yeri keeps making.

 

“We're using Yerim's birthday as an excuse to see you just in case you don't want to see us.”

 

Yeri huffs, turning her head. “We’re making you feel obligated. Basically.”

 

“What she means is,” Joohyun rakes her hair back, “we're here for you, Sooyoung.”

 

How devious. Just like herself.

 

Joy’s not sure if she should feel proud or frustrated to have friends be as horrible as her.

 

One thing's for sure, though. When they work together, they work too well.

 

She grabs armfuls of them, ignores their yelps and snuggles in the comfort of knowing she's with her two best friends, grinning when they groan about the lack of space and how much of a giant she is.

 

They might as well get used to her arms because it's not like her bed was made to fit three people.

 

“Losers,” Joy makes sure they're all squished together, squeezing them in. “Finally done being drama queens so now you both get to spend hours spoiling me with all the love and affection that I've wasted on you two; I can't wait.”

 

Yeri pushes a palm against her cheek as if to escape, but it does nothing but make an indent the shape of her hand on Joy's skin.

 

“We all know the real drama queen is you.” Yeri wriggles in her grip, “Ugh. You're so needy.”

 

She isn't wrong. Joy’s always needed them; craved for their attention, their approval, their support. They're her pillars; she wouldn't be able to stand if they weren't around - even if they were both tragically short.

 

So when Yeri and Joohyun had their fall out, Joy hated that both foundations were crumbling and she couldn't do anything but watch and hope that they could stand, again.

 

Joy wouldn't trade them for anything else.

 

Joohyun's patting her back, her voice muffled against Joy's sweater.

 

“...Thanks for always being there, Sooyoung.”

 

God, does Joohyun still hold the switch to the waterworks? Joy thought she drowned it when she yanked Joohyun into the tub with her.

 

“Hey, um…” Joy buries her face in Joohyun's and Yeri's shoulders, feels them both hum in response like clockwork. “...Can we have a sleepover? Just the three of us?”

 

Now that things have calmed down a little, away from the usual dreary atmosphere and double conversations b with too many secrets and not enough locks to keep them hidden, Joy wants them to just cuddle and talk about everything and nothing.

 

She wants to fall asleep when the sun rises and wake up huddled together in blankets too stuffy with legs and arms and hair tangled all over the place that it wouldn’t even be comfortable, anymore.

 

Joohyun's rubbing circles on her back, her voice soft against Joy's ear.

 

“Sure.”

 

Yeri's not as sweet, but she's just as giving.

 

“Whatever, you big loser.”

 

-

 

Wendy comes home wondering how long it’ll take before she gets to kiss Joohyun, again.

 

She stares at the wristwatch, the tip of her finger tapping against the dial. It’s familiar and comfortable - and something she no longer needs. Except to check the time.

 

(“This store isn’t kidding when it says ‘Build-a-Bigger-Bear’,”)

 

The past is trickling in; slowly, and not as often or at once, but it’s enough. And still painful; even nerve-racking. At least things sort of make sense, even if she hadn’t questioned them in the first place.

 

(“Yeah, the smallest size happens to be one of the largest sizes that our competition has - everyone wants them bigger.”

 

“Like you?”

 

“I-I um, sort of? I-I meant the size, you know, not – um, not me…”)

 

So that was how she met Seulgi.

 

Chuckles breeze past . She should’ve known that their friendship started based off of playful banter. How cute.

 

Wendy jumps at the vibration in her pocket, blinking away happy pictures in her head for the happiness she already has, grinning at the name she’s saved for Joohyun ever since she saw hers.

 

Home.

 

“Hyun?”

 

“Hey, Wan.” Joohyun’s voice melts every part of her, how comfortable their nicknames roll off their tongues. “Is it okay if I sleep over at Sooyoung’s tonight for Yerim's birthday?” There's cackling and laughter in the background, “I don't have to, though. I already miss you.”

 

They sound happy; she doesn’t want to disrupt what’s been so rare for Joohyun.

 

Guess she won’t get to kiss her until tomorrow.

 

“It's okay,” she fiddles with the watch, “you shouldn't just spend time with your girlfriend, you know. Friends are just as important.”

 

Even if all Wendy wants is to have Joohyun home.

 

“Are you sure?” Joohyun's voice takes on a playful tone, “And ‘girlfriend’? I wasn't aware we were calling each other that, now.”

 

“I'm sure, and yes. Girlfriend.” Wendy picks at the buckle, words tapering off. “...That’s what we are, aren't we...?”

 

Joohyun speaks lower, her syllables coming out clearer; Wendy could imagine her pressing the phone closer to her ear, as if to make sure she won't mishear it.

 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Seungwan.” She pauses, “Other than wives, but we’ll have to get married, first.”

 

Wendy laughs, feeling even warmer with Joohyun’s chuckles slipping into her ear.

 

She feels oddly emotional tonight. But nothing sad - more nostalgic, and eager for a future with Joohyun.

 

“I…” she doesn't know why it’s hard to say it; maybe it's too close to her heart, “...I just, I mean, I think I...”

 

Just say it. Tell her. It isn't hard. Come on.

 

Wendy shuts her eyes, gritting her teeth, tightening her hold on the phone. Joohyun's already said it; why can't she?

 

“I know.”

 

Joohyun always seems to understand what she doesn't say.

 

“...But I—” Wendy swallows, moistens . “Joohyun, I just - I want to tell you that I...”

 

The syllables dissipate off her tongue even when it’s already spelled out, just waiting to tumble - be heard. Just three words. That’s all it takes.

 

She didn’t think saying I love you would be harder than listening to all the noises in her head.

 

“Then tell me in person,” she could hear a smile in Joohyun’s voice, “Because I want to see your face when I say it again, too.”

 

Wendy trips on air, heart on fire. She shouldn’t have been pacing back and forth; now even her feet burns from the carpet. 

 

She feels like taking it back. She doesn't want Joohyun to sleep over; not when she talks like this. She wants to hold her, kiss her, touch her, feel her—

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then?”

 

She could take it back; have Joohyun come home and cuddle with her all night long. Joohyun even said she wouldn't mind.

 

More laughter squeezes into her ears, paired with a pop of plastic and a horror movie that has more screams than she’d like to count - and the undeniable affection in Yeri and Joy’s voices; Joohyun unnie, what’s taking you so long? The movie’s already started!

 

Wendy grips the phone tighter.

 

“...Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow.”

 

Joohyun chuckles, her heart sounding lighter lately that Wendy can't bring herself to be selfish. It's just for one night. She could do this.

 

“Okay,” There’s shuffling, mixed in with more giggles and squeals in the background. “Hey, cut it out, you two. You’re wrecking the bed.” Joohyun’s stern and soft and it has Wendy missing her more. “Goodnight, Wan-ah.”

 

She slumps against the couch’s armrest, drooping into the cushion like all the energy left her along with her goodnight.

 

Wendy shuts her eyes. “Goodnight, Hyun.”

 

(“U-Uh, I kind of, well, followed her here, and um – overheard everything, so I thought, er – blue dress?”)

 

So Seulgi’s the one who gave her teddy bear the blue dress.

 

Wendy curls up against the cushions. To think Joohyun had been the one to take care of it - how ironic.

 

Guess it'll just be her and the noises, tonight.

 

-

 

Seulgi's used to waking up with sadness right next to her.

 

So when it's no longer her shadow, free from cuffs that don’t make her feet drag across the floor, Seulgi feels lost - stumbling on steps too light that sometimes, she misses the weights that tied her down.

 

“There,”

 

Seulgi stares at the picture frames she's rearranged. She replaced a few of the old pictures she took with her Wendy for newer ones.

 

Their walk at the park, their short detour at a coffee shop - if she didn't know any better, she would've thought the two Wendy's were the same.

 

They sort of are: the way one eye scrunches up more than the other when she smiles, her cute dimple, how she hides behind her shoulder when she's embarrassed - she behaves just like her Wendy.

 

But she knows better, now. And it's okay. It doesn't really hurt anymore.

 

She prepares a table for two, glancing at the clock above the kitchen counter; ten minutes before Wendy arrives to sing their song together.

 

Lunch wasn't difficult to make; she actually managed to learn a few things from Joy.

 

Other than the fact that Joy's lips are as soft as they look.

 

“Now, what else…”

 

It's weird. It’s almost like she was preparing for a date, except it was so she could finally have things come to an end.

 

Seulgi didn’t think there'd come a point where she could imagine herself without Wendy. Much less feel better about it. But she could, now – even when she’s asleep.

 

She’s glad.

 

Joy takes up most of her dreams instead of the usual walks down memory lane, even before she had her long awaited talk with Wendy.

 

She doesn't imagine holding hands and eating out with someone who was never really hers, anymore.

 

Seulgi looks back at the clock; five minutes left.

 

She jumps at a text.

 

(Okay, I'm coming over! We'll sing it out loud and make sure everyone knows it's our song!)

Sender: Son Seungwan Wendy

Received: 11:37:14 AM

Received: 03/06/16

 

How cruel. It feels like she's jumped back in time; Wendy still texts like her, even if it's a little more wordier.

 

Seulgi remembers what she replied with, adjusting accordingly.

 

(Then we’ll be officially over, got it? ;D)

Sender: Kang Seulgi

Received: 11:37:40 AM

Received: 03/06/16

 

Her laugh tastes bittersweet on her tongue. She never imagined she could joke about what they didn't get to be.

 

(Got it. :D)

Sender: Son Seungwan Wendy

Received: 11:38:50 AM

Received: 03/06/16

 

Wendy has no idea. Probably.

 

She settles into a chair, watching the clouds float by through her window. Odd. She feels good, even when it's basically a repeat of that fateful day.

 

She doesn't feel restless; there's no shrill urge to look for Wendy; no panic surging up her chest, screaming at her legs to move. She's in no rush.

 

Seulgi shuts her eyes; she could wait.

 

Joy's kiss is a delightful memory to look back to, anyway.

 

-

 

“You're home already, Hyun-ah?”

 

“Yeah,” Wendy swears it sounds like a whine, “I wanted to surprise you and wake you up with morning kisses, but you're not even here.”

 

She chuckles, readjusts her hold on the phone, linking her free hand with Taeyeon’s. The music shop's door closes behind her.

 

“Should've left earlier, then.” Wendy could imagine a pout on Joohyun's lips, hears her grunt. “I’m sorry, I had a vocal lesson scheduled for this morning.”

 

There's a crackle of plastic. “Don't apologize, Wan. It's okay. There’ll be plenty of mornings to kiss you awake, anyway.”

 

Wendy hates that her skin still flushes even when Joohyun isn't saying it to her face.

 

“Tonight, then.” Her heart picks up at the thought, “Kiss me goodnight.”

 

Joohyun's giggles are divine.

 

“Always.”

 

She laughs with her, tells her she’ll see her in time for dinner before ending the call, Joohyun’s See you later drawing warmth into her ear.

 

She twists the key in the knob, makes sure it clicks to a lock before stepping towards the direction of Seulgi's house, Taeyeon’s fingers secured between hers.

 

“‘Hyun’? Like a ‘Joohyun’? You have a ‘Joohyun’, too?”

 

Wendy frowns. “Who told you that?”

 

“Fabric Softener’s friend,”

 

For all the accuracy Taeyeon spouts with her vocal riffs and runs, she's lost her on this one.

 

“Um, okay…?” Wendy pauses at a crosswalk, looks for something else to talk about. “Well, are you excited?”

 

“Yes! I can finally sing with you and Beargi!” Taeyeon’s bouncing on her toes, “Can we walk that way, too? Like before? I want to see the park, again.”

 

Wendy doesn't know what she's referring to, but with the glee on Taeyeon’s face, lips spread into a grin, she can't bring herself to say no.

 

“Sure,”

 

She lets Taeyeon lead the way, their hands tangled together. For such a little girl, she sure has a lot of strength to drag her around.

 

She listens to her hum the song they'll be singing with Seulgi, reminds her that she should at least let Seulgi know they're on their way.

 

Wendy presses in the keys before hitting send.

 

(Okay, I'm coming over! We'll sing it out loud and make sure everyone knows it's our song!)

Sender: Son Seungwan Wendy

Received: 11:37:14 AM

Received: 03/06/16

 

Hopefully Seulgi will love the surprise of having one more join them.

 

(Then we’ll be officially over, got it? ;D)

Sender: Kang Seulgi

Received: 11:37:40 AM

Received: 03/06/16

 

She laughs; she didn't think Seulgi would joke like that. It's nice.

 

(Got it. :D)

Sender: Son Seungwan Wendy

Received: 11:38:50 AM

Received: 03/06/16

 

She reaches for Taeyeon’s hand again, shoving her phone back in her bag.

 

“Look! There it is!”

 

Wendy stumbles to keep up, chest pounding as they round a corner, tiny steps skipping ahead.

 

Her fingers slip. “W-Wait, Tae-Tae, slow down!”

 

Taeyeon’s giggles mix in with the sound of screeching tires, feels her heart drop the moment small feet freeze up in front of a moving car; the floor tremors under its weight. Her legs burn to move. Faster, faster, faster.

 

All that matters is Taeyeon.

 

Wendy lunges forward.

 

“Taeyeon!”

 

She shoves her just as her legs give out, hopes the scrapes on Taeyeon’s hands and knees aren't too deep, twisting in time to see what will be her last memory.

 

A blinding white light.

 

(“Could you give me the lyrics to that song later? I want to sing it with you,”

 

“Sure, but can I at least confess to you with it first?”)

 

Wendy stumbles along the pavement, tripping on nothing but air and her pounding heart.

 

(“I don't really like noises - like, you know...those ‘ticks’ and ‘clicks’ sounds; my house always had noisy locks even when they were new.”)

 

As soon as one memory pops up, more comes crashing through, tumbling down until it swallows her and covers her vision with a slot of things she couldn't place.

 

(“Coffee again, Seul? I bet you taste like it now too - what with your obsession every morning.”

 

“But it’s good! Keeps me awake and all, and besides, wouldn't you like to know?”

 

“I would, actually.”)

 

Didn't she have that same conversation with Joohyun?

 

Wendy holds her head, braces for impact with every memory film she can't stop from seeing; hears every inch of syllables like phantom worming into her ears.

 

(“Why do you look at me like that, Seul?”

 

“What?”

 

“Easy, Seul. You're so jumpy. I was just wondering; do you look at everyone else like that? Or just me?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like a love letter?”)

 

Tears color her eyes, mists over the next set of pictures that she doesn't get to forget.

 

(“I know.”

 

A kiss on her knuckles, “I know,”

 

Lips on her cheek, “I know.”

 

Warmth spreads against her jaw. “But I love you, Seungwan.”)

 

She could still feel Joohyun’s words etch the corner of her lips.

 

(“I told you, didn't I? Don't apologize for being my priority.”)

 

It's almost funny. She had wanted to remember everything - finally clear up hazes that once fluttered her mind, lingered along her limbs. But she never really considered what would happen if she did.

 

Wendy crumbles on emotions too many to count, knees scraping against cement, but nothing hurts more than the memories now plaguing her head.

 

She remembers all the things she’s forgotten – every touch, every smell, every taste, every sound, every image, every moment.

 

All she wants to do is cry.

 

“...Are you okay?”

 

Wendy feels tiny hands circle around her, holding her close, a gentle pressure rubbing her scalp.

 

Taeyeon.

 

She opens her eyes, peers over small shoulders to see nothing but an empty road.

 

There was no car.

 

But she remembers the time when there was.

 

It feels like it was just yesterday when she had shoved Taeyeon away from a speeding car; how panic had surged every limb in her body to move, get her to safety, faster faster faster.

 

Wendy sobs into Taeyeon's white dress, seeping to stain soft fabric, swallowing up her tears as if to disappear - but they're still there.

 

She remembers the feeling of being hit, how pain had been the only thing on her mind, how her ears continued to ring, the shriek of tires fading away to be replaced with sobs and the frantic touch of tiny hands clutching her sleeve.

 

But she did it. She did it. She did it. She did it.

 

Taeyeon's safe. She's okay. That was all that mattered.

 

“Oh thank god you’re okay! You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.” Wendy’s hands tremble along Taeyeon’s dress, patting her arms down, her legs, her face – as if the shock of the accident is still on her skin. She saved her. She really did it. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...”

 

Wendy apologizes for a lot of things: for the push she had given her today when she had mistaken memories for reality, for the mess she's leaving on Taeyeon's pretty dress, and for the image she had to leave behind for Taeyeon to see as soon as the car made impact.

 

She can't imagine how much of a wreck Taeyeon was left with.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. See?”

 

Taeyeon's tiny hands gesture her back, twirling around and showcasing her palms and legs, little bits of dirt and gravel soiling cream skin.

 

Wendy musters up a smile despite the tears prickling her eyes.

 

“My dress is a little wet, though.” Taeyeon says, stretching out the spotted area. “But I don't have tissue so you can just keep crying on me, okay?”

 

So Wendy does, pulling her in and cries until goes parched and lungs burn for air.

 

She doesn't know how long it takes for everything to settle; for the memories of past and present to stop blinking vivid images behind her eyes, how her heart pounds for every forgotten moment, but she does know one thing for sure.

 

Just because she remembers loving Seulgi, it doesn't mean she gets to forget loving Joohyun.

 

-

 

AN:

 

Yes, you’ve read it right. Wendy remembers everything. I just didn’t think it’d take almost three years to get to this point (it’s literally the ONLY idea that has stayed the same throughout the writing process so I was frustrated it was taking awhile). For those readers who have pointed out that it feels like everyone’s having their closure, yes; you’re right. They are. Which is why Wendy is back – so she can have hers, too.

 

Thank you to my beloved beta-reader @yongsowonhi, for being my eyes and for going through this update. Zhiqz, you’ve heard me say this plenty of times, but plenty isn’t enough, so thank you. Really. Thank you for taking the time to edit and mark in your thoughts and corrections that I would’ve otherwise missed completely. It means so much to me.

 

We’re actually very close to the end of this story, though I’m sure most, if not all, have probably figured that out already. I admit; the mere thought of finishing this already has me missing it.

 

Hope you all have enjoyed this update. Until next time.