When I was a young child, I wasn't scared of the dark. I wasn't scared of the big and ferocious monsters my older brother proclaimed there to be hiding under my bed, waiting for the right moment to attack. The only thing that as a kid I was afraid of, was losing my big brother. Even as a kid, I noticed how my parents fought under hushed voices or behind walls. I was aware that they weren't happy, and that slowly made me afraid of ending up with someone like my father. A violent man, or as my innocent eyes saw him, the actual monster in the house. Or my mother, a severe alcoholic with a bipolar disorder. And because of that, one night she drowned in the beverage she saw as her last hope to being happy. So, at the young age of 8, I saw my mother die. And  so, I became afraid of loving, friendships, or of developing any sort of relationship with any  another human being. I became distant, and nobody bothered to notice. Everyone but my older brother. To me he was a superhero, a light in the dark room I was trapped inside of. Which is why when my father came back from his favorite bar, profusely drunk and a with a gun in his hand, I did all I could to stop him from hurting him. I did all my tiny body could, but to no avail. And on that cold November night, I saw my brother die, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it but run away as fast as i could. My father was arrested and I was left in the custody of my grandparents. That fateful night and the many days of the many following years, I became afraid of everything. This is the story about me, Byun Baekhyun, and about how one by one, i got to know my phobias slightly better. Hopefully one day, convincing them of letting me go.                

sorry if the cover is i made it myself