Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of the metal key turning in the door lock with a click. Her body moved on its own; her long limbs dragging across the floor in an awkward manner and her body began to ache from the poor posture she’d adopted as her usual posture for her entire life. As the clicking noise grew louder, it sounded angelic to her ears; she felt a twinge of pain in the corners of her dry lips as her expression slowly changed and her heart began to beat rapidly.

"We are here to take you.”

She smiled for the first time in a long time that it hurt her cheeks.

---

"Why do you look thin? Have you been eating properly?”

She couldn’t speak.

“Honey, are you thirsty? Do you want a glass of water?”

Byulyi simply smiled.

“Dear, maybe Min is tired. Take her to her bedroom. I’ll take her luggage upstair.”

She nodded, letting her long black hair conceal her feeble smile as she reminded herself of her new name for the nth time that evening.

“Yes, I should do that. It’s okay, Min. I’ll bring dinner to your room.”

She finally showed a sign of reluctance towards her family for whom she had longed. She didn’t want to be alone again.

“I want to have dinner at the table,” she croaked.

They obliged with her wish and continued to pamper her with care until her other sibling returned from school so the family of four could have dinner together.

It was her first meal with many people and she felt complete for the first time.

—

She’d always imagined what it was like to have a sibling during her solitude. Warm, kind and fun. The first impression of her sibling, Seungwan, was nothing like that at all. The front door flew open with a loud bang and Byulyi turned to see her sister staring at her in silence before she began to cry, either mumbling or screaming her other name as she approached her for a hug. There was no in between.

Wan finally stopped after crying for nearly ten minutes and Byulyi came to love the fact one of her long sleeves was wet due to her sister’s tears.

“Don’t ever leave me again, Min.”

Byulyi couldn’t understand her younger sister’s feeling about their separation which she never experienced. She had to remind herself that there was no first time between her and her family every time she experienced a new feeling even if it was her first time.

—

“…and so, please welcome back your classmate who has returned from overseas, Son Soomin. Come in, Soomin. ”

She jerked her head slightly at the loud applause, almost retracing her steps to where she came from but she thought better of it. She entered the classroom in a timid manner, a contrast with the warm welcome from her classmates.

They kept telling her about things she never knew but she felt that she should have know. It made her feel lonelier.

She looked forward to meet Wan during class recess so she could feel right once more.

—

“Min!”

Her heart skipped a beat but it wasn’t like her first exhilarating feeling she’d experienced when the stony-faced man told her in a dull tone that she can go. She wasn’t sure why her heart began to beat rapidly for no reason and she found a way to evade the other without moving from her spot.

“Hello.” Byulyi’s quiet greeting had elicited a giggle from the girl, provoking her curiosity to steal a glance at her.

“Why are you behaving shy? Reminds me of our first meeting.”

Her eyes finally met her first friend’s eyes for the first time as she uncharacteristically gave her a toothy grin.

The girl smiled back, holding her hand out to her and Byulyi accepted it. It was warm; a different kind of warmth Byulyi came to love aside from the warmth from her family.

No more class recess in Wan’s class. She’d found someone to make her feel like everything is right.

—

“Kim Yongsun, I like you.”

Byulyi’s soft breathing hitched at the confession she wasn’t meant to hear. She hastily tugged her hood closer to her face, hoping to erase what she’d just heard and seen as she curled up into a fetal position behind the external storage shed.

She closed her eyes tightly, trying hard to think about anything to distract herself. She was good at that when she was alone. She was good at stopping tears from falling. She was supposed to be good at this.

But it was a utter failure; all she could think was Yongsun and her new boyfriend in a close embrace. It didn’t help that she had to witness the same event at a different place, at a different time.

If only she didn’t come to the roof to enjoy basking in the warm sunlight despite the cold air whenever she thought of Yongsun. Now it reminded her of her friend and her boyfriend.

Even visiting Wan’s class during recess couldn’t make her feel right. She’d begun to understand her sister’s feeling when she first met her, when Wan reunited with her.

Was this supposed to hurt?

—

Byulyi avoided Yongsun ever since the announcement of the new couple on the school campus. Her unusual behaviour didn’t go unnoticed; Yongsun had finally snapped out of her honeymoon phase with her new boyfriend and kept looking for her every chance she could get. Classroom, toilet, cafeteria, roof, gym - every possible place was left turned upside down until Byulyi was found again, sitting in a corner with the drawstring of her grey hoodie pulled down tightly which caused the hood to obscure her view.

“Min, what are you doing here?”

Her response to the question was always a flashy escape from her friend, leaving a messy trail of furniture knocked down. Byulyi swore that she’d heard her chuckle.

She wondered how Wan dealt with this throbbing pain when Min was gone.

—

Byulyi heard a rumour about her friend’s breakup. She tried to dismiss it along with other rumours about Yongsun and herself but it kept popping up throughout the day. The fifth time she heard the same rumour and another nonsensical rumour about Yongsun and herself, she waited for the chatter to quiet down and the footsteps as a sign that the gossipmongers had left for good.

When she heard the door closing, she finally found the courage to flush the toilet. She jerked her head at the sound of another toilet flushing right after she did.

“Min. I know you’re there.”

Her heart stopped at the familiar voice.

“Come out.” A sob was heard, followed by a knock on the stall in where she was. “Please.”

Byulyi remained motionless until the bell rang. When Wan came to get her after being notified by her homeroom teacher, the first thing she did before she budged from her spot was to ask Wan in a hoarse voice: “Is Yongsun still there?”

—

“You’re behaving weird. Almost like…”

Byulyi looked at her younger sister squarely, holding her breath as she expected her to approach the topic of Yongsun and the rumours circulating around in the school.

“…a different person.”

Her heart dropped.

—

If only Yongsun didn’t know Soomin, she will be alright.

Yongsun and Byulyi stopped talking to each other. From time to time, she missed her friend and when she did, she’d come to the roof in the middle of winter and hoped that the sky would clear for the sun to make its appearance. No matter how long she waited, it never appeared.

If only Seungwan didn’t look up to Soomin, she will be alright.

Wan no longer looked at Byulyi with affection like when she cried at her first appearance in their house and never left her side. She now looked at her differently and it somewhat reminded her of the stony-faced man from the past she didn’t want to remember.

If only the police never came to her house, she will be alright.

Byulyi grew apprehensive day by day after everything spiralled out of her control. She counted her blessing every breakfast and dinner where she could enjoy a warm meal with her family. She counted the fights she and Wan had over even the smallest thing and reconcilied with each other when she bought Wan junk food. She counted her days where Yongsun glanced at her in school, causing her heart to flutter for a fleeting moment before she spent the rest of her day in agony, estimating how long left she had with Yongsun even though there was a distance between them. Every night before bedtime, she would close her eyes and retrace her memories she’d created as another person so they won’t vanish from her mind too soon.

Her nightmare came earlier than she’d expected. She hoped for one last dinner with her first family, one last eye contact with her first friend, and one last stargazing session before bedtime every time she woke up from her restless slumber.

“We’re here to take you.”

She looked up to see another stony-faced man in a different uniform, a pair of handcuffs ready to place on her. It’d always been that way and she couldn’t see the way to defeat her outcome. She didn’t resist the uniformed man, closing her eyes tightly to think about her memories as the fake Son Soomin. At least they were real.

Then she heard a click as her wrists ached from the pressure of the handcuffs. It sounded devilish.