May. 

Seokjin raises his head and inhales. It smells like the last remnants of spring, the flowers lush and overripe on summer’s approaching heat.

It has been almost a month since Seokjin has first entered this town. Just like that the days have passed and even though the seasons are changing, the town itself hardly seems any different, not at least on the surface. However to Seokjin’s sharp eyes as an observer, the changes are vivid and striking.

He measures them not by the variation in weather, but by the people and when they feel most comfortable to emerge out of their homes and work places. As summer approaches and the sun shines brighter, that segment grows shorter and the people scarcer.

Seokjin doesn’t voice his observations to the other six. He’s not sure they even notice consciously and even if they did, he knows all he’ll get is averted eyes and an expression that says they cannot tell.

He knows it’s not that they don’t want to tell, well at least not with Hoseok and the kids. But it’s Yoongi and Namjoon who seem hellbent on him staying ignorant. They’ve told the others to keep their mouths shut, and Seokjin notices that on the numerous occasions where they’ve slipped, accidentally saying something more and then stopping abruptly, hands flying to their mouths and a guilty expression across their faces.

It frustrates Seokjin but he understands they must have their reason. And they’ve tried to be as helpful where they can be. They really have.

They invite him to their daily meet ups, message him nonsensical texts, show him around town, and most all, they take him to the sites of the stories.

Like today for example they’re exploring the forest that borders the edge of town. It’s overgrown bushes and trees two stories tall, earth soft beneath the soles of his shoes and air rich with the smell of mulch. Seokjin finds himself relaxing, the greenery a lovely change from the urban concrete and tar of the town.

This is the forest from the story of the boy who became a butterfly. Of all the stories Seokjin has heard so far, this one is the hardest to prove or disprove, so the others hadn’t thought to bring him here at an earlier date. They bring him here now because it’s on their way to pick up Taehyung.

As of yet in their little trek, Seokjin hasn’t spotted a single butterfly.

Behind him he can hear the chatter of Jimin and Jungkook throwing insults and jibes back and forth. He knows Yoongi is at the flank with his watchful eye on Jungkook as always. Hoseok walks side by side with him, matching his lankier legs to Yoongi’s every step as he chatters almost one-sidedly to Yoongi.

It always fascinates Seokjin just how intertwined they are with one another. When one can’t show up, the others will all go over to where he is. When another wants to do something, there will be grumbles and complaints but in the end they’ll go. It’s a sweet but also a slightly strange relationship. Overly dependent is how Seokjin thinks of it. Even the kids back home weren’t that tightly knit as these six boys are.

“So about the pool story,” Namjoon says conversationally as they walk.

His voice startles Seokjin who was lost in his thought and he startles.  

“Hey,” Namjoon says, turning and blinking at him worriedly. “You okay?”

Seokjin swallows. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Okay,” Namjoon says, not sounding entirely convinced but he lets it pass.

Seokjin thinks it’s kind of sweet how instinctively worried Namjoon is, not just to the other five boys, but to Seokjin as well, the outsider, the tourist, the new guy in town. It’s part of their intricate group dynamics, one that is being slowly but surely extended to him.

Namjoon is kind of like the leader of their little band of lost boys. He watches over the others, guiding them and helping them when they fall. He’s not terribly good at understanding the others on an emotional level but that doesn’t stop him from asking, blunt and direct and sometimes that’s what’s needed to worm out what is wrong.

Yoongi is the opposite. Where Namjoon is the type to vocalize everything, Yoongi is the kind to notice but not ask.  His methods are more silent, more watchful but equally as caring as Namjoon’s. As a result he appears rough on the outside but he’s the most protective person that Seokjin has ever met. He always has his eyes on the boys, first and foremost on Jungkook, secondly on everyone else.

Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook are the three kids who each contribute craziness, energy and a healthy dose of sassiness respectively. They’ll go from happy and energetic to drooping and tired in seconds and Seokjin loves them all to bits. They are after all, the reason he feels so welcomed.

Then there’s Hoseok. Hoseok well is basically sunshine incarnate. Even when they are tired or hungry or lost, Hoseok is there and smiling and somehow everything is okay even when he suddenly dozes off, he’s still half smiling. He’s what brings them all, ties them together. At times, Seokjin thinks that he’s the center of this crazy group.  

Seokjin knows in earnest that try as hard as he might, he’s still not one of them, not when they still hide secrets and skirt about him at times.. The brand of ‘outsider’ is still plastered somewhere and ripping it off will take time. He can see it in their eyes though, the desire to share the truth, and it makes him think I want to stay, just a little longer.

“What was I talking about?” Namjoon says, frowning as they climb over a small swell of the forest ground.

“The pool story,” Seokjin supplies helpfully.

Namjoon brightens. “Ah yes. I thought you might want to hear about that one since we’re heading over the pool. So basically there used to be a school built on this side of the forest. They wanted it away from the city so students could have a better studying environment, but as the story goes, the whole school got closed down a few years back because of an incident.”

“To do with the pool?” Seokjin says.

Namjoon nods. “Not certain, but likely.”  

Seokjin sighs. “Let me guess, someone drowned.”

“Bingo,” Namjoon says, though he doesn’t sound upbeat about it. “Two actually.”

Seokjin’s frown deepens. That’s a pretty morbid story.

“The stories never say who the kids were, like what gender or age or anything, but it just says there were definitely two of them. They were top honor students and everything and they used to hang around the pool on their lunch breaks. And then one day they didn’t show to class, and some kids found them later after school in the pool. They say they were both dead, floating in the swimming pool. They wrote it off as suicide since there were no signs of foul play such as injuries or drugs or anything.”

Seokjin winces. Even though he guessed what was coming, the story still has that impact.  

“But that’s not the end,” Namjoon says suddenly as he ducks beneath a heavy set branch. He thwacks it with one hand and the leaves shudder. “They say after that they closed down the pool, not because of the two kids who died, but because anyone who swam in that pool afterwards swore they could hear whispers in the water.”

Seokjin can’t help but shiver. Maybe it’s the shade from under the trees, maybe it’s the cool breeze. Behind him he can hear the high pitched laughter of Jimin as he’s chased about by Jungkook.

“What sort of whispers?” Seokjin can’t help but ask.

“That’s the thing,” Namjoon says solemnly. “You’d think they’d be malicious whispers. They weren’t. The things that the kids could hear underwater, they say it was advice.”

“Advice?” Seokjin echoes, surprised at the sudden turn of the story.

“Yeah,” Namjoon nods. “Advice such as how to prepare well for final exams, or what were the good electives to take, or even how to deal with love life troubles. It was really weird but none of it was ever bad. Some even swore it actually helped solve some of their long term problems.” 

“So why did they close down the pool?” Seokjin can’t help but wonder.

“Because they say that the advice was so good that kids would go there all the time and just stick their heads underwater, listening. In the end there was a minor incident where some girl stuck her head under for too long and passed out. They managed to pull her out in time and she didn’t suffer any major injuries, but after that the school had the pool drained and closed down so something similar wouldn’t happen again.

“As the rumors go though, they say even now if you lie in the middle of the empty pool and close your eyes, you can still hear the advice of the two kids.”

“Wow…” Seokjin breathes. He kind of gets now why Taehyung said the story isn’t all bad.

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, shooting him a crooked grin. “You can go try it out if you like, though I’ll tell you now that none of us have ever heard the whispers before.”

“So why are we going there then if you’ve disproved it?”

“Because Taehyung’s there. He hasn’t given up on that story, still thinks if he’s persistent enough he’ll hear the whispers one day. Therefore we end up going there a lot so we kind of ended up making it another one of our hideouts. I thought we’d show you the place and hang around there for a bit.”

Seokjin smiles. It’s so like them to build an entire hideout for one boy’s whims.

Namjoon laughs in response, the sound deep and rich and Seokjin realizes that he’s spoken his thoughts aloud again. Oops.

"So how many hideouts do you have?” Seokjin asks, trying to cover up his embarrassment.

Namjoon stops laughing to answer, but there’s still a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth. “Err, maybe three or so?” he says as he leads the down a different dirt track. “There’s the one at the car park, this one at the pool, we have another near the dockside though that’s really just stuff in a box so we can unpack it all when we want to hang out there. I might have forgotten a few here and there. We don’t really keep track of them all.”

“And how long have you guys known each other?” Seokjin asks as he runs his fingers along the bark of tree they pass, the roughness comfortingly real.

“A few years give or take?” Namjoon estimates, his head going to one side as he thinks. He pushes a growing branch to one side so that Seokjin can pass by easily. “I got to know Yoongi because of part time work, Jungkook then by extension. Hoseok moved here three years ago and we kind of just got along.

“Jimin and Taehyung are childhood friends so they’ve known each other for forever, but they didn’t really hang out with us much until about a year or so back when Jimin fell off the roof of the carpark lot and we happened to be the only ones around.” Namjoon laughs fondly here. “Taehyung panicked so much but luckily Jimin got off with a few bruises. We patched him up and after that we all just kept hanging out with one another.” 

Seokjin smiles at the thought of the boys, younger with rounder cheeks, brighter eyes, wreaking havoc about town, being scared and being comforted by one another. He thinks it’s a good thing they met, even more so because he now gets to meet them at all once.

It’s then that Namjoon comes to a halt and Seokjin almost walks straight into his back. He stops just short and peers around Namjoon to see where the forest edges out into the grassy hill. At the base is a large swimming pool, empty, drained for what must have been for a long time now. It’s a typical school sized pool, a meter or so deep at the shallow end with a slope in the middle that leads to the deeper end. The blue paint of the flooring is scratched and chipped, the concrete below exposed. At one end rainwater has collected, forming a large puddle. Weeds have grown in at the corners, graffiti covers the walls; it’s the meeting of urban and nature and Seokjin’s fingers itch for a camera.  

The others come up behind them, Yoongi scanning the entire area as Jimin drapes himself over Seokjin’s shoulders.

“Ah, there he is,” Jimin says as he stretches on his toes to peer over Seokjin.

In the middle of the decrepit pool is a single mattress, a stain of white in the sea of washed out blue. Atop it is a figure sprawled, long legs and a soft jacket. One hand shields his eyes from the glaring sun above.

“Taehyung!” Namjoon calls and the hand drops. Namjoon jumps, one hand to the edge and his knees bending to cushion his fall.

Seokjin watches as he jogs over to the mattress, bending and grinning straight into Taehyung’s face. Taehyung is too far away for Seokjin to see his expression but he accepts Namjoon’s hand when it’s extended and lets him pull him into a sitting position.

At that, the others surge forwards. Jimin slips off of him and jumps down smoothly. Yoongi and Hoseok follow, Jungkook last of all, dropping and stumbling and spinning to catch his balance. Seokjin is left there standing and watching.

Its times like these that he’s keenly aware he is still an outsider. It’s only natural but all the same, he hates the dull ache of loneliness that thumps just above his bone when he feels out of sync with the others.

He watches as they catch up to Namjoon and Taehyung, Jimin throwing himself over the latter, Jungkook prodding him lazily with one foot.

Seokjin’s hand inches into his pocket and he pulls out the black camcorder he had bought on a whim from the camera shop downtown. It’s cheap and probably so outdated it would make pro camera users either fall in love with it or fall over in dead faint.

He raises it now, turning it on and pressing the little red button as the store owner had instructed him to. There’s a little beep and Seokjin peers through the little eye piece.

He can see the boys pull Taehyung to his feet through the tiny little square image, the edges outlined.  Jungkook is jabbing him in the stomach lightly and Taehyung dodges it, sticking his tongue out in retaliation. Zoomed up and close, it’s now that Seokjin can see Taehyung’s expression. He studies it and thinks the edges of his mouth look just that little bit too wide and his eyes not half as creased as it usually is. Seokjin may have only known Taehyung for a month now but he’s almost certain that forced is what it looks like

“Jin-hyung!” comes a call. It’s Jungkook, looking over and waving with his own unique little smile, soft cupid’s bow parted and front teeth visible. His at least appears natural.

The others are looking over now and beckoning him over. Seokjin turns off the recording and walks over to the edge of the pool.

The drop is deep but not intimidating. He takes a breath, puts one hand to the steel climbing ladder to steady himself and jumps. Not even a stumble, he thinks, privately proud.

“Hyung,” Taehyung grins and stumbles forwards to envelop him into a hug. Up close Seokjin can see it now, the redness of his eyes, the way the edges of his lips tremble. Something is wrong but here is the wrong place and time to ask Taehyung about it.

Taehyung lets him go.

“Why are you filming us?” Jungkook chirps as his free hand tugs at Taehyung’s ear. 

“I bought this yesterday. Thought I’d give it a try,” Seokjin explains.

“Take a video of us then,” Namjoon suggests and he pulls Taehyung in for a pose, Hoseok lunging in at the last minute with a V sign and a quirk to his mouth. Smiling, Seokjin turns back on the record and videos them, getting closer and closer until he’s right up against Taehyung’s face and videoing right up his nose.

Taehyung inhales dramatically, widening his nostrils so that Seokjin can film more blackness, and then he can’t help it, he bursts out laughing and Taehyung follows, his own laughter wild and raucous, and then Jungkook and Jimin and Hoseok as well. Even Yoongi laughs, loud and free. Seokjin grins, happy to see a natural smile on the younger’s face and he turns the recording off and leans over with one arm to ruffle Taehyung’s hair.

Taehyung blinks up at him questioningly, but doesn’t say anything, just leans in and smiles up at him, his eyes closed and seemingly satisfied.

“Feeling better?” Seokjin whispers, so quietly that only Taehyung can hear.

He sees Taehyung’s eyes widen, round and fearful. He bites down on his lower lip but doesn’t spill. Just nods his head and quivers once.

“Okay then,” Seokjin says and pulls away. He watches relief flood Taehyung’s expression for a flicker of a second and then Hoseok is bumping shoulders with him and back is the old energetic Taehyung that Seokjin has always known. Or at least thinks he knows.

“Why a camcorder? Why not a normal camera” Jimin asks, peering up at the black machine with interested eyes. He runs a finger down the body of the machine, his touch gentle as if he fears breaking it.

“You guys run around too much. I thought a video would capture things better,” Seokjin says with a sly grin. Jimin laughs at that, a bright sound that is infectious.

“So?” Seokjin says, trying hard to suppress his grin. “What are we going to do?  Surely we didn’t come all the way to just pick up Taehyung.”

 “How cruel hyung,” Taehyung whines, stretching out from Hoseok’s grasp with pawing hands to bat at Seokjin who back steps just out of range. “And here I thought you loved me.”

“Always Taehyung,” Seokjin winks and lifts the camera to record his face, the others exploding in laughter around them. It’s now at times like this that Seokjin feels cushioned, surrounded by the unique love of these six boys. He’s never felt this before, not in any town or place he’s visited, not even in his own house, the one place he should call home.

He keeps this feeling close to his chest, locked away in the treasure box of his heart until the day he can find a label for it.

It’s strange. He came to this town for stories but he has nothing to show for his month’s stay. Sure he’s heard a handful: the ghost of the lighthouse story, the disappearing seventh step, the unknown shrieks from the butcher’s back store room. However none of them have ever showed more than being someone’s fanciful imagination once upon a time.

For example, the ghost of the lighthouse had just turned out to be a faulty lightbulb that caused the now abandoned place to light up from time to time, the disappearing seventh step was an optical illusion where it looked like there was seven stone steps from a distance but only when you were actually climbing them did it turn out there were only six, and the butcher’s back store room made a lot of screeching sounds because the butcher also happened to be the town’s mechanic and had an old saw that in dire need of oiling.

These stories were not the kind of stories that Seokjin is looking for and yet despite the overwhelming lack of success in his searches, Seokjin feels anything but disappointed.

“C’mere hyung,” Taehyung beckons, hopping over to the yellowing mattress on the floor of the pool. He flops himself down and stretches luxuriously like a cat. “Come lie down,” he says, patting the spot next to him.

Seokjin sits down gingerly, half fearing the mattress to split beneath him with old age or grow fangs or something, but it doesn’t. It’s lumpy and stained but it’s a good enough mattress. He lets the rest of himself fall down and he looks upwards at the blue, blue sky, watching as a bird cuts across the cerulean.

“Can you hear them?” Taehyung says, his voice uncharacteristically soft. His eyes are closed and his body is still, only his lips moving.  

“Hear who?” Seokjin whispers back, his eyes still open.

Taehyung opens one eye and wrinkles his nose when he sees Seokjin looking at him.

“Close your eyes hyung,” he commands. “Close your eyes and try to see if you can hear the whispers.”

Oh. Hear them.  

Seokjin complies, turning his head back so that he faces the sky and then he closes his eyes. Even behind his lids the blue scorches. He tries to concentrate on listening out for whispers but all he can hear is Hoseok’s bright chatter in the corner and Namjoon’s more level one. There are splashes in the background and what sounds like Jimin falling over.

He doesn’t hear a single whisper.

“Hyung?” Taehyung murmurs.

“Yes Taehyung?”

“Hear anything?”

Seokjin opens his eyes, turns to look at Taehyung whose head is its side and whose eyes are also open and fixed on him. “No, I don’t,” he says truthfully.

Taehyung’s somber attitude melts. “Ah, well, it’s only to be expected,” he says simply and rolls into a sitting position. Jimin spots him and calls for him. Taehyung scampers off, leaving Seokjin still lying there on the mattress.

He turns his head and it’s then that he sees the scrap of paper, right where Taehyung was lying. He reaches out with one hand to grab it and brings it close to his face. It’s a crumple polaroid, the paper thick and the ends white and coarse.

Seokjin unfolds it with two hands and his mouth falls into an ‘o’ shape. It’s a photo of a man in his forties and what looks like his son, the boy still a baby swaddled in cloth. The background is a plain white room, a wide window at the back and a wide shot with a lot of the wall in it. Seokjin frowns and think that it could have been taken better, the father and son pair placed more centre and the empty gap filled up. It’s so big that another person could have almost been added in as well.

“Hyung!” comes a call and Seokjin pulls himself up so that he can see Taehyung and Jimin waving at him to come. Taehyung brandishes a spray paint can and he’s outlining the wall where Namjoon rests up against, playfully adding ears to his artwork.  

“Come play with us hyung!” Jimin calls from a different wall where he’s got another can in his hand and is decorating the wall around Jungkook.

“In a minute,” Seokjin says faintly and looks back down at the polaroid. There’s no mistaking it really, the features are too identical even with the huge gap in age. It’s the curve of the eye and the shape of the smile. He looks back over at Taehyung and wonders if he should return it to him.

Don’t, comes a faint whisper.

Seokjin jerks his head over his shoulder, eyes wide and searching, but there is nobody there.

His heart hammers wildly in his chest. Did he imagine that voice? Was it then wind? Or was it-

“Hyung! Hurry up!” Taehyung whines from the other end of the pool. He’s abandoned his game of spray paint and is watching Namjoon place a tiny toy figurine atop an empty plastic bottle. In Namjoon’s hand is a golf club, where he got it from Seokjin can’t fathom. He takes a step back, positions the club and then swings, sending the little figuring arcing up and then down into the puddle of water at the corner of the pool that looks deep and dank and is layered with moss at the top.

Seokjin shudders and forces himself to calm down. It was probably just his imagination.

He stands and takes another look at the photo, then glances up at Taehyung who’s pulling out another toy for Namjoon to hit.

Maybe it is for the better that he doesn’t return it just yet. The creases of the photo look angry. For now Seokjin’ll hold on to it. He slips it into his back pocket carefully and heads over. 

“Finally hyung,” Taehyung says, rolling his eyes as Seokjin makes it to his side. “And here I thought that no one could be slower than Yoongi-hyung.”

“I can hear you brat,” Yoongi calls from half way across the pool where he’s watching Jungkook a meter or so above playing a balancing game at the edge of the pool, his arms stretches out at his side and his legs lifting and falling like a little marching soldier doll.

At Yoongi’s feet, Hoseok is sprawled upright against this kind of step. His eyes are shut, his head lolled back. He looks fast asleep. Seokjin is almost impressed with his ability to sleep anywhere. That spot looks ridiculously uncomfortable.

It’s strange.

He came to this town for stories. He really did. But of late that is not what he is surrounded by. Instead he’s surrounded by living and breathing characters, a three sixty of laughter and smiles.

To him the stories are important but to the boys it’s all fun and games.

Help me find out if the lighthouse really has a ghost became a trip to the pier side with sparklers and photos by night. Is there really a seventh step became a tour about town and a cooking show off where Seokjin learnt that Namjoon is abysmal at cooking, Hoseok passable, Yoongi too lazy to even bother, and Jungkook the only one who could actually produce an edible sandwich. The trip to the butcher’s store had turned into a test of courage. Seokjin vividly remembers how it had ended: Hoseok shrieking blue murder before they had even knocked on the door and running away so fast he bowled straight into Namjoon and they had both passed out with concussion.

For as long as Seokjin can remember, stories are all he’s ever had. More than a mother’s touch and a brother’s watchful gaze. More than friends or romance or summer adventures. It has always been stories but now? Now there is something more.

Seokjin shakes his head viciously.

He’s only been here a month. He hasn’t deviated from his goal; he’s just taken a break, absorbed an experience new and exciting. He’ll return to the stories sooner or later, he has to, because stories are all he can trust.

The six boy are a nice change of pace but Seokjin knows they expect him to eventually leave, he himself expects the same. In the end, all that Seokjin will be able to take away are the stories. 

“Seokjin!” Namjoon calls and Seokjin is jerked out of his reverie. “Come and play,” he yells and Seokjin finds himself drawn to them like a magnet.

Stories are what matter, but surely it’s okay for him to take this detour.  

There’s a hand that curls around his waist, another draped over his shoulder. Yoongi jerks Hoseok awake and Jungkook lunges atop the two of them, sending laughter spilling over the wide space of the pool.

He thinks of the mysterious voice that could have been the wind, the butterfly-less forest that could be hiding something more, the town that could just be another town. He tells himself it’s okay that he’s putting the stories on hold, that maybe it’s alright he’s not chasing after them all the time.

Because right now? He’s living them. And that in itself is a story.

===

June.

It smells like summer, or at least that’s how Seokjin would describe it, the sweltering thick air and the salt of the sea that rolls in with the wind.

He lifts his cup of coffee to his lips and takes a long sip, savoring the bitter taste on his tongue and then swallows carefully, letting the liquid slide down. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he pauses to put the cup down on the railing so he can slide his phone out.

At his touch the screen lights up, showing 1 message received. He clicks it, notes Jimin’s name and the message: Hey hyung, come meet us for lunch. There’s an attachment, a photo of a hastily drawn map on what looks like the back of a napkin.

He smiles at the crudeness of it and pockets his phone again. The coffee is almost empty and he drains the last of it, tossing it into the bin nearby before he sets off.

Seokjin has made it his everyday morning routine to walk the boardwalk path besides the sea, grab a coffee from the little store that faces the ocean at around eleven, and then walk back through town so he can memorize new paths and the location of all the stores.

Today though he cuts off the last part of his routine and winds his way to the burger place as directed by Jimin’s somewhat dubious directions. The butcher waves to him as he passes and tells him he’s just got in a good order of sirloin if Seokjin’s wants any later, the mother of a three year old stops him for a chat about how her son has just managed to learn his multiplication table, and there’s even a tourist who asks for directions of his own.

It’s strange, their interaction. Here is a man who was Seokjin’s exact position two months ago. He observes the man, noting his jerky actions and the way he keeps glancing over his shoulders as if he can’t shake off the strange sensation of being watched. When asked questions like, where are the people? why do they shy away so? why do they treat him with such reserve? Seokjin can’t help but smile sadly and just say that this is the way of the town.

Seokjin still feels that way from time to time but it’s been two months and the town seems to have accepted him since. The eerie sensation of being watched has faded and the people no longer shy away from his presence. 

He does understand where the man is coming from though and he tries to be as accommodating to him as he can.

The man explains that he is a journalist, travelling around different towns to report on them. He’ll write up the good ones later in an article for the magazine that he works for. In short, he’s here to write a story. . That does not however mean he is anything like Seokjin who is here for the story.  

Seokjin points the journalist in the direction of the ocean, tells him the best time to get a picture is at sunset which occurs around half six. Then tells him that the pub nearby serves really good food. Other than that, Seokjin doesn’t think the man will appreciate the other sights, least of all the rumors. They are after all not what Yoongi would call the tourist traps.

The man thanks him and waves him goodbye. Seokjin can see in his eyes though that he disinterested by what Seokjin has to say. He has analyzed the place and determined there is nothing magazine worthy here.

He will probably leave soon.

Seokjin’s phone buzzes again. Hyung! We’re staaarving. Hurry up!  This time it’s from Taehyung. 

Nearly there, he replies and sets off again.

He tries not to think of the journalist as he walks but he can’t help it. A long time ago he had had a choice. To follow his hobbies and find a career related to stories or to follow his parent’s wishes.

There had been a list: writer, editor, publisher, librarian, teacher, bookstore owner, somewhere far down the list there had definitely been the word reporter. Aka, a journalist. The problem Seokjin had had with all of them was the lack of freedom. He would be bound, to a place, to a person, to a duty, and he couldn’t bear the thought of that.

His parents had given him three months to decide and when he couldn’t they had decided for him.  

Two years of medical studies had been suffocating. Memorize this, practice this, learn this, one wrong step and it could cost you a patient’s life. Without the passion or the drive, Seokjin floundered in the sea of equally able and much more driven students.

For two years he tried, struggled, treaded the water. Eventually he crumbled and the decision was all too easy to make. Two messages later, one to his parents, the second to the school registry and Seokjin was free.

He packed his stuff up into two small boxes and drove them home. There they were shoved into a cupboard where they were probably still gathering dust even now.

His mother’s glare was what Seokjin remembers most out of it all, the disapproval burning a hole in his back. He had left the next day and not looked back, only returning when his father requested he come home to show his face as proof that he was still alive. His older brother had just sighed over the entire affair and loaned him some money that Seokjin tried not to use.

The whole affair had been crushing. The disapproval, the disappointment, but at the end of it all there was one golden bright side to it and that was that Seokjin was free to travel, free to read free to find the story. And it was then that he made a vow to never give up the stories again. Not for money or fame or fortune.

But what about family, a tiny voice at the back of his head whispered.

Seokjin pauses, his hand on the cold, metal handle of the burger bar. Through the glass he can see the boys fooling around and laughing at a long bench table near the back of the room. None of them have ordered any food but a few have drinks.

Hoseok is grinning and slapping the table with one hand, Namjoon looks put out. He was probably the of the joke. At the end of the table Jimin and Taehyung fight over possession drink straw.

Seokjin wonders if it’s strange for him to have only been here for two months and to think he’s found a home, - a family -, bigger and warmer than the one back in Anyang ever was.

Yoongi had asked him once what Anyang was like. He had told him ‘busy’, but that’s a lie. Whenever he thinks of Anyang, all Seokjin can think of is the word ‘heavy’. Heavy with expectations, from his parents, his older brother, the girlfriend he briefly dated in high school, the semi-boyfriend he had in his first year of college before work devoured all spare time. All of them had expected something of him.

But the six of them, they do any of that. To them Seokjin is just Seokjin. And Seokjin wonders if that’s the only requirement he needs to become truly attached to somebody.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Yoongi says from next to him.

Seokjin jumps, his eyes widening as he realizes that Yoongi has somehow snuck up to him. He looks at him now, eyes narrow and pensive. Yoongi does that a lot but he never really says anything, watches him and assesses him but never forces anything onto him. Seokjin likes that about Yoongi, but unlike with the others who make it clear whether they like or dislike something, Yoongi doesn’t show it. And sometimes Seokjin thinks that he wants to hear more from him.

He opens his mouth. “Yoon-“

Then a figure latches onto his right arm. “Hyung! Feed me.” It’s Jungkook with wide, pitiful eyes and a downturned lip.

“Don’t bug Seokjin,” Yoongi scolds from the other side of him. “Didn’t I say I’d buy you lunch?”

Jungkook sticks out his tongue at him. “Shhh, if you hadn’t interrupted I could’ve scored two meals.”

“One isn’t enough?” Yoongi says, clicking his tongue. “Glutton.” There’s no heat behind his words.

Jungkook blows him a raspberry and pushes the door open, slipping into the burger bar. The others turn at the sound and spot them, waving excitedly as Jungkook approaches them.

“Go on,” Yoongi says quietly from besides him. “They’re probably all starving waiting for us.”

When Seokjin doesn’t move Yoongi pushes past him and opens the door. He holds it for Seokjin and looks back expectantly.

“Thank you,” Seokjin says softly, but he means thank you for so much more than just the open door.

Yoongi smirks back at him, almost knowingly, and Seokjin wonders if he understands. “Hurry up then,” is all he says and drops himself into a seat next to Jungkook.

Seokjin guesses he’ll never really know.

Jimin paws at his hands when he comes to the table, that he’s a hollow shell of his former self from waiting too long. Taehyung acts passed out on the table. Seokjin just laughs and promises to buy them all desert afterwards.

They order the food and Seokjin gets two burgers because all of a sudden he feels absolutely famished. He wolfs them down and then consumes the communal fries they’ve bought and horded to the table at a slower rate. Half the fries go to waste as they play, tossing stray fries at one another, some going up Namjoon’s nose, one even getting caught behind Hoseok’s ear where it’ll stay for the rest of the day until they realize it’s still there. The staff roll their eyes and tell them sternly that they better clean up afterwards which they promise and then continue to play.

They laugh and they laugh and they laugh to the point where Seokjin thinks his sides are going to split. Its pain of the greatest pleasure and it makes all Seokjin’s worries recede.

Without even doing anything special, these six boys make him feel right at home. And that, Seokjin thinks, is why he’s considering staying here for good.

===

July.

The nights are getting warmer now, the smell of salt and summer heat heavy when Seokjin inhales. He no longer needs to remember to take a jacket out with him anymore. It’s not that he usually does go out anyway. He has his sleeping hours. But tonight Yoongi had messaged it and it was so rare an occasion that Seokjin had thrown his clothes on and dashed out immediately.

Come to the gas station. I have something you might like, was all the text had said.

Seokjin has to wrack his brains to remember how to get to the gas station. The first time had been a fluke. Eventually he gets there with the help of some strangers.

The front of the gas station is closed, only the faint yellow light of the fridges visible from behind the dusty windows. However to the right of the station there is a bright light. Seokjin remembers Namjoon telling him something about scrap cars being stored there.

He walks over and the light grows stronger. There’s a chain link fence separating him from the cars, but behind it is a pile of black and silver vehicles, some stacked, others parked neatly. The door in the fence is wide open and from there, Seokjin can see that the light comes from a small portable lamp, the kind that you pull up to expose the inner glass and a bulb that is flipped on.

The lamp is placed by a single black Toyota. The front hood is up and behind it there are a pain of jean clad legs.  There’s a rustling and clinking of metal and Seokjin approaches the car quietly.

“Yoongi?” he says softly and the head shoots up, nearly hitting the hood.

Yoongi stares at him, one cheek smeared with grease. “Oh, you made it,” he says hoarsely and swipes at his cheek with the back of his left hand, spreading the mess even more.

“Yeah, I did,” Seokjin says. He walks closer. “Are you trying to fix that car?”

“Yeah. I work at the garage part time. The ahjussi that runs the place said this car’s probably going to be scrapped soon. The mileage is too high. But he said if I could get it fixed up I could mess around with it before the scrap trucks come next week. I’ve been working on it the past few days and I think it’s nearly done. Thought you might want a go at driving.” He squints at Seokjin. “You have a license right?”

Seokjin nods. “You too I’m guessing.”

Yoongi huffs. “Yeah. I’m the only one though. The other kids are too lazy to get one. They make me drive them everywhere.”

“Well I can help you out now,” Seokjin says with a smile.

He gets a crooked one in return and that’s victory enough. “Yeah, you could. Wanna start with this baby?”

Seokjin’s eyes widen. “Really? But you’re the one who’s been working on it haven’t you?”

Yoongi smirks. “Yeah, but I want to see how good you can drive.”

Seokjin narrows his eyes. There’s the challenge again. “You’re on,” he says determinedly and a grin flickers its way across Yoongi’s face.

“Good,” he says in an almost purr. “Because I’m just about finish with her.” He leans down with the spanner to twist something and then emerges again, dropping the tool onto a rag that’s laid out on the floor nearby. There’s half a dozen other tools that Seokjin can’t name but each looks battered and well-used, clean except for a few smudge marks.

“Can you turn on the engine?” Yoongi asks, wiping away where his bangs stick to his forehead. “Keys are in already.”

“Sure,” Seokjin says and walks over to the door, slides his body half in so that his legs are still out and finds the key easily enough. He twists it and the car rumbles into life.

“There we go,” Yoongi says with a satisfied sound and closes the hood, wiping his hands on another rag that he’s looped into his belt buckle.

He kneels and rolls up the bundle of tools and puts them away into a box. Then he picks up the lamp and closes it, dousing the electric light.

“You wanna go get the others? I’m gonna put the tools away then you can test out the car if you like.”

“Others?” Seokjin echoes.

Yoongi jerks a thumb over his shoulder. “They’re star gazing or some ,” he says and walks off, the box swinging heavy against his hip.

Seokjin peers through the front window and with the headlights on, he can make out some figures standings. They must have been lying down on the tarmac earlier but stood up when the lights and the engine came on. He can see them now that they’re closer, Jungkook and Taehyung eagerly racing ahead and skidding to a halt by the car, cooing over it. Jimin, Namjoon and Hoseok flank them, walking at a slower pace.

Seokjin turns off the engine and steps out.

“See, told you Yoongi would fix it,” Jungkook says, nudging Taehyung almost bodily with his shoulder as they lean over the car.

“Yeah, okay, okay,” Taehyung winces and stumbles in a different direction from the force of the over enthusiastic nudge.

Jungkook whoops and slips around the car, trying to wriggle into the front seat.

“Hey-“ Seokjin panics as he notices Jungkook reaching for the keys. “Can you drive?”

Jungkook pouts up at him. “Of course not hyung. I’m not of age yet.”

Seokjin squints at him. “Then why are you getting into the front seat.”

Jungkook gives him a sheepish look. “Because I want to drive?” he offers half-heartedly.

Seokjin’s got a scold ready on the tip of his tongue but Yoongi gets there before he can even open his mouth. His pale hand shoots out and grabs Jungkook by the scruff of his neck, hand into the collar of his hoodie. Jungkook yelps and wriggles and when the thick bulk of his hoodie is pulled back Seokjin swears he catches a glimpse of something long and black on the back of his neck.

But then Yoongi is pulling him out bodily and depositing him on the tarmac. “Out,” he says in a no-nonsense voice and slams the door shut.

“No fun hyung,” Jungkook moans.

“Next year kid,” Yoongi says sternly, “when you get your license. And when I approve of your driving.”

Jungkook leans back into Yoongi, a kicked puppy kind of expression on his face. He sags, letting Yoongi take the brunt of his weight and Seokjin hears Yoongi grunt and dig in his heels as he bears the younger’s weight.

“You’re getting heavy brat,” Yoongi groans and Jungkook laughs and just weighs himself down even more. “Aish I give up,” Yoongi says and lets himself kind of fall down, sprawling out on the tarmac with Jungkook all over him.

He looks tiredly at Seokjin and points at the car. “Go drive,” he says like it’s a command. “I’m going to take a rest.”

Seokjin gingerly eases himself into the car and closes the door. Yoongi’s managed to pull himself and Jungkook a meter or so back and the others are far away enough from the car that Seokjin doesn’t have to worry when he turns the keys and feels the car come to life under his touch.

It’s been a long time since he’s last driven but he remembers it like the first story book he ever opened. The smell, the touch, the feel of power in your hands. He twists the gear stick and presses his foot down on the pedal and the car shoots forwards, metal body thrumming and growling.

He overestimates it and the car jerks forwards the few meters or so, but then Seokjin eases down on the breaks, shifts the gear again and directs the car left so that he circles around.

The car lot next to the gas station is the size of at least half a football pitch. It’s not big enough to let loose, but it’s enough to make a wide circle and figures of eight.

Out of the corner of his eye Seokjin spots Jimin energetically waving to him, Hoseok seated on the floor next to Yoongi, smiling as he watches. Seokjin slows down and drives the car over, lowering the window so he can speak to them. But as he opens his mouth no words come out. He’s lost his breath; his heart is pumping far too fast in his chest. He’s never felt this exhilarated from driving before but now right now his heart racing a hundred miles an hour. Nothing has ever taken him this high before.

“Having fun?” Yoongi drawls, a pleased look on his face as he takes in Seokjin’s expression.

“It’s a good car,” Seokjin says with a sly smile. “Fixed by a good mechanic.”

Yoongi laughs.

“Hyung, let me ride!” Jimin practically begs, popping up out of nowhere and shoving his face in through the window. “Please, please, please.”

“Go on, get in,” Seokjin says with a grin, looking down to check the door are unlocked.

Jimin lets out a whooping sound and throws the door open, crawling straight into the back seat. “Hyung, you too!” he says, looking over at Hoseok.

Hoseok glances at Yoongi and Yoongi shrugs. Why not? he seems to say with his shoulders.

Hoseok hauls himself up, long limbs unfolding, and he walks over to the other side of the back seat where Jimin’s is, eyes bright and body buzzing.

“Go, go, go, hyung!” he cheers, one finger pointing forwards and Seokjin can’t help but grin in return. He steps down the pedal and they shoot off, Jimin letting out whoop after whoop, hollering as Seokjin shifts the gear up and speeds up, stopping and turning in a perfect curve just before they get too close to the other side of the chain link fence.

“You’re a pretty good driver,” Hoseok says, sounding amused as he watches Seokjin gleefully spin the wheel.

“I may enjoy speeding a little,” Seokjin admit bashfully as he turns the wheel again and inches them around. What he doesn’t say is that he enjoys the company even more.

The moon is bright tonight and it lets him see Namjoon and Taehyung far in advance. They’re wandering around the lot, eyes fixed as Seokjin brings the car in closer. He slows it down, turns it around and spins it in a circle around them.

Namjoon grins and Taehyung’s eyes light up.

Jimin rolls down a window and reaches out and Taehyung lunges forwards, their hands slapping loud and wild and laughter spills out into the night sky.

Seokjin turns another circle and he can see Yoongi and Jungkook still resting in the corner, Yoongi’s hands playing with the ends of Jungkook’s dark locks, Jungkook looking more at peace than ever.  

Seokjin puts his foot on the brakes and makes the car come to a halt. Taehyung and Namjoon come over and Jimin hangs out the window like an over-excited Labrador.

“Shove over Jiminie,” Taehyung says with a grin as he pulls the door open, almost pulling Jimin with it in his excitement. Jimin wriggles back at the last second and shifts over to the middle seat. Taehyung squeezes himself in and shuts the door.

That leaves Namjoon there. “You going to stand there all day?” Seokjin says coyly and Namjoon laughs.

He walks around and slides into the front seat. “Go for it road racer,” he says teasingly, voice deep and smooth like velvet and Seokjin hits the gas.

The moon is bright above them and the night is dark as always, but it’s the night that Seokjin throws away all his inhibitions and just lets himself have fun. The car goes in circles, the tires protesting and the smell of rubber rising, but it’s okay when he’s got Jimin and Taehyung hollering nonsensical sounds in the back seat, their hands rising and falling every time Seokjin curves around in a circles. Seokjin will look back at this moment and remember how large Hoseok’s grin is, how bright Namjoon’s were, how content Yoongi and Jungkook had been , the two of them curled up like cats by the fireplace.

He will look back and remember this being a night of happiness.

From then on, it all goes downhill.

===

August 

Summer and fall start to overlap, the leaves unable to make up their mind between a luscious green and a burnt amber shade and Seokjin takes photo after photo because no two scenes are ever the same and Seokjin loves them all.

He knows that with the advent of fall comes the end to the warm nights. For now they try to make the most of it, shifting their gatherings to the great outdoors where they can sit with a fire for warmth and the stars above for a roof. 

They drag the chairs and old sofas out from the carpark lot and build a small campfire in the center. There’s an abandoned cargo crate behind them which they use to store the seats in when they’re not there so the rain doesn’t damage them. They add other stuff in there as well: a can of gasoline so that Yoongi can light a fire every night with his Clipper – Seokjin’s learn the brand of his lighter by now –, blankets for when the weather does turn chillier than they expect, and emergency food rations – as Jimin puts it – of crisps and drinks and all sorts of unhealthy packaged food.

Tonight is just another night. The air is warm and enfolds them in its balmy caress. They’ve got a fire out for the sake of it rather than the need for warmth and Yoongi sits on the sole sofa, his eyes affixed to the wild sway of the flames. Seokjin has never spoken up about it before but he does wonder what it about Yoongi and fire. He carries with him the tiny Clipper at all times, taking it out and lighting it up when he appears stressed or deep in though. Not once though has Seokjin ever seen Yoongi use it to light a cigarette.

Yoongi is not the only one with these concerning habitual motions.

Seokjin has seen the way Taehyung spaces out at times, his eyes dropping to his hands, fingers interlocking and then untwining and rubbing against one another. Sometimes he doesn’t even notice when someone is talking to him, only responding and remerging when he’s nudged or tapped. It’s like there are Taehyung’s, the chatty and energetic one above water, and then the distant, unhearing one underneath.

This is the Taehyung from May, the one who lay on the mattress in the abandoned pool like he was the last person left on Earth. This is the Taehyung that Seokjin does not understand.

He’s staring at Taehyung for so long that Taehyung looks up and over, curiosity in his eyes. He tilts his head as their gazes meet, the question forming on his lips.

Seokjin panics, not sure what he’d even say if Taehyung does ask.  

He’s saved when Jungkook wanders over, cutting between the two of them. He had been bothering Taehyung but grew bored when Taehyung wasn’t responding to Jungkook stuffing a pretzel in his ear as Jungkook would have liked.

“Hyung,” he murmurs to Yoongi and Yoongi leans backwards against the sofa almost subconscious, moving to make space for Jungkook as he flops down and rolls over, his boots coming up to rest on the arm of the chair and his head falling into Yoongi’s lap. He curls there, content, his eyes following the flicker as the fire lights up, off, up, off. Perhaps what Seokjin understands the least is their relationship. It’s not romantic but it’s a mere brotherly connection either. It’s like one of them is the flame and the other the moth, or perhaps both are flames to each other’s moth and neither can resist the pull of the firelight.

Seokjin watches as the fire of Yoongi’s clipper is reflected in the dark pitch of Jungkook’s eyes. It’s entrancing, but then again, the darkness has always made the most alluring of lights.

As Jungkook reaches up to slides a finger around the prominent bone that sticks out of Yoongi’s thin wrist, his sleeves ruck back and Seokjin spots something, dark and blotchy. He frowns, leaning in and squinting as he tries to see.

“Hyung, pass the pretzel please,” Hoseok says suddenly, his shoulder bumping gently against Seokjin. Seokjin startles.  

“What?” he mumbles, lost for a second. Everyone glances over at them. Jungkook’s hand has dropped, propping his head up as he looks inquisitively over at the pair. The sleeve covers all the way to his wrist now.

“Pretzels? Please?” Hoseok says, head tilted, eyes soft and sleepy looking. Seokjin doesn’t blame him; the sofa seat is ridiculously comfortable.

“Of course,” Seokjin says as he blinks rapidly, trying to clear the fiery imprints on the back of his lids and reaches across to the open bag, scooping out a handful and handing it to Hoseok who grins his thanks as he pops them into his mouth, crunching absurdly loudly.

The moment has passed and everyone is re-absorbed in their own chatter.

Namjoon leans over, showing Jimin the label of his bottle as they discuss the contents. Taehyung only looks like he’s half listening in on their conversation from where he sits to Jimin’s right, nodding now and then.

Jungkook is back to teasing the flames of Yoongi’s clipper. He slides his index finger in and out, Yoongi’s thumb leaving the lever of the lighter just before his finger can touch the flame and it’s like they’re playing a game of cat and mice. But there is wholesome trust there: Jungkook knows with an almost blind certainty that Yoongi will never let him get hurt.

“Hyung,” Hoseok says again, tapping his foot with his own when Seokjin doesn’t react at first. “Where are the polaroids you said you were bringing for us to see?”

Seokjin had bought a polaroid camera on a whim a few weeks back. It might have had something to do with the crumpled polaroid of twin box smiles that lay pressed between two pages in his notebook back at the motel, or it might have had to do with the ridiculous spontaneity that this town seemed to spark within him, but he moment he had seen the polaroid camera in the store front, he had known it was meant for him.

“Oh, yes, here,” Seokjin says, pulling out a small box in which he keeps all the good photos so they won’t get squashed or bent.

“Show us then,” Hoseok plies him and Seokjin can’t refuse him one bit.

He passes a handful over, keeps a handful in his lap. Hoseok rifles through them carefully, his face flashing from a small curved smile to a full blown grin and back. Seokjin looks at the lot in his lap.

There’s one photo of Hoseok and Yoongi at the abandoned pool – this was on their second time revisiting – where Hoseok had been napping again in a spot of sunshine, Yoongi leaning over with a sly grin on his face as he posed next to him. The following photo just moments later when Jungkook had spotted Yoongi and raced over, barreling straight into him and subsequently Hoseok, waking the latter of course as they lay splayed over the ground. Seokjin remembers associating that moment with a lot of laughter.

The next few photos are of the three troublemakers. Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook link arms over each other’s shoulders in one photo, their faces bright, their smiles even brighter. The background is of the ocean, the lighthouse a red smudge somewhere to the right. In another one there’s Jungkook giving Jimin a piggy back, Taehyung chasing after the two. The third shows the three of them splayed out on concrete, their smiles so large it cracks their face almost in half.

It’s interesting how different their smiles are. Taehyung’s is unique, an almost rectangular shape, two perfect rows of teeth and no gums. Jimin’s is more typical, a gentle curve, more upper teeth and plush lower lip. What makes his smile special is not the shape of it, but the way it brings out the dimples in his cheek and the crescent curves to his eyes. And Jungkook, it’s best described as cute, small and simple. When he smiles, it makes Seokjin see just how painfully young he really is.

Besides him Hoseok laughs out loud. “Look at this one hyung,” he says, shoving a photo practically into his face.

It’s of Namjoon fast asleep, his head tipped back, and Hoseok creeping up to him, a pocky stick in one hand and the clear trajectory path of his hand intending to shove it up Namjoon’s nose.

Now this is a picture that Seokjin doesn’t recall.

“I didn’t take that, did I?” he says, a little taken aback.

Hoseok grins.

“I took it,” Jimin chirps, one hand raised, a wicked grin on his photo.

“You took what?” Namjoon says cluelessly.

“Nothing,” Jimin says a little too quickly.

Namjoon’s eyes narrows and his hands sneaks around the back of Jimin’s neck. Jimin wriggles uncomfortably but does his best to not bolt.

“You took what?” Namjoon says again, the tone darker and smoky.

“Nothing!” Jimin squeaks as Namjoon’s fingers tickle at his neck.

“He took this picture,” Hoseok says easily, flipping the photo out and brandishing it so Namjoon can see it.

“Hoseok you traitor!” Jimin yelps as Namjoon’s hands fall to around his waist and he starts tickling Jimin for real.

“You little brat!” Namjoon says playfully as he tickles Jimin in earnest, making the younger squeal and fall into Taehyung’s lap as he tries to escape. But Namjoon is strong and Taehyung isn’t helping as he joins in on the tickle-fest.

All eyes on are them as laughter fills the air the way the smoke from the fire does. The atmosphere is relaxed; the pretzels and the photos are passed around. Seokjin thinks that if this is how he spends the rest of his life, it’s not a bad way to go.

“Hey hyung, look at this photo,” Hoseok says, leaning over again and showing him a polaroid of Yoongi, Jimin and Jungkook staring out at sea. “See this at the back?”

Seokjin squints but he doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

“Here,” Hoseok says helpfully, tapping at a small patch of yellow is the far, far, background. “The beach.”

“The beach?” Seokjin furrows his brows, trying to remember why that sounds familiar because sure beaches are fun, but he hasn’t seen any sand around the town at all. The water meets rocky edges at the pier and that’s about it.

“I told you on your first day here,” Yoongi says in a drawl as he looks over at them. “We have a beach here but you need to drive to get there. It’s nice enough, empty since no one can be bothered to go there.”

“Oh,” Seokjin says softly, his eyes rounding at the memory of that day and how much things have changed since then.

“There’s a story about that place,” Namjoon says thoughtfully as he slips into the conversation, his index finger tapping as his chin as he thinks. “What was it again?”

Jimin looks equally puzzled. It’s Taehyung who seems to remember. “The one about diving in at dawn,” he says, a little tersely. Seokjin looks over at him but then Namjoon makes a loud sound.

“Oh, yeah, that one! The one where they say if you dive into the ocean as the sun rises, the water will wash away your greatest worries… or something like that?” Namjoon trails off with a frown like he’s not one hundred percent certain.

He turns to look at Taehyung. “Was that how it goes?”

“I think so,” Taehyung says, but his eyes are lost in the fire.

Namjoon shrugs. “Well they say you get the best view of a sunrise from there anyway.”

Seokjin’s eyes are pulled back to the photo. The tiny strip of the beach in the corner is tantalizingly small. He rubs a thumb over the patch but it’s smooth, not grainy with sand.

“Hey,” he says softly, but everyone hears him. He knows from the way their bodies pause and angle towards him. “This place,” he says, tapping at the photo and looking up to their expectant gazes. “Shall we go there?”

He’s met with a plethora of reactions ranging from surprise to excitement to even reluctance.

“C’mon, won’t it be fun?” Seokjin says encouragingly. He holds the photo up high and looks over to Hoseok, his staunchest supporter. “Mm?” he says, nudging him.

Hoseok offers him a small smile, hesitant, but genuine. His eyes latch onto the photo and he gives a tiny nod. “Yeah, why not,” he says.

Seokjin gives him a blinding smile in return. Then he looks over at the others. “Yeah?” he says, glancing over at Namjoon, Taehyung and Jimin. They look the most hesitant, their eyes wavering, the set of their mouth undetermined.

Then Jungkook pipes up. “I’ve never been to the beach,” and just like that the dam breaks.

Seokjin looks back at the three of them and finally Taehyung gives a little nod, his chin resting in his hand. Namjoon looks down at Jimin and kicks him gently with one foot.

“C’mon Jiminnie,” he says softly. “The sea will be a nice change of pace.”

Jimin doesn’t reply but his lips curl up at the corners. “Okay,” he says so softly the crackle of the fire nearly drowns it out. “Let’s go.”

Namjoon smiles, almost fatherly. He leans down and ruffles Jimin’s head.

Seokjin turns to Yoongi and Jungkook. “So,” he says with a grin. “The beach?”

Jungkook’s nods, eyes bright and brilliant. Yoongi just sighs and lights up his Clipper again, but Seokjin knows he’s in. 

“Then shall we go?” Seokjin says, dusting off his knees and standing.

“What? Now?” Jimin says, sounding alarmed.

Seokjin shrugs, a wicked grin spreading on his face. He’s not felt this spontaneous in years. “Why not?” he says, mimicking Hoseok’s words and feeling rewarded when Hoseok laughs.

Hoseok stands. “But do we have a car?”

“Yoongi?” Seokjin says, looking over at him.

Yoongi sighs again, deep and drawn again. “Yes you lucky bastard. There’s a pick-up truck I’ve been playing around with. If we fill the gas up full it should be enough to last us there and back. The bigger question is whether we can get gas at this hour.”

He looks over at Namjoon expectantly.

Namjoon shrugs. “What manager-hyung doesn’t know can’t hurt him.” 

“And?” Yoongi stresses the word.

Namjoon offers a bashful grin. He produces a small silver key from a pocket. “And I have the spare key here.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “Then we’re all set if you really want to go ahead with this crazy plan of yours Seokjin.”

“C’mon,” Seokjin wheedles, walking over and pulling Taehyung to his feet. “We might get there just in time to see the sun rise.”

“The sun rises and falls the same every other day,” Yoongi snorts and lights up his Clipper again.

“Don’t be so cynical,” Seokjin says lightly as he coaxes Jimin to his feet. He wonders why the younger seems reluctant to go. Does he not like water?

“I’ll be as cynical as I like,” Yoongi whips back and off goes the fire.

“C’mon old man,” Seokjin says, turning around, hands on his hips. “Jungkook, get him moving.”

Jungkook gives him a faint smile and twists his body around, his head rising till he’s eye level with the Clipper. Yoongi stares down at him, his petty argument with Seokjin forgotten. They play the game again. On goes the fire, it’s reflected in Jungkook’s eyes. Off it goes and plunges his irises into utter pitch blackness.

Everyone watches and waits.

On.

Off.

On.

Jungkook leans in.

“Playtime’s over hyung,” he murmurs, and blows it out.

===

Yoongi throws Seokjin the keys and instructs him to drive the vehicle out to the front whilst he locks up the garage. Seokjin obliges, driving the black pickup out front where he can see Namjoon turning on the gas pumps.

He’s never driven a truck before and it takes a little getting used to, the vehicle heavier and wieldier than the normal fare.

Namjoon waves him in, guiding him into position with careful hands. Seokjin turns off the engine when he’s done and lets Namjoon take over, unlatching the hatch and inserting the pump. He lowers the window and unlocks all the doors.

“Do you need any help?” he asks as he leans out.

Namjoon smiles from his position against a pillar, one that looks painfully familiar. “Nah,” he says, a familiar lollipop back between his lips. “Sit tight.”

The truck shifts subtly as someone gets into the open space of the back. Seokjin leans back into the car and peers at the side mirror. There he can see Jimin’s fleeting figure as he boosts himself in, turning around to help Jungkook in after.

Namjoon was the one who split them up and assigned the tasks. Yoongi was to get the truck, Seokjin to drive it in. Namjoon then fills it up with gas whilst Hoseok and Taehyung grab some supplies from the shop inside. Jimin and Jungkook are the ones in charge of bringing the blankets and extra jackets in case it gets colder out near the ocean.

When Seokjin had asked Namjoon if it was really okay with going to gas station and taking out stuff this late at night Namjoon had waved him off. “Sihyuk-hyung is really lenient with these sorts of things. As long as I lock everything up and make sure we pay for it by the end of the week, he’s cool. He even gave me the day off tomorrow, so we can take as long as we like.”

Namjoon’s pulling out the gas pump now and slotting it back in. He checks the numbers and then turns off the plugs.

Seokjin looks away just in time to see Yoongi open the right hand back door and slide in. “You okay driving in the dark?” he asks, shutting the door behind him like they’ve already decided.

“Yeah, sure,” Seokjin says.

“Good,” Yoongi yawns and stretches. “I can drive on the way back then,” he offers.

Seokjin can’t help the fond smile that crawls over his face. He leans over between the divide and tucks Yoongi’s stray blonde bangs back, ignoring the way Yoongi wrinkles his nose and pulls a face. He knows Yoongi does these sorts of things, but deep down, he’ll allow it.

“The color’s fading,” he comments as he tugs on the end. He can see Yoongi’s dark roots if he pulls at the hairs.

Yoongi lets out a sigh. “Yeah, I know. I’m too lazy to re-dye it, but I’ll have to eventually I guess. Or I could just go back to black,” he says with a thoughtful look.

“How about something more exciting,” Seokjin suggests with a coy smile.

Yoongi shoots him a suspicious look. “Such as?”

“Pink?”

Yoongi’s face scrunches up. “You and your obsession with pink. How about no.”  

Seokjin pulls a face. “I think you could pull it off. It’d be interesting to see you try.”

“Go experiment on yourself,” Yoongi says, pushing at his shoulder with one hand. There’s no real force behind the touch though.

“Experiment with what?” Namjoon says as he approaches Seokjin’s rolled down window and leans in. He pulls the lollipop stick out from between his teeth, exposing the nearly finished treat.

“With dying Yoongi’s hair pink,” Seokjin says brightly and Namjoon laughs.

“Why not hyung,” he says teasingly and Yoongi shoots him the finger.

“That’s it, I’m dying it back black tomorrow when we get home,” Yoongi grumbles and Seokjin frowns.

“But I like you blonde,” he complains.

“Then take a picture and frame it,” Yoongi says mincingly. “It’ll last longer.”

Seokjin sighs.

“Shall I?” Namjoon offers. “Do you have your camera?”

Funnily enough, Seokjin does. He pulls it out of the satchel he’s starting carrying everywhere and hands it over to Namjoon.

“Oh, look,” Yoongi grumbles. “It’s pink as well.” 

“It’s a nice color!” Seokjin protests. He’s fiercely protective of his uniquely colored Polaroid.

Yoongi rolls his eyes.

“C’mon hyung, photo,” Namjoon says with a click of his tongue. He leans back to take the shot and Seokjin smiles. A sigh and a second later Yoongi pops between the divide and gives him a large exaggerated smile and a V sign. Namjoon takes the photo.

There are footsteps coming from the shop and Seokjin turns, hands clumsily taking back the camera and blackened photo from Namjoon, in time to see Hoseok and Taehyung come over, their hands filled each with a giant paper bag.

“Did you raid the entire store?” Seokjin says incredulously as Namjoon goes off to lock the door and turn off all the lights.

“Shh,” Hoseok says as he drops the stuff into the back. “The kids are asleep.”

Seokjin’s eyes round as he turns in his seat and squints through the small window at the back of the car. He can see Jimin’s back leaning against and Jungkook slumped to one side. They are still young after all.

Taehyung drops his own load in and hops into the back of the truck almost gracefully. He wriggles in close to Jungkook and grabs a blanket to drape across the both of them.

Seokjin can hear Yoongi make a satisfied sound at the younger’s actions before turning back in the seat and reaching for the buckle.

Seokjin’s about to turn around and switch on the engine when he catches sight of Hoseok and it makes him pause to study it further. His expression is so gentle, his eyes dark and warm and his smile is so caring as he tugs out another blanket and tucks it around Jimin’s waist. Jimin shifts into the warmth of his hand and Seokjin has to look away. He feels like he’s intruding upon something.  

Seconds later the front door opens and Namjoon slides in. “Can I see the photo?” he requests and Seokjin hands it overly numbly.

He’s never really thought much on it, but within the group and its tightly meshed dynamics, there are some that are just brotherly, like Namjoon and Jimin, or Jimin and Taehyung. Then there others that Seokjin can’t quite put a label to – Yoongi and Jungkook, and now Hoseok and Jimin.

“Hey, it came out well,” Namjoon comments and Seokjin turns blankly to look at the photo. The shot is kind of dark but that can’t be helped. But both he and Yoongi are visible enough and they look happy, bright and glowing from the dim gas station lights. “Where should I put it hyung?”

“Glove compartment,” Seokjin says. “My bag and stuff are in there. Just put it on top and I’ll put it away properly later.”

“Okay,” Namjoon says easily and slides it in, shutting the glove compartment firmly afterwards.

Then the back door opens and in slides Hoseok, his body bumping into Yoongi as he rolls himself in. “The kids are all loaded,” he says with a teasing grin. “I think we can go.”

Seokjin glances at the rear mirror and he can’t help but think that Hoseok looks different. It’s not the bright, handsy Hoseok that he’s always known. Neither is it the sleepy Hoseok who rolls all over the place and can sleep no matter how bright or how loud or how uncomfortable the place is. This Hoseok is somewhere in between, neither too sharp nor too fuzzy and it makes Seokjin’s eyes hurt the more he looks. Sometimes he wonders just how many sides there are to each of the boys, add their dynamics with one another and it’s a headache inducing amount. Then again these are real people, not just characters in a book. They have complex feelings and ever changing moods and Seokjin wonders how he ever dealt with the real world if it’s this hard to comprehend.

“Hyung?” Namjoon says, sounding puzzle. He taps at Seokjin’s shoulder. “You okay? Shall we go?”

Seokjin jerks back into reality. “Ah, yeah, sure. Sorry, was just thinking.”

He gets a semi-amused look back from Namjoon. “You think a lot, you know that right. Sometimes I think you think too much.”

It’s meant to be a soft jibe but somehow it hits home a lot harder. Seokjin tries not to flinch.

Luckily Yoongi’s there to smoothen it over. “Just because you don’t think enough Namjoonie,” he says with a lazy drawl, sounding already half asleep, “it doesn’t mean others aren’t allowed to think.”

“You know that’s not what I mean,” Namjoon whines back.

“Drive Seokjin,” Yoongi says, ignoring Namjoon completely. “Otherwise we’ll never get there by dawn. And Namjoon, you better know the way there. If we get lost I’m dumping you in the ocean and leaving you there to drown.”

It’s a weak-willed threat since to drown Namjoon they need to find the ocean first and because Namjoon can (hopefully) swim, but it’s enough to make him gulp and fumble for the map with shaking hands.

Seokjin smiles at him encouragingly. “We’ll find it,” he says, reaching over and squeezing Namjoon’s hand to steady it.

Namjoon exhales and smiles back. “Course we will,” he says in false bravado. “We can’t be that bad at directions can we?” 

===

Actually, they can.

Somehow they get lost at the intersection and have to double back twice, turn around once and eventually wake up a grumpy Yoongi who switches place with Seokjin, relegating Namjoon to the back seat of shame where Hoseok is drooling on the leather and Seokjin to Namjoon’s old position besides the driver’s seat.

He drives like a madman over the roads and refuses to talk to Seokjin, stating once in a stoic tone that he needs to concentrate when he drives. Somewhere along staring out at the inky blackness of the night, Seokjin falls asleep.

He awakens to the faintest spill of white across the horizon. He blinks blearily, rubs at his eyes, and then shoots straight up in his seat.

Morning has come and for some reason he’s still asleep in the car. What happened to watching the sun rise?

He looks around but relaxes when he hears the rhythmic sounds of breathing behind him. He turns to see Namjoon and Hoseok there, Namjoon with his head tipped back and mouth wide open, Hoseok now drooling on Namjoon’s shoulder. At the back Seokjin thinks he can spy two dark heads touching.

The glaring absence is Yoongi and one of the kids.

Seokjin unbuckles his belt and glances out the window. The glass is cold to touch, the lack of the sun for hours making the outside world cold. At first glance he notices that this can’t be the beach. There’s no sand nearby. But they’re definitely by the ocean.

They seemed to be parked on this manmade concrete construction that overlooks the ocean. To their right is this large scaffolding kind of structure, the metal fragile looking and tied with tattered rags. A little further on is this large deck that juts out over the ocean. There Seokjin spies two figures. One must be Yoongi. The second, Seokjin doesn’t have to guess much because there’s no mistaking their close proximity, the press of the body and the arm looped over a shoulder.

Seokjin understands that they must like their moment alone but its dawn and didn’t they promise to all watch the sun rise together?

Then one of the two is looking over and pointing.

Seokjin shrinks back away from the glass, feeling like he’s interrupted, but it’s too late. They stand and start walking back to the car.

Seokjin can make out Jungkook and Yoongi now. Yoongi saunters back, hands tucked deep into his pockets. Jungkook is the opposite; he catches sight of Seokjin awake and jogs forwards, plastering his hands up against the window and shoving his face unattractively up against the glass.

“Morning hyung!” he mouths, nose squashed and lips leaving behind a faint imprint as he grins.

Yoongi comes up behind him, tapping at the back window and jerking Hoseok into wakefulness. Namjoon feels Hoseok move and sways upwards as well.

Jungkook backs off enough to let Seokjin open the door and slide out. The air is as cold as he images and he pulls his thin sweater down over his wrists as far as he can.

“Morning hyung,” Jungkook repeats again and his smile is almost blinding.

Yoongi moves away from the door as Hoseok emerges, blinking owlishly. He raps his knuckles along the back of the truck, waking Taehyung and Jimin respectively. Everyone complains but sees the ocean and gets out.

Seokjin catches up to Yoongi. “I thought we were going to the beach?” he says, puzzled.

“We still are,” Yoongi says, shrugging. “I stopped because dawn was coming and I thought we might as well watch it, but it looks like we weren’t lucky with the weather. The clouds are out and the sun doesn’t seem to really want to come out so Jungkook and I thought you’d all rather appreciate sleep instead so that you could enjoy the beach later.”

Seokjin is a little disappointed that they didn’t get to see the sun rise but all the same, this is so Yoongi. It’s his own brand of kindness, the kind that is easily misunderstood by Yoongi’s rough exterior and lack of love for small talk.  Once upon an April Seokjin might have been one such person but months have passed and he’s learnt better.

“You’re all awake now, we might as well stay here for a while,” Yoongi says as he leads them down to the shoreline. There are these large crates there, a little rusty and dirty looking but no one seems to care as they leap up onto it and settle down at the other end, their legs dangling over the edge.

The sky above them is growing bluer by the minute. They all huddle against one another for warmth, and there seems to be a general consensus for silence as they stare out at the blue.

Seokjin pulls out his camcorder that he thought to bring out from the glove compartment and he sets it up now, the gentle beep the only sound that intrudes.

He films the passing of the clouds, the lone bird that soars above on freer wings than any of them seem to possess.

He’s so absorbed in the serenity of the scene that he only notices Taehyung when he accidentally brushes past him.

Seokjin pauses his recording and lowers the camera, turning his head to see Taehyung stalk off, his hood hooked over his head.  

“Taehyung?” Seokjin calls after him but he doesn’t get a response.

The others turn their head in interest as Taehyung heads towards the large scaffolding. He stops just short of it, his hand coming up to caress the metal pole.

“Tae-“ Seokjin tries again but then there’s Namjoon’s hand on his shoulder, stopping him. He looks at Namjoon questioningly but none of them seem to know what Taehyung intends to do. Hoseok still looks half asleep.

Seokjin turns back to find Taehyung scaling the scaffold. His heart does a little flip-flop of fright. “Tae-!”

“It’s okay,” Jimin says quickly, his voice hushed but steady. “Taehyung knows what he’s doing…”

“Which is?”

Jimin’s face turns uncertain. “I don’t know.”

Seokjin tilts his head back as Taehyung climbs higher, reaching the first and then the second and then the third platform. The frame shakes as he scales higher and Seokjin is so scared that the whole thing is going to come falling down before he can reach the top and do whatever it is he intends to do.  

Maybe he just wants to prove he can climb to the top, maybe he wants a better view.

They say if you dive into the ocean as the sun rises, the water will wash away your greatest worries.

Seokjin’s pulse picks up. Could Taehyung be thinking of-

“It’s okay,” Yoongi murmurs, though the muscles in his arm looped around Jungkook’s shoulders are tense. “The kid’s not stupid enough to jump.” 

“But-“ Seokjin wants to protest that under normal circumstances, no, but he saw a glimpse of Taehyung’s face and this is no normal circumstance. Maybe he should go after him, climb even though he hates heights and pull him down, but as he turns back, he’s too late.

Taehyung is there and a strange sensation washes over Seokjin. He lifts his camcorder and presses the button, records the moment where Taehyung clambers onto the top most platform and straightens.

The light behind him washes the background white and Seokjin has to squint to see. And then quick and swift like a cut reopened, the sky bleeds.

One moment it is a pale wash of yellow, the sun fighting to reclaim the sky. Then the next, it’s like droplets of red splashed onto a pale canvas. The color seeps and spills, spreading like ink and melding with the yellow and here and there it turns orange and pink, the edges rippling with bright red, the centre the sun, golden and glorious. And there stands Taehyung, stature straight and staring out at sea, the dark silhouette imprinted atop his castle of scaffolds.

Seokjin’s mouth dries. He barely realizes he’s still filming it all.

Taehyung turns to look down at them and through the camera Seokjin can see his expression. It looks almost regretful.

His mouth opens, to say something, anything, but his heart beats loud in his chest, filling up his lungs and blocking his throat and there is no air in his body. He can only watch dizzily, feeling the world sway about him.

Instead it’s the others who call out. “Taehyung, come down,” says Yoongi, his voice solemn but projected.

“Yeah, c’mon Tae,” Jimin follows, his voice thin and reedy. “We can go swim when we get to the beach.”

“Taehyung!” Namjoon calls but Taehyung just turns away, his gaze settling on the horizon once again.

The sun crawls higher and Seokjin sees it all happen in slow motion: Taehyung taking a breath so deep the rise and fall of his chest is visible through the camcorder, then the lift of his right arm, pumping as his legs finally move and just like that, he leaps.

===

They fish Taehyung out of the sea.

Seokjin is not one of those who leap in after him, paddling over with swift motions and poking his body to check he’s still alive. No that’s Jimin and Namjoon. They dive straight in without any hesitation and cut through the water easily.

He’s alive, Seokjin sees that through his camcorder. He looks more alive than Seokjin has ever seen him before.

He floats on his back, staring up at the receding red of the sky. The smile on his face can only be described as peaceful.

Namjoon and Jimin tow him back in and Yoongi and Jungkook help pull him up onto the docks again. They’re all spluttering and wet and Yoongi scolds Taehyung for being an idiot after all but Seokjin can’t find it in himself to tell him off. Not when it’s as if he truly has washed away his worries.

Seokjin kneels. “Are you okay?” he asks Taehyung in a soft voice.

Taehyung looks at him. This time there’s no shake or hesitation in his eyes, just faint regret. “Yeah hyung,” he says throatily. “I’m fine.”

Seokjin pulls his hands away. His throat feels thick and constrictive. “Okay then,” he says.

He steps back as the others crowd in, tugging and peeling off Taehyung’s wet clothes and throwing blankets over his underclothes instead. They sit there for a while as the sun warms them up and Taehyung drip dries. Someone has the genius idea to grab biscuits and juice from the truck and they share it out in silence.

No one asks Taehyung why he jumped.

Seokjin thinks, with a painful realization, that it’s because they know why.

This is a secret they are all privy to and five months into his stay into this town and Seokjin still does not know it. He thinks, maybe it’s about time he learns.

===

They do eventually get to the beach.

Seokjin drives and Yoongi directs. Taehyung sits in the back with Jungkook and Jimin, his arms outstretched as the wind ripples past. Dirt paths give way to sand and the ocean looms just over the horizon, the water glistening. Seokjin steps down on the pedal and they shoot forwards, the kids in the back whooping as the truck races across the sand, bumping and jerking at times but the sea is right there and nothing tastes better than the salt of the air on your tongue when you open your mouth.  

He puts his foot down on the break and when the truck comes to a standstill and the engine is turned off, they all get out eagerly and sprint towards the water.

The sea demands and they give.

They race into the water, splashing and laughing. They dry off by racing each other across the soft slip of wet sand. They chase the little crabs that crawl sideways and catch none of them. They unpack the food when their stomachs start growling and eat in the back of the pickup truck with their bare hands that they clean afterwards.

The sun is warm and its touch soothes Seokjin.

Somewhere deep in his chest there’s this tiny itch of dissatisfaction. Seokjin knows the cause and he knows the cure. He feels slightly guilty knowing what he plans to do from tomorrow onwards but he’s had enough of secrecy and from hereon now he wants to know everything.

Today though he’ll let it be a day of fun. He glances over at the six of them sitting in the back of the truck and the seats, the doors thrown open. They lie there content, peaceful smiles spread on their faces. He doesn’t have the heart to ruin that for today.

Tomorrow however is a different story. Tomorrow is when the truck is returned and their go back to the hideouts under the night sky. Tomorrow is a return to their normality and tomorrow, Seokjin has decided, is when he will make his stand.

===

That tomorrow never comes.

Seokjin wakes to a harsh light filtering through the white curtains of Lily and the incessant buzzing of his phone. He fumbles for it with clumsy hands, his mouth dry as cotton and nose suffocating on the smell of the white lily that sits in the vase.

He manages to orientate the phone properly and place it against his ear.

“Hyung.”

“Jimin?” Seokjin mumbles, yawning, still tired from getting back from the ocean at nearly two in the morning, and then having to return the car and make sure all the kids got home alright. He didn’t get back to Lily until almost four.

“Hyung, have you seen Hoseok?”

“Hm?” Seokjin murmurs, still half out of it. “Hoseok? No? I just woke up. Why?”

It’s then that he picks up on the panic, the shortness of Jimin’s words that are punctuated by sharp breaths like he’s out of breath.  

All of a sudden the room swims into terrible clarity.

“Jimin? What’s wrong?” Seokjin asks, his fingers gripping the phone so tightly they hurt.

He hears Jimin pant for breath, a pause. The suspense kills Seokjin.

“I can’t find him,” Jimin says sounding close to tears. “None of us can find Hoseok-hyung.”

“What do you mean-“

“He’s missing. Hoseok-hyung is missing."