It seemed our small group at lunch was growing by the minute. In just a few weeks it had gone from just me and Joy to me, Joy, Wendy, and now Seulgi. Joy and Seulgi were constantly touching each other, playful smacks and shoves. I even noticed them holding hands under the table a few times.

Seeing Joy and Seulgi together made me start to realize what was happening to me, why I’d been acting so weird since Wendy joined our school. I liked her. I’d never even considered that I could like someone from school. But I liked her. I liked a girl. I liked Wendy. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. It was scary, but it seemed to make sense. It seemed right somehow.

“Irene, hurry up, you’re going to be late!” my mom yelled up the stairs.

I sighed, tying my hair in a ponytail as I walked out of my bedroom.

“Remember to come home right after school. I need you to let the repair guys in, okay? I can’t have this stove broken another week.”

“I know.” I grabbed my backpack and beanie off the kitchen table. “I’ll be here.” I waved to my mom and headed out into the icy morning.

When I got to the café for lunch, only Wendy was sitting at the table. I stopped in the doorway and took a deep breath. Normal. Just act normal. I strode over, trying to look confident. “Ay, how’s it hangin’?” I said, a little louder than I meant to. Oh, god.

Wendy smiled as I sat down, either not noticing the embarrassing greeting or choosing to ignore it.

I was still trying to think of something to say when Joy and Seulgi walked in, arms linked.

“Oh my god, you guys missed the craziest thing,” Joy said as she sat down across from me. “Mr. Yeun got yelled at right in the middle of the hallway.”

“What? Why?” I asked. Mr. Yeun was our psychology professor. He was quiet most of the time. Some of the students thought he was creepy, but I’d never really given it much thought.

“He pushed a student. Like, hard,” Seulgi half-whispered.

“Yeah, apparently Lee and his group were calling him names and stuff,” Joy added. “Guess they took it too far.” She shrugged and took a drink of her tea.

Wendy’s phone buzzed. She checked the caller ID, her forehead creased in confusion. She stood up and walked toward the door. She answered as she swung the door open. “Mom?”

Seulgi and Joy kept talking, changing the conversation topic to some movie I hadn’t seen, and I watched Wendy through the window. She didn’t talk, just listened with a blank expression on her face. After a few minutes, she hung up wordlessly. She didn’t move to come back into the café. Her chest rose and fell slowly a few times and she tucked her hair behind her ears before walking in to rejoin us.

“Who was that?” Joy asked asked Wendy sat down.

“Mom,” Wendy answered.

“What’d she need?” Joy asked, just a little concerned.

“Uh, nothing. It’s not important.” Wendy waved her hand in dismissal. “What’re you guys talking about?”

“Oh, this movie Joy and I saw last night,” Seulgi jumped in. “It has the best sound track.”

I watched Wendy while I finished my lunch. I noticed her smiles seemed strained, her laughs weren’t genuine. Her plate was nearly full but she didn’t touch her food for the rest of the period.

“Rene, you want to come over?” Joy asked as the final bell rang.

“Can’t,” I called, already racing out the door. I shoved my earbuds into my ears. I had to hurry home if I was going to make it by the time the workers got there to fix the stove.

I pulled my beanie down lower over my ears and turned the volume up on my iPod, trying to distract myself from the icy feeling in my hands and feet.

I stopped walking when I saw Wendy. I could only the see back of her, but I recognized her blue coat. My heart started beating faster. I considered walking by, pretending I hadn’t noticed her. I stood there for an entire minute just staring at her, my head warring between heading home and making sure she was okay. I sighed.

“Wendy?” I called her name as I started walking toward her, yanking my earbuds out as I went. Just as she turned to look at me, I stepped on a patch of ice. My foot slipped out from under me and I landed hard on my .

“Oh my god, are you okay?” I heard Wendy ask from where she was sitting. My cheeks and ears were burning. I wanted to just sit there and hide my face, not face this latest embarrassment, but if I didn’t get up I’d end up with a bad case of frostbite on my .

I looked up at Wendy and my fake smile immediately faded from my face as I noticed the remnants of tears on hers. I got up clumsily and wiped my hands on my jeans. “Are you?”

“I don’t know,” she said as I said down next to her on the bus stop bench.

I looked at her, my face a question mark.

She kept looking straight ahead. “My grandma died today. Massive , my mom says.”

I stayed silent.

“I really thought she’d make it to Christmas,” Wendy continued. “Just another few weeks and she would have.”

“Why are you… here?” I asked, breaking my silence.

She sighed. “I didn’t want to go home. I just don’t know if I can handle the sadness there right now.”

I nodded.

“I thought I just wanted to be alone, but…” she paused and turned to me. She studied my face, as if gauging something in me. “Will you sit with me?”

I hesitated, thinking about the electricians I was supposed to be home for. My mom would kill me if I wasn’t there to let them in.

“Of course,” I finally said.

I fished my iPod out of my pocket and offered an earbud to Wendy.

We didn’t talk. We just sat there together in the cold listening to my music. After a few minutes, Wendy leaned her head on my shoulder. I stiffened, my breath catching in my throat. The smell of her shampoo filled my nostrils and suddenly I longed to be even closer to her. My heart beat wildly in my chest as my fingers inched toward hers. I stopped breathing when I felt my pinky brush against hers. I waited for her reaction. Waited for her to pull away. It wasn’t even a half second but it stretched out into an agonizing eternity.

Her hand wrapped around mine, our fingers lacing effortlessly. A few seconds later I started breathing again, having to consciously think about each breath. As uncomfortable as I felt in that moment, I never wanted it to end. I wanted to stay on that bench forever with Wendy’s cold hand in mine. If being uncomfortable could feel this good, I never wanted to be comfortable again.

I walked into house smiling, leaving the note from the electricians on the front door for my mom to find when she got home from work.

I hadn’t wanted to leave Wendy, but the sun had sunken lower and it kept getting colder and she headed home.

Feeling like a block of ice, I went straight to my room and dove under the covers. Watching the last of the light stream through my window, I thought of Wendy.

_{https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqWYwYdw8SY}

_{here's the song I imagined Irene and Wendy listening to together. I looked forever for one to fit the mood I was going for and my friend shared this one with me last night. thanks friend!}