Jaehyung stood in front of the door, hurriedly rapping his knuckles against the thin piece of wood. The doorknob rattled as he continued to call out loudly.

“Ahn Ahyoung! You’re going to be late again!”

He grinned sheepishly to himself as he imagined her waking up and tumbling onto the floor, completely thrown off balance as always.

The door flew open and out stepped Ahyoung, her eyes still glazed over and barely open. She mumbled a weak greeting and stepped past him, heading down the stairs before Jaehyung could even blink.

“Aigoo, look at how messy your hair is,” Jaehyung teased slightly, quickly catching up with her. Their steps were in perfect sync as they went down the stairwell and turned into a deserted alley- the shortcut they often took to get to school.

The city was quiet that morning, busy figures swiftly passing by like falling leaves in autumn. The sky was a flawless shade of cotton candy blue. The morning breeze was quite chilly, but perfect nonetheless.

The pair scanned their bus cards and boarded the bus. Ahyoung took a seat near the window, and immediately began to doze off, her head softly bumping into the window. Jaehyung gave an exaggerated sigh as he took the seat next to her. He knew what would happen next. Ahyoung was so predictable. Her stomach rumbled loudly, like soft thunder. Jaehyung chuckled and dug into his bag to produce a neatly packaged strawberry milk bun.

“You need to stop sleeping so late,” he muttered as he pressed the baked good into her open palm.

“Okay, mom,” Ahyoung replied, still bleary eyed. Her voice was languid and slow, yet melodic and charming.

Jaehyung grinned and gently placed her head onto his shoulder so she could rest peacefully. She smiled and closed her eyes. They would be at school soon.  

--

When she was young

She was scared of the future

--

It was like the first day of school again, much to Ahyoung’s dismay. She brushed the choppy, short black bangs away from her eyes and suppressed a sigh as she squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. They had gotten a new mathematics teacher, and of course, new introductions were needed. The teacher had droned on for the past twenty minutes about herself, and now she wanted to know about each student.

“Alright… Let’s start at the front of the room. If the young gentleman with the blonde hair would start, please.” She smiled and nodded at Jaehyung.

Jaehyung adjusted his black framed glasses and grinned, his eyes forming into beautiful half crescents as he did so.

“I’m Park Jaehyung and I want to become a singer.”

The teacher raised her brows in mild surprise and gave a curious smile before continuing onto the next student. Several students later, she finally came to Ahyoung.

She bit her lip and averted her gaze from the teacher before speaking. Her words stumbled out awkwardly, and she felt her hands become damp with sweat.

“I’m… I’m Kim Ahyoung… And I don’t really know what I want to do.”

The room was silent for a moment, and Ahyoung swore it was the worst minute of her life. She wanted to sink into the ground.

“Ah… is that so? Well not everyone knows what they want to do yet, especially at such a young age.”

Ahyoung nodded shyly.

--

It was finally lunch break. Ahyoung left the classroom and headed outside to get some fresh air. Jaehyung didn’t hesitate to follow her, and Ahyoung didn’t object. As soon as the door opened and she felt the crisp fall air, tears sprang to her eyes. She sat down on the steps of the school and buried her face into her hands.

Jaehyung bit his lip and patted her back silently, not sure how to comfort her. Ahyoung wasn’t exactly the sensitive type, but today seemed to be an exception. Her small frame shook with each sob as she continued to cry wordlessly.

“Hey, don’t cry, Ahyoung.”

She lifted her head up and rubbed away at her hot tears with her palms. Jaehyung pulled her into an embrace and tried to comfort her.

“You don’t have to know what or where you want to be in the future already. We’re only 18 years old.”

There was no reply as she continued to cry.

“Ahyoung, stop that. You’re going to make me cry too.”

He took a deep breath and looked up into the sky, blinking back the relentless tears.

Ahyoung wished she could tell Jaehyung everything. How there had never been a point in her life when she had been sure of her future, how she lacked so much self-confidence, and how she crumbled under pressure every day. Jaehyung was the reason she was holding on, but life itself, was so hard to bear somedays. And today was one of those days. She wanted so badly to be like everyone else- confident, positive, and more importantly, happy.

But Ahyoung was like an open book that was missing the pages of its table of contents. She was so unsure of her future and it terrified her.

No matter how hard she tried to stop crying, she couldn’t. And now her best friend was crying too.

--

The sun was about to set. The garage of Jaehyung’s house filled with a rosy, lemonade color. The color was sweet and mellow, like the day itself. Jaehyung laid down on a shabby wool blanket that was spread across the floor. His cheap wooden acoustic guitar lay on the ground next to him. Ahyoung laid down next to him, her eyes gazing up at the ceiling of the garage. She remembered when they had painted it in their younger years.

A gigantic orange sun was the center of attention, surrounded by a montage of colors from all over the spectrum. It was as if the painting itself gave off light and warmth. Two stick figures were painted side by side, with their hands locked in a pinky promise. Under the drawing lie the words, “Best friends forever”.

“I arranged a song to make you feel better,” Jaehyung murmured suddenly, shattering the peaceful silence. She ripped her gaze away from the painting and looked at him in meek surprise. She shuffled onto her feet and jumped up and down in feverish excitement.

“This is the first time you’ve written a song for me! Jaehyung, you’re the best!”

He chuckled and rose to his feet, carefully picking up his guitar. He walked over to his small studio which occupied about a third of the garage and sat on his chair awkwardly.

“Guess what it’s called?”

“What?” her eyes were round with curiosity.

“It'll be alright.”

--

When she was young

She didn’t know nothing lasted forever

--

“Are you ready, Park Jaehyung?!” she shouted shrilly, clapping her hands together loudly.

“I’m ready. I’m ready. I’m ready,” he chanted to himself, pacing back and forth the room anxiously.

“You’re going to do wonderful. I can feel it in my bones,” she reassured him, proudly patting him on the back.

“I hope so.” He squeezed her hand tightly as he mentally mouthed the lyrics he was about to sing.

“Contestant #1004, please come forward.”

“Oh my god. Ahyoung, that’s me.” He felt his legs go slack as he looked into the mirror one last time.

“You can do it.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Park Jaehyung, Fighting!”

He took a deep breath, gripped his guitar tightly, and raised his fist.

“Fighting.”

--

Jaehyung was literally in tears as he stepped out of the room. Ahyoung’s face fell as she saw the door open to only introduce a sobbing boy into the room. She rose from her seat and opened her arms to give him a warm hug. Then he shouted at the top of his lungs and everything else became a blur. He had made it. Step one to making his dreams had come true, and Ahyoung couldn’t have been happier for him. The rest of the day was filled with screaming, crying, hugs, and food.

--

“You’re going to stay at the company from now on?” Ahyoung frowned, her brow furrowing with concern. “What about school?”

Jaehyung nodded solemnly, almost in an apologetic manner.

“Of course I’ll still go to school. Just not as often.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah.”

Words lingered on the tip of Ahyoung’s tongue, but she couldn’t bring herself to say them.

--

The next morning, her alarm went off. She had slept for a measly four hours, and her entire body was sore with exhaustion. She stayed awake in her bed a few minutes longer, waiting. Yet a part of her conscience told her that he wouldn’t come. And he didn’t.

She pushed her covers off of her frail body weakly and stepped into the deserted kitchen. She tossed a piece of stale bread into the toaster and peeked out of the window. There was nothing there. A part of her heart ached as if it was empty. The toaster rang and she placed the steaming piece of toast onto her plate. She absentmindedly spread blueberry jam onto the bread and ate it slowly.

The day was ticking by so slowly it was almost excruciating.

--

Jaehyung sat gingerly on the edge of the chair that lie in the middle of his new surroundings. The practice room was immaculate and new, but quite miniature compared to the practice rooms he had seen circulating in dance practice videos around on the internet. Nonetheless, everything still felt as if it was a dream.

The days were melting into each other, and the hours seemed like mere minutes. He had never written so much in his life. His throat was sore and his muscles ached, but he was happy.

However, guilt was eating away at his insides. He missed Ahyoung and he hoped she was doing okay. Their messages had been minimal and he hadn’t seen her in over a week.

--

A few months later

Ahyoung waited in the back of the café, at a window seat. She wrapped her hands around the cappuccino and sipped at it occasionally, eyes anxiously darting to the entrance and back. She would be seeing Jaehyung today, but everything felt off and awkward, as if she was meeting an old friend. But he wasn’t an old friend. He was Jaehyung- her best friend that she wouldn’t trade for the world.

He rushed out of the car and to the entrance of the café. His hand lingered momentarily around the handle, before he took a deep breath and entered. He immediately spotted Ahyoung, sitting at the farthest seat from the front. She was hunched over and wrapped in a pink parka. He took another deep breath and approached her. He took a seat in front of her and offered a smile. She returned the smile. Silence ensued.

“You look different,” she commented stolidly, gazing down at her coffee.

“How so?” he asked with a low chuckle. He raised his coffee to his lips and took a sip.

“More mature?” she offered with a bitter laugh.

He pouted and widened his eyes, making him look like a baby doe.

“Me? Really? Me? This hot thing?”

Ahyoung stifled a laugh. There was a pause.

“Well, how is it?”

“How is what?” Jaehyung questioned. “Oh, you mean trainee life? Tiring, of-”

“Life without me.”

--

5 years later

Ahyoung’s POV.

Dear diary,

When I was young,

I took everything for granted.

I was scared that tomorrow wouldn’t come.

I thought everything would last forever.  

I didn’t know how to love myself.

And now that I’m older.

I’ve come to a realization that everything is going to be okay. Whether it’s a bad day or a bad week, there will always be good days that will follow. Whether I lose friends or gain friends, it’s okay to be alone sometimes. Sometimes loneliness will be all I have- but that’s okay. Because I’ve finally learned how to love myself. I’ve learned that I should’ve treasured a lot of things I had when I was younger, and that I can’t, no matter how hard I try, turn back time. But I can start today.

--

Dear diary,

Regardless of all the things I’ve learned and endured to get to where I am today,

I miss him.

--

The live busking session had just ended, and Jaehyung felt blessed to be loved by so many. He continued to bow and thank his fans. The promotions for their first album, “Congratulations”, were finally coming to an end. He was sad to see everything come to an end so soon, but he knew that he would be busy preparing for their next album in no time.

He looked up at the sky for what seemed like the first time in years. It was still early in the morning, and the sky was a breath taking shade of cotton candy blue. The cold air signaled that it would be fall very soon.

As he was placing his guitar into the trunk of the van, a folder slipped out from the case of the guitar. His lips pulled up into a sorrowful smile as he realized what it was. He bent down and picked up the folder. It was a compilation of all of the songs he had written for Ahyoung, five years ago.  

Time had torn them apart, he had to admit. And he wished every day that they could go back to how they used to be. Perhaps they had grown too much, changed too much.

--

He told himself that it was the wrong thing to do. That he shouldn’t do it. But he did anyways. Jaehyung had always been a bit of a rebel.

--

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

“Ahn Ahyoung! You’re going to be late again!”

a/n: Please leave comments & feedback guys!! It encourages me to write more! Thanks for reading!