Rain poured down and splattered on already drenched clothes, soaking through to the too white skin beneath.  He was cold, inside and out, but the crook of his arm burned with a sensation he vaguely hoped would spread to the rest of him if only to feel warm for but a moment.

                And yet…

                Only numbness and that aching cold aded.  Long fingers covered one side of his face and he stopped on the sidewalk.  Rivulets of water pooled between his knuckles and sluiced down his hand.  “ing idiot,” he spat, feeling nausea well up as he slid his hand up to fist his soggy, black hair.  He didn’t exactly know who he was referring to, himself or his friend, but having stopped after he got away, one thing had become pathetically apparent.

                Gunwoo was lost.

                The tall, too slender man took a shaky breath, shivering once where he stood.  His throat threatened to shut and he hissed through clenched teeth when tears burned his closed eyes.  “What does he ing know?” he growled, the sound more animalistic and less human in the roar of constantly falling water.

                ‘You’re killing yourself!’ Insoo snapped, his hands balled into fists at his side while he stood directly in front of Gunwoo.  In place of a normally soft expression, where a smile always tugged at the corners of his mouth, Insoo’s face was livid.  And afraid.

                ‘I know what I’m doing,’ Gunwoo snarled back, taking a step closer with his fist rising as if of its own accord.

                Across from him, Insoo’s eyes narrowed and his expression became all but blank.  ‘You gonna hit me?’ he taunted, tilting his chin up just a touch in challenge.

                Wired and jittery – high on his latest hit, it was more than Gunwoo could take so he swung.  By the look in Insoo’s eyes when his fist connected, it was clear his friend never thought he actually would.  Watching Insoo stumble back and fall, Gunwoo’s stomach dropped.  He never thought he’d be able to hit him either.  ‘Soo…’ he trailed off uncertainly, taking a hesitant step back.  ‘!’ he snapped, not waiting to see what happened when Insoo got back to his feet.

                Gunwoo fled.  He cracked his shin on the coffee table and nearly broke Insoo’s door in his rush to get free, but beyond his stinging knuckles which continued to ache as a dull reminder of his transgression, he hardly felt them.  Drab carpeting and taupe hallways passed by in a blur as he bolted down the three flights of stairs and into the torrential downpour that awaited.

                It had almost matched his mood.  He stopped long enough to find a quiet hole in an alleyway to shoot up again in a vain attempt to chase off the demons that hounded him, but wanderlust kicked in and he couldn’t hold still.  He didn’t know where to go either so he walked.  That had been… how many hours ago?  He didn’t even know anymore.

                A futile attempt to check his phone only confirmed that the rain had already claimed it.  .  Now he’d have to pay for a new one.  What did it matter though?  Who was he going to call?  Other than his dealer.  Oh yeah.  There was that…

                Insoo had tried to keep in contact.  Tried to watch out for him for months now.  Meeting up was a series of constant arguments where neither came out the victor.  They called it a draw when Insoo kept telling him he needed help and Gunwoo kept saying he was fine and he knew what he was doing.  He just needed something to take off the edge.  The idiot had even tried that stupid intervention thing though, bringing in Seyong, Joonkyu, and Chaejin, but all that had done was piss Gunwoo off.

                Trudging through the pooling liquid on the concrete, Gunwoo fell against the side of a nearby building, feeling brick bite into his shoulder.  It was a struggle to breathe and for a wonder, he really did feel pretty much numb.  He’d been trying so hard for so long that it was strange having finally achieved that sensation.  Right after he figured he’d lost the last thing keeping him from completely destroying himself.

                Insoo.

                He’d lost touch with Seyong and Chaejin first after all.  The memory hurt, banishing the numbness for an instant as he remembered the passionate man screaming at him for being an and cutting him out of his life.  It was the last time he’d seen either of them and that had been months ago.  “Didn’t need the bastards anyway,” Gunwoo grumbled, pushing off to trudge ever onward, the only fool dumb enough to be out in the rain well after dark when even taxi drivers were hesitant to be hanging around the streets.

                His dark brown eyes blurred and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the rainwater, unbidden tears, or something else.  But it made seeing difficult.

                Wet clothes gripped him like a constrictor snake, hugging tight and weighing him down.  He turned to rest against the nearest brick wall again, placing his arm on the sturdy surface so he could use it as a pillow for his head.  Slightly shielded from the downpour, tiny waterfalls fell from the limp strands of his hair as they dangled around his face.

                Joonkyu hadn’t lasted much longer either.  He sort of just stopped coming around, torn between trying to stay friends or distancing himself from the disaster that was Gunwoo.  He snorted derisively at the thought.  That last had come from Insoo himself.  Self-righteous .

                Of their own accord, his knees buckled, sending Gunwoo crumpling to the watery ground harshly, a sodden fool wallowing in his own stupidity.  Swallowing hard, Gunwoo took a shuddering breath and turned around to lean against the wall, his head propped against the unforgiving surface.  The worst part about it all was that Insoo was right.  He was a disaster.

                His right hand moved to slam over the inside of his left arm, gripping tight where a myriad of track marks were evident under the jacket.  He was a disaster, had been for a long time now, and he didn’t know what to do…

                “,” he hissed, turning his face up and blinking rapidly when the water fell into his eyes.  “, , !” Gunwoo continued, slumping forward instead with his head bowed.  The lights of a car passing by flickered in his periphery, reflecting off the rain from every direction.

                Maybe if he just stayed here, the storm would wash him away.  Send him into the gutter like so much garbage and be done with him.  It wasn’t like he was good for anybody or anything after all.  He couldn’t protect Hyeri, couldn’t hold a job, ignored his family, forgot how to be a friend…  The only thing he was good at was shooting up and finding or ‘borrowing’ money enough for his next fix.

                “ it all,” he exhaled with a heavy sigh, using the wall to push himself up into a standing position.  “Who needs em anyway?”  By rote, he reached into his back pocket for his phone, scowling at it when he remembered it was still dead.  Leaden feet trudged slowly over the ground as Gunwoo picked a direction at random and decided to start walking.  He hadn’t made it too far before a crack of thunder exploded in the sky, nearly deafening him for a moment.  It made him stop and look up to marvel at the roiling cloudburst overhead.

                When the echo faded away, a new sound emerged from the din.  “Hey!  You god damned son of a !”

                Surprise blossomed and Gunwoo turned, squinting into the dim lighting provided by the sparse streetlamps.  “Soo?” Gunwoo frowned in confusion, watching as the shorter man sprinted towards him with a determined expression on his bruising face, a black eye already settling in.  Short blonde hair was plastered to his head and he was drenched through and through, but the water hardly seemed to effect him.  “What are you doing?” he muttered when the other man got close enough to speak, stopping a couple feet away.

                “Looking for you, you ,” Insoo panted, his breath coming fast and strained as he rested his palms on his knees.

                 “Why?” came the knee-jerk reaction.  The thought confounded Gunwoo for the briefest of moments before he waved his hand anyway, feeling the familiar irritation at being checked up on rising from the depths.  “Just leave me alone, Soo,” Gunwoo gestured dismissively, turning as if to leave.

                “I did!” Insoo shot back, straightening up to point at the retreating man.  “I tried to leave your worthless out here and forget about you,” he added tensely, his voice threatening to break.  “But I couldn’t!”

                Slowly, Gunwoo turned his head to give Insoo a sidelong look out of the corner of his eye.  He didn’t turn around but he frowned at the other man, brows furrowing deeply in his confusion.  “Why not?” he questioned, trying to be flippant though the words came out bitter more than anything else.

                For a second, Insoo struggled to find the words he wanted to say, fists clenching reflexively.  “Because I want my friend back, dammit!”

                Bleakness descended.  That person didn’t exist anymore.  Why couldn’t he just accept that?  “ off, Soo,” Gunwoo waved again, resolutely turning to walk away one more time, his back bowed against the rain and the cold.

                “Damn you!” Insoo snapped, closing the distance between them with the sound of running feet splashing through water.

                A hand grabbed Gunwoo’s shoulder and yanked him around, throwing him off balance immediately.  He saw the punch coming, but his senses were slow to react and he merely watched as the fist came towards his face, knuckles raised under the skin while water droplets streaked back and over.  Pain spiked in his jaw when it connected, sending Gunwoo stumbling back.  Water grabbed at his feet, tripping him up so that he couldn’t recover.  With a startled yelp, he went down, rolling awkwardly on the concrete.  He ended up on his hands and knees, disoriented while Insoo stood his ground.  “What the , man?!” Gunwoo spat, shaking his head once before he looked up.

                “You!” Insoo flailed, as if it should be obvious, beginning to pace along a two step line, tension writ in every muscle of his body.

                Lightning flashed, turning everything white for an instant, and the silence between them stretched an eternity before thunder exploded, echoing off the buildings.  “Just leave me alone!” Gunwoo roared, pushing off the ground to run at Insoo.

                “!” the shorter man coughed when Gunwoo rammed his shoulder into his gut and caught him around the waist, driving them both to the ground in a spray of water and pained cries.

                “I don’t need you!” Gunwoo shouted, adrenaline pouring into his system so that he felt alive and on fire at the same time.  Insoo tried to shove him away but Gunwoo scrabbled close, fisted a handful of his shirt, and drove his knuckles into the other man’s gut.  Insoo groaned, his face a grimace of pain.  Another gut punch followed it, but it lacked the power of the first and Insoo reacted by pulling Gunwoo closer, grappling with him.

                Uneven breath rasped in Gunwoo’s ear when Insoo yanked him around and captured him in an awkward bear hug, his arms and legs binding him in place.  “Well maybe I need you,” he hissed loud enough for Gunwoo to hear.

                “Nobody needs me!” Gunwoo railed, struggling uselessly to break free.  Pumped up on adrenaline and his latest hit, he was still evenly matched with Insoo’s natural strength and a similar dose of fighting energy.

                “You need help!” Insoo muttered through gritted teeth.

                Unable to wriggle free, Gunwoo leaned his head down and bit into Insoo’s arm.  The fabric of the cloth coat softened the sharpness of his teeth but Insoo still screamed in pain and let go, rolling away to put distance between them.

                “You bit me!” Insoo exclaimed in outrage.

                “You wouldn’t let go,” Gunwoo huffed, getting to his feet but still hunched over.

                Insoo glared at him crossly, his mouth quirked to the side with narrowed eyes adding to the effect.  “I’m not leaving until you let me help you.”

                “I don’t need your help!” Gunwoo denied vehemently, standing upright with his hands balled into fists again.

                Almost as if that was the starting signal, Insoo launched himself at Gunwoo with a flying front kick.  It was as unexpected as it was effective and Gunwoo lost his breath, keeping to his feet by the barest of margins when he stepped backwards.  Insoo kept coming though, a knee rising to drive into Gunwoo’s ribs, knocking him against the wall with the force.  Breath wheezed through compressed lungs and he shoved off, ignoring the ache in his torso.

                His knuckles glanced across Insoo’s cheek, setting him on guard just enough.  Gunwoo blocked the incoming right jab and pounded into Insoo’s ribs with a low uppercut.  The same blow snuck under his guard in a retaliatory strike and further pounded his aching side.  He grabbed Insoo’s hair and yanked, trying to drag him away.

                Insoo grunted and flailed for a second before he grabbed the back of Gunwoo’s neck, anchoring himself as they both careened to the side.  The shorter fighter steadied himself first, legs planted firm above the ground.  Gunwoo tried to recover, using the pause as a platform to act with a hastily thrown roundhouse kick, but Insoo was faster.  Insoo caught the close kick against his side, absorbing the blow with his body, and then used his hold on Gunwoo to steady himself while he rammed his knee between the other man’s legs.

                Gunwoo couldn’t breathe.  Agony pulsed through his groin and he fell back, landing hard on the ground with both hands moving to grab his aching manhood.  “Ugh…” he groaned, curling into a ball as the merciless rain continued to fall.

                “Sorry,” Insoo whispered breathily, all fight gone from him as he moved to kneel beside Gunwoo and put an apologetic hand on his shoulder.

                “er,” Gunwoo choked, grimacing and looking at Insoo out of one open eye.

                “You’re one to talk,” he muttered dryly, sitting down beside the prone man.

                “Why are you such a pain in the ?” Gunwoo hissed as he closed his eyes and tried to pretend the pain didn’t exist.

                “Because no matter what I do, I can’t fix you, Woo,” Insoo admitted quietly, fingers tightening on his friend’s shoulder.  “Do you know how frustrating that is?”  Gunwoo didn’t respond.  He focused on breathing and kept his eyes closed.  “I’ve watched you fall apart since Hyeri was killed.”  Muscles tensed and Gunwoo curled in on himself further.  He didn’t like thinking about that.  “I’ve defended you when everyone else wanted to give up.”

                “No one asked you to,” Gunwoo reminded him flatly, still not looking out.

                “No one had to.  It’s what friends do,” Insoo reminded him sharply.  “And just because you gave up on everything didn’t mean I was going to.”

                It was the most truth he’d heard from Insoo in quite some time.  Granted he was unable to retort much after being debilitated rather unfairly, but it resonated in a very tiny part of him.  Hyeri was dead because he hadn’t been there.  Everyone told him otherwise, but he felt it, and there was nothing that could stop that guilt.  Gunwoo bared his teeth and turned his head into the concrete, feeling tears burning behind closed eyes.  He pulled one hand free to beat a fist against the watery ground.

                He tried to do it again but Insoo placed his palm over top and held it down, wrapping his fingers over the fist tightly.  “Let me help you, Woo,” he begged, the raw emotion evident in his voice.  “I want you back, man,” Insoo laughed once, the sound devolving into soft tears.

                Gunwoo tried to swallow around the lump in his throat as he pried open blurry eyes to look up.  He couldn’t see much of Insoo’s face, the light at his back throwing everything into shadow, but he could hear the pain there.  The want and need for something…

                Could he even go back?  He’d tried to ignore the siren call of his drug of choice before but she was too sweet.  And the pain of losing others was pale and bitter in comparison.  It was easier to focus on the blessed relief the siren provided than to try and think about anything else.

                But…

                There was this bastard.  Insoo.  The one he’d met when he was five.  They’d grown up together.  Fought together.  Lived life as brothers.  And he just wouldn’t leave Gunwoo alone. Even when he insisted that was what he wanted.

                At that moment, he was never more irritated or grateful for the stubborn tenacity of that .  “I’m tired, Soo,” Gunwoo whispered, feeling the fight just drain out of him.  There was nothing left but emptiness: the drug had run its course, his adrenaline was gone, and he had nothing.  Gunwoo hated that feeling.

                “I know,” Insoo sniffed, trying valiantly to get a hold of himself.  “Let’s get you up,” he urged, shifting his hands to lift Gunwoo from under his arms, grunting at the brief dead weight before he got any help from the taller man.

                Gunwoo leaned hard against Insoo and threw his arm over the sturdy shoulders, grateful for the support.  They trudged through the still falling rain, damn storm, and stood on the curb while Insoo held him around the waist with one arm and used the other to try and hail a cab.  It took a little while, during which time Gunwoo felt himself drifting on the edge of consciousness, swaying gently against Insoo.  Eventually, a yellow taxi finally stopped, Gunwoo was deposited inside with Insoo beside him, and they were off.

~~~~~~

-5 months and 13 days later -

                Rain drizzled on the blue umbrella over his head, the moisture in the air creating a foggy effect at the graveyard.  Insoo glanced down at the tombstone and tilted his head to the side, rubbing his face with one hand.  He took a deep breath and nodded once.  “It’s okay now.”

                “Yeah,” Joonkyu agreed quietly, the taller man seeking refuge under a black umbrella that matched the color of his rain coat.  “After everything, I didn’t think we’d get to this point,” he blinked, roughing his silver dyed hair with a quick hand.

                “I did,” Insoo murmured as he raised a brow and looked at Joonkyu who laughed once under his breath.  Mutely, he looked in the other direction and reached into the drizzle to clasp the shoulder of the man standing there.

                Just as quietly, Gunwoo crossed his arm over his body to lay his hand on top of Insoo’s.  He didn’t look at him, but a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.  Beads of water stuck to his brown hair, partially pulled back into a ponytail, but he was warm and cozy under the raincoat.  “It’s not over yet,” he gently reminded them as he read the name on the headstone:

Hyeri Kim

                “Eh,” Insoo smiled and waved off the statement.  “Chaejin will be happy to see you and you know Seyong’s a pushover.”

                “All bark and only a little bite,” Joonkyu chuckled, stuffing his free hand in his pocket.  Peeking out from under the canopy of his umbrella, he made a face and added, “I’m gonna go start the car.  See you guys in a minute,” he waved, walking off with long strides.

                Insoo nodded and then looked back at Gunwoo, studying his profile in satisfaction.  It hadn’t been easy, but after the hospital, Gunwoo finally agreed to go into rehab.  That combined with a lot of counseling, and more sleepless nights than Insoo cared to remember, he’d started to get better.  The track marks on his arm had faded and he was finally putting weight back on.  For now, it was enough.

                Into the silence between them, Gunwoo spoke.  “Thank you.”  He didn’t look at Insoo, didn’t even blink as he continued to stare at the headstone, but they knew who the words were meant for.

                Shuffling close enough so that he could rest his arm and then his chin on Gunwoo’s taller shoulder, Insoo responded, “You’re welcome.”  He felt more than heard the laugh that came in response to his shift.

                “Alright you bastard,” Gunwoo grinned, flashing Insoo a toothy smile and a sidelong look.  “Let’s get out of here.”

                “Yes sir!” Insoo saluted when Gunwoo started to walk away, leaving him to catch up on his own.  “Why do you always forget to bring an umbrella?” he asked as he extended the protective canopy over both of them.

                Gunwoo snorted and gently pushed the covering away as he looked up and into the drizzle.  “Because I like the rain,” he explained, glancing back down to give Insoo a warm, grateful smile before they reached the dark blue car and climbed in.