Ms. Lee Please stay strong, Your baby is coming. Ms. Lee breathing slow, listen me Ms. Lee Your baby is coming. Congratulation Ms. Lee you gave birth such a beautiful baby boy. You did a very great job Ms. Lee. Great Job.

The present time…

“Leo, get your food now kiddo. Mommy has no time for playing, you will be late for school.”

“Mom, can I stay at home? I feel sick. Please?” I check on his forehead and make sure I check every inches of it and I feel nothing about it.

“You lying bad boy. Wanna make mommy mad?”

“But mom, I don’t have a father I can’t no I don’t wanna go to school.”

“Sssst, you have the best mommy in this world, is that  not enough kiddo?”

I hug him let him feel my love, It doesn’t mean I don’t feel what he feels but as single parent I have to make him understand the situation. We both have to live as strong as we can, Leo is very nice boy he understand so well about me. I never complain on any of his temper because he just a very sweet kid. I am so proud to gave birth him in this world. He is my power, he is the best present from heaven. “Mommy loves you kiddo.” In the short time he did everything by himself and follow me to the car. 

“Be a good boy, Leo mom will pick you at 1 ok? Don’t go anywhere till mom here. Love you kiddo.”

“Have a good day mommy, I love you.” Don’t be late.”

“Ahh, I won’t.” Eat your lunch I don’t wanna see full lunch box today. Bye kiddo.”

By the time I arrived in the office I see too many people come over with their own business. I never complain on how long I have to stick around with them as long as I can pay my bills and give comfort to my son. Work in property is not easy, I have to smile whenever the client asked me for A to Z. I have to make up and meeting new people everyday. Do open house, pretending that the house is the most beautiful in the district or whatever. Just perfection. Mostly I will dress formally with skirt just the rules of this ridiculous company. But as I am working here for more than three years I get to know better how to cheat on this ridiculous rule.

“Hey, Bin-ah can you  help me for open house today. Minah did not make it, she has something to take care.”

“I have to pickup my son at 1, so better this house not taking my time Jaehwan oppa.”

“I know. I know. So you come in?”

“Yeahhh.”

Everything just the same, his sense his smell and scents. I have to admit that our relationship is more than just colleague, he more than just that but I can assure my self whether I fall in love with him or not. He loves Leo, my son that’s all the matter but I am not ready to open my heart for him or any other men. Jaehwan oppa is very sweet guy, he is the type who wipes my tears when I am not feeling alright. He also can be so funny when I need to laugh, he can makes Leo feels even better when his around. I know he will be the best father for my son, just my past never let me to do so.

“Is it not comfortable sitting in the car beside me, Bin-ah?”

“I am okay, Oppa. I just…”

“I am sorry about what happened between me and Hakyeon hyung, we never meant to hurt you Bin-ah. But we can’t control our feeling either. I was too mad saw you and Leo had quality time together. I am jealous Bin-ah. I am afraid that you will choose him not me.”

“Oppa, I don’t think about married I just wanna taking care of my son. I don’t say you have to stick around with me, you can go to someone else and fall in love. I don’t wanna hurt you or Hakyeon oppa as well.”

“I know that Binnie, I know. I just I love you too much for leaving you alone. That’s the house, it’s not that far isn’t it?”

“One hour, I will help you for one hour Oppa. I need to get back to office after.”

Suddenly I feel my heart beating faster, and I smell his cologne only inches. “Easy Binnie, I just wanna help you to get rid this seat belt.”

There was not a lot of things to do, some buyers came and go. Asked about A to Z, flirted sometimes and when the price is too expensive suddenly they just left and honestly does people understand that house is not a cheap stuff? I wonder how they wish to get cheap house with such a massive stuffs on it. One hour already gone, I head my self to get taxi when Jaehwan Oppa busy presenting about the house display. The rooms are very spacious, the kitchen is enough for five people to in it and many stuffs, I have no time I just left and texted him an apologize message.

Me:
Jaehwanie Oppa, I am sorry. Leo probably mad at me if I am late. I will call you later.

It’s almost 2 pm when the taxi is arrived and I waited for my son from at least 10 minutes when suddenly his teacher came out. 

“Ms. Lee, Leo was waiting here for 45 minutes and then he went to the park across  the street. He said his mother will know where to find him.”

“Thank You, Mrs. Son, thank you for taking care of my son.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you okay kid? Are you sick?”

“I am good, thank you Ahjussi.”

“Why are you alone in here kid? Where’s you mommy?”

“She will be here soon, she supposed to be here an hour ago. But she is busy.”

“Wanna ice cream?”

“Thank you Ahjussi, I am not supposed to talk to stranger.”

“I promise when your mom here I will leave you, I am not leaving you alone here kid. So wanna ice cream?”

I always love being in Korea again. It’s been 7 years I left the country, Everything’s seem to be different and more metropolis but the people still are nice. I don’t know why I approached this little kid, he was sitting in the park alone exactly like me when my mother too busy work. I will just cry in silent, too afraid but act like a tough little guy. I saw him do exactly what I did. His face remind my self when I was just 6 or 7.

“Don’t be afraid, I was like you when I was a little. My mom too busy to picked me up. So I just waited her till she came.”

We heading to mini market, and I let him choose whatever he likes. I am happy just seeing him smile and bowed for grateful.

“I am Taekwoon. What’s your name kid?”

“Ahh that’s my mommy. Thank you Taekwoon Ahjussi, thank you for the ice cream.”

“Hey be careful, Kid. Don’t run.”

I saw he approached his mother in rush, yelling MOMMY! And I saw her too worry as much as my mommy when I suddenly left the school without said anything. I did not see clearly his mother’s face but I am pretty sure she was mad at him. He resembles me, just too much. Something about this kid made me sad, his small dimples appears when he smiles remind of my past when everything was too perfect. I laugh a lot, I can easily touch the world. When she was mine. 7 years I spent my time abroad, school and business. I am not happy with my life now but I am the only son my parents have. Everytime I remember about her my heart in pain, her smiles her dimples, her touch, her lips everything about her is all I care about. But I know eventhough I want to see her maybe she will never let me. She may married woman by now, or at least she has someone that will love her much but never as much as his love. Hongbinie, I missed you.

“What mommy told you? Stay here till mommy’s here. You sacred me son.”

“I am sorry mommy, I was waiting you here but I was tired so I went to the park. I met Ahjussi in park and he bought me ice cream while waiting you. I am sorry mommy.”

“Do you have homework today kiddo?”

“Math, will uncle Jaehwan and Hakyeon in the office mommy?”

“Maybe just uncle Hakyeon son. Before playing do your homework ok?”

I never be home less than 5 pm, so I asked my boss to allow me to bring Leo to the office. Well the only positive thing that I get from the company is it allowed me bring my son and I am happy because of it. I can just make him stay in my room and let him do his homework or let him watch anime or play with Jaehwanie Oppa or Hakyeon Oppa. At 3.15 we arrived in my office, Leo put up his pencil case and start doing his homework. Everything went smooth and I am not busy as much as I thought.

“Hey!!! Kiddo you here.”

I heard Hakyeon Oppa voice in front of the door. No hesitate Leo runs to him and asked for piggy back.

“Leo! Don’t be a bad kid. Don’t bother uncle Hakyeon.”

“It’s okay. I missed him too much. Have you eaten anything kiddo?”

“Don’t spoil him Oppa. He will be such a naughty kid.”

“Binnie it’s ok, do you mind I will bring him to canteen?”

“No, Oppa just please don’t spoil him.”

I grumped in my room, words after words that I possibly know they not listen any of it. Leo not even finish his homework but I know he must be hungry so I let Hakyeon Oppa buy him foods.

“Thank You, Oppa. I am sorry Leo keep bothering you.”

“That’s not a problem at all, you must very tired because of this hyperactive kid.”

“I will go home now Oppa, Bye.”

“Take care Bin-ah, Goodbye Leo.”

“Goodbye uncle Hakyeon.”

“Do you wanna eat something for dinner kiddo?"

“Pizza.”

“Okay, we will eat Pizza today. Finish your homework after ok?”

“Ok mommy.”

Flashback....

“Are you sure about it Binnie? I mean I can wait for this, for our marriage moment.”

“Taekwoonie Oppa, I love you. I want you to be my first.”

“I love you Binnie. I love you so much.”

His breath so shallow, his lips pressed against mine giving me a light kiss along the arch of the lid to my temple that slightly arouse my ual side. Then he moved his lips to the corner of my eye to my cheekbone, his lips knew how to explore each spot. The light kiss became more passionate, his lips went down my neck left some marks and down to my s. His hand ran all over under my dress, I can feel his right hand on my right . He stimulate it, got me moaned and undress me. My heart beating too fast, I can smell his scent and his pale skin burry in my chest.

“Oppa…”

“Ssssstttt, It’s ok don’t too worry. Take it easy Binnie, the pain just for a glimps”

He slowly take off my bra, all I have just my wrapping my body. “You’re so beautiful Bin-ah, I want you.” “Oppa wants you so bad.”

 

“Mommy Mommy wake up. It’s 6.15 already. I will be late Mommy”

“Oh I am sorry Kiddo, mommy too tired. Mommy will make a toast for you.”

It’s been long time since I dreamt about Taekwoonie Oppa. The dreamt always felt so real, I can smell his scent on my neck. His lips his palms on my body. The first time it happened when it was his 23rd birthday. He never pushed me, he barely touch me more than just make out. He always being such a nice boyfriend. I did not feel any regret to slept with him because he sent me the best present to me, Leo our son. His face always remind me of his presence even the truth he may live happily in England married with many kids. He always said to me to have at least two kids after we married, he will be so grateful if I can give her couple of kids. Boy and Girl. Honestly I barely knew I was pregnant when everything ended. I had no chance told him that I was pregnant, I barely alive when found out I had his baby and I let him gone too far.

“Get you breakfast son, mommy will shower.”

I have pretty tight schedule for today, a meeting and two open houses. I never worry about my son because Jaehwanie and Hakyeon Oppa will surely taking care of him. But today we all have rush schedule.

“Are you done eating your breakfast son?”

“Yes mommy.”

“Your lunch box?”

“Yes mommy.”

I hug Leo and kiss him too many times. I feel so sorry that today I may be home so late, that today I have to let him stay with my neighbor that always help me whenever I need her to taking care of Leo.

“Are you okay if mommy will be home late today?”

“Am I should stay with Mrs. Gauen Mommy?”

“Oh yes baby, I am sorry. I promise mommy will be home around 7 and bring you hamburger?”

“It’s ok mommy, I will wait you.”

“You’re the best gift in mommy’s life son. I love you so much.”

It’s been a week since I arrived to Korea, I worked and just worked. But today I think about that little kid again. I let my feet guide me to his school which I believe it probably his time to leave the building. I bought ice cream for two expecting to see him once again at least before his mother arrive and bring him home. I see many kids run when the bell ring, the signed of the class is over. I see him just passed me by.

“Hey kid. Remember me?” I smiled at him and wishing him not run and scared about my presence.

“Taekwoon Ahjussi.” He smiled with his dimples shown making me feel so blessed, he run toward me and bowed and greeted me.

“Do you wanna ice cream?”

“Yes Ahjussi, thank you.”

We walk to the park which located right across the street. We exchange information about small thing like his name that shocked me because everything about him remind me about my ex girlfriend Hongbinie. His name is Leo, Leo our little secret when Bin-ah thought I was too cold with my eyes. It was like Lion. She always find something new about me day by day. I try to hold my breath when I keep thinking about her. This kid is like me and Binnie in combination. He brave smart and sweet like Hongbinie, and his face his lips just resemble me. I can’t stop staring at him from head to toe, he just around 7 which time I left Binnie to London. “Kid, where do you live?”

“I live not far from here, Ahjussi. But mom is working so I have to stay with neighbor till she gets home. I probably should be home now Ahjussi.”

“Do you mind if I walk you home?”

“No Ahjussi. I am glad.”

“Don’t call me Ahjussi, call me Taekwoon uncle from now. Can I meet your mother?”

“She will be home around 7, I will tell her when she home.”

I took him to my car, drove to slowly just wishing the time to stop or at least the clock is not thicking anymore. “May I know your mother’s name kiddo?”

“Lee Hongbin, My mother’s name is Lee Hongbin.”

Just soon as I heard her name my heart stop beating, my head spinning around and my hands no longer felt anything. I stop the car regain my self on the situation which I never expected before. Was she pregnant while we broken up? Ws she knew when she pregnant but kept letting me go? Was she did this intentionally? My head full with questions.

“Uncle Taekwoon, are you alright?”

“I am alright. Kid.”

I drove him to the place he mentioned. It’s not a big place but not small place either.

“Where’s your father? Should I wait here till your father or your mother be home?”

“I don’t have father, I live with my mom only. I will stay next door till mommy’s home. Thank you Uncle Taeekwoon.” 

He bowed and left me. I stay in the car to wait and see that was he mention is the same Lee Hongbin that I knew. It was hours I have waited for her when suddenly I see a silver small car on the way to the house. I checked and rubbed my eyes, for many times wishing that I just dream about it but it wasn’t it was her definitely my Lee Hongbin. She kept her long auburn color, wearing some formal dress with black blazer cover up her small weist. She not change not every inches change she looks exactly the same when we were still young. The girl that drove me crazy in front of my eyes, I want to hug her so tight, say how much I missed her. Hongbinie, will you forgive me?

“Mommy!” 

“Here’s my little hero. How are you kiddo? Did you eat well? Thank you Mrs. Gauen for taking care of Leo once again.”

“Never Mind, Hongbin he’s very sweet kid. You must be very proud of him. He never complain on my foods and always helping me as well.”

“God, I am sorry if my son made you overwhelmed. He just hyperactive sometimes.”

“It’s ok Hongbin, he’s a good kid.”

“Good Bye Leo.”

“Good bye Mrs. Gauen thank you for today.”

“Mommy, I met the Ahjussi again today. He said he wants to meet you.”

“Okay mommy will pick you up at 1 so hope tomorrow mommy will meet him. But now let’s go inside kiddo mommy so tired,”

Flashback.........................

“You can go to London Oppa. I will be fine”

“Why you can’t just listen me once Bin-ah? I love you and if I go there it will over and I don’t wanna this to be over.”

“Your family need you more than me Oppa, you’re the only hope for them.”

“Binnie, don’t be so rude to me.”

“I love you Oppa, I love you. Have a great life.”

I wish I knew I wish I knew you were pregnant Bin-ah, I couldn’t see it through your eyes you should told me before I left. 7 years I made you live in misery, I left you and our son. I am sorry Bin-ah I am sorry.

I checked on my watch and it’s 12.15, I leave my office and hoping to see Bin-ah pick up Leo. I can’t relax because I just really want to see her after all these years we separate. Too many questions in my head, about her life about Leo and everything. By 1.10 I arrived in the school and I see no one around. I am devastated thinking that today did not meet her again I lose my chance I lose my hope. I head my self like a lame in the wind to the park where I saw Leo at the first time. I try to remember every step that I left behind, and God must be wants to help me found my little family but I blown it. I let that kid down just like I betrayed his mother few years ago. I sit on the bench in the park seeing kids playing around but no one of those kids Leo. I cry in my silent, I am sorry Leo I am sorry Bin-ah.

“Mom, there he is. He is the uncle I told you before.”

I heard Leo’s voice too dimmed because I am no longer in this world. I drown my self into my deep thought and wishing his voice not just a joke that I created for my self. I open my eyes and see him run over me, I smile and hug him silently feeling grateful to God to sent me him once again. I don’t just see Leo but behind him I see Hongbinnie dressed in white shirt with black blazer and grey trouser. She looks stunning, just like she always do. But now all I see just emptiness on her eyes, she barely move she doesn’t approach me doesn’t even say anything.

“Go play with the other kids son,  Mommy needs to talk to him.”

“Bin-ah…..”

I know she tries so hard to hold her tears, but in her eyes I see a glossy beautiful eyes. She smiled and showing her dimples to me but when she speaks I can hear her voice shaking.”

“Op…Oppa.”

I don’t have heart to see her tearing eyes, I approach her wiping her tears and just tightly hug her. Smell her perfume, her scent just the same and her shampoo not even change.

“It’s ok Oppa here. Oppa comes back. Don’t cry Bin-ah please don’t cry.”

She doesn’t speak at all just crying in my shoulders. I hugged her even tighter, feel her loneliness and misery for all these years alone facing the world.

“Why you didn’t tell me that you were pregnant? Why did you pushed me away Bin-ah? I am sorry I am sorry for everything.”

“I did not know that I was pregnant when we separated Oppa, I did not know I was pregnant.”

“You carried everything all alone, you did a very great job Bin-ah you gave birth the most sincere kid I ever seen. You gave me the best present ever.”

“How did you know he is your son?”

“I am his father, I know the first time I saw him in this park. God helps me to find you both”

“Oppa….”

“I love You Bin-ah. I love you more than you ever imagine.”

I run my finger to her hair, her hair and kiss her lips. My heart hurting but also happy to see my Bin-ah in front of me, it’s not just me and her but we have Leo our son. 7 years that I have been wasted for never coming back but this moment is the best time in my life because finally I together with someone that I love the most, I have her in my life once again with her beautiful gift ever. God sent me her and Leo to replace my loneliness with happiness. In this moment too I promised my self I will repay everything, repay the whole I left for her repay the pain that I left with my love and everything that I have. Because she’s the greatest thing I need in this world.