It was always the same month when she felt alone.

She loved the feeling and hated it.

She loved it because she felt as if she could savor her own thoughts in her own place. She felt that no one could get in her way and let her be.

But she hated it too, because it made her do things she never meant to do.

When the thoughts would start running a little too far in their place. When the thoughts made her take the shiny blade to her cold skin.

Oh how she loved and hated the feeling.

She loved how much it cleared her mind; how she was able to breathe again.

But she hated the guilt that engulfed her right after; how she had broken her promise yet again.

She sits there with the blade still wrapped around her fingers; blood dripping down her thighs.

She fights back sobs and throws herself against the wall, completely engulfed with anger.

She didn’t understand why she was going through this. She didn’t understand why it was a constant battle every time. She hated herself for it. She hated herself for worrying her boyfriend. She hated herself for closing herself in when he tried to help her.

The door to their bathroom opens.

He stands there and his knees give out at the sight.

He sinks next to her and pulls her in to the warmest embrace she could ever feel.

“No baby,” he whispers softly at first.

“No!” he says a little louder as he matched his sobs with her heartbeat.

He was always patient with her. He never left her when she bottled herself up. Not even when she pushed him away. Because he knew.

He knew that this wasn’t really her. He knew that she couldn’t control herself, and there was no way he was going to let her go through this alone.

He was told that love was when two people gave their trust to each other and would be there unconditionally for them; the feeling that warms his heart all around and that smile that would always tug across his cheeks when he thought of her. And he knew from the moment that he held her that he loved her. He had promised himself that he would always love her until the end of time and beyond that.

It was a promise that he had never spoken out loud, but she knew. And it made her hate herself even more for letting him down and not loving him enough.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and the tears start running down her face again. Slowly at first and then it starts coming down like a waterfall down her cheeks. She turns her body so she could face him, and he reaches down and kisses the corners of , one on each side before he placed one on her lips.

She wanted to get better. She wanted to feel the happiness that had left her. She didn’t want to go through it anymore. She wanted to try.

And he knew.

He holds onto her even tighter and nuzzles his nose into the crook of her neck.

He wasn’t mad.

He would do anything to see that beautiful smile on her face again.