It's in the middle of winter when Zhoumi decides he wants to go out for a stroll. The cold December wind whips mercilessly across Kyuhyun's face, a light shiver running down his spine. "I'm cold, Kyuhyun-ah," Zhoumi murmurs in his ear, warm breath tickling his nape. He gets tugged closer, a pale hand on his wrist and another snaking around his waist. Kyuhyun smiles, eyes fond, and puffs out a teasing breath against the taller male's cheek. 

Zhoumi, Kyuhyun thinks, is bright and rapid and a decade worth of familiarity. There's no stiltedness, no awkwardness, just Zhoumi rolling off his tongue with the ease of aged wine. Zhoumi is a hurricane and he blazes and makes sure to shine brighter than anyone else. Kyuhyun watches, indulgent, as Zhoumi skips ahead of him and is transfixed by a stall selling trinkets. And when Zhoumi looks at him, he smiles and pulls out his wallet. 

"I love you," Zhoumi says. 

The same three words die on his tongue. "Me too," he says instead. 

--

There exist days where Kyuhyun's tired of smiling and laughing like he means it, and Zhoumi takes offence, locking him out of their shared apartment. He scraps a hand down his face, past the day old stubble at his chin, and stumbles down to a downtown bar to spend his night. The bartender gives him a pitying smile when he walks in and slides him his usual glass of Merlot. He's in the middle of inhaling his fourth glass when he sees a familiar silhouette at the bar entrance. 

He takes in the tousled hair, tight fitting pants and a snug leather jacket, a flash of dark eyes and perfectly shaped lips. Kyuhyun lifts his glass to take another sip as Sungmin reaches out to pinch the shoulder of the friend he's with and throws his head back laughing, mannerisms Kyuhyun's more than familiar with - mannerisms used to be directed at him, and a deep ache he didn't know he was capable of feeling lodges itself in his chest. 

Sungmin hasn't changed at all, but Kyuhyun has. 

He's no longer the passive, childish boy he was when Sungmin was his, and he doesn't know if it's the longing speaking or he's plain out drunk but he feels the need to validate that to the only man he's ever loved in his life. 

Something in his head niggles at him and Zhoumi flits across his thoughts but when Sungmin looks up at him and smiles in surprise, his breath catches in his throat and Zhoumi is forgotten quickly. 

They relocate to Sungmin's apartment right across the bar, and Sungmin brings out their favourite bottle of Pinot Grigio. They make small talk as they polish off nearly half the bottle and Kyuhyun finds out that Sungmin's living his dream composing songs for idol groups and that he still cringes at the smell of carrots and loves the colour pink. 

They're well on the road to intoxication when he finds a tattered plush bunny stuck in the crevice between the sofa seats, and Sungmin tries to snatch it over with a blush and muttered excuses. He doesn't let go and runs his fingers over the bunny's fur, a soft smile stretching his cheeks as fond memories begin to surface. 

Sungmin's voice is soft when he asks, hand still gripping the soft toy, "Why did we fall apart Kyuhyun-ah? We were so good together." 

"I didn't deserve you back then, Sungmin." Kyuhyun's eyes are bright with sincerity and Sungmin's hand leaves the bunny to envelop his, warm and familiar callused fingers rubbing smooth circles on his, sending tears to his eyes. 

"Why are you crying, silly boy?" Sungmin chuckles, catching the tears with his fingers, something no one else has ever done for him since they broke up. 

Kyuhyun shyly laces their hands together, and waits as Sungmin tilts his head up to meet his lips. Sungmin pulls away after a peck, eyes questioning. He gets his answer when Kyuhyun grips the back of his neck with bruising force, and brings their lips together again. 

Sungmin, Kyuhyun murmurs onto bare skin, is passion and fire and blistering kisses. He writhes and arches into Kyuhyun's touch gracefully, breathy pants and sighs sending tremors through both their bodies. Sungmin's lips run a burning trail down his side, maps out his body with his tongue, and after all these years, Sungmin's still the only one who knows how to make him scream. 

I love you, he mouths into Sungmin's hairline as they finish, silent tears mixing into the sweat soaking the other man's hair. 

--

Kyuhyun wakes up to warm breath on his cheek and silky locks under his palm, a comforting warmth at his side. He thinks of the times Zhoumi's the one he wakes up to, and guilt blooms in his chest, weighs him down. But as he watches Sungmin's chest rise and fall, dawn light breaking through the curtains to bathe his features, long lashes creating spidery shadows underneath his lids, he knows he made the right choice.

He loves Sungmin, he still does, he always has. 

"What are you thinking so hard about?" 

Sungmin lifts himself up on his elbows and smiles sweetly, "Good morning." 

Kyuhyun answers by connecting their lips lightly, before pulling away and gripping the other man by his hips. 

"Listen, Min, before we do this, I have to tell you something," Kyuhyun bites his lips, not ready to lose the man in front of him. 

"Look, I have a boyfriend." 

"Oh," the hurt in Sungmin's voice makes him flinch, "well then, I won't keep you, go get dressed and you can leave." Sungmin bunches up his sheets at his waist, a nervous tic of his, and looks at him with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. 

"No, no, no, Min, no, let me explain," he pleads, desperation colouring his tone - he can't lose Sungmin again, he can't. 

"There's nothing to explain Kyuhyun. It's not like it's the first time you broke my heart. Get dressed and get out." Sungmin says, cutting him off, a blank expression on his face. 

But Kyuhyun knows Sungmin and he knows him like the back of his palm, and he sees the slight tremble of Sungmin's lips, the tense lines of his body and the pain hidden in dark eyes. He feels his heart crack a little at the frost lining Sungmin's words, and then a little more when he remembers the heartless words that came out of his mouth that night. 

"No, Min, listen to me, I was angry and I was jealous and I didn't mean what I said -"

"I don't want to hear -" 

"This isn't a mistake. You were never a mistake to me." Kyuhyun's voice is soft but sure, and Sungmin falls silent, back turned to him. 

He take the chance to tug Sungmin closer to him and wraps his arms around the other man's body, lips pressed firmly to his neck. 

Sungmin doesn't say a word but Kyuhyun feels the trembles of the body against his just the same and just pulls him impossibly closer. 

--

Sungmin grips the back of his dress shirt a little too tightly when he has to leave. 

"I'll come back," Kyuhyun promises. 

--

Zhoumi's more perceptive than Kyuhyun gives him credit for, and he smiles sadly when Kyuhyun walks through the door, hair mussed and a bright red mark on his neck he couldn't hide. 

"I'm sorry Mi," Kyuhyun chokes out. 

"Don't be," Zhoumi says, eyes clouded. 

"I never had you to begin with." 

Sungmin holds him while he cries over the heartbreak he sees in Zhoumi's eyes. I love you, he says it to Kyuhyun over and over again, mouths it into his hair and kisses it into his body. Sungmin patiently stitches him back whole and replaces I love you with I understand until there's only Sungmin Kyuhyun sees behind closed lids, and no one else. 

--

Sungmin picks up the habit of wrinkling his nose when he's disgusted and he digs out the chives and mushrooms in his soup sometimes, but he still hates the smell of carrots and loves the color pink. Sungmin changes a lot but somehow doesn't change at all. 

Sungmin is the language Kyuhyun never forgets, could never forget, and sometimes, Kyuhyun thinks that maybe he's too the one that Aungmin yearns for, deep down in his bones.