The rain had always brought a sense of melancholy that clung deep, made you more sympathetic, ready to think of all those old memories that lingered just below the surface. The "not quite yet" and the "am I strong enough?", can I relive these old memories with the strength from an aching heart? Is the progress I've made so far enough?

 

Do Kyungsoo wonders.

 

In his contemplation, he leans against the window, cracked open slightly because he wants to feel the cool breeze the rain brings, watch the tiny wet droplets of liquid run down his pale skin. It's calming in a sense, to know that just like his mind, sometimes the world is a murky mess of blue. He's not insane, nowhere near psychotic, but he's lost his mind before, lost himself too, and the worst part, he thinks, is he can't quite remember who he was before. He can never go back though, because when he lost himself, he was still in the process of trying to figure out exactly who he was.

 

Now, he is Do Kyungsoo, a twenty two year old idol with millions of dollars, and heart as void as his mind.

 

It hurts some days, being so empty, but other days, like today, he can't quite remember what he felt before or what it felt like to even feel. These days are the worst.

 

Stop

 

Kyungsoo stares down at the single text message from Baekhyun, whose supposed to be promoting his musical not worrying over Kyungsoo.

 

I'm going to take a walk

 

He presses send as he grabs his jacket, slips on his shoes, grabbing his umbrella from the stand shortly after.

 

It's raining cats and dogs!!!

 

Take your umbrella, wear a jacket!! Don't stay out too long Soo :(

 

Kyungsoo smiles then albeit small because he misses his brunette friend, no matter how annoying the elder could be at times. Closing the door to their condo, he types back a quick reply before locking it.

 

Shouldn't you be worrying Yeol? Good luck at the show tonight btw

 

I like you better!!! Thanks stud muffin ;))

 

seriously, don't stay out too late!!

 

The streets are filled with rush hour traffic, the sidewalks holding stray people hurrying to return to their homes, seeking shelter from the rain. Kyungsoo figures he must be the only one not in a rush, opting to actually enjoy the rain. He wants to ditch his umbrella but he can't afford to get sick before big shows, he won't disappoint his fans like that. Surprisingly, no one recognizes him, or maybe everyone is too busy rushing to notice, either way he is thankful, because sometimes, being an idol became too much, but, he knows he wouldn't trade it for the world. He's living his dreams, singing and sharing his music with the world. He loves it, but he can't help but think that something is missing, or, as Chanyeol and Baekhyun would tease, someone.

 

Kyungsoo's dreams are always filled the same deep, mesmerizing brown eyes and pink pouty lips, and the ache that comes with the girl they accompany. Sometimes they fight in those dreams. He'll tell her how much he hates her, despises her and everything she's ever done to him. Other times he'll hold her close and there won't be words because everything has already been said and they're so in love. Kyungsoo wishes, he yearns, he hopes.

 

There's this bitterness though, pulling him, tearing his dreams to shreds, reminding him, that he could never love someone like that, and no amount of time will ever let him. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but somehow, Kyungsoo manages.

 

The rain picks up and he frowns, glancing up at the sky, because now he'll have to return home soon. He can't get sick he reminds himself. He turns then, in the same direction he came from, ready to head home with something catches his attention, or rather someone.

 

One of the tiniest women he's ever seen, donning a thin pale blue floral dress, eyes darting worriedly at the rain as she remains sheltered under a cafe umbrella. She doesn't have an umbrella and she's shivering, her arms crossed tightly across her chest.

 

Without second thought, Kyungsoo hurries forward, holding his umbrella up before her. She smiles then and the familiarity of it makes his heart ache. How did he not notice before? He pegs it down to his bad eyesight. Frozen in disbelief, Kyungsoo watches as she steps, hesitantly, under the umbrella, bowing slightly shortly after.

 

"Thank you" She says with a funny accent that only confirms his suspicions. She frowns then at his lack of reply, leaning in slightly, "Are you okay?"

 

He jumps then, almost dropping the umbrella, when her hand comes to rest gently on his forehead.

 

"I'm okay, uh- where are you heading to?" He tries to sound as casual as possible but her frown doesn't lessen, not even as she jerks her thumb in the opposite direction of his condo, but Kyungsoo is just trying to decide whether he should be hurt or relieved.

 

They walk in relative silence, the only sound coming from the traffic beside them and the continuous raindrops. Even if they were to converse, Kyungsoo isn't sure if he'd be able to hear over the hammering of his heart in his chest. She glances at him every so often, and he only knows because he can't stop stealing glances himself, giving him small disarming smiles, and with the way her ponytail and bangs sway with each movement, he finds himself enraptured with just how youthful she stills looks, but still, something looked off about her.

 

He'd thought when this day came It'd be a replay of his dreams, but now, he finds himself more concerned with what he can see beneath her makeup, bags and bony cheeks, the thinness of her body. He frowns, but what can he say? She didn't even remember him.

 

"This is it, right here." She states, startling him. He maneuvers the umbrella then when they're standing under a sturdy roof, glancing up at the neon red hospital sign.

 

'Oh' he thinks.

 

"Ah- where are my manners? I am Lau Masumi. If you can't tell by my funky accent, I am not a native here, my husband is." She smiles politely, bowing once more and Kyungsoo jumps once more, face flushed when she stares expectantly at him.

 

"Oh" He mumbles, "I'm Do Kyungsoo"

 

She pauses then and Kyungsoo thinks this is it, but the moment passes as quickly as it comes, no recognition, nothing, as she smiles once more.

 

"Thank you, Kyungsoo-Ssi. You are too kind. Karada ni kiwo tsukete.(1)" Is all he hears before she bows once more, disappearing into the hospital double doors shortly after.

 

He stands there then, rooted to the spot. Thinking of her smile, the way her eyes still crinkled in the corner, how butterfly studs were still here favorite earrings, the way she still drew out the last word of every sentence, but nothing compared to the way she had so casually stepped on his heart, crushing and bruising it once more.  The only difference this time was that she was unaware, but that's what hurts the most, Kyungsoo thinks, not being recognized by the one person who had caused him so much pain and suffering. He didn't think she had a right to that when his own dreams still haunted him with vivid images of her, while she had so casually forgotten about him.

 

Kyungsoo wants to scream.

 

"Kyungsoo?"

 

He doesn't even flinch when a hand lands on his shoulder, comforting and assuring.

 

"I figured it was you. Why are you standing in front of the hospital in the rain? Baek will kill me if you get sick-"

 

"Hyung, how was work?" He asks blandly, and Chanyeol pauses, eyeing him wearily before he gets it, grabbing the younger's forgotten umbrella as he tucks them under his.

 

"Good, I'm composing a track for Shinee. They're pretty cool guys. Don't tell Baek, he's gonna nag me for Jonghyun Hyung’s autograph when he can easily get it himself" Chanyeol rambles, wrapping an arm around the younger as he guides them down the emptying streets.

 

Kyungsoo laughs at that, and its light hearted, assuring, music to Chanyeol's ears. He allows a small smile to grace his features at that, because this is the Kyungsoo he knows, not the shell of a man he saw moments ago.

 

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

 

Masumi glares at Henry, head ducked slightly as he hurriedly slips into the room.

 

"You're late" She points out, kicking her legs aimlessly against the examination table.

 

"I know. I'm sorry." He mumbles, smile sheepish as he gives her a quick peck on the cheek, gripping her hand shortly after.

 

"Anata wa bakadesu (2)" She grumbles.

 

"You have been calling me an idiot in Japanese for the past seven years and you think I haven't found out yet?" He grins, poking her cheek when she doesn't reply, pouting.

 

The doctor enters shortly after, shoulders hunched and hair gray, the familiar drawl of his scratchy voice as he reads from the clipboard.

 

"Lau Masumi"

 

"That is me. How are you Doctor Park?" She smiles politely to which he returns it pleasantly.

 

"I am fine, thank you for asking, but shouldn't I be asking you that, Masumi?"

 

"A little fatigued-" Is her reply before she glances at her husband who nods encouragingly, "Also, I've been throwing up a lot recently."

 

"Recently? How recent and how often?" Doctor Park inquires, interest piqued suddenly as he scribbles rapidly on his clipboard.

 

"This past week actually, it's more so on and off. One day I'll throw up, the next day I'll just feel nauseous."

 

"And you feel fatigued also?"

 

"Yes, some days I feel so exhausted when I've barely done anything at all." Masumi admits, worrying creeping into the pit of her gut.

 

"Hmm" Doctor Park hums, squinting at his clipboard with a contemplative look that has Masumi's stomach twisting in knots.

 

"Do you think it's...?" Henry speaks up then, still so afraid to mention it.

 

"Actually, I believe you may be pregnant, but we'll have to run a few tests for confirmation, but I am almost sure that is the case."

 

"Pregnant" Henry croaks, eyes wide as he eyes his wife in panicked concern.

 

"In your case, the fetus will not be harmed by your illness, as such a case is very rare. However, for your condition, I'm afraid I cannot say much. You're underweight and a little on the weak side as is, but if we can get you to eat more and get you cleared for treatments as soon as possible, we can ensure the birth of a healthy baby." Doctor Park explains and the silence that follows is deafening. He coughs his throat then, rising to a slow stand as he gathers his clipboard.

 

"It's a lot to take in. Please, consider all of your options carefully. I'll give you two a few minutes." He says before the door slips closed behind him.

 

"What do you want to do?" Henry asks once the door has clicked shut, the panic evident in his voice.

 

"Why is that even a question? Of course I want to keep our baby-"

 

"Can you stop playing the hero for five seconds?" He exclaims, voice rising slightly before he takes a deep breath, reaching forward to hold her hands once more, "He didn't say it outright, but he basically implied you could die giving birth-"

 

"I'm going to die anyway, so what if two years is shortened down to nine months?" Her voice cracks and it's a mere whisper but it's enough to make Henry pull her close, warm tear drops soaking her cheek as they well up in her own eyes. She allows him to rub her back, wrapping her arms around his shoulder in turn.

 

" Aieru yo (3)"

 

Masumi smiles at that, genuine and rare these days because she knew Henry would be there every step of the way, but she couldn't help thinking how strange it all was. How he held her so tenderly, his continuous support, and the baby they had between them now, but more importantly, the divorce papers being drawn up in the court, soon to be awaiting the both of their signatures.

 

It's strange, Masumi thinks, glancing out of the closed window, at the downpour of rain, as she thinks of raven hair, heart shaped lips, and wide, glimmering brown eyes.

 

 

 

---

 

1, Take care/ Take care of yourself

2. You are an idiot

3. I love you