Mino groans, hand the paper on his table as his head falls on top of it. It’s the fifth paper that he had crashed and tossed on his bin but never make it, he’s never been that good in basketball anyway. He felt like a teenager having a crush on someone, writing it on the paper, the unspoken confession and cheesiest pick-up lines but never really gave it to that special person. It will be on the very last drawer of his table and it will remain there until the feeling vanished. But sadly he wasn’t a teenager anymore and he wasn’t part of those hopelessly romantic people who were satisfied with just a glance.

He was part of the pitiful friends who fell in love with their best friend and it . It because Mino knew everything about the person unlike those romantic teenagers that only knew the faces of their crush. He knew what he like and what he dislike. He spent his days looking at him and listening to his story. He spent the day wishing that they were sitting closer with their hand clasp and maybe whispering sweet nothings and tainting their cheeks pink.

He is a hopeless guy who fell in love with his best friend and thought that things would actually go on his way and build dreams and fantasies only to be crashed and broken when someone starts walking in between him and his best friend.

Taehyun, Taehyun came and Mino’s life started getting bitter and duller. Taehyun is beautiful and his best friend, Seungyoon loves beautiful things and sadly for Mino, he doesn’t fall in that category but Taehyun does. Taehyun is everything that is not him. He is smooth and pale while Mino is sharp and tanned.

He thought Taehyun was just an addition to his friends, greeting them with his big smiles and sparkling eyes. He was comfortable with but it suddenly became uncomfortable when Seungyoon started to talk about him. He heard Taehyun’s name almost in their every conversation and it killed him because Seungyoon never talk to him about his crushes. It always had been about his mother, his dreams, and his performance and sometimes about Jinwoo, who he had loved for so long but learned to let go.

Seungyoon stopped coming in his house and he stop writing letters. He watch them, pathetically wishing that he was the one in between them and he was the one talking to Seungyoon to. He learned to decline Seungyoon’s offer of hanging out because Taehyun will be there and they would be lovely together and he will remain as a background of a beautiful painting.

“You’re beautiful Mino.” Jinwoo muttered to him when he confided his feelings to him. His heart was too heavy for him to carry alone and he cried in his friend’s room, curled up like a ball in the white mattress.

He was beautiful, he wanted to believe that because Seungyoon muttered the same thing on him before but it was hard when the man who used to compliment him suddenly compliment someone else.

Taehyun and Seungyoon started dating and Jinwoo started pulling him in one of the vacant room to talk about everything. It should be comforting because it was Jinwoo, his friend but he felt nothing because Jinwoo is taken and he is happy and he doesn’t really need to do this out of pity. Jinwoo is dating Seunghoon, the president of dance club that everyone adores. They started as best friends too, hanging out and doing naughty things together and between those two things, Seunghoon fell in love with Jinwoo but the latter didn’t and so when Seunghoon confessed, Mino need to drag a drunk Seunghoon all the way to his room and listen to him sobbing on his pillow. But like every movie, every love story, there was a twist and in this story it was Jinwoo waiting on the studio where Seunghoon teaches, fiddling with his fingers with a warm smile on his lips. Mino witnessed it, how Seunghoon ran and hug Jinwoo and told his friend that it was okay if Jinwoo doesn’t love him back but Jinwoo answered was not what they were expecting. “I want to try it.” Jinwoo whispered and Seunghoon reluctantly say yes.

Mino watched his two friends be intimate as days passed. They started walking hand in hand, smiling sweetly every time their eyes met, stealing kisses until he caught them kissing in the dance studio. Then they had and Mino saw the red patch on Jinwoo’s neck mirroring Seunghoon’s but they never utter the three words that they need to be official. Mino laughed and called them best friends with benefits but then one night as he lay beside Jinwoo, he heard him saying I love you to Seunghoon over the phone and the next morning, Seunghoon came with a breakfast for Jinwoo and a kiss on the lips and then they became a lovely painting.

Mino wished sometimes that he was Seunghoon, brave and unafraid, ready to face the consequence even if it breaks and tears him apart. But Mino will never be Seunghoon because Seunghoon was famous and he was a part of the crowd, students who passed and failed and no one notice and Taehyun, Taehyun is a singer, a part of their choir and Seungyoon is part of the band and they play together and they had the best connection that Mino knew he couldn’t tear apart.

Mino was broken so he cry at night, read his letters again and laugh because he was cheesy and so does Seungyoon but in some unexplainable things, they never connect, they never will.

Seungyoon came one night, puppy eyes making him unable to turn down the offer of sleep over and so they chat just like usual but Taehyun’s name still slipped on his lips and he still listened while clutching his chest. But something happened, Seungyoon kissed him while he was pretending to sleep and whispered a broken apology before hugging him tight and he want to hug him back, snuggle closer because he was broken yet still breaking.

They left the university and Mino wished he left his feelings there, in the classroom where he caught Taehyun and Seungyoon kissing but he didn’t. He brought it with him even when Seungyoon left to reach his dreams and Taehyun soon caught up on him and they became a lovely couple on screen and Mino stopped watching TV. He stopped turning it on and stopped wishing he was the one because he will never will.

But two years later when he was steady and build, Seungyoon came, crying and drunk and clinging on him and all the walls he built for years just crumbled down like that as he nurse Seungyoon back. The news broke and Seungyoon cried harder and he wanted to ask Jinwoo what he should do but Jinwoo never answer his calls because it was his problem, it was his feelings and he shouldn’t listened to someone because it’s his heart that matters.

So he kissed him that night and muttered the same broken apology and he never felt so right in his whole life. Seungyoon kissed him back and cried against his lips with Taehyun’s name replaced by his and Mino, Mino cried and confessed and Seungyoon kissed his tears away and he thought things are finally going on his way. But he was wrong because Taehyun came back when Seungyoon finally can stand again on his own feet and Seungyoon hugged him and kissed him and said it was okay.

And Mino was left again on his apartment, smiling bitterly as he let go of Seungyoon’s hand because he said he was fine, he said it was okay and he was over Seungyoon but when the door closed, he dropped his broken body and heart and cried until his tears were all dried up, until Jinwoo and Seunghoon came and build him up again.

He stood up again but just like a broken vase, his scars are visible but Seungyoon never saw it because he was happy and he was married and Mino was a good actor.

I'm really sorry........................................ -_-