When I heard the news my heart shattered, I hadn't told anyone of my feelings either so here I am picking up the pieces alone. I wasn't prepared for someone else to sweep you off your feet because deep down I always felt it would be me. But I guess I was too much of a coward to confess my feelings and now it's too late. My only option is to try to move on and get on with my life as normal as I don't want to burden my other members. If they knew they would do anything to try to cheer me up but that would only burden them and I couldn't do that.

1 Week:

Life hasn't got any better for in fact it felt like it was getting worst and I tried with all my strength to try and forget about you. My mood wasn't the best and it had started to show both emotionally and physically. The cracks had become visible and 2PM were starting to ask me questions, I shrugged them off and tried to convince them I was fine. Still not telling them the truth.

The thought of you still clouded my mind and all I could feel was regret.

2 Weeks:

I was now losing sleep over you, I wasn't eating either and I could fell the depression on set as I tried to keep fighting with my emotions. Maybe I was naive in thinking I could just bury my feelings for you but I still tried. My members were now getting a lot more worried as they noticed my condition worsening and the questions became more frequent. It was getting harder and harder to keep ignoring them but I knew I didn't want to trouble them so I shall continue to shoulder this burden on my own.

Still now you dominate my thoughts and the regret I have is that I was too late.

4 Weeks:

I've taken up drinking now as a way to forget, it worked sometimes but other times it would only make me think more of you and I hated it. This would only cause me to drink more and the next day I would wake up feeling terrible but I continued to drink anyway. I was falling further into depression and I could feel my self shutting down. 2PM had been watching me over the last few weeks and I guess they had enough of just asking questions. They confronted me and I couldn't lie to them anymore. I told them the whole truth. Some of them seemed angered at the fact I kept this to myself, I explained my reasoning and left it at that. I felt a little surprised at their reaction since I didn't expect them to feel angry at me and I guess that shocked me and I lashed out at them. Before I could do anything too rash I left them and went to my room. Still feeling angry with myself and then I went into my bathroom and punched the wall leaving a hole and bloodying my hand. As I went to go clean up my and I finally looked at myself in the mirror properly for the first time in ages. I had lost a lot of weight, the circles on my eyes were very dark.

Had I really become this. Had I really let myself become this because of you.

5 Weeks:

Seeing myself for the first time I needed time to heal properly so I requested from JYPE if I could go on hiatus while I re-evaluate my life as a whole and hopefully try to return to my normal life. They accepted and the announcement was made public much to the shock of the public and 2PM as well since I had kept this from them as well. I had decided to move back to Busan to live with my parents for a while since that was the best place for me to keep quiet. Before I left Seoul I sat down with 2PM and explained my decision, though they weren't happy about it they understood I needed to do this and I bid them farewell. My parents welcomed me home as I became familiar with my old home. I hadn’t told them the real reason why I had taken a break from my career, just that I needed time to rest.

But even now I still can’t forget you. Am I really this pathetic?

2 Months:

I’ve had the time to fully re-settle my life back in Busan, to keep busy I helped my dad with his work and in my spare time helped mum with things around the house. It felt refreshing to just live a normal life away from the spotlight but I still hadn’t been able to make any progress with the real reason as to why I’m here. I guess I’m still lying to myself. My parents even though I hadn’t told them anything still noticed me behaving differently and asked me what was bothering me. You could say it was parental instincts but I wasn’t ready to open up to them.

One particular night they were very persistent and I ran out of the house leaving both my parents shocked. I went to the only place I felt any peace I made my way to the beach and sat on the sand. It was night now so the beach was empty I was alone with my thoughts. They immediately went to you and the same feeling hit me every time I thought of you my heart would just hurt. I thought of the time I fell for you, it was during the time we were mcing Win Win together I had already had a little crush on you but during the filming for the show I fell for all of your other charms. I knew I had fallen hard and I wanted to confess on multiple occasions but the same thing held me back every time. I was way too shy to actually say my true feelings and I was scared you would reject me so I held back. I was disappointed when I withdrew from the show and we went our separate ways sure we would meet at music shows but it wasn’t the same. Though we didn’t see each other too often my feelings for you remained the same and I tried to keep up to date with your career. When the news had announced you were in a relationship I didn’t know what to do and my heart broke.

It was then my emotions took over, I don’t know if it was the salt in the air but I felt a tear drop roll down my cheek. Taken aback this was the first time I let my self cry sincerely without holding anything back. But as the tears flowed I could feel my heart feeling a bit lighter as I just let all my emotions out. I must look like a fool on the beach like this but I didn’t care this was helping me.

Maybe there’s a chance for me yet.

3 Months:

After the moment at the beach I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents the whole truth. From then on I felt my life slowly but surely started to turn around for the better. With my parents help I had improved my condition and I was able to quit drinking alcohol. The work with my dad had really helped keep my mind off things and I could feel my body returning to peak condition though my mum’s food really helped with gaining back the weight I had lost. As time went on sleep was easier to come by and I felt more refreshed than I had been in so long. I couldn’t say I didn’t think of you because I would be lying to myself and I made a promise to not lie to myself anymore. It still hurt but now it was bearable. I think I’m finally ready to go back now and as much as loved spending this time with my family I missed working, sure the schedule sometimes but I loved every minute of it. Packing my bags and saying goodbye to my family is always hard and before I left they set up a huge good-bye party for me.

Setting foot in Seoul again I felt nervous hoping all my progress wouldn’t be for nothing. My first stop was the JYP building to let management know I’m back for good and ready to work again. Next was of course going back to the dorm and seeing the rest of 2PM. They were surprised by my return and we had a family hug as I told them the news that I would be back for good. Since I returned I decided a makeover was needed as another way of moving on with my life. I returned to the blonde colour I had during my solo promotions but styled it into a tall Mohawk that swept back. I got a new set of clothes going for a more urban look to complete my new makeover.

This would be a reborn me but would you still have the same effect on me?

4 Months:

News had spread fast of my return to the entertainment business and people were surprised at my transformation. Overall it was met with a positive reaction and I found my popularity rising as I was invited to go on more shows and events. My schedule had become a lot busier upon my return and I was secretly hoping that meant I didn’t have to see her because right now even I’m not sure how ill react to seeing her in person. At least if I don’t have spare time I won’t be able to run into her in public or god forbid while she’s on a date with her boyfriend that would ruin everything I’ve worked hard to build on. Emotionally over the last couple of months I’ve built a wall to try block my feelings and move on I’m just really unsure of how strong it is.

Right now I was headed to another schedule, this time I was asked to come as a special guest mc for a show on SBS Studios. I was told there would be another guest mc as well but I didn’t I think too much of it as I prepared myself for the job at hand. It had become a habit of using the vocal warm up I used on Win Win to prepare for schedules where I needed to do a lot of talking.

“Wow all this time and you’re still doing that silly warm up Woo?” I turned around hearing a voice I went silent it was Taeyeon. What was she doing here?

I guess she must have caught on to my confusion because the next thing she said was “We’re working together for the show today,”

“Oh yeah right,” was all I could say.

“You’re looking really good Wooyoungie especially with that new look,” she said.

“Uh thanks,” was all I could muster. Why is my heart still beating like this? I can’t be feeling like this it’s not right. If I break now the last couple of months would have all been for nothing.

“Ah sorry Tae I need to make a quick call,” I said trying to rush out of the room but as I went to grab my phone I dropped it. I went down to pick it up but as I did Taeyeon also bent down to pick it up and we brushed hands we both quickly got up and I noticed we were standing really close to each other. I blushed a little and looked away immediately.

“Uh here’s your phone,” she said breaking the silence before holding my phone out for me to grab it.

“Thanks,” I took my phone and swiftly left the room. What the heck was that back there? Damn I’ve screwed up this time this is so awkward.

I somehow got through the schedule without any more awkward moments but I why do I feel like all the walls I built were just all knocked down with a single blow. This girl how can she have this much of an effect on me?

6 Months:

Thankfully I hadn’t run into her during my schedules but right now I was with 2PM and we were preparing for our comeback. We were to perform on a music show and the boys were excited to get back on stage this was something we all loved doing. We were called out of our dressing room for rehearsals and from down the hallway I spotted her form a distance moving towards us and it looked as though she saw me as well. She looked as though as if she wanted to say something to me but I couldn’t have that since that awkward moment the last time I rushed the boys to rehearsal.

Today was a close call I don’t know what I would have done if we had talked. But why do I feel bad that avoided her? Maybe because she looked like she wanted to have a word. Not this feeling again.

1 Year:

Months had passed and no major run-ins I may have finally started moving on. I started going out more and I felt like a new chapter of my life was starting to begin. My popularity as well as 2PM had surged and reached an all-time high everyone has been busy with their own solo projects and schedules.

Right now I have some spare time and I was spending it walking around Gangnam District the scenery was peaceful. I found a park and sat down at the bench losing myself in thoughts once again but this time I can say they were different thoughts where before I was hurt by these thoughts of Taeyeon now I could only smile. Not that I was happy she was in a relationship with someone else but me since I still like her but more so because I’m at peace now knowing if she’s happy then that’s good enough for me. I sat there smiling genuinely not noticing the pair of eyes staring at me.

“Ahem,” a voice from behind me.

Turning around, I recognised Taeyeon straight away. I smiled at her genuinely.

“Can I join you?”

“Be my guest,”

Taking a seat next to me on the bench.

“Hey can I tell you something?”

“Go ahead,”

“I broke up with my boyfriend,”

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that,”

“It was fine since it was mutual and I had my reasons for ending it. Well one reason to be exact and I’m sitting right next to it,”

At those words I turned around in surprised to look at her. And before I could react she planted a kiss on my lips. Is this real? Is this really happening to me right now? Pulling away from the kiss I stared into her eyes.

“I’m not imagining this am I?”

“No pabo, this is real. And I just wanted to say I like you okay,”

“You won’t believe how much I’ve wanted to hear those words Tae. It feels like a dream but I like you too,”

“Well I’ve said it. But I was wondering what you were doing here alone and why you were smiling to yourself earlier?”

I stared her in the eyes again and smiled at the question because I only had one answer “I was thinking of you,”

END