"I need to get laid." Jinks sighs, as they sit down on Minho's feet. They are the picture of despondency, save for the cheeky light in their eyes as they wait for Minho's reaction.
 
Minho doesn't disappoint. He duly splutters on his mouthful of water and shoots Jinks alarmed looks as he hacks up the stray gulp.
 
"You need what?" He puts down his glass shakily then mutes the television and stares at them intently.
 
"The massage I just had was great."
 
"O-k?" Minho says, awkwardly twisting to reach for his drink again then seeming to think better of it. "So?"
 
"The masseur cracked my back it was so cool, he went like...ok so you're me." Jinks demonstrated what had happened on a Minho limp with confusion. "Anyway, before that he was massaging my thighs and I've never been more frustratingly and embarrassingly in my life."
 
Judging by the way Minho blinks at them, face flushing bright red as he tries to form words, it's a good thing he never took another sip. Even more so when Key suddenly pops her head around the kitchen door and says, "I've always thought they ought to make you fill out a kink form alongside the medical ones" and Minho feels like a heart attack is nigh.
 
"I'm pretty sure thighs are a common...area." He says weakly.
 
"Then why do they do it?" Jinks demands, frowning at the table furiously.
 
"Ok but what did you expect from a full body massage?" snarks Jonghyun, appearing next to Key with a similar sudden quickness. Jinks feels Minho jolt and giggles into the back of their hand.
 
"You better not talk to anyone else about this." Minho warns, looking legitimately concerned that they would file a serious complaint.
 
"I think it's a concern many people share! I, for one, would probably on the spot if anyone touched my neck."
 
Key looks at him suspiciously. "Breath play?"
 
"You gottit."
 
“Hey.” Jinks speaks up. “You should be careful with that, considering your singing.” Jonghyun waves off their concern with a dismissive hand, evidently having thought of that already.
 
“Don’t worry, I only indulge when we’re on break. God, recording albums is so ually-“
 
"Do we have to have this conversation?" Minho pleads.
 
Key frowns. "It's highly relevant. We have massages all the time. You have them before concerts!"
 
"Imagine if you got a before going onstage." Jonghyun articulates the end of Key's train of thought.
 
"Jonghyun, you have massages too!" Minho snaps defensively. All he wanted was to watch his football match in peace and then this happened? What did he do to deserve this?
 
Jonghyun and Key roll their eyes simultaneously, as if the answer should be obvious. "Minho, when I get aroused it's not exactly as noticeable is it?"
 
"Fine you win. Go away."
 
"We should at least tell Steve." Jinks speaks up. They're still sitting on Minho's feet.
 
"We should not tell Steve! How awkward would that conversation be?"
 
"I think it'd be more embarrassing to get every time he gives you a massages! A simple 'Hey Steve, I'm sorry but my blah is a particularly sensitive spot for me so I'd appreciate it if you didn't focus on that so much' could save you a whole lot of trouble."
 
"You really feel strongly about this huh?" Minho sighs, reluctantly switching off the television, because it's just frustrating him to half-watch the game on mute.
 
Jinks stands and pats Minho's feet affectionately, "It just tensed me up when it was supposed to relax me so it's just seemed to be defeating the object of the entire massage. Anyway."
 
"What tensed you up?" Taemin asks as he wanders out of the bathroom stark . "Did Steve ask about our plans for dinner? There’s nothing to worry about there. He's just being friendly and making conversation. He's not trying to ask you out when he says that. He asks me all the time."
 
Minho, who had averted his eyes, now turns back to stare at Taemin incredulously along with the others.
 
Key mutters, "He's never asked me."
 
Jinks says, "Sweetheart, I think that's just you."
 
Jonghyun snorts, "Sorry babe but he was definitely asking you out."
 
Minho feels a sudden and inexplicable urge to hit Steve.
 
Taemin blinks at them. "Well, that's kind of awkward then." He shrugs and, in the typical Taemin manner, drops the subject and moves on. "So why're you tense?"
 
Minho covers his face with an abandoned cushion and groans. He can feel Key laughing at him and flips her the bird without looking.
 
"Jinks was-"
 
"Let's take this to a bedroom or something."
 
"Jinks we're not offering to help you with your problem, you know that right?"
 
Minho is one second away from smothering himself with the cushion.
 
Jinks laughs, "I was thinking more that Minho is about to cry."
 
They pull the others - Key and Jonghyun laughing raucously and Taemin practically radiating confusion - into their bedroom and Minho is so grateful he might actually follow through with those tears.
 
Instead he lunges for the remote and switches the television on just as the teams are lining up for a penalty. An audible sigh slips through his lips. He takes a sip of water and settles back into his seat.
 
"Oh!" Taemin's voice exclaims. "Don't worry, I don’t mind helping you out!"
 
Minho scowls down at his wet shirt and wishes, not for the first time, that their walls were thicker.