“You’re both ing ridiculous, you know that?” Taemin said while throwing off clothes backstage and changing into the next outfit.

“What are you even talking about?” Jonghyun is hopping on one foot, trying to shimmy out of the tight white jeans worn for performing Everybody..

“You and Key. There’s something there, but you both pretend like there isn’t.” Taemin was already dressed and headed to one of the stylist noonas across the room for a touch-up when Jonghyun picked his jaw up off the ground. He didn’t get a chance to respond to Taemin’s absurd accusations until a couple of songs later as they were running to the dressing rooms.

“It’s not like that, you should know. Key and I, we’re not- we don’t feel that way towards each other.” Jonghyun felt stupid saying the words out loud like that because it was completely obvious that it was a lie.

“That’s such bull and you know it.” Taemin stopped outside the door and gave him a sad look, one that was genuine and that held a kind of hurt that Jonghyun didn’t understand.

They didn’t get a chance to talk after that, the others caught up quickly, and the concert went on. Because Jonghyun was a professional, and a coward, he pushed it all to the back of his mind. He didn’t think of anything else except singing, the fans, the choreography, and reminding himself not to trip over the uneven parts of the stage.

He’d fight the thought when he caught glimpses of Key while they danced, or when he heard his voice. Jonghyun didn’t want to think about being in love with him anymore, he had thought about it too much already. He just wanted to forget about it and no longer wallow in the hopeless feeling of knowing that even if Kibum felt the same, that it could never work out. He would give himself those moments of hope when he caught Key’s eyes, he let himself think ‘I could deal with anything if he was right next to me.’

Reality would crash down on him sooner or later when he remembered that Key probably didn’t feel the same way. He had been told by many -- managers, friends, and fans -- that his feelings were obvious by the way he looked at him, but if they were so obvious, why hadn’t Key noticed?

The concert finished without a hitch, but Jonghyun’s mood was sour afterwards. He was mad that Taemin even brought it up, the youngest always having a horrible timing with his honesty, and he was mad that he still felt the same way about Key after so many years.

He was finally able to confront the maknae a few days later, after practice. The others had left earlier. Jonghyun and Taemin stayed behind to practice a bit more-- one because he was simply a bad dancer in reality and the other because he was a perfectionist. Jonghyun had wanted to go home for a while before the recording of Blue Night, but that didn’t seem possible anymore.

“Why did you have to bring it up? I was fine keeping it under control before, but I just can’t stop thinking about it!” Jonghyun was sitting crosslegged on the floor, garing at Taemin’s reflection in the mirror.

Taemin turned around and gave him the same strangely sad expression from before. “Because if you don’t do something about it soon, you’ll regret it.”

Jonghyun felt tired and frustrated and Taemin wasn’t speaking clearly. He just wanted a straight answer, not some cryptic remark.

“If you’re telling me to confess, it’s not going to happen.” Jonghyun was getting angry, angry that Taemin could talk about it like they were some kids in school. Like their careers and their lives couldn’t be destroyed by it.

“You’re hurting him and yourself, this isn’t doing anyone any good.”

Jonghyun was perplexed, choosing to remain silent instead of screaming that he was doing everything he could to protect him.

Taemin sighed, his shoulders relaxing. He walked over to the back of the room where Jonghyun was sitting, sat down next to him.

“I know you don’t want to listen to me and ignore this all together, but you need to do something about it. You’ve been dancing around each other for as long as I’ve known you. You’re more affectionate, Key’s more willing, you’re both obvious, but you’re so damn stubborn when it comes to actually doing something about it."

“You’ve never noticed that he’s giving you a chance, that he’s willing to give it a try despite the thousands of times that you’ve hurt him without knowing. That chance is passing you by, Jonghyun. Take it while you still can.”

Taemin wrapped his arms around Jonghyun, holding him tightly as if to tell him that it would all be okay. “Please don’t ignore your feelings for him, it would make the both of you and all of us so much happier.”

Jonghyun didn’t move, there was a lump in his throat and tears in the corners of his eyes and if he gave in to the hug, he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold in the sobs.

After a while, Taemin let go of him. He grabbed his bag and exited the room without another word, leaving Jonghyun alone.

To put it simply, Jonghyun was scared. He was scared of messing up every good thing he had in his life, but he also had the opportunity to make things better.

Jonghyun was visiting Onew and Minho in the dorm a couple of days later, lazing around on the couch watching anime when Key let himself in. He greeted them like normal before going into his old room-- now more like his spare closet-- to grab a jacket he wanted.

After his conversation with Taemin in the practice room, he made up his mind. He lost a lot of sleep thinking about what he should do, but when he imagined a happy future after SHINee with Key by his side, things became clear.

That’s why he got up off the couch with the excuse that he was going to go help Key look for his jacket.

“Hey,” he said, opening the door slowly.

“Hey, Jjong.” Key continued looking through the hangers in the closet and Jonghyun stepped inside the room.

“Need some help?” Jonghyun asked, walking behind Key and resting his chin on the younger’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m looking for that one denim jacket with worn sleeves.” Jonghyun chuckled, absent mindedly wrapping his arms around Key’s middle. He had always liked the feeling of having Key in his arms like that, Jonghyun just wondered how much better it would be if he could leave kisses on his neck and shoulders while doing so.

“You have like five of those.”

“Well, why can’t I find one of those damn things?” Key took a step to the side to continue looking through a part of the closet he hadn’t gotten to just yet. Jonghyun took the step with him, and Key laughed.

“If you’re not going to help me, you can go back to the living room.” Key was smiling, Jonghyun was sure of it even though he couldn’t see his face.

“But I am helping,” Jonghyun said with an innocent tone. “If i see it while you’re sliding the hangers, I’ll tell you.”

“You’re useless,” Key chuckles and Jonghyun can feel the rumble of it throughout his body. He wonders why he doesn’t cling to Key like that all the time.

Jonghyun forgets (ignores) his purpose of coming into the room, distracted by the comfort of having Key so close. He spaces out for a while, relishing in the warmth until Key untangles himself to go look through the pile of clothes on top of his unused bunk bed.

Jonghyun actually helps after that. They rummage through the clothes rather quickly, finding nothing. “Are you sure it’s not in your apartment?” Jonghyun asks, exhausted after doing close to nothing.

“I haven’t worn it in a while, so I thought it would be here.“ Key glances around the room, like the jacket would pop up all of a sudden.

“I’ll help if you want me to-- look for it in your apartment, I mean.” Jonghyun was practically inviting himself over, but he just wanted to spend time with Key. He decided on waiting a while longer before telling Key in favor of a nice day of hanging out.

“It’s fine, it’s not important.” Key plops down on the bed, motioning for Jonghyun to do the same. Jonghyun lays down next to Key, their arms are touching because of how narrow the bed is, but neither seem to mind the contact.

“You sure? I don’t have much to do today and I wasn’t planning on doing anything other than eat fried chicken and watch anime on the couch with Onew and Minho.”

“I move out and they start eating the fattiest stuff possible.” Key wrinkles his nose at the thought of the contents of the fridge but quickly dismisses the nauseating possibilities.

“At least they’re working out?” Jonghyun is weary of his words now because if Key says one word to any of the managers, Onew and Minho will be eating salads for the remainder of the year and they’d blame Jonghyun’s for it.

Things get quiet after that. Neither of them move much and the only sound is the sound of their breathing. Jonghyun isn’t quite sure what they’re doing, just laying there looking up at the wood frame of Key’s old bunk bed.

“I kind of miss living here.” Key quietly mumbled reaching up to touch the worn wood.

“I thought you couldn’t wait to get out.” Jonghyun laughed a little, sounding relieved that the strange silence was over.

“That’s true, but I miss how things used to be. When all five of us were still here.”

“Don’t get all nostalgic on me or I’ll start crying,” Jonghyun nudged Key’s shoulder, a soft grin on his face.

“Shut up,” Key nudges him back a lot harder, ”it’s embarrassing to admit, you .”

“Tell me what you miss.” Jonghyun carefully turned his head to the side to look at Key. Jonghyun’s heart beat increased when he realized just how close they were, but he didn’t turn away. Key had his bottom lip between his teeth and his hair in disarray, but he still managed to look like perfection  personified.

Key laughed his normal, loud laugh and Jonghyun did his best not to melt into the mattress. “Everything.”

Jonghyun gave him a look and Key seemed to get the message, so he continued.

“I miss being able to go into the next room and see one of you to mess around with or to help me with something. I don’t see much of any of you when we’re not working anymore. I miss talking to you and just hanging out like we used to, too. It’s your fault anyway, you moved out first.” he said the last part teasingly, just to lighten the mood.

“Hmm. If you miss me that much, you can move in with me.” Jonghyun said in the same teasing tone that Key had used.

“You wish,” Key scoffed and rolled his eyes at Jonghyun, “I’m done cleaning after you. I wasted away my youth picking up after you idiots.”

“Now you’re just exaggerating, Kibum,” Jonghyun laughed a bit harder than he should’ve, but Key was just making him feel weird things. He wanted to do this forever, lay next to Key and talk about the randomest, stupidest things they could think of. He also wanted to be able to roll onto his side and kiss the breath out of Key if he was talking too much, but that didn’t seem to be an option at the moment.

“You’re all pigs.” Key grumbled, but there was a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Yet you still miss us.”

“Shut up already.”

“Make me,” Jonghyun said, sticking his tongue out at Key. He wasn't expecting the weight that crashed on top of him or the fingers tickling his side. He was squirming, giggling mess under Key, powerless against the relentless tickling.

“Are you going to shut up now, Kim Jonghyun?” Key asked, a devilish smile adorning his lips. Jonghyun couldn’t respond, tears already falling from the corners of his eyes, Key had figured out all too well the most ticklish parts of his body during their teenage years.

Jonghyun wasn’t one to admit defeat easily, so he tried to flip them over in a last ditch effort. What he didn’t take into account was how narrow the bed was.

Before he knew it, Key was on the floor under him. His eyes were shut tightly, a frown on his face and Jonghyun could feel Key’s chest rising and falling. Key groaned and pushed on Jonghyun’s chest, trying to get the elder off of him as fast as possible. Jonghyun rolled off of him and sat on the floor next to Key, blushing slightly because of the compromising position they had just been in.

“Well, that brings back a lot of memories,” Key’s still grumbling and groaning, a hand under his head rubbing the now tender spot, “I hate this bed.”

Key sat up against the bed, his head feeling too light to move much more. There were dark spots in his vision, already disappearing, but it didn’t stop the frown from staying on his face. He just wasn’t used to falling out of the horribly narrow bed much anymore.

“You don’t look so good, are you okay?” Jonghyun scoot closer to him, and Key was beginning to feel light headed all over again.

“I’ll be fine, Jjong.” Key said steadily, doing his best not to show how unsettled he was by the other’s proximity.

Jonghyun brought his left hand up to the back of Key’s head, the pads of his fingers lightly grazing his scalp. Without meaning to, he had leaned closer to Key-- close enough that he could smell a faint coconut scent.

"Tell me if it hurts," Jonghyun’s voice had become a little shaky, he just hoped Key hadn't noticed. Key was too busy doing his best to suppress shivers and sighs as Jonghyun traced small, careful circles on his scalp.

All Key could do was stare at Jonghyun, his face mere centimeters away. Close enough to kiss, he thought and quickly shook the thought away.

Only after the fingers stopped and Jonghyun hand slipped down to the nape of his neck did he notice that he had physically shaken his head.

"Did I hurt you?" Jonghyun stared at him, those worried puppy eyes the same as ever.

“Jonghyun, I’m fine.” Key snapped at him, no longer able to handle how close they were. His heart was beating unreasonably fast and it was just difficult to be so close to Jonghyun. Things used to be so much easier when they spent their days together. Everything was more easy going, but now with the majority of their days was spent apart, every interaction just seemed too intimate in Key’s eyes. With the other members, he didn’t have the same feeling. With them, things were never as complicated as they had been between him and Jonghyun.

There was always a dull ache in his heart whenever he saw Jonghyun now. It felt like loss. Like he lost an opportunity long ago, like the maybes of their past were no longer possible.

There had been a time where Key had been sure that there was something other than friendship between him and Jonghyun, that things would eventually work out. Now, it seemed impossible.

He had been trying to rid himself of the feelings that he had for Jonghyun. He was trying to rid himself of the pain of letting those past possibilities slip through his fingers.

But there Jonghyun was and all those maybes didn’t seem so impossible anymore.

Key tried to get up abruptly, wanting to put some distance between them, but all his attempt did was make him bump noses with Jonghyun.

They both froze the in that same instant, Key held his breath and he didn’t dare move. Jonghyun’s hand was still at the back of his neck and he had a look in his eyes that made Key nervous.

All of Jonghyun’s self restraint melted away when Key let out the breath he was holding. He let his eyes slide shut and he leaned in the rest of the way until his lips met Key’s.

He had meant for it to be a quick peck, just to let Key know just a little about his feelings, but he felt lips pressing back on his almost immediately. Within a few seconds, Jonghyun was smiling too much to kiss him properly. He was the first to pull away, only to rest his forehead against Key’s and let the cheesy smile on his face pass. Key chuckled softly when Jonghyun leaned in for another kiss. This time it was deeper, a lot slower. It left a fluttering feeling inside their chests, a feeling both knew they’d never quite get used to.

“Wow,” Jonghyun felt the tips of his ears get hot and he could imagine the shade of pink he was turning, “kissing you in real life is a million times better.”

“So you’ve imagined kissing me before?”

Jonghyun nodded and gave him a goofy smile, “More times than I can count.”

Key then burst out into laughter, leaning into Jonghyun to support himself.

Jonghyun poked Key’s side playfully and asked, “Now what are you laughing at?”

“Don’t you think this should be more awkward?”

“I’ve waited too long and I’ve worried too much to waste any more time being awkward when I can just be with you.”

"You're so cheesy," Key said, wrinkling his nose but then smiling at Jonghyun.

"You like me anyway."

"It’s a little more than that, actually."

Jonghyun couldn’t help but press his lips to Key’s when he realized just what the words meant. Everything felt to effortless now that he knew how the other felt. So many years of hiding his feelings and worrying about what would happen if the other or anyone else found out didn’t matter anymore. He would do it all again if it meant that he could end up right back where he was: with Key by his side, knowing he meant just as much to him.

“C’mon, you can come help me look for my jacket and then I’ll cook us dinner.” Key stood up and extended his arm to help Jonghyun up off the floor.

“What do we tell the others?” Jonghyun took Key’s hand and didn’t let it go one he was up. It felt nice, having Key’s palm pressed into his, their fingers intertwined. It felt like nothing could go wrong, like they could do anything as long as they were together. Jonghyun knew it was a dangerous feeling, but that didn’t mean he loved it any less.

“We should just let them figure it out on their own, I want to see how long it’ll take them.” Key laughed the whole while as he pulled him along to the door and out of the apartment without sparing so much as a glance at Minho and Onew on the couch.

The jacket was nowhere to be found, even in Key’s apartment. It really wasn’t wasted time anyway. Jonghyun snuck a few kisses while they were supposed to be looking, Key trying to nudge him away playfully every now and then but giving in the end.

They ended up on the couch later, both too lazy and comfortable in each other’s arms to even think about cooking. They ordered takeout and watched whatever was on TV until Jonghyun had to leave for Blue Night. Key ended up driving him there, Jonghyun’s car left in the dorm’s parking garage.

“Don’t talk about me on the show,” Key told him, playfulness in his voice. “The fans are smart.”

“I can’t make any promises, today’s been a good day and I might just want to share that.” Jonghyun was obviously joking, but he still felt like shouting it loud enough for the whole world to hear.

“I’ll be listening, don’t say anything dumb because I will come back and end you the second the words leave your mouth.” Key told him as he stepped out of the car and Jonghyun merely smiled in return before heading into the building.

Later that night, Key was laying in bed comfortably and listening to Jonghyun on the radio.He listened to Blue Night often when he couldn’t sleep or when he was coming home late after a schedule. He had always found Jonghyun’s voice soothing, so when he started doing radio Key thought that it fit him quite well.

Key’s eyelids began to feel heavy as an unfamiliar melody played, but the heaviness of sleep ebbed away as he heard Jonghyun’s voice again.

“Sometimes we focus too much on the impossibilities rather than the possibilities. We worry about things that we think are out of our control. It’s our nature, after all. These emotions aren’t necessarily bad, no emotions are, but that doesn’t stop us from feeling as though they are.” Jonghyun paused for a second, something that wasn’t unusual when he was trying to get his thoughts in order and his words right.

“The impossibilities we imagine may cause us a lot of pain and frustration, but when we discover that they’re not real, it’s so freeing. Finally having something you yearned for and dreamed of having for a very long time is wonderful. Everything you think is impossible becomes effortless when you see that you were the only thing that was making that dream feel out of your reach. Then, all the pain, worry, and frustration becomes worth it. Everything is worth it in the end.”

Key smiled sleepily at his words. He always said weird things that were more true than anything late at night.

His phone buzzed on the bed next to him, letting him know he had received a text. He reluctantly picked it up to check what had been sent to him, hoping it wasn't one of the managers informing him of an additional schedule the following day.

A smile forced it's way back onto his face when he saw Jonghyun’s name on the screen, the words 'You were worth it.' in his text.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE CUTENESS!!!! *^*

I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THIS, AND I'M SOOOOOOO SORRY THIS TOOK ME A MILLION YEARS LONGER THAN IT WAS SUPPOSED TO. I STARTED EDITING AND ADDING TONS MORE STUFF BUT LOOK. I FINISHED. AND I LIKE IT. YAY.

I feel like I haven't written anything in ages lol I'm so glad to have something new out! Please let me know what you think~ (comments are reallllyyy appreciated, I always reply ;)

Bye bye for now, my lovelies! <3