Have you ever seen yourself in front of the mirror and laugh to yourself?

A laugh that neither was too happy nor too sad.

A pathetic kinda laugh you could say.

Have you ?

When Kim Sunggyu was born he never thought that life would be so hard on him. At least he thought that he did? O course, he couldn't exactly remember, he was only an infant back then. However, he knew for certain that this wasn't the way he wanted to live. Ever since he was 8 years old he had dreamed of the kind of life where he had nothing to be fear about, nothing to be cautious about. But instead, he would wake up with nothing but a smile on his face. And the bright sun rays that penetrates into his window each morning would bring the kind of warmth that he had always loved and desired.

But everything turned out differently.

By the second grade he had learned how cruel life could be. His parents weren't the most profidable to you in fact, they were really really poor. It wasn't as if his father was one of those lazy fathers who wouldn't give a damn about the well-beings of their family. He worked hard for them day and night so that they wouldn't starve and had a place to sleep always. Even though it wasn't much but it was the only warmth and comfort they knew and he had always been thankful. However, life is not always rainbows and sunshines as they were one day kicked out of their own house. Raising two children clearly wasn't easy and the ever so increasing living expenses took a toll on his father's income as it became more and more 'not enough' or simply 'just barely there'. Their rent was long overdue and it was finally at its limits. Sunggyu could still remember the look on his mother's eyes as they were forced to be on the street like beggars. The sight had broke his heart so much that he cried himself to sleep every night.

But the pain and sufferings did not last for too long when one of his father's friends offered a refuge at his house. They were given one room where they could stay until his father earn enough money to find a place of their own again. Sunggyu had skipped happily with his brother that day and he couldn't keep his smile off of his face. Importantly, it could ease the weight his parents were carrying a little.

However,

How long can a fake 'santuary' really last ?

Sunggyu hard to swallow a harsh reality one day when he was playing with the son of his father's friend. Apparantly the boy was not too pleased with him winning every game they played and beating him that he started to tease Sunggyu in the worst possible ways. When Sunggyu defended himself the boy said something that hurt him so much even breathing was painful. 

Yah. Who do you think you are?!

You're just a person who lives in my house!

Those words still linger on his mind till this day.

And that was the first time Sunggyu had build a wall around him. 

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Sunggyu groaned as his alarm went off too loud for his liking. He reached out his hand reluctantly as he reached for the alarm and turn it off. It was one of his least favorite thing to do on every day basis, which is to wake up when his mind wanted to sleep a little longer. For awhile, he continuously stared at his ceilling letting his mind wonder off to God-knows where before finally giving up to his duties and hopped out of bed. 

GOD I hate my life and responsibilty. 

With a long heave of sigh Sunggyu ruffled his messy bed hair as walked towards the bathroom to wash up. After he had done with everything he left his bedroom to wake the other members up which is by the way, his second least favorite thing to on a daily basis. I mean come on, it's not like the members are nine years old little brats who need to waken up by their parents every morning to go to school! For God sake they're in their twenties already! Okay, maybe they are little nine year olds brats because if Sunggyu decided that he didn't want to take to responsibilty of waking them up, they would sleep forever and he gets scolded by the manager for free. Sometimes he wished he wasn't the leader.

Sunggyu walked across the hallway of their dormitory before stopping in front of a mirror that was hang just next to Woohyun and Dongwoo's room. He took a deep breath as he stared at his reflection isnide the mirror.

Okay Kim Sunggyu, it's just like everyday,

Don't let them see the real you.

Just put on a smile and everything would be okay.

He slapped his cheeks a couple of times with his two hands as he said this. However, the longer he stared at the mirror and looking at his reflection, the more he felt harder to breathe.

Damn it this can't happen now.

Calm the effin' down Sunggyu.

What do you think you're doing right now?

To be honest, Sunggyu had always hated to look at himself in the mirror. If he was given a chance not too, he would gladly accept it. It was not like he wasn't confident of his looks or that he thinks his ugly in fact he knows that he's quite handsome. Well maybe not as handsome and Woohyun, Hoya and the other members but he knew that he was still quite attractive. The real reason why he hates to look into mirrors because how honest mirrors can be. In front of people, you could hide thousands or maybe billions of secrets but in front of mirrors, you can't. Especially when you're alone. Mirrors show you exactly what you are and how you are feeling. It won't hide anything. His reflection inside the mirror...scares him. 

Outside, people had always known him as the leader of Infinite. Someone who can very strict and serious. Someone who would push his group hard until they reach almost near perfection. Someone who is always smilling in front of the camera. Someone who is strong and collective. But in all honesty, he wasn't any of that. He wasn't brave or strong or serious in fact, those are just the mask he had kept on for so many years. It had been on him for so long that he forgot what he really was inside. He forgot how to be and act like himself in front of people. He forgot how to rely on others. But somehow every time he looks into a mirror he would see himself for what he truly is, a failure, a coward, someone who can't even be honest with himself.

But Sunggyu was afraid to be honest with himself.

What if it turned out to be true? Even though he believed what the mirrors show him a part of him still wished that it was just him imagination and the person he saw was really what he is and not what he had become.

Yah! You little thief! Give me those! You're planning on stealing them??! You should be ashamed of yourself!

But I wasn't going to steal them! I was going to buy them!

Yeah right like you can afford it!

Wha-what do you mean by that?

Have you look at yourself in the mirror? Just looking at the way you dress I can tell what beggar you are!

Hello my name is Kim Sunggyu and I am 16 years old and I would like to become a singer.

And what song would you be singing for us?

Breathless by Backstreet Boys.

Okay you may start.

Don't pretend you're sorry~

Wait. I'm sorry Kim Sunggyu-sshi but did you check yourself in the mirror before coming to audition today?

What? I-I did. Is there a problem??

Nothing just sing.

You failed? That's your sixtieth time already! Maybe you should just forget about being a singer and start thinking more of your future.

I am thinking of my future and I want to be a singer! 

Are you sure you're even talented? Why no one wants to sign you? sixty time Sunggyu! Sixty!

I-I don't know. I don't think I was so bad.

OMG just look at his clothes! Don't he ever washed them!

Sshh don't say things like that! His family is poor! He probably can't afford new clothes!

But still....

Sunggyu felt tears welling up inside his eyes.

Sunggyu ah, you must be strong and you must not let other see your weakness.

What do you mean mom?

Sunggyu ah, as a mother, I always felt sorry that I couldn't provide the things you deserves or desired. Your father and I, we tried but..we just couldn't...I'm sorry Sunggyu ah...

Mo-mom..it's okay...really...I understand and I never blamed you or dad.

I know but don't think that I don't know what people are saying to you. Don't think that I don't how people are looking at my children like you boys are some sort of disgusting ger-germs. Don't think that I-I don't know that Sunggyu. I know and it hurts me so much.

Mom....

Sunggyu you must not look weak in front of them you must not let them take control over you! You mustn't!

I-

Don't cry! You've cried enough my son! Don't cry anymore!

I'm sorry...

Stop it Sunggyu you musn't let people see this side of you! They will step on you like they did to your father and I..to our family....

Don't ever EVER cry AGAIN!

Dad stop hitting him!

Shut up! Don't get in my way! You boys are good for nothing! All you do is waste my money!

Dad you're drunk right now!!

Sunggyu had sworned to himself many years ago that he would not be stepped down again like he used to. He would not be called names and be looked at disgustingly. He would not live the way his family did, on the streets and struggling just for one spoon of food. Importantly, he would never ever cry again in front of anybody.

Never.

And so the his walls got bigger and bigger and his mask got thicker and thicker until he forgot what he was inside. Who he was.

Reflections are the scariest things.

They must stay as reflections.

Sunggyu pulled himself together after a few moments passed by as he held back his tears refusing to break down and cry. He mustn't. And he will not. He took a deep breath and turned the knot on Woohyun and Hoya's room.

'Woohyun ah, Hoya ah, it's time to wake up!'

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Kay so I've decided it's gonna be a few chapters but not too long since I have other fics that needs to be finished. Anyways comment inspires me so do drop some! ;)